Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "Foolsday, Part I" Parody of, "Doomsday, Part I" SCENE I: All of the Rangers are walking in unison down the Angel Grave High school hall with Kimberly in front holding, and reading a newspaper to Jason, Zack, Trini and Billy. Kimberly: ...and because the Rangers are so funny, they've decided to name today: Pathetic Rangers' day...? Jason: That isn't right. Zack: Yeah. What happened to the praise? Trini: ...and the free money? Billy: Yeah?! Jason: Read on... Kimberly: Well, the Mayor says they want the Rangers to put on a show at the Angel Grave Park. Zack: Not me, I'm not going to go out there looking like a fool. Billy: Too late for that. Zack makes a sneering face. Jason: And if we don't show? Kimberly: Well, then there will be hundreds of disappointed fans chasing us down the street. Jason: Coool! SCENE II: At Rita's palace... Rita: Maybe we should join in the festivities too. Baboo: Should I bring my bikini? Goldar: We're not going on a social visit, you nerd! We're going to mess things up a little. Rita: No! We're going to mess things up a lot! I'm going to call upon your WarZord Cementus. With its pavement blocks for feet, MegaJunkaZord doesn't stand a chance. I will call upon Loco to increase my powers. Deem-Dom-Shemo! Dom DeLouise! Bring forth Cementus! SCENE III: At Angel Grave park... Thousands of dollars worth of P.A. equipment is set up on a stage just so the Pathetic Rangers can say a few words. Behind the stage is a giant, blown up picture of the Pathetic Rangers readying to fire their Mega-Spitter in unison. The stage (which appears to have taken two to three days to create but was made with 6 hours) is at Angel Grave park where droves upon droves of people are standing around chattering about nothing while Jason and Zack are wandering/roaming around the park. Zack: I can't believe that everybody here came to see us. Jason: Yeah. Too bad Zordon wont let me tell everybody I'm the Red Ranger. Zack: Ahh, modesty at its finest. Jason: I don't think everyone's here to see us. Zack: They aren't? Jason: Nah. Looks to me like they're watching that porno flick being screened up on the stage. Sandwicha is walking by and Zack spots her. Zack: Hey, there's Sandwicha. Sandwicha, I'm serious, let's go out. Tonight--I'm serious. Sandwicha: If you were a Pathetic Ranger, I'd give it a thought {pause}... Maybe not. Zack: By the way, where'd you get such a stupid name like Sandwicha? Sandwicha: It was gonna be Quesidilla, but we went to Burger King just when I was about to be born. Zack: Burger King? Sandwicha: Don't ask me, the writers made it up. My real name is Angelica Twistalot. Zack: Just give me one little kiss, huh? Sandwicha: I'd rather kiss a hippo in a mud bath. Jason: Glad to know you're appreciated. Zack: Speaking of which, don't you think it's about time to morph into costume? Jason: Not so fast, flying torpedo; the longer we wait the more of a chance we stand for not getting found out and getting our power stripped. Zack: Yeah, it's not like it's possible to brain-drain a park full of people. Jason: Speaking of drained brains, where're the girls? Zack: And Billy? Jason: That's just what I said. They were suppose to meet us here. Trini: I can't believe everybody is here to see the Pathetic Rangers! Billy: They are? Kimberly (wearing her usual pink spandex) is up on stage stripping while guys are hooting and throwing money up on the stage. Trini runs up to the stage. Trini: What do you think you're doing? Kimberly: This IS free enterprise, isn't it? Trini: I don't think THAT'S what they're here for. Kimberly: They aren't? Trini: You're just a dog. Kimberly: And you're just a dude when morphed. {Shake, Shake}. Trini catches Billy throwing money up on the stage. Trini: Billy! Zack: Where've you been, Jason? Jason: Well, ummm, I guess what I did has something to do with this kid wanting to buy twenty jugs of apple juice. Boy: That red guy poured beef fat in my mouth. Yeek! Zack: Why did you pour beef fat in his mouth? Jason: He was pulling at my morpher. Zack: And? Jason: He was going to dump it down the pool, 'kay? Zack: You made that up, didn't you? Jason: Hey look at the weather up there. People all over the park start disappearing and the rangers are all by themselves. Kimberly: Hey, somebody stole my customers! Billy: I'll be your customer! Trini: That's odd, everything vanished but Mr. Capbutt's rug. Jason: That thing is attatched to him about as much as a tooth that's about to come out. Zack: Your comparisons elude me, Jas'. Jason taps his communicator. Jason: Zordon, this is Jason, the Red Ranger; what is the situation? Kimberly: Yeah. Somebody stole all my customers! Trini: They all just disappeared! Zordon: One at a time. ---------- Alpha: Zordon! The moon -- it's moving! Billy: Alpha, the moon can't move. Alpha: But Kimberly's can. Whoo-a-wee! Zordon: For once, Billy is right. Trini: Yeah, but everyone already knew her butt shakes. Zordon: No! About the moon's inability to move! It's Rita's Palace. She's coming to Earth to bring forth the devastating Cementus! Alpha: We haven't seen this menace in over ten thousand years. Zordon: Why is it always ten thousand years? Alpha: Because that's when you were born. Remember, we had special powers when we were 1 day old. Zordon: Yes, I could talk. Alpha: The day of the end, Aye Yi Yi. Zordon: Be quiet! Quickly, rangers, morph and activate MegaJunkaZord and defeat Cementus. Zack: Oh yeah, just like that. Jason: It's Morphin Time! Zack: Majormess Kimberly: Pterodorky Billy: Tribladdertops Trini: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat Jason: Trashosaurus SCENE IV: Jason: Okay, let's get busy! Trashosaurus Power! Zack: Caught stealing lines from Arsenio Hall again, huh? I call on the Majormess Zord. Billy: I summons Tribladdertops power... but not too close, please? Kimberly: Like, Pteroydorky, chill out and haul your buns over here and some junk! Trini: I call on the power of the semi-mighty Sabertoothed Alley-Cat! Jason: Let's do it, HIYA! Jason and the others jump into each of their zords. Jason: Rangers, logon! Zack: Zack! In the mood, and acting a stooge! Billy: This is Billy, I am a complete bore. Trini: Trini here, ready to rock! Kimberly: Let's kick some ass! Jason: Rangers, power up your loll... yeah, you know the drill. Kimberly: 4, 92, power up! MegaJunkaZord is fused together. Shortly after... Goldar: Ha ha ha! I'm going to rip you apart! Now how do you steer this thing? Goldar is poised in front of a mess of complicated controls on one very giant wall. Goldar: Hachi machi! Goldar pushes a button and gets Cementus to stomp around the creation and give MegaJunkaZord a couple of hard-hitting blows. Zack: We're losing power! Jase, Jase'? Jason is on top of Kimberly. Kimberly: Jason, we've gotta get up! Cementus is going to trash the city. Jason: I can't, my thing is stuck in your... Billy: Huh? Stop fooling with my chic!! Zack: I'm waiting. Goldar: I'm waiting. Trini: Look, Goldar's read the instruction manual and he's piloting Cementus. Billy: Looks like he's building a fence. Trini: That's because Cementus is made of cement. This is stupid. Zack: Nothing can be stupider than Kimberly's 10 inch brain. Jason: What's the situation? Billy: Well if you'd stop jackin' my babe, you'd know. Jason: Just tell me, huh? Goldar gives MegaJunkaZord gets a giant plow. Zack: Does that answer your question? Jason: Yes--we've been babbling too long. Zack: We haven't moved in five minutes. Kimberly: If you hadn't noticed, MegaJunkaZord looks like burnt toast from 1924. Billy: That's because we're decreasing confuciously to impulsively intensively the obscure... Zack grabs Billy's suit and shakes him really hard. Zack: SHUT UP ALREADY! We're losing time! Jason: Oh well, we've successfully wasted six minutes and 25 seconds. Time to play with Tommy's toys behind his back! Jason starts playing "Yankee Doodle Dandy" on the BarneyZord flute. Billy: Wait a minute! SCENE V: Billy unzips his costume and skips into a tuxedo. Billy: Good evening ladies and germs. Welcome to a rare... Jason: We've seen this crappy film 24 times. Billy: You're ruining my opening. In this rare footage, we show you how BarneyZord gets its voice. Here we see George Wendt eating popcorn 50 times. George Wendt commences overeating and ends up throwing up. The immense regurgitation sound resembles BarneyZord's fierce noise. George: EEELAAA!!!! Billy: This has been Billy... back to the program. SCENE VI: Jason: Well that was pointless. Trini: Jason, why hasn't anybody let me say something? Zack: 'Cause nobody can stand the sound of your voice. Since we've wasted 10 minutes of airtime and battle time... Goldar: Shut up, you fools and prepare to feel the breath of Rita Repulsive! Jason: I think it's time to get down to business. Zack steps out of costume into an overly leisured business suit with stock exchanges and diagrams behind him, rapping. Zack: Yo, what I'm trying to say is that Dow is withdrawing 30 shares, and I think this graph will plainly show it, yo! Jason: [Long pause] Annyway, we need MegaBarneyZord Power! They convert to MegaBarneyZord. Jason: Transformation Complete! Kimberly: Now what? Billy: Get off the floor and steer this thing! Kimberly: Oh right! Now what does this button do again? Trini: It starts the zord, remember? Kimberly: Oh oh, yeah, you mean like this? MegaBarneyZord punches Cementus' lights out. Goldar: Ouch! Don't think you'll get away with that without payback! Jason: That's the first good thing that has happened yet. How'd I do it? Billy: *I* DID IT, since all of you are nothing but a bunch of pre-historic emulations of humanoid fungus of the frontal lobe of the brain! Zordon: What's going on in there? Trini: How'd you get in here? Zordon: That's my old line, anyhow; I've seen enough!! TITANIC!! A big pile of recycled garbage trembles by (otherwise known as Titanic). UltraJunkaZord forms. Goldar: NO! Billy: Hey Goldteeth, we haven't even hit you yet. Goldar: As long as you'll take to do it, I'll temporarily give myself up for the sake of the plot going somewhere besides down the toilet. Billy: Okay. SCENE VII: Rita: I'm angry! I want to hurt someone! Squatt: Remember, I'm your favorite monster! Rita: No you're not! You're a sorry excuse for a bubble brained muscle beak! I want to mess with something! Baboo: How about my kumquat? Rita: I want to fool with Titanic! Teach those meddlesome creeps not to mess with my creations! Baboo: So that explains how the Titanic sank. Rita: Uhhh, you're making me angry, GO TO YOUR PAINROOMS AT ONCE! Baboo: Yes, sir! Rita: Uhhhh. TAKE THAT! A simulated Woody Allen appears out of no where courtesy Rita's witchcraft. Woody: Hi there. Ya know, I love people, people like me, they say I have such a wonderful personality. But I sometimes have doubts about myself because I act a little shy around people, particularly women. It all goes back to when I was a kid and went to reform school. I learned so many things. But then, coming home was a real blast because I was informed my little sister grew these huge lumps on their chests called breasts. Boy did that put me on an emotional roller coaster. It was like I saw my life right then and there. Well, to make a short story long, I figured that I would only be in touch with my inner self and stop avoiding people by... Titanic whimpers in extreme boredom and begins slipping and sinking down a sandy pit. Jason: Oh no, Woody yaked Titanic into total destruction! Zack: Well, what are you waiting for? Jason: Shh, I think I can hear my muscles telling me something. Billy hits Jason's arm. Billy: If you don't cut it out, I'm going to teleport to Des Moines to spend that well-deserved caribbean trip I've been longing for for five months. Jason: Okay, okay! Let's see, this doo-hickey does this and I say, we need more power and... MegaJunkaZord starts grabbing Titanic trying to pull him out of the pit but it fails. Trini: Titanic is gone! Now what? Billy: You shop for a new bra? Jason: We're DOOMED without Titanic. It's all over, we can never defeat another monster again now that he's gone! Billy: I hate exaggeraters. Zordon: This is unfortunate. This is a terribly important loss. It will be hard to defeat the monster without the... Kimberly: These were just junk side-kicks. We did just fine with a wooden sword and MegaJunkaZord. SCENE VIII: Rita is standing at a balcony on a building looking in on what's going on. Rita: Rangers, you will suffer! You will all suffer my wrath! Loco, reconstruct Cementus! Billy: We're already suffering her wrath by her horrible voice. Rita: I heard that! Loco (caveman like voice): Uh?! Rita: Fix Cementus. Loco (caveman like voice): Ug! Loco re-forms Cementus. Rita: Goldar, finish your job! Goldar: Yes! Billy: Now what? Jason: I dunno! SCENE IX: In the command center... Zordon: Rangers, you fools; I can't believe you wasted all that time! This is the worst you've done since you let Tommy join our clan! Jason: It wasn't my fault, Kimberly was tempting me! Billy: You'll get over it, Jason. Trini: What now? Cementus is stepping on everything! Alpha: Billy, analyze the Zords. Billy: The Zords took a major beating in our last confrontation. Zack: What does that mean? Alpha: Let me ask you something, Zack; what part of major beating, didn't ya understand? Zordon: You must let your Zords' batteries re-charge before using them again; because if your batteries die while you're out there, I'll need to get a new cast. Jason: So we just have to stay here? Zordon: I'm afraid so. Jason: Great! I can't believe I'm stuck here! TO BE CONTINUED... (C) 1994 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... Jason is stuck at the Command Center and the rangers are worried for their lives! Jason: This is gettin' to my brains... I can't believe we can't do anything. Kimberly: Yeah! Cement-feet will bash up Angel Grave! Jason: No, I mean I can't fight with nobody! Will the Zords stand up against this walking bridge? Can the rangers bring back the filthy, fat, sloppy, slouchy, defenseless, weasel-like people of Angel Grave? Can Billy reproduce a new Angel Grave population with Kimberly all himself? Will Trini ever wear a G-String? Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!