Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "The Green Popsicle, Part II" Parody of, "The Green Candle, Part II" LAST TIME ON PATHETIC RANGERS... Rita gets in a bad mood because the weather in Angel Grave is great... Goldar: Baboo, your sugar attack is getting on my nerves! Baboo: I can't help myself. These popsicles are so yummy! Rita: That gives me an idea. Let's link Tommy's power to this popsicle. Goldar: Yes!! He shall suck it and it will start to melt his powers away if he refuses to work for you again! Finster: Don'tcha just love cruel ultimatums? Rita: YES! Then he can do my bidding and be my slave again, or lose his powers forever! Hahahaha! That's good! I'll send down the monster Toiletpapus. ...But Tommy, who has a crush on Kimberly, doesn't realize that she's been running around with Billy... Kimberly: MEN! I hate men! They go around asking me to go out with them and buy THEM lunch, and then they slosh their grossly disgusted lips to my perfect pucker and ask the "bitch" to give them a kissie! I am fed up! The next man who gets up in my face is gonna get the finger and a double-side kick in the upper jaw! Something you wanted to say to me, Tommy? Tommy: Umm [trickling sweat down his face], ummm, I umm just thought that umm... Kimberly: Well spit it out! Tommy: Do you wanna go to the... Muddies flip out of no where and goad Kimberly and Tommy into a fight. Kimberly: Oh no! Muddies. ...But Rita has other plans for Tommy, and no; she doesn't want to date him. Tommy is sent to Rita's Dimensional Prison specifically described as "Goldar's Playroom" with a cantankerous Goldar! Tommy (Overacting): Why am I here? Why do I even exist? Goldar: DAH HAHAHA!! Rita's linked your stupid powers to a popsicle and your spit has set off the popsicle's power. Once it melts away, so will your powers! Pretty slick, huh? You see, if you do not do exactly what Rita tells you to do, your powers will be smashed into dust! You'll be finished! Washed-up! Old toilet-paper! Baahahahaha! Will Tommy be able to save his powers and remain Zordon's slave? Will he change his morphing title to DragonFly? Are you sick and tired of my babbling? Find out in todays episode of Pathetic Rangers! SCENE I: In the command center... Tommy is sitting on the control panels, worried. Tommy: ...so this truely is... Jason: Knock it off already! Billy: I'm getting quite bored with you, anyway. Trini: All you do is blow a flute. Tommy: Yeah; some good it does me joining the goody-two shoes group. When I was evil and stinky, I ACTUALLY fought! Billy: Well, how much will you writers up there pay us if we at least try to save Tommy's scrawny little neck? AB Writers: It's not that scrawny, and you'll get a raise to 10 bucks. Jason: All right! More money! Okay, we'll save ya. I think. Tommy: What do you mean you think? Jason: Di, ah, ya umm, sure, yeah, yeah, we'll save ya. Kimberly: Yeah, you can always count on friends. All of the rangers' fingers, except Kimberly's, are behind their backs crossed. Kimberly has her fingers crossed in front of her. Trini: You're supposed to do it _behind_ your back! Kimberly: Oh. That did make more sense. Trini: Augh! Tommy: You guys look mighty suspicious. Alpha: I like you. Tommy (sarcastically): Oh, be liked by swap meet material, I feel real good now. Billy: Well I have some doo-hickey here that's attatched to this thing-a-ma-bob that activates this what-cha-ma-call-its that re-enters the doodly-whacker, with this oodly-bang. Jason: Huh? Billy: Okay, okay, so this is the "Get-Along Gang" chemistry set that my mom gave me for my 2nd birthday, okay? Trini: We don't NEED a stupid chemistry set! Billy: Well, it's made with chemicals. Its purpose is to allow any one of us to go into Rita's dimension. If Jason steps inside the wormhole attatched to these generic sticks, he'll fuse into Goldar's Playroom and get a chance to retrieve the popsicle. Jason: Boy is it gonna be slimey. Trini: This is a pretty cool device for whenever we want to invade Rita's privacy like she does us everyday. Billy: See, that's the catch. This thing is good for only this episode. Kimberly: Then it's pretty worthless then. Billy: Shut up! What do you know? Tommy: You expect to do something with that recycled garbage? Billy: Hey, we're trying our best. Jason: Okay. Tommy: Why don't you morph before you... Jason: Don't worry, we know what we're doing. Tommy: Good luck, my friends, I think. The gang teleport out of the command center ready to execute their rescue mission. Zordon: Hey, where'd everybody go?? Why didn't anybody wake me? Alpha: We didn't see the need in... Zordon: I've heard enough. What happened to everybody? Alpha: The Rangers teleported away to save Tommy's powers. Zordon: ALL of them?? Alpha: Yeah. Why? Zordon: Those idiots! Trini and Billy could have used those toothpick things to get Jason in Goldar's Playroom to get the popsicle (and Jason could have at least MORPHED first), while Kimberly and Zack, with the help of Tommy, could have fought off that monster. Alpha: What monster? Zordon: I believe I explained who he was in Part one. Alpha: You keep forgetting, my retention systems are faulty. Tommy: Man, first it's Zordon--now you? Zordon: Well, I'll have to re-explain. Observe the viewing globe. Alpha: Is that all you can say? Zordon: Anyway, that monster is at it again. Now he's disguised as MegaBarneyZord. Alpha: Oh no! Summon Tommy! Tommy: I'm right here, stupid. Alpha: Oh, right. Tommy: And if you had anything in that tin-can you call a head, you'd know I'm suppose to lose my powers in this episode. Alpha: Thanks a lot for blabbing the plot, you snitch! SCENE II: Billy sets up two tall sticks that have this weird and colorful circle in the middle that is suppose to take Jason into Goldar's Dimension. Billy sets it up in Angel Grave Park. Billy: Okay, now jump in there, Jase'. Jason: Okay. Jason walks between the tall, life-size tooth-picks and into Goldar's Dark-Dimension. Goldar: HAHAHAHA! BACK FOR MORE... HUH? Jason, I thought I had reemed you out! Let's play "Old Maid!" Jason: The last time we did that, you painted every one of my cards to be the Old Maid. I want the popsicle! Goldar: You can't eat that! You'll explode! Jason: I don't want to eat it. Afterall, I don't eat stuff that has someone else's spit slowly dwindling into a gooey glob that's trickling down the popsicle. Goldar: Why don't you shove off or try my other 5 flavors of "Magic Pops?" Goldar throws up five boxes. Box Number 1--Magic Pops, Specifically Mass Produced to Reduce Red Ranger's Power, Box Number 2--Magic Pops, Specifically Mass Produced to reduce Blue Ranger's Power, Box number 3--Specifically Mass Produced to Reduce Yellow Ranger's Power, Box number 4--Specifically Mass Produced to Reduce Pink Ranger's Power, Box number 5--Specifically Mass Produced to Reduce Black Ranger's Power. Jason: Where'd you find this stuff? Goldar: At the grocery store. Now what do you want? Jason: I want the sucker, Pizzabreath! Goldar: Come and get it, if you can! Goldar (in a manner of 5 seconds) assembles brass knuckles, a steel shield and two sharp swords. Jason goes after him trying to fight him and Goldar taps Jason aside like a pea on a plate. Jason: Augh! Goldar: You miserable little nerd! You know full well your 156 pound body can't withstand 16 tons of pure mass destruction! Jason: I want the pop! Goldar: No you don't. If you did, you'd morph, dummy. Jason: I can take you without my costume! Goldar: You never did in "Green With Vomit, Part II" and you won't take me now! Goldar charges after Jason when we cut the shot. ---------- Meanwhile, outside Goldar's dimension in Angel Grave Park... Kimberly: He's been in there too long. Someone get him out. Zack: I will. Trini: How? Billy: With these, stupid. Trini: Oh. Zack: Anything to not have to put up with Trini's stupidity, reduced bra size and phony face. Trini: I'm going to talk to my lawyer about you, Zack. You may not know this, toad doody, but technically your insults can be used as a charge of sexual harassment. Billy: Everything, when males are involved, are these days. The Toothpick Decoders are ready. Zack: Okay. Zack fades into the next set--Goldar's Dark Dimension Playroom. Jason: Zack, what are you doing here? Zack: Tommy is getting banged up in some battle scene. We need you. Jason: What battle? The writers hadn't even wrote it yet. Goldar: I have a suggestion. Zack: What? Goldar: Zack morphs and plays around with me while Jason morphs to Tommy and helps save him. But nobody will listen to me. Jason: Exactly. Later, Goldy. Goldar: Don't ever call me that ag... Jason and Zack already left... Goldar: Oh great! SCENE III: Jason and Zack "slide" out of Goldar's dimension. Zack: You tried your best. Billy: He did? According to my egg timer, Jason stayed in the ring all of a minute and a half. Jason: Oh well. Too little, too late. Now let's do it, guys! It's morphin time! Trini: Wait, you gotta put a little bit of "cry-baby" into it to appear that you feel sorry for Tommy. Jason: All right. [Forced cracking voice] It's morphin time. Zack: Majormess Kimberly: Pterodorky Billy: Tribladdertops Trini: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat Jason: Trashosaurus MegaJunkaZord instantly teleports to the battle and the Rangers happen to be already inside. Zack: Cool. Jason: All right, let's get him. YEAH! MegaJunkaZord right then and there gets knocked backwards. Tommy (inside BarneyZord): Some job you guys do. At this rate, we'll never finish this parody. Jason: We need more power... Billy: You always do. Jason: We need the Plastic Sword. MegaJunkaZord catches the Plastic Sword and start brisking it aside the monster's face. Toiletpapus: You'll never get me! And isn't if funny how this is my first line in this entire parody? Jason: That's because it isn't your episode. Toiletpapus: Beat this! Toiletpapus changes into Trashosaurus, BarneyZord, MegaBarneyZord... Jason: Aw man! He's confusing us! Zack: No mercy, Jase'. Jason: MegaBarneyJunkaZord, Power Up! BarneyZord opens up and MegaJunkaZord jumps inside. Jason: We call on the power of Titanic and the UltraJunkaZord! Titanic rolls through the woodworks and MegaBarneyJunkaZord jumps inside and forms the UltraJunkaZord. All: Armed out and fire when ready! Titanic shoots lasers at Toiletpapus and he blows up as rolls and rolls of toilet paper just come unraveling all over the ground. All: All right, yeah! Jason: Okay, now let's get back in there and get that popsicle! They all teleport to the Command Center... Jason: I'm going back... Zack: Yeah, me too. Kimberly: I'm all with ya! Zordon: I wish you had've been more interested in going back to the Popsicle earlier, because all there's left is a stick! Tommy's green costume begins to glow a very, very, very bright green. Tommy gets very weak and nearly collapses and all the morphed rangers catch him. Kimberly: Oh my god! Zordon, is he dead? Zordon: Maybe. Billy: Oh well. Tommy: Hey. I'm still alive. Just O.D.'ing on the melodramatics. Tommy's costume finally vanishes--except Tommy is left wearing nothing. Tommy immediately covers his crotch with his hands. Tommy: Dee hee!! Oh my gosh! Where're my clothes? Alpha: Oops, they got trashed with your powers. Of course, that doesn't make sense, but it doesn't matter since you're an unimportant slug of a human being. Trini: Nice buns, Tommy. Tommy: Urrr!! I'll get you guys for this. "Oh you can count on us, Tommy." Yeah right, later guys; I'm outta here. Tommy storms out of the command center and tosses his empty morpher out onto the floor behind him. Unseen, the sound of several electrocution noises is heard as Tommy's suit demolecularizes and he's left in his smoking clothes. The other rangers are looking shocked and dumbfounded. Suddenly, when Tommy leaves, the rangers start busting out laughing. Tommy (unseen): I can still hear you from out side the command center. All Rangers: Doogh! SCENE IV: Out in Angel Grave Park, Kimberly walks up to Tommy while he's venting his frustrations outdoors practicing karate. Kimberly: Hi. Tommy: Hey. Kimberly: How've you been? Tommy: I've been hangin'... from a tree. Trying to keep busy, ya know. Thinking about how my check bounced at last week's visit to my therapist. Kimberly: Yeah, okay; well... Tommy: You don't exactly lose your powers and get over it that easily. Kimberly: Right. Now what I wanted to... Tommy: If it wasn't for that dummy... Kimberly: Are you going to let me talk or what? Tommy: Sorry. Kimberly: Good, now is there something you wanted to ask me? Tommy: Yeah, but I forgot. Kimberly: Maybe this'll help you remember. Kimberly removes her top. Tommy: No, I still can't place it. Kimberly: What is it with you and Jason? You don't see anything?! Tommy: Oh right, you wanna boogie and hustle with me tonight at the dance? Kimberly: Well. . . . . . Tommy: Well, aren't ya?!?!?! Kimberly: Sure! I didn't want to make it too easy for you. Tommy: AFTER EVERYTHING THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH?!?! I should have half a mind to not tell everybody who you idiots really are, since I'm not a ranger no more! Kimberly: Okay, okay! I'll go! Tommy: Okay then! Tommy lifts Kimberly in the air and grabs hold of her bosoms. Kimberly: Hey, watch it! Tommy: Aw come on, you know every guy in Angel Grave has touched them. Kimberly bends down and grabs a piece of cotton and starts stuffing her bra. Tommy: You mean, you only have big boobs because you're stuffed? Kimberly: You tell anyone, and I cut your beautiful hair. Tommy: Ready now? Tommy grabs hold of Kimberly's waist and raises her in the air. Tommy and Kimberly: Whoo whooo hoo! Kimberly: Whoo, hoo... aaaaaaaaggh!! Tommy accidentally drops Kimberly and she goes flying into a puddle of mud. Tommy: Sorry if I ruined your new dress. Kimberly: Auugh!! Well, bye now... Tommy: Yeah, later... THE END Jason: Wait!! It's not over yet!!! AB Writers: Huh? Jason: You forgot to write in that I took Tommy's powers! AB Writers: Oh yeah. [short pause] Done. Jason: Better! THE END, again. (C) 1994 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... Rita decides to create an ORIGINAL plot; but makes Finster to whip up TwinTwirp to turn four otherwise idiotic muddies into fast-thinking, bad attitude Rangers, who are led by Scorpina... Goldar: Scorpina will lead the Muddies as they become the Pathetic Rangers' evil doubles! Hahahaha. And since there isn't a side plot, all I have left to say is Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers! AB Writers: Find out what!?! Announcer: How should I KNOW?! GET OFF MY BACK!