Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "Senseless Food Wastage" Parody of, "Food Fight" SCENE I: At Ernie's Junk Food Bar... he's hosting a food festival, and the gang are standing around looking stupid, each holding trays of vegetables. Jason is wearing a stupid looking american flag colored hat with american flag apron while Kimberly is looking equally stupid wearing pigtails and a short tie-up shirt and short-cut jeans looking like a female hick. Zack: GREEN LEAFY VEGETABLES! COME AND GET 'EM! RED HOT VEGETABLES! OVER-COOKED, PROCESSED, DEAD VEGETABLES! COME AND GET 'EM!! Jason: Isn't anyone gonna buy this stuff? Kimberly: Not unless they see the Jimmy Dean beef burgers and lard hot dogs. Jason: Oh brother. Free burgers too! Flocks of people begin to gather around the rangers' food to buy it. Jason: There we go. All the rangers adjourn to a very wide table that has deep-dish trays of different kinds of food ready to serve it to the customers. Jason: Here are some delicious, nutritious vegetables. Here's some apples with some peaches. Trini: Those aren't vegetables. Jason: Yeah, but who wants to serve this fruit broccoli? Trini slaps Jason on the head. Jason: Ow! Ohh. Have some of these nutritious veggies. Yummm! Dude: Yeah, cool! Got any "Cheeze-Whiz" to put on top? Jason: Sure, but that'll cost you 34 dollars. Dude: Exsqueeze me? Jason: Yeah, go away, deadbeat, go on! Dude: Huh! Ernie walks down the step and breaks it. Ernie: Oww. Three anorexic-like-looking girls in grass moo-moos and green bikini-tops gather around Ernie. Girl: Hi, Ernie, you're cute. Ernie: Oooh, I'll give you 20 dollars for that. Girl: He's rich. Girl #2: That's why he's SO sexy. Ernie: Here's 40. Hehehe. Girl #3: I've never met such a hot, attractive, young hunk in my life until you! AB Writers: This is getting gross. Let's change the scene. Jason: This food fest looks cool! I just hope Rita doesn't mess everything up. Trini: Yeah you do. That's why you made us think about that witch while we're trying to have fun. Jason: This isn't fun. Zack: Yeah. Fun to you is blowing up something. Jason: My hobbies are of no business of yours, tower hair-do man. Another "dude" approaches grub-dishing Zack. Zack: Yeah, this some good food. Try some of this great, yummy, this stuff. Dude: What is it? Zack: Hell if I know. But it'll cost 21 bucks though. Dude: I could get a better deal at "Burger Queen." Zack: Just shut up and pay up. Dude: Okay. What does it taste like? Zack: Last time I tried it in 1984, it tasted something like hair-oil or something. Anyway, here. Dude: Are you sure you tried it? Zack: No. Dude: Oh. Maybe I'll try it. He bites and swallows it and then his mouth fills and he walks away with the plate in his hand. Zack: Hey, you really ought to see a doctor about that green complexion. Jason: Anyone want a burger? Billy: Why is there a line of aluminum foil around the inside of the burger? Jason: Because they won't buy it if they knew what was in it. Billy: What is in it? Jason: I don't know, all I know is it was made by a chemist. Billy: Oh. Huh? Try some of this stuff, it's delicious! Trini: I tried that rice of yours, Billy. It reeks. Billy: My mother says it tastes good. We love to cook. Trini: Maybe that's why no one goes to your house for dinner. Another guy approaches Burger-Server Jason. Jason: Want some hamburgers? Dude: Great! What kind? Jason: Charbroiled something. Dude: Oh. What's the garnish? Jason: Deep-fried something. Dude: Oh. What's the patty made of? Jason: Round something. Dude: Oh. Sounds delicious! Jason: That'll be 14 dollars. Plus tax, packaging, research, and shipping & handling: that'll come to, oh, 50 bucks. Dude: Hey man, for a burger with aluminum foil? Great deal! SCENE II: At Rita's Palace... Rita: I'm sick because of an overload of stress. Baboo: That's because you yell too much. Rita: What? Like THIS?!?!?! Baboo: That's exactly what I mean. Rita: Shut up, Booboo. Baboo: That's Baboo. Rita: You dare correct me?!? Baboo: No! Nevermind! Rita: Finster! You make me sick! Finster: Why? Rita: I don't know, I just felt like saying it, that's all. What is your new monster? Finster: His name is Fudgy Fig, he assumed a pig exterior though. Rita: So? Finster: Well, he eats and eats and well, he grabbed a black hole and replaced his stomach with it. Causing him to never get his fill. Rita: Ehh! A monster with a bottomless pit of a stomach! Sounds like a plot for a show that just began. Oh well. Lemme see what's going on down there. Squatt: They're having a food fest. Rita: I hate food! Squatt: Yeah, it's gross. Rita: They should eat something that's nutricious and appealing like chicken lips, lizard-hips and alligator eyes. Or monkey-legs and buzzard eggs and horse gut. Squatt: You're making me hungry! Baboo: Yeah! Rita: I'm not! I had a big breakfast, so you guys shut up. Baboo: But we didn't eat anything. Rita: So? I did. That should be good enough. Now then, this fig looking pig mutant should consume every single bit of gross food to make everyone starve to death! Finster: But it isn't the best monster of mine. See, he'll eat anything but... Rita: Well make it work, you jerk! Finster: Oh all right. SCENE III: Bulk and Skull are sitting at a table in the Junk Food Bar with an annoyed face looking at all the fun everyone's having while Bulk is sitting next to this he-she looking guy with long red hair and black shades on chewing at bubble gum. Bulk: Look at that? Eating. Eating. It stinks. Let's waste something. Skull: Who's the hippy? Bulk: He's my friend. Got a problem with him? Skull: Well he does look a bit like someone from the stone age. Bulk: Shut up, Skull. He's sensitive. Anyway, let's do something to fowl up the mood. Skull: What? Bulk: Let's take this cream pie... Skull: And eat it? Bulk: No, Numbskull, we are not going to eat them, we are going to throw them. Skull: Why? Bulk: Because it's fun. And besides, we're bullies. That's what bullies do: mess up what isn't. Skull: Why? Bulk: Because I wanna. Skull: Why? Bulk: Shut up and throw the pie. Skull: All right. Bulk: I betcha I could score for the principal's rug. --------- The rangers are standing proudly before their Principal Mr. Capbutt. Capbutt: You kids are doing a very good job, you're concealing the food's contents and making lots of money. Jason: Thanks, Mr. Capbutt; but really, I think this green stuff... Capbutt: Now now, no need to thank me. Kimberly: But really, this purple hair growing on the... Capbutt: Well I have to go. Oh, can I have that hot dog? Billy: Sure, but it's gonna cost you 91 dollars. Capbutt: That's a little steep. Billy: A little? We're talking a straight mountain here. I wouldn't pay that much for a toaster oven. Capbutt: Well, I never was that hungry anyway. [Quietly] God, my stomach hurts. Jason: Can you believe that? Capbutt's a deadbeat. Bulk throws the pie off Capbutt's piece and onto Skull's face. Skull: FOOD FIGHT! Jason: Oh no! Zack: Here's your taco and... Aaaaah!! Everyone (excluding the rangers) begin throwing food as food goes whipping around every wall. Jason: Oh boy, hand me that BBQ chicken! Billy: We're not suppose to participate. Zack: I have an idea. Since Capbutt isn't looking, why don't we split and steal the food? Jason: That would be wrong. Zack: So? No one will know, and I'm hungry. Jason: Well, that chicken does look awfully tempting. C'mon! Let's sneak into this hall. During the 5 minutes thrown away on the wasting of food (that the throwers will regret doing), Fudgy Fig is invading picnics and dumping trashcans in his mouth yelling "I'm Hungry." Meanwhile, Capbutt finally stops this big mess. Capbutt: THAT'S IT!!! You people are a disgrace! You make me sick! You wasted 200 dollars of food. Capbutt walks up to the rangers in the hall with barbecue sauce on their mouths pigging out on chicken and biscuits. Capbutt: And you! What do you think you're doing? Jason: Cleaning up? Capbutt: Get outta that bread-basket. Here. Clean this mess up. Jason: But what did we do? Capbutt: Nothing. Just do it! Jason: Capbutt's a butthead. Trini: Where did you think he got the name Capbutt? Jason: Ugh. They get paged from Zordon and the rangers drop their cleaning utensils. Jason: Let's skip this cleaning bit, it's Zordon. Yeah, Zordon? Zordon: Bring me some of that chicken. Jason: How can you eat? Zordon: I don't know. Jason: Then why do you want the chicken? Zordon: Because it looks good. Jason: Ugh. Zordon: Teleport. Jason: Why? Zordon: Just do what I say. They teleport. Jason: Yeah? Alpha: I wanted to help out, wanna see my Alphalegs? Billy: I think that's suppose to be froglegs. Alpha: Who wants to eat a bunch of amphibian appendages? Zack: I'm not sure anyone wants to break a few adult molers on a pair of electronic circuits either. Zordon: I didn't call you here to exchange recipes with Wolfgang Alpha. Pipe down, Robot. Alpha: Urrll. Zordon: Look at the viewing globe. Rita has unhatched Fudgy Fig. He intends to eat everything in sight. Alpha: Of course, Zordon has no idea what he won't eat. Zordon: Nope. Just go out there and fight. Zack: Majormess Kimberly: Pterodorky Billy: Tribladdertops Trini: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat Jason: Trashosaurus Trini: There he is. Kimberly: Oh he's SO gross. Trini: How can you be a pathetic ranger and yet be more timid than a rabbit under a ready meat-clever? Kimberly: Cause I'm a girl. Look into it. Trini: Urr! I wish you'd stop making jokes about my morphed scenes. Kimberly: I'd think I'd have a problem if I felt a sag below the waist if I were you. Billy: Hey girls! Stop yapping and help! Fudgy swallowed our weapons! Kimberly: Oh gee! Suddenly (with the help of a salomi sandwich), Fudgy throws the rangers in some dumb vortex and splits. SCENE IV: In the command center, the rangers are teleported back to their un-morphed states. Jason: Thanks for teleporting us. Let's do it again! Billy: Pervert. Zordon: That would not be very wise. While you were busy goofing off... Jason: We were >NOT< goofing off! Kimberly: Yeah, Fudgy was snacking off YOUR weapons! Zordon: That is not good indeed. Well, while you were taking Fudgy to lunch and spiraling in a big special effects thing-a-ma-jiggy, he took off and is right now at the food fest gobbling every single piece of poultry and plant life there is. Jason: We have to stop him! SCENE V: At the Junk Food Bar Food-Fest... Everyone screams and runs after seeing the pig consume every piece of food there is. After eating everything (and making an atrocious mess), the pig runs off to quest to eat more food when the rangers run in on the late-train. Jason: Let's stop him! Trini: You dolt! He ate up everything and ran. Zack: We probably lost out on time because Billy tripped and had to re-tie his shoes. Billy: I could have cracked my glasses. Zack: So? They're plastic anyway. Billy: SHHH!! Jason: Now what? Kimberly: Gross. Billy: This definitely does not put me in the mood with Kimberly. Trini: Hey, do you see what I see? Jason: Spots and plaid lines? Trini: No!! He ate everything in sight, but the cookies and cake. Apparently he doesn't like sweet stuff with preservatives that could mutilate a young kitten. Kimberly: Well he obviously doesn't like sweet stuff. Big deal? Billy: Well we could use this information if Jason was smart enough. But since he's not, I'll have to replace his brain with mine. We'll feed him this great big cake and maybe he'll cough up our weapons. Jason: He'll get sick and vomit. Zack: Revolting, isn't it? Ingenius! How'd you figure it out? Billy: I used a little thing called COMMON SENSE. Go buy some at the flea market. Jason: All right, it's morphin time! Zack: Majormess Kimberly: Pterodorky Billy: Tribladdertops Trini: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat Jason: Trashosaurus SCENE VI: Fudgy is hanging outside the parking lot of a mini-market that he had recently vandalized still chanting for food. Fudgy: Hungry! Hungry! Need food! Hungry! I'm hungry! The rangers are standing on the roof of a building. Each ranger presents a plate of meat, potatoes and peas while Trini holds a plate of cake with a side dish of a dozen cookies on a platter. Jason: Hey gross, free food! Here, eat up! Every ranger--but Trini--throws down their cuisine meal and Fudgy catches it and gobbles it down. Fudgy: Hahahaha! Yummy! Want more! Trini: Hey pig, ya hungry? Here. Trini throws him down candy, cookies, muffins, pie and cake. Fudgy: Yum yum yum! UGH! His mouth blows up with yellow gases and he starts vomiting out all the food and their weapons and starts making sick faces. Fudgy: I feel sick. Ullll. Billy: Let's make ham out of this hog! ALL: RIGHT! Zack: Power Axe! Kimberly: Power Bow! Trini: Power Daggers! Billy: Power Lance! Jason: Power Sword! Their weapons formulate the Power Spitter, which fires laser-spit. They use the Power Spitter and destroys Fudgy Fig. Trini: Hey witch up there! It'll take more than that to beat us!! Jason: Yeah, just toss down a book! SCENE VII: Back at the messed-up Youth Center's food-festival... Jason: I guess we made ham-hocks out of that stupid Fudgy Fig. Billy: Yeah. If only we could get our food back. ---------- Alpha (in command center): That's why SuperChef is here to save the day! ---------- Jason: What could YOU do to help? ---------- Alpha: Well, seeing is that I had no purpose in this episode whatsoever, I spent three hours cooking this stuff. Go dish it up and give it out. Alpha teleports five trays of food to the rangers in the Junk Food Bar. ---------- Jason: Hey thanks. Uh'bye. Jason switches off his communicator when Capbutt approaches them. Capbutt: Uhh. Um, I just came to say I'm sorry. Zack: That's right. Capbutt: Uh, I'm hoping this will never happen again. Kimberly: It better not, you idiot! Capbutt: I'm really hungry. Can't I just have a little bite? Billy: Mm, mm, mm! That's gonna cost you one hundred and fifty nine dollars. Capbutt: Since when did we get this price raise for a bite-size muffin? Billy: Since we only made a buck, eighty nine in this stupid food sale. Capbutt: Doah all right. Capbutt gives the rangers the money and grabs a sandwich. Billy: Uhh, careful, Capbutt! That one has... Capbutt eats the sandwich. Billy: Uncooked grits. Capbutt's cheeks swell as he walks away with vomit in his mouth. Jason: Oh yeah, he's gonna be coughin' that up for weeks. Capbutt (unseen): Taste... keeps... repeating on me. Aggh!! THE END (C) 1994 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... Trini is forced to take care of the daughter of her dad's boss, Maria; then she elected Kimberly to help her because of how mischievous she is. Trini: All right, you little monster, we are going on a picnic. I'm going to PAY you to shut-up and be a nice, good little child. And if you don't, I'll beat your little butt 'til they start to turn the color of Billy's shirts. Maria: Well geez, who stuffed the rat down your underpants? Kimberly: You did. ...but then, Rita gets the oddest notion that she can use this Wolverine with pig-tails to her own advantage to steal a chest of Morphing Eggs (kinda stupid, huh?) Baboo: According to this book, only an OBNOXIOUS kid can open it. Will Kimberly even TRY to help Trini find Maria? Is Billy the person developing the film for Trini's dad's boss? What does a Funky Chicken have to do with this plot? Who knows, WHO CARES?! But, we'll (unfortunately) Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!