Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "The Stupidity, Part II" Parody of, "The Mutiny, Part II" LAST TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS: The rangers were goofing off on (what is said to be) a charity-funded racing competition when things got messy due to: Decomposing, uranium covered, pork meat known as Lord Bread's idea of ruining the lovely not-so-sunshiney day by ousting and over-throwing the hoarse-voiced Rita, his new--ironically weaker-- muddies, and creating the ever-so annoying ChiaPetisHead, the one that reruns his ridiculously annoying Chia Pet commercials!! ChiaPetisHead: Hahaha, I'm going to make you sick with my Christmas commercials! And isn't it strange how I sound just like the Moisturizer?? Hahahahaha. ...meanwhile, Lord Bread, also confined to a chair to rot to death, decides he wants to play and turns the rangers' StupidZords, dah, I mean, DinoZords into icicles! ChiaPetisHead: Uh uh. Not this time, Rangers. I'm not like Rita's stupid puppy-faced monsters. I won't stand around and wait until your Zords get here. Suddenly, while the zords are charging through the place smashing men, women and children, all of the zords grow an over-accumulated amount of grass and just freeze and clank over onto their side--frozen and powerless. Jason: I can't believe this is happening. This is like one of my worst nightmares! Billy: I can't believe my agent would put me on such a silly, idiotic show... Can the Rangers de-frost the Zords for the evening dinner? Or are the rangers sick of their zords in the first place? Can the Rangers save the day without dumping on and dumping out Tommy again? Do the Rangers really care about him to begin with? And last, is Billy going to get a new agent and join the cast of 90210? Why do I ask so many irrelevant and boring questions? Find out on Part 2 of "Stupidity" on the Pathetic Rangers, next!! SCENE I: Jason and the rest are scrambling around like a pack of sheep on a bombed, earthquake-stricken, death trap of a parking lot watching as Lord Bread's reign of terror gets worse. Jason: This is making me dizzy, scrambling around the ground like this! Trini: Me too. Why are we doing this? Zack: Because the writers are too stupid to make a plot that doesn't rewind on itself like the scripts for "EEK!-Stravaganza." Billy: I don't know about you, but I'm sick and tired of... Kimberly: Be quiet, Billy. Remember what happened to Shelley Long? Billy: Well, Shelley Long didn't get five bucks an hour and gruel lunches. Jason: Whatever. Trashosaurus is filling everybody's backyards and kitchens with garbage. Kimberly: Why? Jason: Uh, what is Trashosaurus' name? Kimberly: [Pause] Oh, OH! Yeah, yeah. Oh no! What is he doing? Billy: He's getting ready to vomit out last week's garbage! ON US! Jason: What do we do?? Billy: Obviously because Shuki Levy has left to grab a Pepsi, we've been told to just run around like fresh-chopped, headless chickens. Jason: Well, my feet are going to get tied in a knot if I keep running around on a 7.4 earthquake! SCENE II: Tommy is standing around with his helmet off in the command center. Zordon: Put your helmet on at once. Tommy: Uh uh! It's too hot in there. Zordon: Well put it on anyway! Tommy: You can whine, you can pout, you can show me your grandmother's last picture, I am not going to put that stuffy helmet on. Besides, the paint is chipping. Alpha: Have you made it a point to get off the subject of why we've switched scenes? Tommy: No; it's just, I have to say something funny, otherwise this parody will turn into "The Cosby Show." Zordon: Oh no, I saw that show last week. The funniest thing they did was when that young kid put doody in that Cosby guy's pants pocket. Tommy: No no no, that was "Sinbad." Zordon: Huh? Oh well, they both suck. Tommy: Anyway... Zordon, you're suppose to give me more brain juice. Zordon: Not this time. I'm putting it in an aerosal can. Alpha, pour it down his mouth. Alpha grabs Tommy's nose and pours Zordon's Brain Juice down his mouth and Tommy begins coughing and choking. Tommy: What is that stuff? "Black Flag?" Alpha: No. It says on this can, its ingredients are: 1/4 Zordon's brains, Water, Salt, Concentrated Spinach Juice and Sugar with a pinch of Sour Cream. Tommy is seen running to the Command Center bathroom sink. Alpha: What are you doing? Tommy: I'm trying to save myself from Leukemia! Alpha: Ah come on! It won't kill you. At least I don't think. Of course, it never was tested on any animals. Zordon: Yes it was. That's how your pet hamster died. Tommy: Oh-my-gosh! Tommy's runs off the stage set and into a stage bathroom when Alpha stops him. Alpha: Cut it out! You have to swallow that stuff or else you'll lose your powers and you won't be able to save the rest of the rangers. Tommy: Whoopty-doo. I suppose MY life isn't worth chicken crap. I wonder how long I'll live? Probably not long enough to see "Murder, She Wrote" get canceled. Suddenly, another Green helmet morphs back onto Tommy's head. Tommy: HEY!! I've got another stuffy helmet on. Zordon: That's why I put in the Spinach Juice and Salt. Tommy: Let's just get this over with!! SCENE III: In Lord Bread's palace, Finster is seen with an apron on with Lord Bread's arm around his shoulder while Finster is carting him off his chair when a chunk of Lord Bread's leg gets ripped off the chair. Lord Bread: Agh! I feel a bit empty. Finster: Oh don't worry, let me just grab this liver from the trashcan. With a little paint, a little glue. There! You're good as new. Lord Bread: I'm in real bad shape. I wonder how this happened? Finster: Uhhh... I wouldn't know. Hehehehe. Lord Bread: No matter. I can't act like an old man just when I'm winning! Goldar! Get in here! Goldar: Yes sir! So how can I serve you today? Ultimatum? Kidnapping? Do battle with the rangers? Bite the flesh off of their thighs? Curse a spell? Lord Bread: Get serious. All I want you for is to report! Goldar: What!? It's part two for god sakes and I haven't done jack crap! I demand more, considering I was bribed into staying on this stupid show for another two years. Lord Bread: How about if I ram a steel pipe up where the sun don't shine? Goldar: All right, all right. It appears the Pathetic Rangers are doomed. Their zords have been confiscated because ChiaPetisHead's evil commercials caused the zords to grow too much grass and keel over--literally. It appears he's finally seized control. Lord Bread: Wonderful! Such genius! That will be all for now. Get out. Goldar: Yes sir. Man, this stinks! Someday, I'm going to join "Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters from Beverly Hills." Lord Bread: I've got plans. SCENE IV: The rangers are still trying to maintain balance in the alley shaking from an earthquake in between two cracked up buildings. Jason: When is this stupid scene gonna change?! Billy: Oh, I don't know. Tommy jumps on the shaky ground of where the Rangers are being tossed around. Billy: Hi, Tommy. Join in. It's the new dance; it's called "Twist Around 'til Your Legs Get Numb." Tommy: I'm not here for that, ya dumb women-stealer. What's gone wrong with you knuckle heads this time? Zack: Well my... Tommy: Nevermind, you'll take for ever reading YOUR lines. FLASH! Lord Bread has now been helped out of his chair and has decided to make Trashosaurus get real trashy, tee-hee. He's going to dump last year's garbage on all of us and then the rest on Angel Grave because ChiaPetisHead has managed to seize control over our zords. This means, Lord Bread can move around and do whatever he so chooses--which spells bad news for us. Jason: Oh no. Now what? Tommy: Here's something smart to do, maybe I'll summons BarneyZord. Yeah-- he'll go out, and Lord Bread will never think to mess with him! Jason (sarcastically): Great plan, Tom. But will it work? Tommy: No. I'm just doing what I was told because Shuki Levy is about as subtle as a plane crash on the freeway when it comes to writing, and couldn't help but be blunt about how to get BarneyZord in a fix. So I have to do this insulting-to-our-intelligence act for her. Jason: Oh no. Now, we're going to have to put up with that goofy sounding voice of Barney the Purple Dinosaur trying to be mean. Tommy: Hey, I didn't think to make these parodies. ---------- Lord Bread: I can't believe it! Green Ranger may as well have given me BarneyZord as a Christmas gift! Goldar: Why do you say that? Lord Bread: Are you as dense as you look? Or were just you born that way? Lord Bread smacks Goldar on the head. Lord Bread: DUMMY! I'm obviously going to take over BarneyZord, stupid! ---------- Tommy summons BarneyZord and as soon as it shows up, Lord Bread immediately tosses down a gigantic nuclear radiant banana-peeling at BarneyZord. Zack: Whoa! Look at that giant banana peeling. The banana peeling opens BarneyZord's circuit door and throws itself in and BarneyZord begins acting stupid and evil. BarneyZord: Dah...I hate you, You hate me. You're a pig, you make me sick. Don't mess with me, I'll bash your face right in. Won't you get out of my face. Jason: BarneyZord is going around crashing into everything! Zordon (over communicator): Just wanted to make a call and say that since BarneyZord is a basic heap of trash that, Bread's evil banana peeling messed up BarneyZord's brains, and now BarneyZord thinks being obnoxious and smelly is the way to be a goody-too-shoes. Jason: I am starting to detect a slight trend of stupidity here. Zordon: Of course. This episode is called "The Stupidity." Suddenly, Trashosaurus and BarneyZord begin throwing each other into tanks of mud and tar and then crash into each other and on the ground till their circuits begin to create a fire that burns up half of Angel Grave. Jason: Now that'll leave a mark. Until... ChiaPetisHead: Hahahahahaa! Hi there. Billy: What's that he has in his hand? Jason: I don't know. ChiaPetisHead whips out, from the back of his body, a 9 inch TV set of misery to annoy the Rangers tuned to his non-stop, 24-hour programmed network, the Chia Pet Commercial Network. ChiaPetisHead: Hahahaha, it's the first Chia Pet commercial, 1985, hahahaha!! Watch and scream! ChiaPetisHead turns on the television set and this extremely bright screen displays a Chia Pet commercial. (On the TV screen): Singers: Ch, Ch, Ch, Chiaaaa. (Ding ding, do do do...) Boy: Wow! Look at it grow! Man: Just wipe the seeds on its bottom and pour some water on it and watch it grow! Girl: Wow, it's a-m-aaaaazing! A picture appears of four squares that show a Chia-Dog, Chia-Giraffe, Chia-Three-Toed Sloth, Chia- Rhinoceros growing too much grass. Singers: Ch, Ch, Ch, Chiaaaa. (Ding ding, do do do...) Man: ChiaPet, buy it at Ernie's Junk Food Bar... (Off the TV screen) ChiaPetisHead: Hahahaha, there's more! Here's Chia Pet commercial, 1989! Jason: No! Stop it, help! NO MORE!! SCENE V: In the command center... The rangers are sitting on computer consoles with their zippers in their suits unzipped down to their tummies with their helmets off and their belt hanging. Zordon: Listen, you worthless brainwasters, just because I said you can go around sans your helmets in this scene didn't mean I wanted you to slouch. Jason: Big boss is talking. Zip up. The Rangers then zip their suits up to their necks and re-adjust their hanging belts. Zordon: That's better. What happened? Jason: What? Some burglar with money broke in and broke the spy camera "Not for your protection"? Zordon: Yes, I just love monitoring your every move. Kimberly: Well, Trashosaurus is dumping garbage on everyone's homes and is vomiting on BarneyZord while BarneyZord is slapping Trashosaurus and throwing him in the La Brea Tar-Pits... Zack: ...and then ChiaPetisHead rewound his old 1980s commercials for Chia Pet, and then for the big finale, he played 20 "The Clapper" commercials! Agh! I could just hear the mocking! [Sarcastic singing] "Clap on, Clap Off, Clap On, Clap Off, the Clapper," agh! Billy: Looks to me like this is just temporary insanity. Alpha: Temporary? The insanity doesn't end until this show gets canceled. And I don't think that will be happening in the near future considering you just did 32 stage shows in several residential areas. Trini: I knew that was a big mistake. Zordon: Well another option is that you could jump up to Bread's palace using your jetting... Jason: Yeah, how come we don't do that anymore? Zordon: Shut up. You jump to his palace and twist his barbecue rib of an arm until he can't take much more and grab his X stick to then free your zords. But that would cost us 20 bucks more than average for supplies, plus, it would would rob our show of suspense, so you're just gonna have to sit on the floor and sob and whine about not having your zords until Alpha gets off his duff and does something. Alpha: Or--you could choose door number three! Trini: All right, where's Monty Hall? I bet he reprogrammed Alpha because he was watching too much TV again like the pathetic slobs reading this. Alpha: No, dweeb. I'm giving you our other zords. Billy: Tell me the truth: exactly how much garbage do you have towed away in the place? Alpha: None. See, every week we check the script; and if it calls for suspense that puts you in a fix certain to finally destroy you and it seems to have no answer, we take a quick drive to the city dump and reconstruct some recycled throw-aways to bail you guys out of a fix. Zordon: Couldn't you have at least told them a fairy tale instead of the truth? Zack: We'd never believe it because we're too old for that. Jason: I'll tell you where Tinkerbell is living! Zack: Oh man, I've been searching for her for years! Alpha: Once, we found three green babies in the dumpster. Zordon: Anyway, show 'em. Alpha begins walking incredibly slowly as he leads the rangers to their new zords. Jason: Oh no, this is sad. Would you just get on with it?!? Alpha: Sheesh, you act like all I did was JUST create a new recipe for yam pie. Jason: Oh sure, like you won't be introducing some more junk in the third season. Alpha: Stop calling it junk! Billy: Why? It is junk. Alpha: It is not! It took me forever to recycle this stuff. Zack: Would you just get on with it? Alpha: Meet the BlunderZords! Jason: What next? The Junk-a-lamer-zord? Alpha: No, but the concept is not in writing yet. Kimberly: Let's see 'em. Zordon: Jason: you will control the Red-Spinal Column BlunderZord, his power is dumb and cheap. Trini: yours shall be the Muffin BlunderZord, cramp and smelly. Zack: you shall have the Cowardly Lion BlunderZord, chicken and yellow. Billy: your Acorn BlunderZord will have the exact technological skill of 1966's "Star Trek," cheap and worn. Kimberly: the TiredBird Blunderzord hits trees, but somehow makes it without konking out. Jason: Junk--as I said before. Zordon: Be quiet! When you crash together, you will form the BlunderHeapaJunkaMegaZord. Alpha: Kinda rolls off the tongue, huh? Billy: What about Tommy? Zordon: Tommy is stupid and disposable. Alpha (sarcastically): Gee, I couldn't have POSSIBLY put it any better than you! Sheesh. Tommy: Oh brother. Not again. Is there no reward for the curds that I go through? Jason: LET'S GRAB OUR NEW ZORDS! All: Yeah! Alpha: Not so fast, Speedy Gonzalez! Zordon: You can't so much as touch my new garbage until you've proven you can retryive yesterday's junk--otherwise known as the MegaJunkaZord. Afterall, the BlunderHeapaJunkaMegaZord doesn't run off of batteries. Jason: Doesn't? Zordon: No. We couldn't find 12 month long durable batteries anymore. So therefore, you must bring back the MegaJunkaZord so I can drain it of its batteries and give them to the BlunderZords. Jason: Aw man, no weapons? Zack: I can't believe we can't do anything! Billy: I'll figure out something. I believe I created a television set that screens very, very poor TV series. The equally nauseating TV programs will clash, conflict and then ChiaPetisHead won't be able to keep up. His spell will eventually fall off of the zords, giving us the chance to move in for the kill. Alpha: Hey, Billy, I need a favor. I can't seem to find that device Trashosaurus had that screens bad TV shows. You know, that thing we used in "Foolsday"? Billy: Gotta go! Trini, you go help me. Trini: Why do you keep picking me? Billy: I think I explained that in "Grumpy Bee." Now c'mon! Trini: All right. HUA... Billy grabs Trini and teleports away. Zack: Man, I can't believe we can't do anything! Jason: You just said that. Kimberly: Expect that. Remember "Junkyard of Illusion?" Jason: Oh no! Zack: I can't believe we can't do anything! Jason (sarcastically): No, duh... Zordon: Stop teasing Zachary. I'm trying to think. Your bickering is conflicting with my concecration. Tommy: Bulk and Skull are gonna quit if we don't fit them in this parody sometime. Jason: What do we need them for anyway? Alpha: Comedy relief. Kimberly: They're more gross, disgusting and obnoxious than funny. Jason: True. Zordon: Well, bring 'em in anyway! We don't have enough "Zyu Stooges" footage to fill up five more minutes. Jason: So, we essentially manage to kill off five minutes of time each show on them? Alpha: precisely. Jason: Aye yi yi. Alpha: Hey, that's my line. SCENE VI: Bulk and Skull have stolen the Pathetic Rangers' abandoned race-cars and are in no-man's land somewhere at some desert beyond the Angel Grave borders. Skull: Hey, let's go this way! Bulk: Skull, that's a cliff. Skull: Hey look, I know where I'm going. Bulk: We're going this way. This is the way. Skull: No, that mountain looks familiar. Bulk: That's because we've been here before, stupid. Now, let's go HERE. Skull: Fine, you go your way, I'll go mine. And whoever gets there first has to buy one of us 20 buckets of Alabama Fried Chitterlings. Bulk: Hope you have your money. And that's Alabama Fried Chicken. Skull: I'm a little short. Bulk: Oh brother. C'mon, let's just get this over with. Skull and Bulk split off in the opposite direction roving around in their race cars. SCENE VII: At the command center... Zack is sitting on the command center floor. Zack: Man, I can't believe we can't... Jason: Zack, I'm going to tie you in three of four knots if you don't quit repeating your LINES! Trini: Billy, when are we going to leave already? Billy? Where did you go? Kimberly: A-HEM! Billy is found kneeling behind Trini's butt rubbing it when he suddenly stands up. Billy: Ah right, let's go. Trini: Finally. Zack: Well while they're off doing god knows what, I can't believe... Tommy: Zack, shut up already. Jason, now what? Jason: What do I look like?? The Alarm goes off. Alpha: The Alarm! Kimberly: No kidding. Alpha: It's Lord Bread's new line of Muddie patrolers! Jason: Well, it looks like we've gotta go back and kick it! Zordon: You can't do that. Tommy: And why is that? Zordon: Because it's too dangerous. Zack: So is working for you, but since we're slaves, what else are we good for? Jason: I say we go out there! Kimberly: The last time we listened to you and went against Zordon's warning, MegaJunkaZord's arm got lopped off. Zack: Well, we don't have anything else better to do, so let's go. SCENE VIII: The four Rangers teleport to some deserted area. Kimberly: What happened to the Muddies? Jason: Maybe they thought Trini was coming and got scared that they were going to have to endure her voice. Tommy: Not so fast, look out! Zack: Here they come! Jason: Remember, aim for their crotches! The rangers engage in another sloppy fight with the ironic Muddies and the rangers go after their crotches and have difficulty destroying them. Jason: Hey, this isn't as easy as it was in part one! Zack: Maybe Lord Bread got smart. AB Writers: Sure did. To prevent it from looking like Bread's muddies are dumber than Rita's (which they are), he put athletic supporters on them. Jason: Jock straps? Aw man! The rangers try to get tougher, leading to the destruction of the muddies, when suddenly... Chia-PetisHead: Guess who!? Zack: You ripped that off from "Woody Woodpeckster!" The rangers look up on a mountain where ChiaPetisHead is. Jason: Aw no, not you again. Kimberly: I think we better go get help. Jason: I can take him! ChiaPetisHead: Not in this episode. I just wanted to make a special appearance to just irritate you, just that much more. ChiaPetisHead vanishes. Jason: Aw man, he's gonna pay in part three! Mark my words! SCENE IX: We take a close-up of Bulk's face as he speeds in his car. Bulk: Skull don't know what he's talking about, I'm on the right track. I know that seeing kangaroos and bobcats are normal on this route. We take a close-up of Skull's face as he speeds in his car, driving in the "opposite" direction of Bulk's. Skull: Bulk has lost it this time. I know that seeing the 101 Freeway sign is normal for an off road racing course. Later... Bulk and Skull crash into each other on a farm that seems to be owned by nobody. Bulk: Oh great, now what are we going to do? Skull: I think you were tailing me; trying to get all the credit! Bulk: You cheat! You probably re-drew my map so I'd drive down a railroad track and get run down by a locomotive! Skull: Bulk, there's something you ought to see. Bulk: Not now, you teen-twit, bubble brained, dipstick, pimple-faced... Skull: No, Bulk; I REALLY think you should see this! Bulk: ...marble-headed, ignoramerous! You're a stupid, YEEESH! Bulk turns around to see ChiaPetisHead behind him holding chain noon-chucks with chia-pet handlers. ChiaPetisHead: Are you done yet? Bulk: You can't fool me with that disguise. Skull: Acting, remember?? Bulk: Oh right. Bulk and Skull start doing stupid routines of acting as if they're scared. ChiaPetisHead: They were the only thing on the un-employment line that would work for $5 a month. SCENE X: In the command center... Jason: All right, Mr. Answerman. If we can't touch the new scrap heap, how do you suppose we free the others from their mind spell? Zordon: I think Billy and Trini are thinking up something. Jason: The only thing they think about is vanity. Zack: You can talk. Man, I can't believe... Jason punches Zack in the face and Zack falls to the floor. Tommy: It wasn't pretty, but it had to be done. Alpha: I don't know what to do. I suppose it's time for you to go back out there and get beat up until the floor starts shaking and your feet get paralyzed. Jason: I'll be a horse's butt if I go back to doing that lame, dorky scene. Alpha: Don't worry about it, it's only for about 55 seconds. We've gotta end this parody anyway. Don't sweat it. Jason: All right. Zack: Help. Kimberly: Think we should bother to help 'em? Jason: Sure, if I have to mumble around on that concrete, I'm going to take "Too-lame-brained-to-get-a-new-set-of-lines" Zack with me too. Tommy: I'm gonna need some help lifting Zack up here. Zack: Thanks. SCENE XI: The rangers teleport back to the place they were in the first scene of this show. Jason: This is awful! We need help! Aaaagh! When is Trini and Billy gonna get here?? I don't know how much longer we can last! TO BE CONTINUED... (C) 1994 Artist Bros. Enterprises