Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "A Crushing Commitment" Parody of, "A Pressing Engagement" SCENE I: In Ernie's Junk Food and Gym Bar... Kimberly is seen practicing her gymnastics in a full-body spandex leotard --as usual, while Jason is lifting barbels in a contest in which Ernie is counting each of his lifts until he breaks a winning record of one thousand lifts made by his cousin. Ernie: Nine-hundred and ninety-four... Jason: Aw man, my arms are paralyzed from all this lifting... Kimberly does a bare-foot back-flip on the high-bar. Jason: Don't do that! Kimberly jumps down and puts on her shoes and walks over to Jason while chewing her bubble gum. Kimberly: Talkin' to me? Jason: Yeah! Everytime I see your butt, all my upper-body strength goes into my pants! Kimberly: Well then keep your eyes on the barbel. Jason: Oh yeah--just like that. You do realize I have feelings, ya know. Zack rolls into the scene with a big bang when his skateboard crashes into bubble-gum poppin' Kimberly, which makes her pop her bubble gum all over her face, and has her tripping over Jason, who drops the barbel on his stomach and he gasps in pain. Later... Zack: Aw man, I said I was sorry; what more do you want? Jason: You go and lift a barbel a thousand times! Kimberly: ...and chew my bubble-gum. Zack: Aw, come on, guys! SCENE II: In Rita's Palace... Lifeless Rita--as usual--is spying on the going-ons at the Junk Food Bar threw her telescope and notices Jason's constant failure. Rita: Jason can't do anything right today, ha ha! Baboo: What are you going to do now, Rita? Squatt: I was suggesting Rita send down a giant cucumber that smells like a dead fish! Finster: No! I was going to send down King Jinx. His bad luck charms will Jinx that Red Rash Ranger for good. Goldar: Isn't he having enough bad luck as it is? Finster: That's because he petted a black cat. Rita: Because the worse the better, right? Send him down!! SCENE III: Zack is standing on a barstool fashioning a bad hair-do. Kimberly: I guess I'm satisfied. Jason: Yeah, me too. Zack: Don't you think this is a little severe? Jason: Don't worry, a haircut would do you some good. Zack: Aw man, not a part! No! Zordon pages the three on their communicators. Jason: I'll finish you off later. Jason taps his communicator. Jason: Yeah, Zordon? Zordon: Rita has sent down some monster--go fight him off. Kimberly: Right. Jason: All right then, It's MORPHIN Time! Zack: Majormess Kimberly: Pterodorky Jason: Trashosaurus They fight the army of Muddies Rita has sent. Kimberly: It's weird, it's like they're after something. King Jinx: We are! Rita's monster King Jinx (which looks like a giant lion with an over-shrunk face wearing an egyption pyramid-like head-gear on his head) appears out of nowhere to fight Jason. All of a sudden, a mirror falls from nowhere out of the sky and onto the ground and it cracks (when a mirror has cracked, myth has it that you have 7 years bad luck). Kimberly: Oh no! Kimberly is involuntarily teleported away screaming when she winds up back on her high-bar at the exercise section of the Junk Food Bar, unmorphed, wondering what she's doing there and looking at all the other fitness-nuts "sweatin' to the oldies." Zack: Bring her back! And tell us what you creeps are up to!! Squatt: We're not telling! Zack: Oh yeah?? Smell this! Baboo: Oh no! Not Jason's boots after he's done fighting in them! Baboo and Squatt pass out. Jason: It wasn't them, it was the Jinx! King Jinx is laughing when all of a sudden a black cat crosses Zack's path. (Black cats give you bad luck, hence, King Jinx's evil power). Jason: Zack, look out! Zack: What? Zack is involuntarily teleported away while screaming and the same that happened to Kimberly happens to Zack. Jason: Bring my friends back! Jinx: Now why would I do that?! Jason: You got a change of heart and decided to quit working for Rita? Jinx: Yeah right. If I did that, I'd have to get plastic surgery too. Afterall, you can't go around being a goody-good with a demented face. Jason: Good point. Jinx: Enough talk! Jason: You're going to pay for taking away my friends. Jinx takes his umbrella and opens it while he and Jason are under a parking lot and blows up the area where Jason is. (Myth has it, opening umbrella's inside a house or building renders a person with bad luck). Jason rolls out from where the explosion was and jumps up and then magically his sword appears in his hands and then he gives King Jinx a blow when all of a sudden, while Jason and Jinx have their weapons (Jinx's being a closed umbrella), locks the move over to a wall when all of a sudden, a ladder appears above Jason (standing under a ladder is another way to earn yourself a reign of bad luck) and then they are teleported to this deserted island. SCENE IV: In the command center... Alpha is looking up at Zordon and shaking his body as if he has to go to the washroom. Alpha: Oh no, Jason is isolated; contact is impossible. Aye yi, yi, yi, yi! Zordon: What's the big deal? Let's go back to playing "Immoral Kumquat." Alpha: Okay. If I last recall; I got 2,000 points for ripping out piece by piece your players' brains. Zordon: Don't ya love senseless violence? SCENE V: Jinx: Why don't you give up? Jason: Because being a Pathetic Ranger is my life. Jason kicks Jinx in the shoulder and gives him a blow. ---------- In Rita's palace... Rita: Magic Wand, make my evil unstoppable! ---------- Jinx blows up to be the size of a tower. Jason: Man, this isn't looking good. SCENE VI: Kimberly and Zack run up to Billy's shack garage when he's caught squeezing Trini's rear end. Zack: You know, Billy, if Kim over there caught you doing that, you would end up with a lead-pipe slammed over your head. Billy: I know, that's why I didn't squeeze her breast. Although, I did discover that there actually was such thing as a breast smaller than a golf ball. Trini: I resent that. Billy: No, you should resent how you were born. Kimberly: Caught me doing what? Squeezing whose breast? Trini: We are getting off the POINT here! Zack: Right, Jason may need our help way more than he thinks. Billy: Why? He'll just clobber us because he thinks he'll be humiliated if he gets any help. Trini: Well, we can't afford for Jason to get messed up. You know we don't have thinking power of our own. Billy: Who said Jason had any either? Zack: Yeah. By the way, I just got word from Artist Bros. Central that King Jinx is the size of the AT&T Tower. I wonder... Zack begins to tap his communicator expecting an answer. Zack: Jason... Jason... can you read me? No response. Kimberly: I'm worried, let's teleport to the Command Center right now. Trini: Hey, why should we? All bubble-head will tell us to do is watch the viewing globe. Zack: This just in from Artist Bros. Central, we should teleport because there is no other way we can help Jason unless we go to the command center. Billy: Of course. Kimberly: This is stupid! Trini: What did you expect? Zack: Well while we're standing around here yapping, Jason could be a cardboard cut-out figure by now. All four of them teleport to the command center. Zordon: It was about time you showed up! Zack: Why didn't you call us? Zordon: I don't have your number. Billy: No, we mean ring our communicators. Alpha: We didn't want to go through that comedy routine again. Zack & Billy: Oh. Zordon: The only way you can make contact with Jason is if you eat sour lollipops until there aren't any left. Morph and then teleport to Jason. Billy: But wont that give us ulcers? Alpha: THAT doesn't MATTER now! Zordon: Right, you must call your Zords quickly and may the power pro... Trini: Yeah yeah. SCENE VII: Pre-Grown Goldar (who came from nowhere) and King Jinx are stomping around together looking for Jason, who is backing up terrified by the outnumbering of this fight. Jason: Man, I wish I had've gone to the bathroom before I morphed... Hey! Jason's sword begins to sparkle with lasers that stretch to a mountain and causes its whole side to blow up. Jason: Wow! I wonder what's over there? Jason is making a LONG run to the mountain side. Jason: I wonder if those monsters are stupid enough to let me get to what ever that is over there? Jason makes it and begins digging threw the rocks and things protecting Zordon's emergency-sent lollipop powers... Jason: Yep, they're stupid enough. HEY! All right! Lollipops! Way-To-Go, Zordon! Hey stupid, I want you to meet a few of my slaves, AYE-YI! Jason grabs his sour lollipops that electrify into four lasers that make the other rangers (who didn't morph yet, but are already in costume) appear, who are ironically running slowly. Billy: Why are we running? Zack: I dunno. Trini: Why didn't we morph on the show? Zack: I dunno. Kimberly (sarcastically): Oh look at the answer man. Jason: Now you're going to see what bad luck is all about. DinoJunk Power... Their Zords take FOREVER to arrive. Jason: All right, let's do it guys! HI-YA! Zack & Billy: AYE-YA Trini & Kimberly: HI-YA! Jason: Rangers, power up your Lollipops! Power up Tank mode! "Pow-Pow" goes the cannons of MegaJunkaZord. Jason: Try the crystal power! Zap goes the MegaJunkaZord into Goldar and Jinx. Later, the MegaJunkaZord is rolling by when a black cat runs by their side. Kimberly: What was that just ran by? Jason: I dunno. Zack: It looked like another streak of bad luck! Jason: Time to switch to Battle mode. Jinx: Uh oh. Goldar: Uh oh. Rita: Uh oh. Jason: MegaJunkaZord armed and ready. Is everybody ready? Let's nail him! MegaJunkaZord beats the stuffings out of the puppets Jinx and Goldar. Kimberly: What's going on? Jason: Switching back to tank mode. Goldar pokes his nose near MegaJunkaZord. Goldar: Gee, I wonder what's in there? Jason: Mind yer own business. Goldar gets knocked backwards by MegaJunkaZord's powerful lasers. Goldar: Ugh!!! Trini: Geez that was close. Zack: These dudes are START'N to get on my nerves! Billy: Just starting? They've already completely agitated my central nerv... Jason: Will you shut up? Jinx starts fanning his open umbrella. Jason: Man, we're getting no where with these guys! It's time to turn up the heat. We need the Plastic Sword, Now! MegaJunkaZord conclusively destroys the monster. Alpha: All right! Yah-hoo! One down and four-hundred more to go. Jason: Okay, now let's finish him. All: Right! Goldar: Huh? Don't count on ending this season without seeing me again. SCENE VIII: At Ernie's Junk Food Bar.... Jason: I finally beat that 1,000 lifts family record in my family. Trini: The amazing wonders TV time does. Jason: Boy, I sure hope my younger nephew doesn't beat me again. Kimberly: Aw don't worry about it. Everybody knows that since the writer is your cousin, they'll make it so you'll always get everything you want. Billy: But isn't that a bad influence on children's minds that leads them to believe that everything they try to do in life will end in success? Zack: Yeah, but does this look like PBS? This is the FOX Network, the Fairly Obvious ex-cons Network. Trini: So you mean, a bunch of ex-cons are airing this show? Jason: They keep "Married...With Children" on the air. Zack: Yeah. THE END (C) 1993 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... The school is working on getting a new paperweight so they have asked the Junk Food Bar to set up a fund-raiser by selling food ENORMOUSLY beyond its rightful price. Jason: That'll be 14 dollars. Plus tax, packaging, research, and shipping & handling: that'll, come to oh, 50 bucks. Dude: Hey man, for a burger with aluminum foil? Great deal! ...but Rita decides to get lazy and slave-drives Finster into pumping out the Fudgy Fig. Finster: His name is Fudgy Fig, he assumed a pig exterior though. Rita: So? Finster: Well, he eats and eats and well, he stole the set of "The Abyss" and replaced his stomach with it. Can the Pathetic Rangers kick this guy into the next episode? Or will they be his Afternoon before-brunch after-snack-pre-lunch? If Fudgy Fig eats away all the food of Angel Grave, will it really matter to the other 52 states? Find out on the NEXT episode of the Pathetic Rangers!