Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "An Oyster Glue" Parody of, "An Oyster Stew" SCENE I: At the Youth Center/Junk Food Bar (where tournaments, concerts, food service, festivities, presidential speeches and just about every public activity is held), Zack is seen helping Tommy lift weights. Tommy: Hey Zack, I can do it myself, thank you. Zack: No you can't. Tommy: The whole reason I'm working out away from Jason is because he's always trying to help me. Zack: That's why I'm here to sit in for him. Tommy: Why don't you go back to ogling Sandwicha spreading her legs open? Zack: Very funny. Tommy: That wasn't a joke. Now go away. Zack: All right. Bulk and Skull are found hanging around the Youth Center making lots of noise. Kimberly tries to ignore their failed attempt at songwriting, but is unable to help herself from staring at Bulk "singing" along with Skull's noise being generated from his guitar. Bulk (singing to the tune of "Bad to the Bone"): My momma had told me, I needed a diet. I told her to sit on it, and then she called me a... Twit. Yeah. Twit -- TWIT! Kimberly: Hahaha, find a chord for god sakes. Are you sitting in for the Smashing Pumpkins? Bulk: No, wide-butt. We're preparing for our audition. Kimberly: What audition? Bulk: Gee, I never thought about that. Skull: Well, whatever it is, it's gonna make us famous. Kimberly: You mean like, convicted felons? Bulk: Oh, go tear off Billy's pants. Kimberly: You know I wouldn't do such a thing to Billy. At least not in public. Bulk: Oh ick. Kimberly: I'm off to go get a life. Bye. Zack is sitting at a table doing nothing when Tommy and Kimberly sit at his table. Tommy: Hey, Zack. Another dateless Friday? Zack: Very funny. It's Sandwicha's birthday, and I don't have a thing to do to impress her. Kimberly: I know what really would impress her. Zack: What? Kimberly: If you got a good haircut. Zack: Shut up. Hm. On second thought, maybe I could shave something really cool in my hair like a swear word. Yeah... Zack suddenly drifts into a daydream of him sitting in a barber's chair with only the back of the chair being seen and not his hair. Barber: What do you think? Zack grabs two mirrors, looks at the mirror in front reflecting the mirror behind his head and sees a round happy-face shaved into the back of his hair. Zack: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!! Out of his dream state, Zack frowns at the notion. Zack: Hm. Maybe that wouldn't be such a hot idea considering every barber in town is some inexperienced apprentice. Tommy: Hey Zack, if you didn't want our advice, then why are you talking to us? Zack: Because I was hoping you were going to give advice that doesn't make me feel like I don't have much to live for. Tommy: How about you ask out the sea hag and then do what you want? Kimberly: Yeah right. Like she'd say `yes'. Zack: I know! I'll buy her pearl earrings! Kimberly: I have some stone earrings... Zack: I meant pearls. Tommy: You've only got ten bucks in your savings account. If you buy that, you'll blow your salary away at the same time owe payments. Zack: So? Tommy: So? This is the last episode of the season. You ain't getting no more money until September. Zack: Good point, but this show really would bum out if I didn't get a date. Tommy: It still would bum out even if you did because this plot reeks. Zack: That's true. Kimberly: They really should've used "Return of a Useless Friend" for the last show of the season. Zack: Listen, enough about this lame-horse plotline. If you keep complaining about it, the A.B. Writers are gonna jump in and probably start making you wear polka-dot biker pants. AB Writers: ...and we will too! Kimberly: Okay, okay. Zack: Okay, so I'll give her the pearls if she says yes--then give her a singing telegram! Tommy: Woah, woah, woah! Slow down. Where'd the singing telegram come from? Zack: Beats me. But chics love that. Tommy: Exactly how much money do you think you make anyway? Zack: Not enough. But don't worry, I'll just gonna write bad checks against my account. Tommy: And the bill collectors? Zack: I'll just discontinue my phone line and change my name. Tommy: My lord, Sandwicha had better be the hottest chic in town for this then. Zack: You have a point. Hm, maybe I should try and see if she'll put out first. Kimberly: Oh ew. Zack: Hey, if it's possible that anyone is willing to date me, do you guys wanna double date? Kimberly: Sure, I'll go ask Bill... I mean, sure, Tommy and I would love to go. Tommy: I have a funny feeling you're keeping secrets from me. Kimberly: We all are, that's even why we wear clothes. Tommy: Oh well. Well, I guess I'll go. Zack: Great! SCENE II: At Rita's palace... Rita is holding an oyster shell while debating her new fiendish scheme. Rita: Hahahaha, he wants romance? Well he ain't getting any tonight! Goldar: Everytime Zack gets a date, you always have to mess it up. Rita: Why should the rangers be happy when I've been cursed with this horrible voice? Goldar: Good point. I wish I had one of those cool "X-men" voices. Rita: Shut up! I have a plan. Finster: You do? Rita: Yes! I'm going to unleash my Moisturizer monster. Finster: All he does is run away from seafood owners. Rita: So? There aren't any seafood owners in the unknown uncharted realm of land that he battles with MegaJunkaZord in. And furthermore, that's NOT the only thing he does, you bumbling fool! Finster: Good point. But all he's doing is sleeping. Rita: That's because he's in this crystal. Once the pearl blooms out, he'll be free. Finster: And then, the plot starts getting incredibly confusing. Rita: We'll just have to wait and see how it turns into a game of twister. First, it turns things into stone, then it squirts out Gak... Duh, I mean Lumbca-Gel acids. Squatt: What the hell is that? Rita: I have no idea. Anyway, then, he's going to be all powerful under water. Baboo: I better take some Aspirin. It sounds to me like this plot is going to give me a headache. SCENE III: Sandwicha is opening her locker in the Angel Grave High locker-room and stuffing books in it when Zack walks up to her nervous and really close to her. Sandwicha: Stop breathing on me. Zack: I'm sorry, I'm just a little nervous. Sandwicha: Why? Getting a haircut? Zack: Not exactly. Well, it's your birthday, and well... Sandwitcha: So? Zack: I was hoping I could take you out to dinner. Sandwicha: Frankly, I think I'll just stay home in a t-shirt eating away at a bucket of ice cream. I hate my birthdays. Zack: Why? Sandwicha: Because I'm getting older. Zack: Why don't we call it daylight savings age? You can skip this year. Sandwicha: I guess. But I hate your surprises, you always make me sorry I agreed to go out with you. Zack: C'mon, you haven't given the Zackman a fortieth chance! Sandwicha: I don't want to. Zack: C'mon, let's have a good dinner at a french caf‚. Sandwitcha: French? Sounds good. Well, I'll see you later. Zack: Okay, bye! Sandwicha leaves the locker room. Zack: YES! YES! Now all I need are the pearls. Now where can I get real ones for a relatively low price of eight ninety-nine? SCENE IV: Zack is standing in the doorway of an expensive jewelry shop getting yelled at by the clerk. Owner: NO! I will not sell you rare pearls for six bucks. Go away, punk! Zack: Man. I never knew pearls could be so expensive. AB Writers: Obviously this kid has never studied economics. Zack: Hm. I guess I'll just wander aimlessly. I think I'll take my usual route. Zack walks away from a shop that can be seen on a busy, traffic-filled boulevard when all of a sudden, Zack is seen walking in a park. Walter: Cool scene teleportation! Zack walks past what seems to be a vagabond in a heavy trenchcoat who looks like he's combing the town for suckers. Strange Bum-Looking Type Person: Hey lamer, I hear you need help. Zack: Sure. But not from some bum. S.B.L.T.P: Well, I'm gonna help ya, anyway. Zack (sarcastically): Oh for joy. S.B.L.T.P: Look, I hear you need some pearls. Zack: How'd you figure that out? S.B.L.T.P: I just did. Zack: Yeah? So? S.B.L.T.P: I just happen to have some. The Strange Bum-Looking Type Person opens his trenchcoat to reveal a small jewelry cabinet and two odd-sparkling pearls to Zack. Zack: Hm. Now that I think about it, I'm really interested in that necklace. How much for that? S.B.L.T.P: I think you want the pearls. Zack: No really, that is one beautiful necklace. S.B.L.T.P: I said you want the pearls. Zack: I want the... S.B.L.T.P: You WANT the pearls, damnit! Zack: All right, if you say so, I guess I do. Wow! Those are gorgeous. These aren't stolen are they? S.B.L.T.P (sarcastically): Yes, they are. You don't think these questions out, do you? Afterall, everyone isn't as honest as the Pathetic Rangers. (Whoops!) Zack: How did you know who I was? S.B.L.T.P: Because I'm a mudd... I mean, I didn't say I knew you. Zack: Great! AB Writers: Boy, what a gullible twit this Zack guy is. Zack: Can I see those? S.B.L.T.P: Sure. I got these from the navy when I married a mysterious woman. Her name was Cindy. I gave them to her before I died in the navy; of course after that, my wife Barbara came back and took them, and well, she died not too much after then. Oh, by the way, better buy these quick. I gotta get back to my wife at home. Zack: What kind of hocus-pocus is this suppose to be? S.B.L.T.P: If you're stupid enough not to know I'm a crook, then why should you think my story was outrageous? Zack: Oh yeah. Huh? S.B.L.T.P: Nevermind, just gimme the money. Zack: Oh okay. S.B.L.T.P: Gee thanks. Have a nice life, sucker! Zack: Uh, yeah. Hm. Zack walks off looking at the S.B.L.T.P. very strangely. Once Zack walks off, the Strange Bum-Looking Type Person runs off laughing as he changes form to a muddie, sent to give Zack the pearls that makes things turn to stone and unleashes Rita's monster. SCENE IV: Tommy is dressed in a tacky leisure suit replete with a green overcoat, white shirt and black slacks. Kimberly is wearing one of her maternity dresses and bike pants with a goofy looking hat on her head. Zack is in a yellow shirt with a black vest on and Sandwicha is in a pure black evening dress. All four have arrived at the (ironically enough) outdoors restaurant called "The Grotesque Elite's Restaurant" in French. A woman singing opera (probably fat) is off in the background. Opera Woman (singing): Laaaaaaaaa... Zack: Heh-heh. Watch this, guys. Zack gets out a straw, puts an M & M in it and blows it into the Opera Woman's throat. Opera Woman (singing): Laaaa... [choke] Agh! Agh!! Zack: Hahahaha! Opera Woman: Who did this?! All four adjourn to their seats. Zack: Great date, eh? Tommy: Don't count your chickens before they hatch, monkey-doodle. Suddenly, a french waiter with slicked-back hair approaches Zack. Frenchy: Ord-air, blackman. Zack: Huh? Frenchy (accent changes from French to Bronx): I told you to order, American twit. Zack: Uh yeah. Oui. Frenchy: What? Zack: Don't you know French? Frenchy: Naw, I came from France, but I was raised in Detroit. Zack: As a slave? Frenchy (back to frenchy voice): No, a wai-tair. Zack: What's the difference? Tommy: Can we just order? I'm getting hungry. Zack: You are? Tommy: Not really, I'm just sick of seeing that guy's acne problem and tired of listening to his grotesque elitest attitude. Zack: Ugh. I'll order. Sandwicha: If you're going to order bean pies again, forget it! Zack: All right. Kimberly: Sandy, that Zack dude is probably going to order pasty frog-legs. That's why I took along my heated chicken. Kimberly brings out from no where a pink backpack and takes a bucket with a heater attached to it of fried chicken and puts it on the table and Zack looks very insulted as he watches Tommy and Kimberly dig in. Tommy: Hey, can I have some of those biscuits? Kimberly: Sure. It's my favorite, buttermilk. I've got some potatoes. Tommy: Could you pass the gravy? Kimberly: Oh of course! Zack grunts as Kimberly digs in her backpack some more and brings out a giant apple pie and two soda cans. Sandwicha: Why didn't you tell me about this feast? Zack: Wait a sec, I thought _I_ was gonna order our dinner. Sandwicha: Well, what did you have in mind? Zack: It's a surprise. Sandwicha: Oh no, that's what I was afraid of. Bulk and Skull go to the restaurant dressed in cupid outfits trying to be music players for Zack and Sandwicha. Zack: Oh no. Sandwicha: Ugh. Bulk: We shall entertain you while you eat. Zack: Bulk, you could kill a Tyrannosaurus' appetite. What do you want? If you're here just to ruin my date and annoy me all at once, there's a nerdy schmuck at table seven. Bulk: Hey, I don't wanna see you anymore than you wanna see me. But this is our gig. Zack (pleading): I have money! Skull: We are not going to leave until we serenade you and your lady friend. Sandwicha: Oh no! Bulk and Skull start banging at their instruments playing some song (you decide which one). They begin blindly roaming around the entire restaurant getting carried away with themselves until they run into the French waiter's cake and it is splattered all over Tommy's suit. Tommy: Oh no! Why you disgusting peasants! Aw man, this was a rental! You are a disgrace to the music industry. Get out! Bulk: That will be two ninety five. Zack: Money? Money? You come here with your loud, obnoxious noise and you expect money for it? Bulk and Skull start running around until they crash into everything as Sandwicha begins to become more and more impatient. Zack: I can almost hear God laughing. SCENE V: We pan down from a shot of an Angel Grave Park tree as we go down to Billy, Jason and Trini, who are walking down the park in unison. Billy: Oh, we are in this one? Trini: To be a season ender, I feel really shortchanged. Jason: We are. This is about Zack's dumb date from hell. Billy: I hope his date's a bust. Trini: You're just angry because Tommy is with Kim. Billy: I know. It's the weekend. Jason: What's so special about that? Billy: Well, you know Kim and I go and... Uh, nevermind. Trini: Let's try doing this scene over. Jason: Okay. SCENE V (...again): We pan down from a shot of an Angel Grave Park tree as we go down to Billy, Jason and Trini, who are walking down the park in unison. Trini: Say, I wonder how Zack's date is going? Jason: Yeah. Trini: Oh no! Muddies! Billy: Why are you so worried? These clay-brains are just a stall. They're no biggie. Just a telegram musically tailored by Aaron Lake telling us a monster should be due in about four minutes. Jason: You're ruining the parody! Now fight, you four-eyed dweeb! Billy: Oh all right. It's episodes like this that make me feel that those hard months of karate training is ALL worth it! Spotlight, please! The trio kicks butt, except Billy, who shows off the many stunts and acrobatics he can perform in slow-mo, all the while avoiding every muddie surrounding him. They conclusively vanish and Zordon pages them. Jason: Yeah, Zordon? Zordon: Did you know that baseball players didn't wear numbers on their jerseys until August, 1929? Billy: This IS suppose to lead to Rita's plan... right? Zordon: No, I just thought that was fascinating. Bye. Jason: Not so fast. Why did Rita send down the muddies? Zordon: I guess she wants to have fun. Billy: Gee, that's a lot of clever thinking. Trini: Who's the monster? Zordon: Some clammy thing, I guess. Billy: Oh no, I hate clams! Zordon: Wait a minute, this is an oyster. Trini: And now I know why I haven't touched seafood in three months. Zordon: Shut up, Trini. Teleport. Jason: Why? Zordon: Behold the viewing globe. Billy: Where? Zordon: In the command center, check it out. Jason: All right. C'mon. They teleport to the command center. SCENE VI: At the command center... Trini: Now what? Zordon: Behold the viewing globe. There's an oyster that will be hatched from some pair of pearls or something. Jason: Oh, okay. Alpha 5: That's SUPPOSED to mean something. Jason: What? Alpha: Zack bought those pearls from a muddie. Those things are gonna turn everyone and everything into solid hard rolling stones. Trini: Maybe if that happens, Bulk and Skull will think twice about their sucky rock band. Billy: Who cares? If everything turns into stone, what's gonna happen to my Kim!? Hurry! SCENE VII: ...continued from the Caf‚: Sandwitcha: I've had it! Zack: But wait a minute... Sandwitcha: I am sick of your rotting amphibians [she throws a cold drumstick to the ground and it makes squish sound], I'm sick of your ugly hair, I am sick of your rotten music! And I'm sick of that acne faced waiter! Zack: But wait! I have another surprise! Sandwicha: I don't wanna hear about it! Zack: Just open it. Sandwitcha (as she's rattling the box): What now? Stink bomb? Dynamite? Roaches? Zack: Please, just open it. Sandwicha reluctantly, but cautiously, opens the small box Zack gives her to reveal two pearls. Sandwitcha: Pearls? Oh, Zack! They're beautiful! Tommy: For once this dry-bonehead did something right. Jason, Billy and Trini stumble into the caf‚. Jason: Not for long! Billy, Trini and Jason: No! Sandwicha, don't! Don't put those on! Sandwicha: Huh? Sandwicha puts one of the earrings on her ear and everything and everyone turns to stone. SCENE VIII: Zack and Tommy are aimlessly roaming the caf‚ watching all the people-- presumably frozen, but are constantly rattling. Zack: Oh no! I'm in big trouble now! Tommy: Not really. Hehehe, with everything turned to stone, I could pull Billy's pants down. Zack: Stop goofing off. What are we gonna do? Tommy: I have no idea. Maybe Zordon does. Zack: The chances of that are about three out of two hundred. Tommy: You're right. But it's worth a shot. Afterall, Alpha and Zordon do take turns with being informative. Tommy and Zack both teleport for the command center. SCENE IX: At the command center... The elegantly dressed Tommy and Zack pursue information. Zack: What's wrong? Everything turned to rotting stone! Zordon: That's because you're stupid. Zack: Me? What do I have to do with it? Zordon: By launching a hideous date. Do you realize you bought monster earrings from a muddie? Zack: I knew something was crooked about that guy. Zordon: No you didn't, you bought right into that bum. You didn't even ask for his credentials. Zack: He looked nice. Tommy: What? Did he smile? Zordon: Worse than that, Sandwicha put on the earrings and now that everything looks like stone, Rita's monster Moisturizer is unleashed and is ready for battle. Tommy: This plot doesn't make any sense. Zordon: That's the point. Zack: Are you sure this isn't "Grumpy Bee?" Zordon: Positive. Tommy, your powers are limited... Tommy: Yeah right. That's why I always have to scoop your lamer squad out of trouble when their bogus moves lose out. Zordon: Shush, Tommy. Do you still wish to go through with Zack? Tommy: Sure, why not. Zack: All right then. It's morphin time! Tommy: BarneyZord Zack: Majormess SCENE X: The morphed Tommy and Zack find Moisturizer somewhere at the beach. Zack: There he is! Let's get 'um! Tommy: Right, I'll go split and watch the high tides. Zack: Right. Tommy leaves Zack high and dry and he's confronted by Moisturizer. Moisturizer: You couldn't destroy me if you had twenty tissues in your shorts or fifty plates in that crayon-colored spandex! You're way out of your league, pal! Why, I could beat you with my hands tied behind my back and my eyes out of my sockets with my legs crossed. Why, you're SO stupid, you're gonna lose. You don't know what you're messing with now. You're about as thick as day-old oatmeal... Goldar (over secret bug): Shut up! You talk too much. I want to see you goo this loser up! Moisturizer: Right, right. Moisturizer uses some unknown squirter to squirt this pink substance at Zack with then somehow turns into this pink, silly-putty looking substance that is covered in patches on Zack's costume. Zack: Aw man! I got lubricant acids! Tommy: That's lotion, fool! Zack: Oh yeah. I think it's Lumbca Acids. Tommy: Whatever the heck that is. Zack: TOMMY. Don't TOUCH me! This stuff is eating away at me. It'll get you too! Tommy: It's just old chewing gum. Stop acting like you're dying. Zack: Would you please shut up and help me?? Tommy: Right! Here, take my shield. Tommy touches Zack's chest with his hands and transfers his rad looking shield from his costume to Zack's. Zack: Thanks, but really, it doesn't do a thing for my suit. Tommy: It's not suppose to be a fashion statement, you geek! I'm trying to save you from being burned alive. I'll take care of this monster! Zack: No! That's suicide! Tommy jumps into the air and back-flips over Moisturizer. While he's not looking, Tommy back kicks Moisturizer. Moisturizer: Hey, you! You're gonna pay dearly for that! Hahahaha!! Moisturizer ejaculates his Lumbca-Acids and it gets covered on Tommy. Tommy: Oh no! My powers are gettin' weak! Zack: Don't worry, buddy! I'll take care of this creep! Zack jumps in the air and swings several punches at Moisturizer until he dives back into the ocean. Zack: Yes! That should break the spell! SCENE XI: Zack returns to the caf‚ when everything turns back to its live shape. Zack is running up to Sandwicha and Kimberly's table with a giant smile on his face. Kimberly: Sandwicha. Your earrings. They're turning into alka-seltzer. Sandwicha: What the...? Sandwicha's earrings start to turn into liquid that slips through her fingers and she drops what's left of the pearls in her water drink, and it starts to bubble as two very obvious alka-seltzer tablets fizzle in her drink. Sandwicha: OOOOOO!! Just wait 'til I wrap my hands around Zack's neck! I'm gonna... Zack: Hi, Sandwicha! Sandwitcha: You! You cad! You con-man! Zack: Really, I'm sorry. I can explain, see... Bulk and Skull trip over everything and make a mess, causing the date to be ten times worse. Sandwicha: I'm threw with you, jerk! It's over! You screwed up your forty first chance and now I don't ever wanna see you again! Sandwicha stomps out of the caf‚. Zack: Aw man! Jason: Sheesh, I thought I was gonna be in this clay forever. Billy: The funny part is, I had a stunt double, you didn't. Hahahaha! Trini: That wasn't very funny, Billy. Billy: Yeah, yeah. Zack: Man, I've got a big problem. Trini: Yeah, we saw. Your date bombed. Zack: No! I got into a big fight with Rita's new monster! Trini: Is Tommy okay? Zack: Yeah, I left him someplace on the beach. Jason: You just abandoned him?!? Zack: I forgot, I think he's trying to swim in the ocean. Jason: You fool, he could be in trouble!! Zack: No he isn't. It's not in the script. Kimberly: I think we should morph and take care of the monster! The rangers run away from the table, but Zack quickly runs back and leaves his money at the table. Shortly after, a customer snatches his cash. Zack and his friends run up to the back of the caf‚ and prepare to morph. Jason: It's morphin' time! Zack: Majormess Kimberly: Pterodorky Billy: Tribladdertops Trini: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat Jason: Trashosaurus ALL: Pathetic Rangers! SCENE XII: Suddenly, they are taken to their MegaJunkaZord--under water, with bubbles. Billy: I don't mean to be a wet blanket... Jason: I hate your puns. Billy: I don't mean to be a wet blanket, but isn't this impossible? Jason: Yeah, well we gotta do somethin' stupid to deem this worthy of being the episode that graces out the end of the season. Anyway, let's take care of this marble-head. MegaJunkaZord punches the Moisturizer in the face. The Moisturizer retaliates by punching the MegaJunkaZord back. The MegaJunkaZord tries to punch the Moisturizer in the face again, but the Moisturizer blocks it and punches the MegaJunkaZord in the chest. The MegaJunkaZord rusts and falls onto its back. All: Augh!!! Billy: We're too weak! Jason: You're right. MegaJunkaZord is too crappy to fight under water. We need the BarneyZord. Kimberly: This might have worked if BarneyZord wasn't a plush, purple doll. Jason: Good lord. Trini, Kimberly, patch up the bulkheads and fix the sensor grids. Billy, send a distress signal, like when you're in bed. Billy: My penis does not need a tune-up. Have you checked yours lately? Jason: THAT'S besides the point, just send the signal. Billy: Right. Tommy's just hanging around doing nothing at the shore of the beach when he gets the message. Billy (over communicator): Tommy, we need help. Tommy: Right! I'm on my way! Time for BarneyZord power! BarneyZord is seen in his playground/colorful plastic undersea world when his sickeningly happy grin-face is seen when his eyes pop open. The incessant giggling sends the Moisturizer backflipping out of the ocean and onto the beach. Moisturizer: Okay, you plush, purple piece of puke. I'm gonna make you wish I wasn't going to carve out your insides and make sandwich spread out of it. The Moisturizer empties his bottle of lotion and covers BarneyZord in that pink Lumbca-Acid Gel (whatever the heck that is) which causes BarneyZord to crash down on its side. Tommy: Wait a minute. This was kinda quick. Moisturizer: And now, I'm going to do all the kids a favor by putting an end to your maddening laughter, you big, sickening little piece of crap! The Moisturizer throws a ball with a chain attached to it at BarneyZord which seems to be maintaining being stuck on BarneyZord's chest because he's holding it there. The chainball begins to make several fierce explosions which knock BarneyZord off his feet. Moisturizer: It's all over for you, cotton-brains! You're washed-up! Finished! Creamed! Ha ha! The camera begins to shake closer and closer to the vulnerable BarneyZord in the chains as Moisturizer moves closer and closer in for the kill. Suddenly, Moisturizer is blown backwards by another explosion when the MegaJunkaZord appears clear out of nowhere. Moisturizer: Wait a minute! This isn't the way it's suppose to work. Jason: Guess again. 'Cause it's been happening this way for 38 episodes. Moisturizer: No wait! Stop! The MegaJunkaZord repeatedly punches Moisturizer with its shiney, plastic glove hand and gets Moisturizer rolling on the ground. Moisturizer: It's not over yet! ---------- Rita: Did you hear that, Goldar? He says it's not over yet. Goldar: Yeah right. That's a little thing called false hope possessed only by the losers, who are usually otherwise known as the bad guys. Rita: Shut up! We can't lose now! --------- MegaJunkaZord promptly slashes Moisturizer into destruction with its Plastic Sword. --------- Rita: Damn! SCENE XIII: Sandwicha is seen in Ernie's Junk Food Bar sitting at a table with 14 shots of whiskey, drunk, when we zoom in on Trini (smiling) and Zack, who has a ton of roses and a microphone and tape recorder in the hall way. Trini: Well I guess you can't buy love, huh? Zack: No, it's not that. It's just to win her heart, you obviously have to buy her a yacht. Besides, I'm broke. I've had it, I'm resorting to my last thing, to sing for her. Trini: Oh no. GUYS! Kimberly: Yes? Trini: Put on your headphones, Zack's going to sing! Everyone: Aaaaaaaah!! Dressed as RED angels from cupid (of all things), Bulk and Skull bunch up side to side of Zack. Strangely enough, Bulk only has a harp, and Skull has an electric guitar, with a missing amp and unplugged. Zack: Don't screw up and DON'T sing. And if you do, I'm going to rip out your vocal cords with wire cutters. Bulk: All right. Skull: I have the tape... Bulk: Shh! They're not suppose to know!! Zack walks up to a dizzy headed Sandwicha with Bulk and Skull. Suddenly, this song ("Heal the World" by Michael Jackson with different lyrics) begins comprised of Drums, Synthesizer, Piano, Violins, Bass guitar and no harp, with Zack singing like he's lip-synching some Black R&B artist's recording that sounds like it was recorded in a studio. Verse 1: I now know, I've played the fool, and that your hair is made of pasta. You wash your hair with Tide and Ultra Wisk. And, your lips are made of cheese. Girl, with those TV bulb eyes, I can see the sun of "Lake Bikini!" Chorus: Sandwicha, take me back, PLEEEZE. I'd DIE if I never saw your tight ass ever again. You know, I've been a jerk, but you need some work, so please Sandwicha, give the Zackman another chance! The music abruptly ends as if a tape player was stopped. Zack: I love you, Sandwicha. And I'd stop at nothing to bag you. Sandwitcha: Oh, that was SO beautiful! Zack and Sandwicha lean over the elongating table [prop staff joke] trying to tongue it when Bulk and Skull get up in their faces staring at them while banging at their untuned instruments and "singing." Bulk: Yeah! She is really mean! Skull: She's a fright-machine! Bulk: He's a drag queen! Zack: Bulk. Skull. Get out before I send myself to jail for manslaughter involving you two. Bulk: Yes'sir. Jason: Of course she'd take 'em back. She's stewed for god sakes! She'll probably regret what she's done by the second season. Billy: Oh yuck. Anyone got a vomit bag? THE END (C) 1994 Artist Bros. Enterprises