Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "Second Farce" Parody of, "Second Chance" SCENE I: Zack and Jason are sitting at a table in Ernie's Junk Food Bar sipping at an empty cup staring at tryout kids anxiously running up to the bulletin board to see if they've made Ernie's Soccerball Team. Zack: I wonder who's going to make the team? Jason: I wonder why we care? Zack: 'Cause we're bored and we have nothing to do. Ernie walks up to Jason and Zack's table. Ernie: God I hate these soccer seasons. Every year, these snot-nosed little rugrats are always yelling, "I wanna be on the team, I wanna be on the team." OVER AND OVER! It can drive a man crazy, especially with my high blood pressure. Jason: Yeah. By the way -- aren't you going to do something about that, you dumptruck? Ernie: And give up my burgers morning noon and night? Get real! Ernie walks off to tend the bar. Zack: There goes a walking medical journal example. Some boy walks up to Jason and Zack pouting. Boy: Boy, I'll never make the team. Jason: Oh, well all you have to do is try harder. Boy: Yeah, but why should I? I'm rich, I'm suppose to get anything I want. Zack: That's what Trini's dad said when he tried to buy NBC; but things in life just don't work that way. Jason: By the way, what is your name? Boy: I forgot. Zack and Jason stare at each other in amazement... Boy: Well anyway, I need you guys' help so I can get better. Zack: Sorry, my man, but I've got a dance contest and ah... Jason: ...and ah, I've got a Martial Arts Karate contest too, Boy. Boy: There's seventy-eight bucks in it for ya. Jason: Well, now that you mention it. Zack: We'd be happy to help. When do we begin, Boy? SCENE II: We zoom in on Rita's Palace really slowly... Finster: Okay, that's enough looking at this ratty old building. Rita: What?! Finster: Nevermind. What is your new plan, my queen? Rita: Well since the Rangers are involving themselves with Soccer, I think I'd make the plot into a new pun. I'm going to collect the bits and pieces of old destroyed monsters that MegaJunkaZord destroyed and juice it up with some electricity so it can be a new monster! Goldar: So we can create, Recycled-Trashman! Baboo: Man, he's ugly! Squatt: What are you talking about? He isn't even finished yet! SCENE III: Bulk walks into the school hallway with Skull at Angel Grave High School. Bulk: Hey dorks, we're takin' over the hallway. Skull: Yeah, because we like it! Bulk: No, polyester brains. I mean we're going to practise our Soccer. Trini: I don't think you should... Bulk: Be quiet! Bulk and Skull trip over each other, bashing Tommy's communicator into the wall. Tommy: Aw no. Kimberly: Are you okay? Tommy: NO! Skull knocked me into the wall and bashed up my watch and nearly my head. Billy: Well estimating from the appearance of the damage, it's probably non-functional. Tommy: Can't you fix it? Billy: No. Tommy: Why not? Billy: Because the writers said so. Tommy: Great! Trini: Pretty lame excuse to me, considering that Billy invented the communicators. Tommy's Communicator goes off. He walks into a corner and readies to talk to Zordon. Tommy: Yeah, Zordon? Zordon: I didn't call you. You woke me up! Tommy: Man! What's with this thing?! SCENE IV: Rita: Why hasn't that receptacle bin finished charging up yet?? Goldar: He needs more time. Rita: Time, the one thing that I don't need! Baboo: I know! Turn up the juice. Finster: We can't do that, he'll blow up all over the place and then I'll have to scrub the walls down. SCENE V: Tommy's in Miss Appleweed's class when his Communicator goes off. Miss Appleweed: Tommy, turn off your pager. Tommy: My pager? Oh, oh yeah. Okay, done. Appleweed: Good, now we shall study the geometrical growing of the sponge. Tommy's Communicator goes off. Appleweed: Tommy, turn off your Beeper! Tommy: Sure. Tommy's Communicator goes off. Appleweed: Will you turn off all of your devices, Gadgetman!? Tommy: But I already did. Appleweed: Fine, enough games for one afternoon; hand it over. Tommy: But... Appleweed: Now. SCENE VI: Goldar: Hahaha! The Recycled Monster is complete! Rita: Yeah! Send down the Muddie Patrol to handle Jason and Zack! Goldar: Why are we picking on them? Rita: Because Pink, Blue, Yellow and Green Ranger are currently no where to be found. Goldar: Makes sense. SCENE VII: Jason and Zack are impatiently teaching the unnamed boy how to play soccer at the three acred Angel Grave Park. Jason: NO! How many times do I have to tell you, you kick it. You don't use a croquet mallet. Boy: That's what my father always told me. Zack: Well then, he's out of his mind. Jason, it seems that it's gonna be a long day. Muddies fizz into the scene and hop around ready for a fight. Zack: Oh no, not more clay heads. Boy: Hey! Jason: Hide behind that tree and stay out of this, and listen this time. Jason and Zack fight off the Muddies until a GIGANTIC soccer ball appears and the Muddies start bouncing it about on the field. SCENE VIII: Billy is sitting at a table with Trini and Kimberly dressed in two-tight-to- breathe shirts when his communicator goes off. Billy stands up and goes into a private area. Billy: Oh boy, two luscious girls all to myself! Oooh! Kimberly: Answer the damn watch, will ya? Billy reaches behind Trini. Trini: Ouch! Kimberly: Stop pinching our bottoms. Billy: Yeah, Zordon? Zordon: Why did it take you so long to answer the communicator? Billy: Long story. What's going on? Zordon: Zack and Jason are occupied with a mob of muddies and a 14 foot soccer ball. It's a collection of bits and pieces from previously destroyed monsters balled up and recycled into a new monster. He's called the TrashRat, his nicknames are Recycled Trashman and Psychedelic. Trini: What can he do? Zordon: Nothing, he's just something to occupy you while Goldar cracks up City Hall. Kimberly: What's he like? Zordon: His body is made of armor and he's polka-dot colored. Billy: From the sounds of him, a person could get hypnotized by this dude. It's time for molecular transmutation! Kimberly: Pterodorky Billy: Tribladdertops Trini: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat SCENE IX: Zack: Majormess Jason: Trashosaurus Zack: Okay, let's go and get the muddies! All: Yeah! At this still shot, we see Jason and Zack run off the screen to go beat up the muddies when at the same shot not much later, they're knocked back to the same grass field. All: Oh Aw UGH! Zack: Let's try it again! All: Yeah! They all get kicked back again. All: Oh, Aw, UGH!! Jason: This isn't working. Kimberly: Look over there! Billy: It looks like balled up oatmeal! Zack: It's the TrashRat! Trini: Look! He's gotten more energy! Billy: And he's transforming! SCENE X: At the command center... Alpha: Zordon, I've been unable to contact Tommy! Zordon: What in blazes are you doing that for?! Alpha: Because he's the Rangers' only hope! Zordon: Isn't he always. Well, what's gone wrong? Alpha: Tommy carelessly bashed up his communicator. AB Writers: Actually, Bulk and Skull... Zordon: They don't count! Afterall, I've gotta blame somebody that I can yell at. Geez, those things are VERY expensive. I had to pay seventy-five dollars for one of those at Radio Shack. Alpha: I don't remember it being that expensive. It was only $46 when we got the other five communicators. Zordon: No no, that's because we bought five. It was a deal: get five for less. SCENE XI: Jason: Nothing works on this dude! Tommy comes out of no where--as usual--and blasts Trashrat with his BarneyDagger. Kimberly: Tommy, how did you know to come? Tommy: Jason tipped me off. Trini: How? Tommy: He's a plot leak. Billy: Great, now we didn't take advantage of humiliating Tommy by making him beg for his communicator. Jason: That isn't important now. Look! TrashRat deals the Rangers a few good blows. Kimberly: Auh, uh!, Oh! Billy: I'll save you! Zack: Let's give him the Vomit Punch! Billy, Tommy and Jason: Right! Billy, Tommy, Zack and Jason punch the daylights out of TrashRat's stomach. TrashRat: Oh man, Rangers; you're going to pay. Just as soon as I'm not so nauseous! TrashRat is stumbling all around while holding his battered gut. ---------- Rita: Uh! Make my re-made monster, GROW! ---------- Jason: Oh no, it looks like... Zack: Be quiet. We need DinoJunk Power! The Zords arrive and, while they are running in formation, crash into each other. Jason: Okay, let's do it! Hiya!! Zack: Zack here! Ooo yeah, this is kickin'! Trini: Trini here, setup and ready. Billy: Billy, all systems go. Kimberly: Let's crash this party! Jason: Zack! Zack: Yes? Jason: Don't ever interrupt me again. Zack: Oh. Jason: Rangers, power up your lollipops. All: 32, 98; Power Up! Jason: Let's form MegaJunkaZord! Tommy starts blowing the "Barney & Friends'" theme song REALLY fast. Billy: Not so fast, you'll overload it! Tommy's BarneyDagger starts smoking. Tommy: Oh, right. Let's try that again. Jason: Okay, we've got BarneyZord. Now let's get to it! All: Right. MegaJunkaZord from no where crashes out on the ground from getting punched out. Zack: This is getting ridiculous. Tommy: Let me. Barney missiles! Tommy starts blowing on his Flute again. BarneyZord starts blasting missiles when TrashRat balls up again and starts bouncing off BarneyZord and MegaJunkaZord. Zack: Man, all our best shots keep reflecting off of his brick exterior! Jason: Got any ideas? Zack: No, I just wanted to see if... Billy: I know how 'bout we... Jason: We don't wanna hear it. Billy: I was just going to suggest we get the Plastic Sword and wait 'til... Zack: We said, we didn't want to hear it. Kimberly: Will you be quiet already? Billy might have a point! Trini: Yeah, why don't we wait until the Monster un-rolls and blast him? Jason: Hey, that just might work! TrashRat keeps knocking out the zords. Kimberly: Well like, when are you going to do it?! Jason: Okay, okay! We need the Plastic Sword. MegaJunkaZord destroys TrashRat. SCENE XII: Rita: You idiot! Finster; his brains were probably recycled too! Why I oughta...! Squatt: You know, you'd be in bad shape if we decided to quit. Goldar: Yeah! Rita: Oh yeah, you think you're so smart?! I'll make the monsters myself! Finster: I'd like to see you try it without the instructions to the Monster-matic. Rita: What?! Finster: I burned it up! Baboo: It looks like you're in trouble now, huh, Rita?? Rita: You will do as I say! Goldar: We don't have to. Rita: And just why not? Baboo: We're in a union. Baboo holds up a "union" card. Rita: Okay, okay; you can stay. But mark my words, if by the end of this series we haven't destroyed the Pathetic Rangers, I'm gonna grind you into the wall until you turn to dust! SCENE XIII: In Ernie's Junk Food Bar, Zack and Jason are bugged by the boy who they were instructing. Boy: I made the team! Ernie (sarcastically): Goody, goody. Now we get to have tea time during every time-out. Jason: Aw, don't fret, Ernie. Ernie: You can say that without a care in the world, because you don't have to put up with his bribes! Jason: That's what you think. Zack: Oh well, the power of money. Kimberly: Yeah, like that's the only thing keeping this stupid show going. Trini: Sure thing. THE END (C) 1994 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... With Goldar's boomerang covered in mashed potato syrup (something I'm still trying to find at the supermarket), Jason and Tommy begin telling each other the truth about what they really think of each other! Tommy: ...I'm sicka taking orders from some chowder head! Jason: If you don't like it, then eat my shorts! ...meanwhile Rita unhatches a lobster with oyster sauce for brains and dons the name of an unpopular Saturday morning cartoon! Finster: I decided to go fine dining where I found this thirty pound lobster and decided to make him into the Sonic the Lobsthog monster. Will Tommy and Jason yell at each other until the cows come home? Is Trini wearing more revealing clothes to fight back with Kimberly's good-looks? Will Tommy and Jason start lying to each other ever again? Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!