Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "The DoodyStar" Parody of, "The Rockstar" SCENE I: While over-preparing for 5 hours of fun at the beach, Zack is seen waxing Billy's Rad Wreck in his garage again. Zack: All right. Done, Buddy. Billy: That's Billy. Zack: Whatever. I waxed your toy, now can I have my pay? Billy brings out a wade of cash and starts counting how much to give Zack, whose hand sticks out. Billy: 1, 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 40, 100, $200. Zack: Thanks. Billy: Affirmative. Zack: Shut up. Billy: Affirmative. Trini runs up to the Pathetic Rangers with a platter of smelly candy bars. Trini: Here's some yummy bars my dad was growing in his laboratory. Kimberly picks up one of the candies and sniffs one. Kimberly: Ewww. Jason: Hmm. Smells awful. Smells kind of gross. Kimberly: Like something crawled into that platter and died. Billy: Affirmative, it smells as if it's starting to decompose. Trini: Have a bite? Zack: I guess; this show might get canceled anyway. Billy: Not after that major public appearance we made at Lunaversal Patios. Zack: Geez. Jason reluctantly takes a bite from the candy bar and he likes it. Jason: Hey, these are pretty good. Trini: It's a secret Sweedish recipe made with sardines, and turkey entrails. Billy: Turkey entrails? Zack: Yes? Billy: In other words -- doody. Zack coughs up some of the chewed up mush; Kimberly gags on the bar after swallowing it too hard; Jason's mouth swells with vomit and they all turn around and throw the bars in the trash. Trini, not seeing them, sniffs the platter of leftover bars and smiles and walks back up to the four. Trini: What happened to the bars? Zack: Uh... Oh, GOD I was hungry. Trini: These'll be GREAT for the trip. All: Uh uh! No way! Sorry. Trini: Huh? Zack: That is NOT something I'd wanna eat after swimming. Kimberly: Billy, aren't you done packing yet? Billy: Sorry, but my TV satelite was kinda cramping the room. Kimberly: TV satelite? You act like we're going to Spain. Zack: Move it or lose it. Here, up we go. Zack takes the satelite and jams it into Billy's bug and breaks the dish. Billy: You're going to pay for that. Zack: I don't have any money. Billy: But what about the... Zack: So... I think we're ready to go. Jason: I'm going to go with my cousin Jeremy. He's just as popular as I am. Zack: Irony never ceases to amaze me. SCENE II: Rita is seen debating with her goons in her palace. Baboo: Look what I found, Rita! Rita: Your brains? Baboo: If I'm fortunate, a hair conditioner for your nappy hair. But it's not. It's this letter I got from vacationing Finster about the Burritos of Destruction. Anyone who eats this extraordinary yummy burrito gets massive constipation that blows the intestines into a million pieces. Not even the Megyzord can resist this ridiculously delicious mega-constipating burrito, my queen. Rita: The catch? Baboo: It blows up on contact. Rita: Oh. How do we find this excruciatingly delicious snack? Baboo: With a map. But unfortunately, while Squatt was playing jacks with Goldar, he dropped the map into no-man's land and I'm left with only half. Rita: We HAVE to get that map. SCENE III: At the beach, Bulk and Skull are seen eating a large pizza that's on top of a TV dinner table that they set up in the sand. Bulk: Now, I have a special way of eating pizza... Skull: I feel a sneeze coming on. Bulk, can I use your hanky? Bulk: Sure. Skull blows his nose in Bulk's hankercheif. Skull: Here. Skull gives Bulk the snot-drenched cloth back and he stuffs it in his jacket. Bulk: Thanks. Now, I shove the pizza into my face like so! [He shoves the pizza in his face] Then I take my hanky, and wipe it off, then eat it off my hankercheif. Yum! Bulk is eating the pizza out of the hanky Skull sneezed in. Jason, meanwhile, has arrived with his eager and anxious cousin. Jeremy: Let's have fun and fowl up trouble. Jason: Good idea. Hey Pizzaface, does that nasty ol' shirt comes with extra cheeeeeze? Bulk: You're asking for it now! Jason: Here's where you see one of my cool moves. Jason pulls Bulk's hand over his back and shoves him into the ocean. Jason: See? Brains before brawn. Bright-eyed Jeremy shakes his head up and down eagerly. Jeremy: Cool! Skull: You're only saying this omlet brain is cool because you know you're 12 and he's 19. Jeremy: Why are you talking? Skull: Ok, I'll throw myself into the ocean. Jason: Good, Eugene. We hear the sound of Skull falling into the ocean but we don't hear the splash yet. Jeremy: Now, let's go fishing. Jason: Okay. The splash is finally heard. SCENE IV: Jeremy and Jason adjourn to the apparently deserted beach. Jeremy: Hey Jason, show me another cool move. Jason: What do you think? I'm made of energy? Jeremy: I know what it is. {Weeping} The truth is, you really don't like me. Jason: Okay, okay! Just stop whining. HEE YA!! Jason spins his leg around and kicks. Jason: Happy? Jeremy: Yeah. Let's go fishing. Jason: Okay then. Jason and Jeremy go on the ever-so inviting deserted island area of the beach to go fishing. They stand atop a high hill when Jeremy pulls something out of the ocean. Jeremy: Hey look what I found? Jason: Litter? Jeremy: A lot of it. But I found something odd. Jason: What? Jeremy: A "TV Guide."(*) Jeremy lifts up a TV Guide that exclaims "GO, GO, POWER RANGERS!" on it with Red Ranger kicking on the cover. Jeremy: Look what's in it! A map! Jason: Oooh, just after the "Grapevine." AB Writers: How'd that get in there? Jason: You wrote it, you figure it out. AB Writers: Ugh, another thing that miffs us writers. Jeremy: Say, it's a map to some delicious food. Jason: I'm hungry. Why don't we go look for it? SCENE V: At Rita's palace... Rita is fussing and fuming while observing the going-ons on Earth and how Jason and his cous' have discovered the other half of the map. Rita: Ah, the weenie brats have it! We have to get it out of that pint-size living re-incarnation of the Beaver! Baboo: But how? Rita: DOODYSTAR! Scorpina: Not him! His blocked up doody smells so bad, no nose-clip in the world can repel it! Rita: Yes, he's gross and nasty. SEND HIM DOWN! Goldar: What do I do? Rita: Scorpina, Goldar; ATTACK! SCENE VI: While Jason and Jeremy are examining the map, the muddies cluster out of no where. Jason: Stay where you are, Jeremy. Jeremy moves closer to a Muddie. Jason: I said stay where you are. Jeremy moves closer to the Muddie. Afterwards, the Muddie strikes Jeremy. Jason: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO PARK IT! Jeremy: Sorry, Jason. UGH! Help, [punch] I'm in pain [smack!]... great pain. Jason fights off the Muddies until they vanish. Jeremy: That was kooo-ool! Jason: YOU weren't much help, weenie-toad. Jeremy: Sorry, dude. DoodyStar appears out of no where. Jeremy: Man, what's that stench? Jason: Whoa, something really is smelly. Jeremy: Could it be the new flavor of Trini's candy bars? Jason: Maybe. If it is, I better tell her dad to cut it out! DoodyStar throws a rock of hard doody at Jason and he falls to the sandy ground with two doody-boulders on top of him. Jason (while gasping): Oh no! Now I have to shower again. Jeremy! Run away, and listen this time! Jeremy: Right-o, Jase'! Brains before... Jason: Ah shut up! Jeremy: Okay, sir. Jeremy picks up half of the map and runs away. SCENE VII: The gang are at Billy's garage--still. The rangers are paged by Zordon. Zack: Yeah, Zordon? Zordon: Jason is in serious trouble. Teleport to the command center at once! Zack: Ok, we're on our way. Guys, let's go. SCENE VIII: The rangers teleport to the command center awaiting information... Billy: What seems to be causing a dysfunction in daily existence for Jason? Kimberly: Yeah, like, what's wrong? Zordon: Behold the viewing globe. Rita is in search of a burrito that can create massive gastritis and destroy its eater. It is so tempting that it could destroy the strongest of creatures. I know--I tried one. Alpha 5: Aye Yi Yi. Trini: Let's teleport and help him. Zordon: Right now, Jason is being held up by a constipated monster known as the DoodyStar, whose doody is made of rock, and he smells bad. Very, very bad. Zack: Aw man, this is serious. Billy: Not really. He's probably suffering from a typical case of quandary. Zack: Say what? Trini: Hey, I don't know this time. SCENE IX: The gang arrive at the beach scrambling to find Jason. Jason: I'm over here! Trini: What are we going to do? DoodyStar is with Goldar, Baboo, Squatt and Scorpina. Scorpina: HAHAHAHA! You'll smell so bad, you'll have to shower for 2 years! HAHAHAHA! Trini: Try another candy bar. Trini shoves one of her candy bars in Jason's mouth and its odd affect causes the doody boulders to light and Jason pulls them off, and the odor that rubbed off from off of the boulders dissipates. Jason: Yuck! Zack: Say, he doesn't stink no more. Her bars, for once, served to be useful! Billy: Uh oh. Where's Jeremy? Zack: Find him! We're too busy to be concerned about unimportant matters. Billy: Affirmative. I'm gonna tear open a plot hole so huge you can build a house on it by morphin with you guys. Jason: Why? Billy: Because it's something funny. Humor is the only way to make a successful parody. Zack: Majormess Kimberly: Pterodorky Billy: Tribladdertops Trini: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat Jason: Trashosaurus Zack: YOU'VE HAD IT, MR. DOODY! The rangers engage in battle with Goldar, Scorpina and DoodyStar, yet Billy never once goes to search for Jeremy. SCENE X: Jeremy is running through the woods to escape a Muddie looking for him and he throws a rock in a stream to shift the Muddie into the other direction. Jeremy: Brains before brawn. Jeremy goes running to a safe place and opens part of the map and reads it. Jeremy: Now, I take two steps back. Now two steps forward, now two steps back, now three steps back, now five steps forward. This isn't making any sense. Oops! I have it turned upside down. Jeremy walks the amount of steps allotted and makes it to his destination and finds the treasure trunk filled with burritos with aluminum foil around them. Jeremy: Wow, look at all these burritos! Hmmm! Let's eat. Jeremy opens his mouth to eat one of the burritos when a Muddie catches up with him and readies to attack him. Jeremy: Ohhh no! Jeremy decks about two punches to the Muddie, but the Muddie turns him up over his back and drops him onto the floor. Jeremy: Awwgh!! The Muddie steps on his belly repeatedly when Jeremy gets away and drags the chest away from the Muddie and the Muddie follows him to attack him some more. Jeremy accidentally drops a burrito onto the ground and it causes a minor explosion. Jeremy: Woah! The Muddie finally catches up with him and has him surrounded. Muddie: [Gargling noise.] Jeremy: Hey! Ya hungry? Eat this! Muddie: [Gargling noise.] Jeremy throws the burrito at the Muddie's mouth and the Muddie explodes into four or five huge chunks. The DoodyStar literally jumps into the scene. DoodyStar: BLAH! Jeremy throws another burrito at him and he explodes into a huge river of chunky excrement. Jeremy: Man! This stuff is volatile! AB Writers: Glad you noticed. Jeremy: This stuff's to hot to handle. He then throws the chest of burritos in Scorpina's direction, who catches the trunk. Scorpina: Thanks! The Pathetic Rangers keep fighting off Scorpina. Jason: Oh no! She's got the burritos! Scorpina: Hmm, hmm hahahaha!! Now I'VE got the upper hand. Scorpina and Goldar roundhouse each and every ranger and pushes Zack and Trini into a nearby pool and they are drowning when we zoom in on Baboo and Squatt looking at them struggling to get out. Baboo: Hahaha. I'd like to see them get outta this! Squatt: I'd like to see how we got in this scene. Baboo: I dunno. Scorpina: Had enough!? Jason: I'll take care of you, ya witch! Jason knocks Scorpina's face with his Power Sword and kicks Scorpina down. He does the same to Goldar, and they're hurt so badly that it gives them a chance to save Zack and Trini, who are splashing in the water. Jason: Are you guys okay? Zack: What does it look like?! Trini: Help! Get us out! Billy: What appears to be the problem? Zack grabs Billy's arm and pulls him into the water and gets out. Billy: Hey! I was just asking. Billy swims out the pool water. Jason: Anyway, enough of the pool party. We gotta stop Goldar and Scorpina. Kimberly: I bet your dorky friend Jeremy is behind this! SCENE XI: Rita is standing before her palace balcony frustrated over what she sees going on down on Earth. Rita: Goldar! Hurry up. Goldar: And do what? Rita (Sarcastically): Play house. Attack, you fool! Goldar: Right. SCENE XII: (Stock footage with the Rangers waving their limbs and saying something catchy) Jason: We're the Pathetic Rangers, and we don't clean our spandex suits! Zack: 'Cause we don't need to. Kimberly: Because they appear whenever we morph into rangers. Billy: What does this have to do with the fight! Trini: Right! Rita, you're goin' down! Jason: Hey! Don't I say that? SCENE XIII: Rita picks up her staff at her palace. Rita: Make my cronies grow! ---------- Jason: We need DinoJunk power, now! Trashosaurus, Majormess, Tribladdertops, Sabertoothed Alley-Cat and Pterodorky emerge from their hiding places and land for the rangers to jump inside. Jason: Ai-ya! Trini and Kimberly: Heeya! Billy and Zack: Huuah!! Jason: Rangers! Logon! Zack: Zack here. In the mood, and I've wrecked the groove! Billy: Billy here, system functioning properly. Trini: Trini here, ready to rock! Kimberly: Trini, get some new lines! Jason: All right, rangers! Power up your lollipops! All: 23, 49, power up! They all put their lollipops in their zords' consoles and the zords ready to fuse together. Jeremy is somewhere on a hill watching this. Jeremy: Woah! Excitement city! This is even better than the "Beavis and Butthead" marathon! Jason: All right, let's bring it out! MegaJunkaZord, put yourself together! Anonymous Robotic Voice: MegaJunkaZord sequence has been demanded. They form the MegaJunkaZord. Goldar: It is time for your doom! Goldar and Scorpina run after MegaJunkaZord, who gets on the offensive and elbows Goldar and promptly raise its leg underneath Scorpina's crotch and then knocks them aside. Scorpina: You'll pay for that! Here, MegaJunkaZord, have a whiff of these burritos! Yummy, aren't they!? Jason: Man, what is that Scorpina's got there? Zack: It looks delicious. Trini: I don't know. Kimberly: Why should we go by your sense of what's delicious, Trini? You served us turkey dung. Billy: A multi-phased ex-lax pill bomb should over-load the burritos of destruction. Jason: And just how did you know that? Billy: It was in the script. I had no idea as to what I was talking about, as always. Zack: Now I feel better. NOT! Kimberly: That's my line! Trini: Would all of you just shut up?? Scorpina is freezing up the controls because she's tempting the MegaJunkaZord! Jason: With her beauty? Kimberly pops Jason on the head. Jason: Oh! The food! Hey! I can't stop the MegaJunkaZord's feet. Billy: Affirmative. He's actually going to eat it! Trini: Jason! The Plastic Sword! Jason: Right! We need the Plastic Sword, NOW! Zack: Like it's going to do any good. Trini: Shut up. The MegaJunkaZord starts meat-cleavering the burritos of destruction into bite-size M & M's with the Plastic Sword. Scorpina: This is impossible! Jason: All right, guys! Let's make a good attempt at trying to destroy these two! Goldar: Fat chance, twerps! You have not seen the last of Goldar. Scorpina: Or Scorpina! Scorpina and Goldar vanish. A `going-up' close-up of MegaJunkaZord is seen while the end of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Theme Song is heard. SCENE XV: Rita's palace... Rita: You fool! I thought I could trust you, Baboo. All those burritos turned out to be was a really, really spicy kind of Trini's dad's bars! Baboo: But how was I to know?? It was Finster's letter. Rita: That reminds me, where could he go? He has to be hiding some place [PULL OUT OF THE PALACE EXTERIOR] and when I find you in here, YOU'RE GOING TO PAY! SCENE XVI: Jeremy is boasting and jumping up and down over being one of the thousands to see the Pathetic Rangers in Ernie's Junk Food Bar. The five rangers are sitting at a table with drinks on the table. Jeremy: ...then they jumped into this HUGE robot and diced up those tree-log sized Burritos. Billy: Sounds like you had a great time. Jeremy: You're telling me! Then the cute pink girl teamed up with that huge Yellow dude and... Trini: Excuse me? Jeremy: The Yellow guy. Trini: Hey, for your information... Billy: Uhhh, the Yellow guy is considering a sex-change! All: Huh!? Jason: I gotta go. Jeremy: Wait! I forgot to tell you, you... I mean, Red Rash Ranger was the COOLEST! Jason face blushes with egotistical gratification and returns to his seat. Jason: Continue. Jeremy: I just said he was the coolest. Jason: Ugh! Get outta here! Jeremy: That reminds me. Where were you all that time, Jason? Jason: Nona-yo biz-ness. THE END (C) 1993 Artist Bros. Enterprises (*) The "Go, Go, Power Rangers!" T.V. Guide for the week of July 9, 1994 (published in the united states by News America) was Issue number 2154, Vol. 42, No. 28. Power Rangers is copyright Saban Entertainment, Inc. and Saban International, N.V. and is the author of that motion picture for the purposes of the Berne Convention. NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... After Kimberly had a good time the previous night with Billy, who climbed out of window, the camera was bounced around a bit and somebody yanked, with a string, her mirror onto the floor making it crack... Kimberly: Bye. Aaaaaagh! SEVEN YEARS BAD LUCK!! UGH!! ...Squatt was spying on Kimberly at this time and relayed to Rita that she's not doing so swell and that she's going to make things twenty-four times worse... Finster: Oh dear, I knew it was too good to be true. This is Samurai Wigwam. He keeps things in his Indian Tippi and destroys them with water to have the thing go into another dimension. Rita: Where'd he get the Tippis? Finster: I made those is craft class, see my diploma? Rita grabs his diploma and tears it up. Rita: I DON'T CARE! MAKE THE MONSTER! Finster: All right. Can Kimberly overcome her amount of bad luck? Will Tommy do anything but let the others play with his toys? Will Bulk & Skull finally get their walking papers which they've got comin' to them? Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!