Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "Foolsday, Part II" Parody of, "Doomsday, Part II" SCENE I: LAST TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... The Mayor decided that the Rangers are so hilarious that for fun they've decided to name today Pathetic Rangers Comedy Express Day! Kimberly: ...and because the Rangers are so funny, they've decided to name today: Pathetic Rangers' day...? Jason: That isn't right. Zack: Yeah. What happened to the praise? Trini: ...and the free money? Billy: Yeah?! ...but Rita's stomach is going to turn at all the happy faces that will be seen when the rangers move an inch! Rita: No! We're going to mess things up a lot! I'm going to call upon your WarZord Cementus. With its pavement blocks for feet, MegaJunkaZord doesn't stand a chance. I will call upon Loco to increase my powers... ...and she traps Angel Grave citizens in her dimensional prisons! People all over the park start disappearing and the rangers are all by themselves. Kimberly: Hey, somebody stole my customers! Billy: I'll be your customer! Trini: That's odd, everything vanished but Mr. Capbutt's rug. Jason: That thing is attatched to him about as much as a tooth that's about to come out. Zack: Your comparisons elude me, Jas'. Jason taps his communicator. Jason: Zordon, this is Jason, the Red Ranger; what is the situation? Kimberly: Yeah. Somebody stole all my customers! Trini: They all just disappeared! Zordon: One at a time. Have the Rangers met there match? Will the citizens of Angel Grave remain alive long enough to know it? And do you really care? Find out on Pathetic Rangers, NEXT! SCENE I: The rangers are standing around (annoyed) in the command center. Jason: This is gettin' to my brains... I can't believe we can't do anything! Kimberly: Yeah! Cement-feet will bash up Angel Grave! Jason: No, I mean I can't fight with nobody! Billy: Yeah, the Zords took a major beating. Alpha: You just said that. Zack: Hey fishface, what are the chances of us succeeding? Zordon: You talkin' to me? Zack: Uh huh. Zordon: Well, Alpha; compute the facts. Alpha starts pushing buttons... Alpha: Minus four-hundred three. Jason: Okay, then we'll take 'em at half-power. Trini: Say what? Zordon: You must think my toys are made with ten feet of pure cast iron! NOBODY I have slave-driven... dah, I mean, had work for me has used the Zords before at half power. If you fail, you could be destroyed with the Zords! Billy: What could happen? Alpha: Nobody has tried it yet. Jason: Okay then. It's Morphin Time! Zack: Majormess Kimberly: Pterodorky Billy: Tribladdertops Trini: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat Jason: Trashosaurus MegaJunkaZord snaps together loosely and the Rangers are beamed inside. Jason: Okay, let's get crackin'! SCENE II: Rita: Back for more? Let's see what you've got. Goldar, get inside Cementus and step on that bug. Goldar: Yes, your... Nevermind. Goldar is beamed inside. Jason: Oh no, not metal-head again! We'll never make it with him controlling that monster! Zack: Yo, check out the size of that dude's feet! Kimberly: Look out for those wrist switchblades!! I think we're making a big mistake! Jason: I know what I'm doing... MegaJunkaZord's arm is sliced off. Billy (in a condescending voice): "I know what I'm doing." Stupid! Jason: Nevermind that, look out! Crash -- Bang and boom goes MegaJunkaZord as Cementus beat the living devil out of the MegaJunkaZord. Jason: Man, this guy is tearing us up! Let's call out BarneyZord. Zack: Oh yeah, just so you can smash him up too. Jason: Shut up. Jason blows the BarneyZord's flute tune of Yankee Doodle. Goldar: Shishkabob! Cementus chops off the sausage links that BarneyZord's tail is made of. Loco: They're all yours, Rita! Rita: Rangers!! Gotcha! I'm going to enjoy this! Rita pulls out an egg-shaped stink bomb, pulls the pin and tosses it out to MegaJunkaZord and BarneyZord. Jason: Oh no! It stinks! Abandon ship!! SCENE III: All of the rangers go back to the park and Kimberly and Trini fall atop the Pathetic Rangers Day stage. Kimberly: What happened? Billy: Yeah, what? Trini: Well if you two weren't on the floor you would have noticed that... Zack: The Zords came apart at the seams because a stink bomb was tossed inside MegaJunkaZord's hole where his arm ONCE was -- So much for MY zord! Everybody looks at Jason with these nasty looks. Jason: Hey don't everybody look at me, I... Billy: Oh shut up, worthless dolt. Let me try and contact Zordon. The Communicators don't work. Trini: What's gone wrong, now? Billy: Rita's Palace is jamming up the frequency. Damn her. Damn that palace! Damn Jason's feeble mind! Damn it all to hell!! Zack: Pull yourself together, Billy! Billy: Sorry, sorry. I had my moment. I think now my brain is kicking in again. Jason: Well, what do we do? Zack: Yeah, it's not like muscle-brains would know. Billy: Well, I have some equipment at my garage that could help! Kimberly: Well let's go! SCENE IV: In the command center... Zordon: What's up? Alpha: Cementus trashed the MegaJunkaZord, the Rangers are unmorphed, Goldar is coming to pay a visit; and the communicator lines are down. Zordon: Well, what do we do? Alpha: That's what I'm suppose to ask you! SCENE V: All the Rangers are at Billy's lab garage. Jason: Trini, you help Billy organize his equipment. Zack, you look out for Muddies. Kimberly, you strip down naked and gyrate on a table. Kimberly: Got it. Zack: Wait a minute, Jase'; what are you going to do? Jason: Command orders. Zack: Right. Billy: Now, all I have to do is... Trini: Just be quiet, and do it, you don't want Jason beating you up because you're smarter than him. Billy: Right. Goldar appears with a squad of Muddies. Goldar: Hey Rangers! Goldar's in da house! And yous gunna get it big time! Zack: Where did you learn to sound like that? Goldar: Nevermind that, I'm here to make things look desperate when all I'm going to do is let you get away! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Jason: HEY BILLY, ARE YOU ALMOST DONE FIXING UP OUR COMMUNICATORS THAT WE ARE GOING TO USE TO GET AWAY FROM GOLDAR RIGHT NOW YET? Billy: Almost. But Jason, the equipment, why don't you stop shouting and... Jason: Right. Billy: You didn't let me finish. I was going to suggest you three morph and... Jason: Quiet! Goldar: Hahahaha! Goldar takes his sword and sloshes through Billy's garage tearing up all his expensive junk. Billy: Hey, cut it out! I'll sue, you gold pest! Goldar: Hahahaha, I'm sicka you sue-happy Americans! GET A JOB! This is what I think of your threat. Goldar grabs his lamp and throws it on the ground and Billy makes a sneering facial expression. Billy: The communicators, they are now operational and functional. Trini: That's the same thing, you dolt. Jason: We're outta here! Goldar: Want a pop? Goldar whips out from his behind a box of "Magic Pops, Specifically Mass Produced to Reduce Pathetic Rangers' powers." Jason: NO thanks! The five rangers teleport away. Goldar: Well, back to the ol' drawing board. SCENE VI: The rangers arrive at the command center. Alpha: You're okay! Alpha begins applause. Zack: Yeah, we're all in one piece; no thanks to Jason, who didn't have the brains to morph. Zordon: Are you all right? Billy: Our limbs seem to be still attached to our main primary torso which... Jason: Will you shut up? Zordon, WHAT kind of a question is that!? Can't you see anything? Zordon: One more snappy comeback like that and you can't use the BarneyZord for a week. Jason kneels at Zordon's tube. Jason: Yes, oh great mighty master of me. Billy: Pathetic. Anyhow, what now? It seems this plot has hit a dead end. Kimberly: Time for another unbelievable solution to an impossible problem. Alpha: That's right, Kimberly. In fact; while we were waiting for you guys, I got bored, so I decided to hack Rita's computer and we found out that Cementus has a weak spot. Zordon: Right, make Cementus watch five minutes of "Gilligan's Island," "Tom & Jerry Kids," this show, and "Barney & Friends" simultaneously in every second and he'll go out like a light. Alpha: We were going to suggest you make him watch five million re-runs of "Mister Rogers," but that would cost too much. Zack: Great, but how are we going to make him watch it? Zordon: It's easy. Trashosaurus has this cool new device I installed on it called a Holographic-Projector-of-Boring-TV-Shows-Cannon that will wipe out Cementus in a couple of minutes. Jason: All right, we're outta here! Oh, and by the way, if you hacked her computer, how come you just didn't clean her out and find out every secret to every new plan she's coming up with and help us destroy her? Not that I want to or anything, but just curious. Alpha: Isn't it obvious? We wouldn't have a TV show if I did that, that's why I like tearing in Planet-size plot holes in each episode. Jason: Oh, okay, let's do it! SCENE VII: Zack: Majormess Kimberly: Pterodorky Billy: Tribladdertops Trini: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat Jason: Trashosaurus Jason: I summons the power of the Trashosaurus DinoJunk DinoZord! Trashosaurus arrives and Jason jumps inside. Jason: All right! Let's see ya handle this! Trashosaurus projects a hologram screen of all four bad shows in one second for about a minute and Cementus has stars in his eyes. Jason: Time to turn up the heat! Let's add "90210," "Melrose Place," "Saturday Night Live," "Models Stink" and "Eek the Cat" to the mixture! The pictures start to blip more rapidly and Cementus collapses. Goldar: No! This is impossible, those are the worst shows to have hit TV's airwaves to this date! SCENE VIII: The rangers return to the empty Angel Grave Park. Jason: Okay rangers, let's go back to our ego fest. The rangers return to the Angel Grave Park when all the droves of eager starry-eyed ogres, otherwise known as "civilized" citizens of Angel Grave, return to their own city, and so is the clown-dressed, competing, fake superheroes Bulk and Skull (or the Bulkster and Super Skull). Mayor: Hey look! 'Tis the funny dudes. Kimberly: Hey, we saved your necks; don't you think we deserve a little respect? Mayor: Right. Ladies and Gentlemen, I stand before you beside true superheroes... Trini: Really? Mayor: ...who risk their lives to save us from the seemingly endless monsters that are sent down. Zack: We do? Jason pokes Zack's tummy with his elbow. Jason: Be quiet, Zack; just take the praise. Mayor: ...and this is what makes the Pathetic Rangers so powerful in their pathetic, comical way. Kimberly: I guess that's it, huh, guys? Zack: Yeah. Jason: Hey look, there's Tommy! The rangers are walking in line past Tommy and the other citizens. Tommy: Hey guys, you would be in bad shape if I screamed out your names, huh? Jason: What's with you, man? Tommy: Nothing, except for the fact that you screwed me to the wall. Just remember that, dweebs. SCENE IX: In the command center... The Pathetic Rangers' five minute appearance has ended and they all teleport into the command center. Zordon: Okay, I called you here five sub-creatures so I could inform you of something important. Trini: What's that? Zordon: You can make a choice--now--to: either stay a Pathetic Ranger, or go back to your normal, boring, dull and uninteresting lives. Zack: Oh gee, what a choice. You made the other option look so inviting, brainwasher. Zordon: Shut up, and let me finish, Zachary. Even though the danger hasn't passed completely, and if one of Rita's monsters got out all she'd do is just kick dust in people's eyes, you can still remain Pathetic Rangers to fight until you get too old and then I can get somebody else to take your place. Jason: Aw Zordon, you know this is the only life for me. I think I speak for all of us. Billy: Whoa, whoa Jason, why are you the only one always talking? Speak for yourself. Jason: Quiet, our coins are on the line! Trini: There are other crimes that are commited that need our help. Zack: Well, I don't see how a MegaJunkaZord could be needed during a car-jacking, but I guess will stick around. It's fun anyhow. Kimberly: Well it's a perfect excuse to have my entire figure shown without getting arrested for indecent exposure. Billy: I'll stick around. It's my only allowance, since my dad's a pauper. Zordon: I am all so glad to hear your choice. Afterall, there's not much to do besides play with your cuticles for 10,000 years when I don't have any suckers, I mean, intelligent, well brought-up teenagers to be Pathetic Rangers. Alpha: And also, he's right because Rita's got about 306 monsters left to go through. Zack bops Jason on the head. Zack: Great going there, stupid man. Kimberly: Wait, do you mean to tell me that we get knocked about by these muppets and all they'd do is kick dirt? Alpha: Well it's too late now. THE END (C) 1994 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... Because Mr. Capbutt is an old fart (tee-hee pun), he is forcing his entire class to take this extra-special advanced exam test on Monday. So the Rangers have two days to study... Billy: I know! My uncle has this cabin up somewhere in the woods where we can study! The boys get a room, and the girls get a room. I'd never get any studying done looking at Kimberly's firm hiney! ...Goldar is doing some house cleaning and discovers this magical antique television set and VCR with a collection of pre-taped on Beta nightmares from that canceled show "Freddy's Nightmares" that he uses on the Pathetic Rangers... Goldar: I will use this antique TV set to give those puny weaklings nightmares they'll never forget! See, I'm going to tune it to "Tales from the Crypt," and it probably will make them think about the horrid battles and things in their life, they'd never wanna remember! Can the rangers overcome their lack of confidence to use their worthless powers against Goldar and Scorpina? Is Billy going to sneak in the middle of the night and get a free show of Trini when she's unconsciously playing with herself? What a sick thought I know, but you can Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!