Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "Green with Vomit, Part IV; Rita's Comet" Parody of, "Green with Evil, Part IV; The Eclipsing MegaZord" LAST TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS: With the situation as distorted as it is, Rita has decided to revive her old battlin' bud Scorpina! Rita: I am going to unleash the evil Scorpina to destroy those metal monkeys. ...meanwhile Tommy, still under the stinky cold-mashed potato breath spell, throws out Jason so he can practise destroying him and his crayon colored slaves, dah I mean, friends. Jason: When is that darn Goldar gonna get back here? Tommy: Get out! I've gotta practise so I can whip that tower of rust you call MegaJunkaZord here. Jason: You can't do that, according to the script; Goldar is holding me captive here and then somehow I talk him into... Tommy: STOP LEAKING THE PLOT, or you'll never get out of here! Will Bulk & Skull finally get what they deserve for being so incredibly incredibly gross? Is Tommy going to finally rid us of the talking fish in the aquarium? Will the MegaJunkaZords survive? Find out in today's Episode of the Pathetic Rangers, Next! AND NOW PART 4: SCENE I: At the Command Center: Jason is repeatedly, yet slowly pounding his fist into his palm ready to assault someone--particularly Evil Green Ranger; Zack is wandering around; Billy is busy working away at the ancient computer panel; Kimberly is playing with a slinky while chewing bubble-gum and Trini is just continuously weeping behind one of the computer stations. Suddenly, the head-tube makes a very noticeable, even, scary electrocution noise as a scarce picture of Zordon's head appears. Zordon: Look at the viewing globe. Zack: Why? We do this all the time. You're suppose to be lost. Zordon: Well I'm not, shouldn't you be grateful? Zack: Why? You're just gonna fade out again. Zordon: Just look at the globe, stupid. As you can see, Rita is planning to destroy the entire city. Billy: Goldar is trashing the place! Jason: It's morphin time. Trini: Why didn't you show up before? Zordon: I was on the John, I decided to drop by and say Hi. Jason: Oh, It's Morphin Time. The Rangers pull out their morphers and prepare to morph when the control panels begin exploding with electrical sparks spewing out and each morphing coin starts spewing out sparks all at once. Kimberly (annoyed): Now what? Alpha 5: The beam that was trying to locate Zordon was disrupted with an energy surge. Zack: You mean we can't morph? Jason: If we can't Morph, Goldar is gonna destroy Angel Grave. Trini (sarcastically): Really. I thought he was going to sing songs and play "Ring Around the Rosey" with orphaned children. Billy: Wait, let me fix it. Trini: Why should we? Billy: Get off my back! Billy grabs one of the control panels and roughly yanks it off to examine the going-ons that obstruct them inside the control panel and starts manually operating with one of the vacuum tubes (similarly used in Uni-Vac 1950s primitive computer systems). SCENE II: Cheers begins to rock and customers run clear of the building. Skull: Bulk, I think we oughta get outta here. Bulk: I'm not threw with my beer! Skull: No really, we've gotta hurry. A steel beam falls to the Bar Counter. Bulk: YIPE! Now I'm done! Let's go, Skull. Skull: But what about the Cheers gang? Bulk: They're canceled. Who cares? Bulk and Skull run out of Cheers. SCENE III: The Command Center's lights are revived and Billy closes up the computer panel. Billy: It should work now. I sure hope you writers aren't planning another serious calamity. I'm gettin' mighty tired of playing mechanic all the time. Jason: Okay, it's Morphin Time! Zack: Majormess Kimberly: Pterodorky Billy: Tribladdertops Trini: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat Jason: Trashosaurus ALL: PATHETIC RANGERS! SCENE IV: Bulk and Skull miraculously are found not outside Cheers, but outside the Junk Food Bar aimlessly scanning the park area for protective shielding, screaming when Bulk notices an abandoned, nearly empty-fueled School Bus. Bulk: Hey wait a minute, Skull; maybe we can steal this bus to flee the city! Skull: Bulk, I sure hope you know what you're talking about. I mean, these things only get up to about 25 miles per... Bulk: Come on, you worry wart, let's catch the bus! Bulk and Skull jump into the School Bus and proceed to take turns trying to drive the thing and both fail at starting the engine--until a pre-grown Goldar takes advantage of his much larger height and harshly grabs the School Bus. Then, once in mid-air, the engine starts. Bulk: There we go. HEY! What happened to the road? Skull: Bulky, that gold creep's got us! Bulk & Skull: Aaaaaaah! SCENE V: The Morphed Zack, Billy and Jason show up to see Goldar virtually juggling the School Bus carrying Bulk and Skull causing them to get intensely nauseous. Billy: Bulk and Skull are about to vomit. Jason: Wonderful, just what the city needs--and endless flow of what Bulk and Skull are made of. Any suggestions? Kimberly: We get the Mega... Jason: Not you. Rita: Oh Rangers, I'll let your gross friends go if you surrender to me! Billy: Oh yeah; some deal. Trini: Billy, we're SUPPOSED to be looking out for the well-being of people Billy: Bulk and Skull are alienated from the word "People." Jason: Listen, you old witch, you can just forget it! Rita: Take them to the beach. Goldar: YESSS!!! Bulk (inside the bus): Please don't do this to us! Later...The Rangers teleport to the beach. Rita: What took you so long? Jason: Hey, T.V. film splicing only takes so long. Goldar sets the bus down atop a steep cliff from which a dozen Muddies are surrounded behind doing The Jerk as they shake the bus up scaring the willies out of Bulk and Skull in a near-final attempt at shoving the bus over the edge to kill them. Trini: Rita's goons are gunna push the bus off the cliff! Billy: What a stupid situation. We have to save punks? Kimberly: I think we should get the... Jason: Nobody asked you. Zack: Woah! It's Goldar! And he's huge. Kimberly: But I was just trying to tell you to get... Jason: Aw man, we need DinoJunk, NOW! Kimberly: I was just going to say that. The MegaJunkaZord lands on its feet straight out of the clear blue sky. The Rangers teleport inside. After several long minutes of this commotion, the Muddies succeed in ramming the bus off the edge and it goes skidding off the side of the cliff and bounces several times off of large boulders. Bulk and Skull (screaming loudly): Aaaaaaah!! HELP! This obvious black glove attatched to the MegaJunkaZord grabs the toy bus and sits it back on the cliff. The totalled out bus begins to make strange sounds. Bulk: We're SAVED! Skull (dizzy): Ahwoah, uh...UGH! Skull pukes. Bulk: Oh great. Hey; what's the burning smell? Skull: I think we better get outta here. Bulk and Skull quickly stumble from out of the bus in fear screaming. Moments after they escape, the entire bus violently explodes. SCENE VI: A sneaky Tommy morphs into the Command Center again. Alpha 5: Oh no, not again! Tommy: SHH! You're not suppose to know I'm here. Alpha: Oh, right. Let's see here, if I could just get Zordon's dimensional files... Zordon: Oh no, not you again! Alpha, look - out - behind - you. Tommy: No you don't! Tommy kicks Alpha in the stomach, uses his elbow to smash in Alpha's head and swings him by the legs until he hits a wall. He picks Alpha up and yanks out a cord that turns him off. Zordon: Are you just doing what you did before? Tommy: Yeah. Zordon: Just checking. GET SOME TRAINING, WRITERS! Tommy: Now I'm gonna pull the plug on you, old-man! And soon, I'm gonna screw up the Pathetic Rangers too. I'm going to slam dunk the MegaJunkaZord into the trashcan! Muahahahahaha! That's right, I'm going to screw up your little superhero team REAL bad. Alpha: Not if I can help it! Alpha gets up and limps his way to the control panel and quickly uses a space-age tri-corder from Star Trek to stabilize himself. He pulls out a stun-gun. Alpha: Alright, Greenie; you think you're so tough? DROP your weapon! Tommy: Sure. Right. I thought I turned you off! Alpha: You did, but my back up systems kicked in. (Courtesy of General Electric) Now, keep your hands up where I can see 'em. Tommy: You don't have the guts ta... Alpha: SHUT UP! Move closer to the wall. You're gonna play sitting bull in a bird cage. Computer: Activate Force-Field around intruder. Suddenly, laser bars surround Tommy in a cage-like way and he can't get out. Tommy: Aww man, you're gonna pay for this, robot. Zordon: Seeya. Zordon quickly runs off the sides of the tube. Alpha: Now look what you did. Now Zordon is lost. Tommy: And soon, so will the Pathetic Rangers. Alpha: You've overacted that line about twenty-times now. Yer kinda driving it home. Tommy: I like saying it, so sue me. Alpha: I will. SCENE VII: Meanwhile, MegaJunkaZord is fighting off Goldar. Rita gets worried so she sends down retarded Scorpina. Rita: Huh?! Hurry up, Scorpina! Scorpina: Right, I'll make pulp out of those crayon colored stick figures! Rita: Make Scorpina grow! She throws down her staff and Scorpina grows, causing her to expand into a larger and more scorpion-like looking creature. Once giant, Scorpina mutates into one ugly lookin' S.O.B. Scorpina: Let's rock. Billy: Watch her stinger. Jason: Oh, just wait 'til I get my hands on this witch. SCENE VIII: The camera takes a very tilted slight bird's-eye-view picture of the command center where Alpha--not knowing what he's doing--is frantically working at the computers to retrieve Zordon while Tommy is in the laser-barred birdcage cell. Alpha: Aye Yi, Yi, Yi! Tommy: Aw, what's the matter, you little mechanical misfit? Can't you make anything work? Alpha: Shut up, you make me sick. You are truly stinky, Evil Green Ranger. Tommy: Is that a name I've been deemed with? Alpha: Yes. As long as you're working for Rita, you're known as "Evil Green Ranger." And anyway, it's time to see who's behind that mask! SCENE IX: Rita: It's time to call on my Green Ranger! Where is he anyway?!?! Baboo: Probably taking a leak. Squatt snickers. Rita: Quit fooling! SCENE X: Back at the command center... Tommy: Hey, I'd love to get some more side-aches from laughing at you making a fool out of yourself, calling it a way to better the world of science, but I've gotta go take care of some business. Seeya--wouldn't wanna be ya. Tommy vanishes out of Alpha's laser prison. Alpha 5: How the hell did he do that? Oh well, at least I lifted his wallet. Heh-heh, now to go find Zordon. SCENE XI: Rita: Make my Ranger Grow! Suddenly, Green Ranger grows to be a mutated Tommy, who, along with Goldar and Scorpina brutally attack the MegaJunkaZord. Kimberly: Oh no, it's that Mean-Green Fighting Machine. Billy: An eclipse is starting! Jason: Solar-Power diminishing 25 percent. Trini: Jason, the Plastic Sword. Zack: Yeah, dude. Why didn't we get that in the first place? Jason: That's simple, I'm obviously stupid. We need the Plastic Sword, NOW! Soon after getting the Plastic Sword, it does no good. Goldar and the others gang up on the MegaJunkaZord and snatch the sword out his hands and throws it in the lake. Tommy, Scorpina and Goldar do a few groovie moves on MegaJunkaZord and then MegaJunkaZord starts twisting to Henry Mancini's "Baby Elephant Walk" as the Rangers fall from out of MegaJunkaZord. Suddenly, the earth's ground splits open slightly, but wide enough to automatically cause the zords to slowly fall--and oddly scream--as they sink into a volcanic pit of red-hot molten rock known as the "firey pit of hell." The Pathetic Rangers are tossed on the grass, de-morphed as they stare at the damage Rita's caused. Billy: Where's the MegaJunkaZord? Jason: Over there. The entire MegaJunkaZord hits the bottom and explodes as the fire engulfs the MegaJunkaZord. Trini: OH no! The rangers stare at the completely melted down MegaJunkaZord. Kimberly: May I say it now? Billy: Sure. Kimberly: They're totalled! Billy: Well they weren't that great to begin with. Trini elbows Billy in the gut. SCENE XII: The rangers teleport in the command center--unmorphed, playing twister. Alpha 5: Knock it off, the cameras are on. Jason: Oh. Alpha 5: I've been running some computer tests that no other computer in the history of science can create with these fictional computers and I think we may know who the Green Ranger is. Billy: Oh really? Alpha: Actually, I just lifted his wallet. I found his I.D. pictures. Trini: Agh! Again, you express signs that you have no mechanical skill. Jason: Man I sure would like to know who this green guy is. Alpha: Look on the viewing globe. Blipping on the Viewing Globe crystal are several faded police mugshots of Tommy. Jason: Man, I just KNEW it! Zack: Oh no. Billy: I'll wipe that grin off his face. Trini: Kimberly, look. Kimberly is sprawled out onto the floor unconscious. TO BE CONTINUED... (C) 1993 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... Now that the Rangers are really reeling from the pain, they find out Tommy is the cause of their woes... Kimberly: I can't believe my Tommy is the mean, evil Ranger. And worse, a stinky grouch. What am I going to say to him? [Weezy, cry-baby voice] "That's it, sweet baby?" Billy: Oh puh-leeze! Get a grip! -=- Jason: I knew that guy was trouble. Trini: Yeah right, you told everybody that Tommy was the Green Ranger. Jason: It's called `Acting,' look into it. ...and with the weenie's without their Zords, they seem to be doomed! Rita: BarneyZord, ARISE! The BarneyZord Rises from the coast and starts smashing through Downtown Angel Grave. Tommy: All right! BarneyZord. Tommy somersaults on top of BarneyZord's head. Rita: With this you will crush those Pathetic Weenies! Will Zordon ever show up for the match? Can the Rangers fight something 25 times taller than themselves without their Zords? Ah, who are we kiddin', just Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!