Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "Smelly Meat" Parody of, "Trick or Treat" SCENE I: Kimberly is doing her regular gymnastics and handstands on her bar at the Youth Center when she suddenly stops and jumps down. Billy is watching her. Kimberly: Billy, why is it that you always stare at me when I'm doing my gymnastics? Billy: It's fun watching your nipples poke through your exercise outfit. Kimberly: Geez, why didn't you tell me? Kimberly runs out of the scene and runs back with a bra on to conceal her nipples. Kimberly: Had to re-adjust a few things. Billy: Darn! Me and my big mouth! Tommy and Trini are licking ice cream cones when Kimberly runs up to them and taps them on their shoulders, causing them to trip up and make their ice cream fall off the cone and onto the floor. Tommy: Aw man! What is it? Kimberly: Guess what, guys?? Trini: You're finally going to get a life and stop upstaging me with your good looks? Kimberly: NO. I'm going on that new UPN game show "Smelly Meat" as a contestant. Tommy: Oh wow! Kimberly: Yeah, and I can win a brand new Mustang Ford. Tommy: What's that? Trini: A car, stupid! Uh, Kimberly, you really shouldn't blab your plans; you KNOW Rita creates dastardly plans after learning what you're going to do. Kimberly: Really? Tommy: Oh yeah, isn't "Smelly Meat" like the stupidest game show to ever hit the new fall lineup? Sounds pretty cool. Kimberly: Yeah. But unfortunately, they require me to use my last name--which I refuse to say to millions and millions of people. Tommy: Oh don't sweat it. If you go on that show, only about 10 people will know your last name. Kimberly: Knock it off! At any rate, I've decided to make up something stupid like Kimberly Kimby. Trini: Oooh, very creative [Snickering.] Kimberly: Ha, ha. Tommy: That show is so lame, you don't have to do anything to get in other than not having brain damage. Kimberly: How else do you think Skull got on the show? Tommy: Oh, yeah. How'd you know about that? Kimberly: Uh oh. The plot-leaking. It's rubbing off on me! Well, anywho, will you be able to meet me? Tommy: Oh I almost forgot, the writers told me to make up an excuse to not morph with you guys so I can be your only hope when your stupid, silly moves fail against Rita's latest monster. So: I'm going to some ol' boring Martial Arts Contest. Sorry. Kimberly: I hope you have fun. Billy: By the way, what IS your real last name? Kimberly: Do you have one? Billy: Well I... Kimberly: Okay then. Skull and Bulk walk in. Skull: Ha ha, ha ha. When I go on "Smelly Meat," I'm gonna win the... uh, win that, uh... was it again? Kimberly: Shelf-life cement bricks to last you for a year. Skull: All right! Yah-hoo! Bulk: Skull! Can't you see the squeeze toy is trying to sell you out? Skull: Hey Bulk, a pile of bricks, now that's HEAVEN! Bulk: Anyway! You're going to win a CAR! Skull: Is that all? Bulk: Is that all? Ugh, you see, that is why I'm taking the car, because if left with you, traffic lights and street signs would be attatched to the rear and the glove compartment would be stuffed with tickets. Skull: Hey, with tickets, I could go to Disneyland! Bulk: Ugh. Anyway, pretty, you're not going to win! Kimberly: Yeah, yeah. That's what you think. I'm outta here. SCENE II: Rita stops the the reel-to-reel tape recorder which was recording everything Kimberly was saying. Rita: Ah! So Pink Ranger wants fool around with a plot we could've used back on Halloween, eh? Goldar: Bahahahaha! Squatt has planted old moldy meat in Angel Grave Park. The smell can deprive their good citizens of three of their senses. Finster: The catch is that it annoyingly, but, consistently raps irrelevant tunes during battle. Rita: Hehehehe, he's funny. Put him to work. Baboo: But he's asleep. Rita: Wake him up, stupid! Squatt: But if you do that, his smell won't be as strong. Rita: Well, wait until he's really got a terrible odor, then send him out. Goldar: Yes, my queen. Rita: You rangers, will be made -- to pay! SCENE III: Kimberly along with the rest of the rangers are dressed like "Fruit Of The Loom" characters on a show emulating stooge-contestants from "Let's make a Deal" including a game show host called Monty. But in this parody's case, we'll call him Bounty. They're walking onto a sound stage where the Game Show "Smelly Meat" is being filmed. Bounty Hunter: This is "SMELLY MEAT!" The game show where you can lose your sense of smell and win millions and millions and millions of useless prizes! Audience: YAY!! [Howling] Bounty Hunter: Now you DO remember the rules to this game! Kimberly: I do? Bounty: Umm, yeah. If not, I'll just update you blow by blow as the game goes on. Anyway, coming to the stage is -- Kimberly Kimbo? Kimberly: That's Kimby! Ugh! Zack (in audience): Does it matter? They're both just as dumb. Kimberly ruffles her dress up and walks up the stage. Bounty: And also, reluctantly, here comes Eugene Sirlaughsalot. Bulk: Anyone with half a brain would've changed their last name for the show. Skull: Sorry. Skull jumps up on the stage dressed like a mummy. Bounty: Now the rules of the game (for simpletons who haven't been watching) are as follows: I'll randomly pick a type of week-old, rotten meat, and throw it up to your nose, and you have to guess what it is to get Spaghetti points! The bonus inbetweeners are odd-sounding questions about useless facts that probably no one knows which should indubitably be completely stupid! All right, do we understand the rules? Kimberly: Sure, but one question. Bounty: Yes? Kimberly: Why do you have garlic bread attached to your hat? Bounty: Why, that's my costume. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT? Kimberly: Actually, yes. But it's a lovely hat if the game'll be fixed for me. Bounty: Um, yeah. Anyway, first subject: this green piece of pork was found behind the radiator of a small man's kitchen in New Orleans! Which kind is it? Kimberly: I can't tell. It's kinda green and off-purple. I guess it's some kind of whammy pig meat. Bounty: That's right! It's "Whammy Spam!" Left behind the radiator for six days! Congratulations! One spaghetti point for you! Billy (in audience): This game is obviously for no-brain zombies without two ounces of brain cells. Jason: A person like yourself would have to be stupid enough to dress like "Fruit of the Loom" characters to a lame game show. Billy: I'm only doing it because Trini's paying me. Oh by the way, Trini -- nice set. Trini: I knew this costume was too revealing! Zack: And what about the belly button? [Whistling] Trini: [Whines] SCENE IV: Tommy is just strolling along a robbed and destroyed pygmy store where slabby, ugly, yucky green meat is left around the Angel Grave Park field. Tommy: Eww, what's that stench? I sure hope it isn't that new deoderant I put on. (Sniff, Sniff) Nope, there's some'n smelly. Here it is! It's this meat! Oh god it smells! Oh well. Gotta get back to the karate match. SCENE V: Back at the television studio, the game show is still going on. Bounty: ...and now, this rare Zuchini breed of zuchini pasta with rotten meatball sauce. It was found lost behind the exhaust pipe of a mechanic's Ford Aerostar! Which kind of meat is it? Eugene! Eugene: Duh, umm... Bulk starts making silent movements with his body parts to tell Skull the answer. Eugene: Chef Boyardee? Bounty: Correct! Three and a half months old! One spaghetti point for you, Eugene, finally. Eugene: Ha! Eat my dust, Kim. Kimberly gives Eugene the finger. SCENE VI: At Rita's palace, Squatt and Baboo are using Rita's telescope to watch the "Smelly Meat" show. Goldar: Can we PLEEZE get back to the important scenes? Like with the bad guys? Rita: It's time for action! Squatt: Wow, this show is really exciting. Goldar: It IS?? Baboo: Stop using Rita's telescope as a TV set. Otherwise, the network will start billing us for Couch Potato habits! Rita: So? You'd have to be a Couch Potato to watch this idiotic show! SCENE VII: At the T.V. Studio... Bounty: Time for the outrageously stupid question! Who, mind you who, was the creator of the cardboard box and who was the man who built the first refrigerator? Three seconds. Kimberly: Uhhh, um (biting lip), Fred Boomi and Quincy Piece? Bounty: Uh, well... Kimberly: Yeah?! Bounty: Oh well, [quickly] (since the most of this game is fixed for Kimberly) cor-rect! Kimberly: You don't know the answer, do you? Bounty: Shut up! Only I may quiz you. Moving on... Eugene, who was the first president of the United States? Eugene: Uh, George Washington? Bounty: WRONG! It was John Adams! I'm sorry. Eugene: Huh?! I got extra credit in kindergarten for getting that right! Hmmp! This is totally unfair! Bounty: Remember, this despicable game is set to be in favor of Kimberly! Now then, Kimberly, can you identify this blue and reddish-like orange meat? Kimberly: Is it um, a dog-slobbered T-bone steak? Bounty: Correct! One more piece of nine month old poultry, and you win the car! We'll be right back after these unimportant messages! Kimberly: Man, I feel like I'm about to pass out! SCENE VIII: Tommy is standing in line of several martial artists at the Junk Food Bar where (like JFK's assassination) the karate match is being held. Tommy: Man, this match is SO boring. When do I get to get up there? Dweeb (raspy, dopey voice): Hi, man. What's your name? Tommy: What's yours? Dweeb: Dweeb. Tommy: Oh, well, I'm outta here. Dweeb: Duh, nice to meet you, Outta-Here. Tommy: Exactly. Dweeb: Huh? Tommy: Nevermind. AB Writers: Hey Tom, what ever happened to your Muddie scene? Tommy: Well the director judged it to be so stupid and unnecessary that we just didn't even use up the time to write it. AB Writers: Oh. Tommy: By the way, you guys better stop popping in so many times, it kinda takes the realism away from the plot. AB Writers: But WE WROTE the plot! Tommy: Oh right. Tommy goes to a hall area and readies to teleport just as... Announcer: And now, Tommy Oliver! Huh? Where'd he go? Oh well, it looks like Tommy is a no-show. Oh well, let's move on and give the trophy to dweeb! Congratulations! Tommy: Aw man! Tommy teleports to the command center. SCENE IX: The command center... Tommy: Well I'm here, Zordon. What's gone wrong now? Zordon: What are you doing here? I didn't even page the others here yet. Tommy: Oh right, let's back up the show... SCENE IX (again): Kimberly's Communicator beeps. Kimberly: Uh, Bounty; I'd hate to postpone you and your idiot show, but I've got something I've gotta do. Bounty: But wait! I've got to give this Lemon, de hehehe, I mean, car to somebody! Bulk: We'll take it! Bounty: Wait. First we have to wait 'til the show's over. Skull: Darn it! Kimberly steps off stage with the other rangers into the back hall and tap their communicators to Zordon and Alpha. Kimberly: Hello? Alpha: You say that like anybody else would be calling. Kimberly: What's going on? Alpha: Just get your tight buns up here! Kimberly: Oh all right... They teleport to the command center. SCENE X: At the command center... Kimberly: Tommy, what are you doing here? Tommy: Nevermind. Alpha: Not that again. Let's just make things simpler and bring the others. Zordon: Right. Jason, Zack, Trini and Billy are teleported to the Command Center. Jason: Yeah? Zordon: Observe the viewing globe. Trini: We can look at the damn thing for ourselves, hologram man! Zordon: There is this rapping piece of old-meat that is terrorizing the town. Trini: What can it do? Zordon: You mean its lung-choking smell isn't bad enough? Zack: It doesn't bother me. Jason: That's because you're used to handling old meat. Billy: Yeah. Zack: How'd you guys know about my part-time job? Zordon: You've got to destroy the moldy meat which will, if left to grow into mold by Rita, will turn into the Moldy-Man meat monster. Jason: Oh lord. That's a mouthfull. Kimberly: Oh gross. Jason: It's Morphin time, guys! Zack: Majormess Kimberly: Pterodorky Billy: Tribladdertops Trini: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat Jason: Trashosaurus SCENE XI: The rangers are in some blurry stock footage, where they're like in a farmer's patch, where weeds are growing while slabs of old meat are lying everywhere. Jason: Well, we're here. Zack: Now what? Trini: We examine this stuff. Billy: P-U! Kimberly: I'll go over here away from you guys. Jason: Why? So WE have to be subject to this old meat's odor? The meat starts glowing and attatches itself to each of the rangers' helmets and their helmets are covered with meat. Jason: Hey, what's going on?? I can't breathe! (Cough! Cough!) Zack: I can't see! Kimberly: What happened to you, Billy? Kimberly takes her BladeBlaster and chops the meat of Billy's head. Billy: Thanks. Trini: There ARE other Rangers here in trouble too, ya know. Kimberly: Oh, don't worry. You'll figure out some way to get loose. Jason: Kimberly! Kimberly: Oh all right. Sorry. Kimberly slices up the expired meat from off of the rangers' helmets. SCENE XII: Alpha sees the Rangers getting their butt kicked by Goldar on the viewing globe--obviously seeing old tape due to a technical error. Alpha: The Rangers can't take another hit like that! Zordon: What do you mean? The Moldy-Man hasn't even arrived yet! Alpha: Well he's cue to arrive in 4, 3, 2... SCENE XIII: A huge bull with baggy pants and high-tops with a microphone begins rapping. Moldy-Man (rapping): I am the Moldy-Man, there is no escape. So eat my edges, and take the bait! Word! Zack: What? Billy: Huh? Jason: Woah! Kimberly: He sounds sorta stupid. Moldy-Man (rapping): Prepare to smell my stench, prepare to feel my pinch. You're going to be a inch, once I've got you cinched. Trini: There's got to be an end to his madness! Suddenly, the rapper's trademark record-rapping sound is heard. SCENE XIV: The hip-hop drumbeat shakes the command center. Alpha: Aye Yi Yi Yi Yi! My audio sensors are breaking down to that mind-dross. Tommy, you've got to do something. Tommy: Wait, I've got an idea. Zordon: He always does. Tommy: Well anyway, I'm going... Tommy: BarneyZord SCENE XV: The Moldy-Man meat monster is continuing its yelling into a microphone while doing a couple of atrocious raps. Moldy-Man (rapping): Well I'm known for being ugly, and when I'm not, you shout lucky, trying to relieve yourself from pain. What you doing when you're runnin', just go and eat an onion, I'll just go and follow your lane, yo! Tommy comes from no where just as the Rangers are on their knees begging for mercy and blasts Moldy-Man with his Barney Flute. Tommy: That should take care of you for a while. Moldy-Man (rapping): Yo, I'm gonna have to go now, so I'ma gonna take a bow. To all a night-night, and I am gone! Word up! Tommy: No you don't. Moldy-Man: Ah! Moldy-Man is chopped into two because of Tommy's tiny little thick knife. Jason (rapping): It's time to make some burger meat! With my Power Sword which you can afford! Word up! Jason uses his sword to destroy the Moldy Man. AB Writers: Hold it! Wasn't there suppose to be a MegaJunkaZord fight? Jason: Possibly. But we didn't feel like it. AB Writers: Oh. Okay. SCENE XVI: Rita: What were you thinking, Finster!? All that rapping did was get on the readers' nerves! Finster: I'm sorry, my empress. It will never happen again. Rita: It better not, you nut! You're worthless, you know that. Finster: Oh you're absolutely right. SCENE XVII: Tommy is walking with Kimberly outside the Junk Food Bar watching Bulk and Skull drive off in the car that's rightfully Kimberly's--somewhat. Tommy: Kimberly? Kimberly: Yes, Tommy? Tommy: Kim, when you really look at this situation, it's really sad. Kimberly: I know. Tommy: I mean, you didn't get your car; I didn't get my trophy, Skull got the car and on top of it -- we both had to smell really poor meat throughout this entire pointless episode. Kimberly: Dees-gusting! Jason: Well my day was fine. Billy: Of course. You got to destroy the monster. But guess who had to clean up the mess?! Zack: When you blew up the monster, it splattered all over me! Billy: And I had to clean him up, since you four were conveniently gone. Tommy: Well it's time to say goodnight now. Kimberly: Okay. Good night. THE END (C) 1994 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... When Jason and Zack get bored and decided to sit around at Ernie's place all day, they discover one of Ernie's soccer team try-outs can't make the team and also that he's a snob... Ernie: God I hate these soccer seasons. Every year, these snot-nosed little rugrats are always yelling, "I wanna be on the team, I wanna be on the team." OVER AND OVER! It can drive a man crazy, especially with my high blood pressure. Jason: Yeah. By the way -- aren't you going to do something about that? Ernie: And give up my burgers morning noon and night? Get real! ...but then Finster, who is very very tired of cooking up new monsters, decided to collect the fragments of old monsters and make a new one called Recycled Trashman, whose name doesn't even remotely resemble the one in "Power Rangers!" Baboo: Man, he's ugly! Squatt: What are you talking about? He isn't even finished yet! Can the Rangers take this rat apart piece by piece? Will that snob boy with absolutely no physical or athletic skill finally get what's comin' to him? Do you even know what that is? Will Ernie keel over from WAY too much water retention? Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!