Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "The Green Popsicle, Part I" Parody of, "The Green Candle, Part I" SCENE I: Zack and Tommy are dwindling their time away practicing karate (that they happen to already had perfected). Zack: Okay, Tommy. Remember your moves. Tommy: Oh yeah. Sure sure. Zack and Tommy begin karate workout. Zack (while kicking with Tommy): So, who are you going to ask to the dance? Tommy: I already know the perfect hotty. I'm just too scared to ask her out. Tommy starts daydreaming with his tongue out seeing him in a bed with Kimberly. Zack: Yo dude, snap out of it. Tommy: Why? Zack: Because the crotch of your pants is really huge, and it's startin' to repulse me. Tommy: Oh yeah. Let's do this ummmm... this, uhh... kick, um, thing. Zack kicks Tommy and keeps going and Tommy isn't defending himself because he's looking dopey thinking about Kimberly. Zack: Yo dude, let's see how I can put this lightly. Tommy: Yes? Zack: You stink! The sooner you ask out wide-lips the quicker... Tommy begins kicking Zack ruthlessly fired up with anger. Tommy: Don't-chu call my babe "wide-lips." Zack: With that mouth she once nearly sucked up Jason's underwear. Well, just ask her out, you just might luck up. Tommy: If you're such an expert, let's see you in action. Zack: Fine. First you put the glasses on. Now, you put the suspenders on to get her really hot. After that, you get this pair of teeth. Zack has black suspenders on with Black outlined glasses, bucked-teeth sticking out his mouth with slicked hair. Billy walks passed Zack. Billy: Hey, stop making fun of me! Zack: Hey Sandwicha, whaddya think of my new look? Sandwicha: You're a total geek. Zack: BUT... I'm an attractive geek. Sandwicha: I'd rather go out with an ape. Tommy: You suck, Zack. I'm going to use my own brain for a change. Zack: Good luck. SCENE II: At Rita's palace... Rita: I want to mess something up! I hate happy disposition! Goldar: Baboo, your sugar attack is getting on my nerves! Baboo: I can't help myself. These popsicles are so yummy! Rita: That gives me an idea. Let's link Tommy's power to this popsicle. Goldar: Yes!! He shall suck it and it will start to melt his powers away if he refuses to work for you again! Finster: Don'tcha just love cruel ultimatums? Rita: YES! Then he can do my bidding and be my slave again, or lose his powers forever! Hahahaha! That's good! I'll send down the monster Toiletpapus. Squatt: All he does is have accidents and use himself to wipe himself up. Rita: Yes, gross and repulsive! Goldar: He also impersonates as several things. Except... Rita: Except what? Goldar: Except you know it's him because there's always something hanging from his behind. Rita: The same goes for Tribladdertops too! So shut up and do what I say. SCENE III: Tommy and Kimberly are taking a slow stroll down the Angel Grave Park on a sunny day while Kimberly is fussing and fuming. Kimberly: MEN! I hate men! They go around asking me to go out with them and buy THEM lunch, and then they slosh their grossly disgusted lips to my perfect pucker and ask the "bitch" to screw them! I am fed up! The next man who gets up in my face is gonna get the finger and a double-side kick in the upper jaw! Something you wanted to say to me, Tommy? Tommy: Umm [trickling sweat down his face], ummm, I umm just thought that umm... Kimberly: Well spit it out! You can ask me _anything_! Tommy: (Sigh) Well, okay... Here goes... Do you shave your pubic hair? Kimberly stares blankly at Tommy with her mouth open then suddenly closes it and closes her eyes. Kimberly: (Gulp) No... AB Writer: Hahahahahaha! Kimberly: Hey, what's so damn funny? AB Writer: You walked into that one. Kimberly: You don't regard MMPA ratings, do you? Because if you hadn't noticed, this is a kid's show, and we do not ask things like if someone shaves their pubic hair! AB Writer: That's never stopped you from cursing before. Tommy: Big deal! Thanks to you and your petty pranks, I'll never know if Kimberly is now even willing to go with me to the dance! AB Writer: Well? Are ya? Kimberly: Hmm... Well... Muddies flip out of no where and goad Kimberly and Tommy into a fight. Kimberly: Oh no! Muddies. They start fighting the Muddies, who entrap Kimberly and grab her morpher. Goldar: No, you dirtbrains! We want to get Green Vomit Ranger! Not Kimberly! Muddies start picking at Kimberly's clothes examining her bodily functions. Kimberly: Hey let me go, you mud brain-heads! Goldar: Let her go or I'll tear you apart! The Muddies drop Kimberly and then grab Tommy. Tommy's struggling. Tommy: Let me go, or I'll call the police! Goldar: Huh? Tommy: Okay, okay. Pick me up. Goldar abducts Tommy and they both warp out of this dimension and Kimberly is dropped onto the ground. Kimberly: Tommy!!!! Tommy is in Goldar's playpin PlayHouse. Tommy (Overacting): Why am I here? Why do I even exist? Goldar: I don't know. Maybe your parents made a mistake. Anyway, I know why you're HERE. A box appears in Goldar's hands with the specially marked labeling, "Magic Pops, Specifically Mass Produced to drain Green Ranger's Power..." Goldar takes out one of the pops, removes the paper saying, "Magic Pop" and shoves (really fast) the green popsicle in Tommy's mouth. Tommy: Ew yuck! This tastes like Axle Grease! Goldar: Everything about me and my clan is gross, what did you expect? Tommy: What was that for? Goldar: DAH HAHAHA!! Rita's linked your stupid powers to a popsicle and your spit has set off the popsicle's power. Once it melts away, so will your powers! Pretty slick, huh? You see, if you do not do exactly what Rita tells you to do, your powers will be smashed into dust! You'll be finished! Washed-up! Old toilet-paper! Baahahahaha! Tommy (Sounding hysterical): She'll never have it! She won't take me! It won't work! She's never going to have it! You can't take me... Goldar: Oh shut up. You're a dead duck. I have some business to take care of. Tommy: Now what? Goldar: I'm going to hurt your puny little pathetic friends badly with a monster that shall remain nameless. Tommy: Tell me his name, you fiend. Goldar: You'll have to surrender to Rita first! Tommy: Hey, I'm not that cheap. Goldar: That's fine with me. And so you don't get away... Tommy: What's the point in tying me up, when you've already got my saliva to mix with that metal-oil flavored popsicle of yours? Goldar: I want to have fun seeing you squirm and squid like some kind of bumblebee. Tommy: This is SO stupid. Goldar: Hey, I didn't write this parody. I'm outta here. SCENE IV: In Ernie's Junk Food Bar... Billy: Finally! Us important rangers get a scene. Well, is Tommy gone? Kimberly: Yeah, he's gone. Jason: This doesn't make any sense. You're running around with a geek when you could have Tommy. Kimberly: I only like Tommy for the show simply to satisfy everyone's belief that two good looking people actually like each other. I love Billy. Billy: Gee, thanks. Jason: I just ate a big breakfast, you're going to make me lose it. Billy: Can you not see the affirmative fact that love is in the atmosphere? Trini: Air. Jason: You mean, stinky cologne is in the air. I'm outta here. Suddenly, the rangers bunch up into the hall again. Jason taps his communicator. Jason: Yeah, Zordon? Zordon: How did you know I was going to beep you? Jason: Because us five out of forty-three customers have bunched up together in the hall. Zordon: You take all the fun out of everything. Well come along. The rangers teleport for the command center--except Jason's color becomes pink; Zack's becomes Blue; Trini's becomes Black; Kimberly's becomes Red and Billy's becomes Yellow. And Billy's in a skirt, Kimberly's in huge boxer shorts, Zack's in overalls and glasses, Trini's in an odd sweater, and Jason's in tight lycra spandex bike pants and a dress. Jason: Ewww! Billy: Huh? Kimberly: Oh, gross. Trini: What the...? Zordon: You fools, you teleported wrong again! Jason: Let's try it again. They teleport correctly. Jason: Better. Now what's up, Zordy? Zordon: I take offense. Zack grabs (from no where) a wooden fence and stands before it. Zack: All right -- take it, but that's all we have. Zordon: You are starting to annoy me. If you don't stop, I'll take your powers away! Jason: All right, EVERYBODY SHUT UP! What is it, Zordon? Zordon: Tommy's being kept in Goldar's dark dimension and is being forced to watch the same episode of "House of Buggin'" over and over again. Kimberly: That's terrible. Billy: No it isn't, now I don't have competition and have you all to myself. Zack: You only can think about yourself, huh? Billy: No, I think about my schoolwork too. Zack: Ugh. Anyway, why is he there? Zordon: Beats me. Alpha: Zordon has apparently suffered yet again a sudden shortage of brain retention. Goldar stuck a yucky popsicle in Tommy's mouth and was able to connect his power with it and it's melting away Tommy's power. Billy: Who cares if he loses his power? All he does is blow into a flute. Alpha: Listen, space-punks, we have to carry on with this farce like we actually care about Tommy or we'll lose ratings and be forced to dwindle down to falling anvils on Goldar. Zack: How'd we get in this line of work? Oh well. What do we do? Zordon: First, get a good haircut. Second, destroy the monster in the viewing globe. Alpha: Oops. Zordon: Ooops what? Alpha: I accidentally fast-forwarded the videotape. Zordon: You bumbling fool! I aughta give you to Billy for disassembling. But since I'm dead and just a fish head, you have to run me. Alpha: You see, I have the power to shut you down and have you taking a trip to Pluto--permanently. So be nice. Zordon: Well, throw on a rerun temporarily while we rewind the tape. ========== (From "The DoodyStar") Rita: Ah, the weenie brats have it! We have to get it out of that pint-size living re-incarnation of the Beaver! Baboo: But how? Rita: DOODYSTAR! Scorpina: Not him! His blocked up doody smells so bad, no nose-clip in the world can repel it! Rita: Yes, he's gross and nasty. SEND HIM DOWN! Goldar: What do I do? Rita: Scorpina, Goldar; ATTACK! While Jason and Jeremy are examining the map, the muddies cluster out of no where. Jason: Stay where you are, Jeremy. Jeremy moves closer to a Muddie. Jason: I said stay where you are. Jeremy moves closer to the Muddie. Afterwards, the Muddie strikes Jeremy. Jason: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO PARK IT! Jeremy: Sorry, Jason. UGH! Help, [punch] I'm in pain [smack!]... great pain. Jason fights off the Muddies until they vanish. Jeremy: That was kooo-ool! Jason: YOU weren't much help, weenie-toad. Jeremy: Sorry, dude. DoodyStar appears out of no where. Jeremy: Man, what's that stench? Jason: Whoa, something really is smelly. Jeremy: Could it be the new flavor of Trini's candy bars? Jason: Maybe. If it is, I better tell her dad to cut it out! ========== Back to this parody. Zordon: Okay, stop the tape. There's the monster. He's Toiletpapus. He's made of toilet paper and can transform into anything else. Jason: Man, what's BarneyZord doing? Zordon: That's not him. Notice his behind. Jason: Something gray and gooey is oozing from his behind. Zordon: He has accidents, and he always wipes himself up and that's when he transforms back to his real self. Zack: Man, this is the dumbest plot I've ever seen in my life! Trini: Yeah. Rita could have at least made a monster worth a fight. Jason: What about Tommy? Zordon: What about him? Jason: Forget it. IT'S MORPHIN TIME! Zack: Majormess Kimberly: Pterodorky Billy: Tribladdertops Trini: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat Jason: Trashosaurus SCENE VI: Meanwhile, Tommy is still watching "House of Buggin'" in Goldar's Playroom. Latino Guy (quietly): My underwear is made of balogna! [Laugh Track]. Goldar: I'm ba-ack. Tommy: Finally. This boring bombast could kill ya. Where have you been, drumhead? Goldar: I got a quick pizza. Want some? Tommy: Yeah, sure. Goldar: Great. I got the new kind: stuffed crust pizza--eat crust first. Tommy bites off the crust first on the pizza and his mouth fills with pure baked bread and he spits it out. Tommy: Hey! There's no cheese in this! Goldar: Gee, I forgot. Oh well. Anyway, you're fun, let's play "Mister Potato Head." Tommy: Huh? Goldar: "Old Maid?" Tommy: Huh? Goldar: "Sorry?" Tommy: Get a life. Gimme that! Tommy grabs Goldar's sword and fizzes him and Goldar back to Angel Grave Park. Goldar: Huh? NO! Tommy: I'm free, and outta here! Oh, and one more thing; brush your teeth. Tommy: BarneyZord Goldar: DAHHAHAHAHA! Somehow you escaped! But you can't escape from the fact that soon you'll be a nothing! A nobody! A whimp! A loser! Baahahahaa! AB Writers: Enough already! SCENE VII: The Rangers are in an already-in-progress duke-out with the already grown Toiletpapus, whose succeeded in thoroughly confusing the rangers by constantly changing into their MegaJunkaZord. Jason: All right! It's Tommy! We need help! Tommy: How'd you get into MegaJunkaZord without the old stock footage? Jason: This parody is getting too long. Tommy: It is?? Jason: I wanted to get this over with. Tommy: All right. Time for some BarneyZord power! Tommy performs "Yankee Doodle Dandy" on his Barney Flute and BarneyZord emerges from the coast and readies for battle. Toiletpapus gets BarneyZord a major beating (taking advantage of Tommy's power-draining). Tommy: Aw man! I'm weakening already! I'm like a sieve and he's like a bottle of water! SCENE VIII: Rita's Palace... Baboo: Your plan is ingenious, my queen. Rita: Thank you. Baboo: I just have one minor little question. Rita: Uhhhh! Baboo: If you had made such a good plan, why didn't you do this with the rest of the rangers instead of making separate plans? Rita: You dare question the queen?!?! Baboo: I just remembered, I hear my beeper. BYE! SCENE IX: Jason: Hey look! Toiletpapus is turning back into himself! Tommy: Tear him apart, Jase'! Jason: Right! AHhhhh!! Pterodorky and Trashosaurus separate from MegaJunkaZord and the remaining merges with BarneyZord to form MegaBarneyZord. MegaBarneyZord swings around and around on its Barney staff and swings leg kicks at Toiletpapus and gets him off his feet and causes him to have a colossal excrement accident and he must retreat. ---------- Rita: UHH!!! I AM SO ANGRY! Baboo: But what about Tommy? You still are gonna strip him of his powers. Rita: Yes! My headache has shrunken to a mild one. SCENE X: All six rangers teleport into the command center. Jason: That was cool. Kimberly: Yeah, but what about Tommy? Tommy: Yeah, my powers are gonna be gone soon. Trini: Don't worry, Rita's telling the truth. You are going to be a patheti-CK bum. Zordon: Fortunately, Trini is right. Your powers have been linked to the sucker, therefore, your powers are likely to decease. Tommy: So my powers will be gone. I'll be history. I'll get the big hasta; the big boomy, I'll be... As the camera zooms in, it hits him in the face. Tommy: OW! Jason: Someone had to stop your bad case of overacting. TO BE CONTINUED... (C) 1994 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... With the saliva of Tommy's melting away at the Green Popsicle that Rita has used to drain Tommy's powers, the other Rangers toss together some scheme to get to the candle... Billy: Well I have some doo-hickey here that's attatched to this thing-a-ma-bob that activates this what-cha-ma-call-its that re-enters the doodly-whacker, with this oodly-bang. Jason: Huh? ...while Toiletpapus is still wreaking havoc in Angel Grave... Will Tommy get to keep his powers? Will Kimberly say `yes' to Tommy asking her out to the dance? Do you really want to know? Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!