Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "Green with Vomit, Part I; The Brainwashing" Parody of, "Green with Evil, Part I; Out of Control" SCENE I: At Ernie's Junk-Food Bar (where almost every tournament and competition is held), Jason is seen doing karate chops with a new Angel Grave High student named Tommy in the karate tournament. Zack: Man, who is this guy? Trini: He's some nobody that the writers won't be using in the long-run. Zack: Oh man, that's gonna cut into my pay check. Kimberly: Well he's cute, so keep your comments to yourself. Billy: Kim, I find him repulsive. Zack: Man, he's pumped! ---------- Jason: That was a nice match, Tommy. I just wish I didn't have my finger caught in your zipper. Tommy: Ah, that's okay. A sweaty Jason leaves Tommy and walks up to the other rangers, who were looking at the tournament. Zack: Man, you stink, Jason. Jason: Oh, thanks a lot, Zack. Now you just blew my next line. Oh well, might as well get it over with. I'm gonna catch a quick shower and meet you guys at the Junk Food Bar. Zack: Who says we're going to go to the Junk Food Bar? We're going to Cheers. Kimberly: Yeah. That's the only way we're going to meet Bulk and Skull in this particular episode. Jason: Drinking is for losers. So, I'll see you at eight. Ernie: Hey, you idiots, where do you think you're going? You DO realize you're the only paying customers who don't leave I.O.U.'s addressed from: "Seymour Butts," "Homer Sexual," "Jack Auph," "Dan Druff," "Willie Makeit," "Jacques Strap," "I.P. Freely," "Amanda Hugginkiss," "Ivana Tinkle," "Oliver Kloushoff," "Al Coholic," "Hugh Jass," "Maya Buttsmells," or "Anita Bath." Kimberly: Well, in that case, call the cast of "Saved By the Bell." SCENE II: Later, at Cheers... The rangers are sitting on barstools at the bar drinking beer when Jason whips his head around and notices Sam Malone from NBC's canceled "Cheers." Jason: Hey, you're not Ernie. Sam: No kiddin', you came to Cheers. Why, duh. At any rate, since my show's been canceled, I decided to be like Urkel, steal the show. Zack: Now he's gonna cut into my check. Kimberly: Yeah, well what are you gonna spend all that money on anyway? Zack: My favorite charity funds. Trini: Let me see that list. Let's see... Honkers of America, Sweat Sluts from California, and Doody Doners. Zack: Great, Trini; why don't you tell the world?!? Trini: I did--we're on TV. Zack (hits himself on the forehead): D'oh! Norm Peterson from "Cheers" walks by. Zack: Hey, it's Ernie, man! Norm: My name's not Ernie, "man". Zack: Oh, sorry. You're right, he's _much_ bigger. Norm: Hey, I'll give you this bottle cap for your beer. Zack: All right. Norm: Hey, thanks! Zack finds a useless bottle cap in his hands. Zack: What a suck... WAIT a minute! Norm: High Schoolers. Heh-heh, they really crack me up. SCENE III: We dissolve to Rita's palace... Rita: I'm going to defeat those Pathetic Rangers once and for all! Squatt: So what else is new? Rita: Shut up, you fools. Squatt: I don't have to take this. You do realize I'm working on minimum wage. Rita: Well that's what you get for rescuing me from the toilet! Goldar: Darn! Rita: I'm going to use this Green Pathetic Ranger Coin I ripped off from my ex-husband Zordon and pick some loser to be my slave to crush the Pathetic Rangers. Squatt: Why didn't I think of that? Rita: Because you're stupid. Squatt: Where did you get that from? Rita: I just told you, nimrod. Goldar: Why haven't you used it in all this time? We've wasted eleven episodes attempting to pummel those Rangers to dust when we could just send one of their own kind after them. WHY? Rita: Goldar: Nevermind. SCENE IV: At the school locker room... Kimberly approaches Tommy, who's stuffing books and folders in his locker. Kimberly: Hi. I'm Kimberly. Who are you? Tommy: I'm Thomas Oliver. Artist Bros. Writer: Well isn't this the 1800s convention. Tommy: I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you're so sexy, you shouldn't be allowed on public television. Kimberly: Yeah, I get that all the time... So, Tommy, do you wanna meet me at Cheers? Tommy: Sure, that sounds great. But why are minors like us going to an alcoholic tavern like Cheers? Kimberly: On this show you don't speak. You just pleasure me. Tommy: Easy come, easy go. I know about your little thing with Billy. I'll just play along anyway for the sake of my lousy career on this show considering I've never been able to land an acting gig since I was 12. Kimberly: Well say `Yes,' because if you don't, Zack might tap dance on your face for idly wasting airtime. Bulk and Skull come out of no where and go up to the new guy--Tommy and starts intimidating Kimberly and Tommy. Bulk: Well, well, well, what do we have here? Skull: Yeah, what do we have here? Kimberly: Look, Skull, if you're just here for my goodies, you can forget it. Skull: You want me, don't you? Tommy: Beat it, Xerox Man. Bulk: Did you just speak to US like that? Tommy: Yeah, I just did. Now you guys better beat it out of this scene before Zack gets hostile. Bulk: Hey isn't that funny? Walter gets paid more than anyone does on this show. Tommy: Yeah, he's the luckiest guy on T.V., now beat it! Bulk: All right! I'm going, I'm going. SCENE V: Rita is seen with her gang on top of a roof. Rita: Alright, we're going to send the Muddie Patrol to beat up this weenie to see if he's worthy of this coin. Baboo: All right, your nastiness. But why are you saying this on T.V.? Rita: You're not allowed to ask questions. SCENE VI: Tommy walks down beat-up alley because he thinks it's a short cut to go home when suddenly, the Muddies appear out of no where and Tommy gives them the one two and they disappear after a long, strenuous battle. Tommy: Why me? Rita: Because I have chosen you! Rita is on top of a building roof looking at Tommy, who lifts his head up in surprise to see the evil empress. Tommy: You can't fool me, you're a wicked witch, aren't you? Rita: Okay, so I had a bad hair day. Sue me. Tommy: I'm going to fight you with all my might. Rita: Which shouldn't be much, you nobody loser!! Take this! Tommy: Oh well, you've got me now. Rita takes her giant wand and magically sucks up Tommy to go back to her palace for extreme brainwashing. SCENE VII: In another location of Rita's palace, Tommy is shackled onto an operation table in a dark chamber aluminated by candle lights, subdued. Rita: All right, you pathetic, nobody loser... Tommy: Hey, you better stop talking to me like that, because I can walk out of this parody and fowl up the plot. Rita: That's why I have you under a evil spell. Tommy: Oh yeah, [deadpan voice] yes, my empress. Rita: That's better. Now then. You will defeat the Pathetic Rangers: Jason: The Red Rash Ranger. Zack: The Black Toast Ranger. Kimberly: The Pink Dink Ranger. Trini: The Yellow Back Ranger. And Billy: The Blue Nosed Ranger. Tommy: They sound like wusses to me. Rita: That's because they are. Now quit talking like a sane person and talk like a dazed, confused and thoroughly brainwashed moron. Tommy: But before I do... Rita: Now what? Tommy: Why must just one ranger fight five others? Rita: Because you have special magic powers according to the writers. Tommy: Okay, I'm ready to be the bad guy now, your nastiness. Rita: Now then... SCENE VIII: In the command center... Alpha 5: Zordon, do you think it would be wise to do that right now? Zordon: Yes, you must read your monthly issue of PlayDude so you can re-charge your batteries. Alpha: Oh, you're right. Alpha sits on a recliner, crosses his legs and begins looking through his "PlayDude" magazine when Tommy fizzes into the command center unauthorized. Tommy: Hi, Junkbot. I'm going to dismantle you now. [Suddenly notices a topless chic on Alpha's porno magazine] HEY!! What's that??? Tommy snatches the magazine out of Alpha's grip. Alpha: That's mine! Give it back, you punk! Tommy: No! It's mine now, and I can take anything I want, metal dummy. And I'm gonna fix it so you don't ever speak again. Alpha: No! Zordon! Help! Alert. Hostile takeover! Tommy: He can't save you now -- he's next. I'll just slip this virus into your back. Nice knowin' ya, dweeb. Alpha: Why are you telling me what you're doing? Tommy: Because you're a dumb robot that doesn't retain any information. Alpha: Oh, that makes sense. Pop it in. I just love dancing to the tunes of exploding memory chips. Tommy: All right! It's working already! Alpha begins smoking when the gears inside him just overload with hot oil and he clutches his stomach and begins wobbling around the command center until he finally just collapses onto the ground. Zordon: Hey, how'd you get in here? Only a person with a Pathetic Coin can get in undetected. Tommy: Yes, and I have that coin. My empress RITA gave it to me. Zordon: What? Tommy: I said... hey! You can't trick me, I told Rita I was gonna keep it a secret. Anyway, I'm gonna fix it so you never speak again by yanking out the computer cords so you don't have contact with this dimension. Zordon: You're mean. The reason I never gave that coin to any of the other rangers is because it was defective and that it causes evil to infiltrate the morphin power grid. Tommy: Why don't you tell someone who cares? Zordon: But enough of that balogna, let me help you. You're under Rita's spell, and worse, bad breath. Tommy: If I'm under Rita's spell, why would that include me letting you save me? Worry about saving yourself, old man. You're through!! Tommy steps on Alpha's back and kicks him into a corner of the command center and Alpha's back is then upside down, up against a wall with his legs sticking up while he's still smoking. Tommy starts turning several dials, buttons and other controls. He grabs a control panel and completely rips it off. Zordon: How'd you do that? Tommy: None of your damn business. Zordon: No, wait! Stop! No! Don't do that! We take a shot of Tommy's foot bashing in walls. Tommy grabs a can of graffitti and starts shaking it up and starts spraying something on the wall when the scene is cut. SCENE IX: Outside Billy's garage, Billy is slouched on a recliner holding a can of beer with several empty cans surrounding the recliner. Zack is meanwhile slaving and polishing Billy's Rad Wreck. Zack: Billy, why do I have to wax your Rad Wreck? It looks dumb. Billy: Because I'm drunk. The last time you let me wax it, I rung out the rag in your mouth. Remember us going to Cheers? Zack: Oh yeah. That was Kimberly's idea. Kimberly: Don't everybody look at me. By the way, my funky hunk Tommy didn't show up. Jason: Can I let you in on a little secret? Kimberly: Sure. Jason: Well, Tommy's the Green Vomit Ranger and he has some evil plan he's carrying out for Rita to destroy us, but we have to play like we don't know who he is for four days. Trini: That sucks. Zack: Thank you for nothing. We've been advertising for 2 months now this big suspense-filled episode for you to blow it all inside 15 seconds. I don't believe this. The Pathetic Rangers are paged and oddly enough, the little beeping sound is abnormally dragging. Jason: The command center. Alpha 5 (voice distorted): We need help, Rangers help. We need help. Over. Aye Yi, Aye Yi. Zack: I hate it when he does that. Jason: Come in, your signal is breaking up. Billy: Teleportation is nonfunctional, communication lines have been disrupted. Trini: Something is seriously wrong! Zack: Like your makeup? Trini makes a snide face at Zack. Trini: Maybe they don't want us. How about we leave Billy behind and try it again? Billy: Hey! Trini: Nevermind. Jason: Well, we gotta do something. Billy: The Rad Wreck. Zack: It's the Only Way to Fly! Come fly the friendly skies! AB Writers: Enough with the slogans. They cramp inside Billy's car and roll off the driveway and head for the command center. SCENE X: They arrive at the Command Center in Billy's Rad Wreck to see the entire command center bombed out with ripped out wires, grafitti, broken-in control panels and a piece of the viewing globe busted in and all the lights dimmed. Alpha is found someplace atop the command buttons with his head on the floor and an arm hanging on top the cracked viewing globe. Jason: Cool! Someone trashed the place! Trini: What is so cool about this? We could be next! Kimberly: This place is totalled! Billy: You're suppose to say that when MegaJunkaZord gets trashed. Ooops! Jason: You kids out there pretend you didn't hear Billy, as you usually do. Billy: For once can I be treated with any respect? I get paid less than Bulk and Skull. Trini: No! Billy (says meekly): Okeay. Zack: Looks like somebody's busted in here. Trini: But how? Only somebody with money or a Pathetic Ranger Coin can get in here without getting toasted in the teleporter. Billy: It appears I'm going to end up putting in overtime at this dump to go fix Alpha. Zack: Well, at least we'll know you'll have something to do throughout this entire five-parter. So, my meek geek; what are you going to do? Billy: First of all, gimme some Krazy-Glue. I need to get Alpha's appendages back on his sockets. Kimberly: Look at the viewing globe. Jason: It's Goldar--and Rita made him tall, plus an army of Muddies! They're gonna whoop our buns! Billy: I'll set the backup computer on auto-search mode for Zordon. Hopefully it's still working with all this old beat out computer equipment. Kimberly: Uh oh, Goldar is wrecking the place. Jason: We have to stop him. It's Morphin Time! Zack: Majormess Kimberly: Pterodorky Billy: Tribladdertops Trini: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat Jason: Trashosaurus ALL: Pathetic Rangers! Squatt and Baboo are at the park, sitting on a bench as if they're at a baseball game when the Pathetic Rangers morph into the park and pose. Squatt: The Pathetic Rangers are here, Rita! Bring on the Muddie Patrol. Muddies seem to come endlessly from no where and the Pathetic Rangers fight them off. Goldar is meanwhile trashing cities and other buildings. Goldar: Ha ha ha!! Baboo: A ba-ba bing a ba-ba bang a ba-ba... Jason: We've gotta stop Goldar, we need DinoJunk Power, now! Trashosaurus emerge as the other Zords come into view when they assemble and form MegaJunkaZord. Jason: We need the Plastic Sword!! The Rangers appear within the cockpit of MegaJunkaZord and go to work. Goldar smashes MegaJunkaZord; MegaJunkaZord blocks Goldar's sword with the Plastic Sword and punches him in the face, sending him somersaulting three times in mid-air then landing again. Goldar: Prepare to feel the wrath of Rita Repulsive's bowel obstruction! trouble! Hahaha! Goldar throws himself on top of MegaJunkaZord and causes it to fall to the ground. Jason: That was just too close for comfort! Zack: Oh, it gets worse as the mini-series goes by. Jason: That's it! No nonesense. Get this zord at full power and let's pull Goldar's lower jaw up over his head! Are you with me? Zack and Billy: Right! Trini and Kimberly: Morphy! Goldar: You say that as if you think I'm not a coward. See ya! Jason: Hey get back here! Goldar: I have to go now, but first, I'm gonna leave you with a little birthday gift. Billy: Don't take it, Jase'! Jason: Aww c'mon, I want my present! Gimme, gimme, gimme! Goldar: Well, just like they say in the cartoons--you asked for it. Goldar disappears. Green Ranger appears out of thin-air armed with several fierce and deadly looking weapons. Tommy: It's my turn! Tommy, suddenly without his armament, jumps on top of MegaJunkaZord's head, jumps down inside and opens the door, that was not originally there. AB Writer #2: Where'd that come from? AB Writer #1: Sears. Tommy: Time to meet the Green Vomit Ranger. Billy: You get away from us, right now! Tommy: What are you gonna do, fluff my pillows? Kimberly: Hey! Oh well, I guess we might as well take our medicine. Tommy grabs each ranger and beats them up. Jason: I'm getting out of here! Billy: Let me go! Billy uses his BladeBlaster to knock Tommy off, getting him to let Billy go. Tommy: Aww, you're gonna pay! Jason: Everyone! Quickly, abandon ship! They start getting thrown from MegaJunkaZord. Tommy: Seet eeya! Tommy somersaults into the picture and starts picking off the rangers one by one (unbelievably, all by himself). Jason: You think you're so tough because you can take out my nerdy friends? Well take me on! Tommy: C'mon! Jason kicks at Tommy, who roundhouses him. They both struggle against each other when Tommy decks him and socks him in the gut and then kicks him at the rangers. Jason: That was quite humiliating. Trini: Oh NO! They fight for a while then all of a sudden, Tommy gets these unbelievable powers and propels this Energy-Globe towards the Rangers. SCENE XI: In the command center... Jason becomes more and more angry as he stares at the trashed command center remains. Zack: Man, I can't believe the nerve of this dood! He just busted right in. He didn't even knock! Hmm... Zack visualizes the whole situation all over again. Tommy: It's my turn! Tommy, suddenly without his armament, jumps on top of MegaJunkaZord's head. (Zack's visualization): The rangers are in the MegaJunkaZord's cockpit. Zack: Don't worry, we'll get Goldar... Suddenly, the rangers hear a knock on the MegaJunkaZord's door. Jason: Huh? Who's there? Tommy (calm voice): Evil Green Ranger. Jason: Who? Tommy: Evil Green Ranger. Jason slowly gets up out his seat and opens the door and Tommy punches Jason's helmet in the face and he falls down and then starts to throttle each ranger when Zack's visualization ends. Zack: Hm. Maybe that wouldn't have been a good thing. Jason: Stop thinking petty! I want blood, man. I want this dude bad! Trini: Will somebody please shut Alpha up? Alpha: We need rangers... help, rangers.. need help. Billy: He's my friend. He can be as annoying as he wants. Kimberly: As many have said, get a life, Billy. He's a robot, much less with a personality that shouldn't even exist! Billy: Yor just jealous. TO BE CONTINUED... (C) 1993 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... With Zordon lost and Alpha disconnected, the fate for the rangers seems uncertain! Billy: Alpha's jacked, up. I just found this thing that makes all these sparkly lights appear, but that's all. I figured it'll work on Alpha because he's just a piece of junk anyhow. ...while Tommy, who is under the spell of Rita's bad breath, captures Jason and puts him in a match with the unstoppable Goldar!... Tommy: Oh wait, Jason. I forgot to tell you, I'm going to throw you in a battle with Goldar. Jason: Should be fun, see ya. Tommy whips out his power coin and zaps Jason, who vanishes. Will Jason free himself of Goldar? Or will he play with Goldar forever? Can his friends save him and bring back Goldar and revive Alpha ALL at the same time? I don't know, I have no idea as to what I am talking about. But I will probably Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!