Comic Note: Due to Bob Manahan's sudden stomach pumping operation, the part of swarming head Zordon was temporarily replaced by George Burns. Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "Broom of Doom" Parody of, "Bloom of Doom" SCENE I: At Ernie's Junk Food Bar, an array of tables with signs above them are set up. Billy has a sign above him saying `Science Related Stuff's Club.' Zack is just dancing in front of a mirror with a sign hanging on his shirt that says "Watch me Dance for $15," and Tommy and Jason are walking around as though they have the show under patrol. Trini is standing at a table with huge Encyclopedias, alminacs and the bible with a sign painted: `Book Reading Club.' Kimberly is standing at a table with another sign painted: `Lingerie Fashion and Plant Life Club.' Bulk is walking with Skull while Skull is still wired to the tee. Bulk: WE are going to find the true identities of the... Tommy: You might as well forget it. You know you'd be out of a job if this show gets canceled thanks to you finding us out. Skull: Ah, we're just playin'--that's why everybody who's joined our club was bribed with free peeks at Trini's used panties. Trini: HEY, those are MINE! Give those back to me! Jason laughs. Kimberly is standing at her table with skimpy underwear, bikinis, too-tight clothes and everything. Billy notices her club. Billy: I'll be right back. Nerd: But what about our discussion about Dr. Dren's theory on splitting the 6th dimension? Billy: Read it yourself. I have to check something out. Billy drops the book he was reading on the nerd's foot. Nerd: Ow! You could've at least said you're sorry! Billy walks over to Kimberly's table. Billy: What's with the display of make-chics-look-like-they're-naked clothes? Kimberly: Well, the Costume Designer ordered too many bike-pants, leggings, capri-leggings, etc..., etc... So, I'd thought I'd make some new friends by getting some girls together to wear this stuff. Billy: Yeah, but what's the point? Everybody'll look like you. Kimberly: Nope. I put holes in these. Billy: If they ever figure that out, they'll kill you, you do realize that. Kimberly: No they won't. Billy: Why? Kimberly: I'm the most popular girl in Angel Grave. Billy: Then why hasn't anybody showed up? Kimberly: That's what I'd like to know. Trini: ...thanks and remember, a book a day keeps the idiots away. Homely Girl: Thanks, Trini. Bye, bye. And thank you, thank you for convincing me to join the convent. Trini: Oh I love my work! Kimberly, I'm doing hot, how's about you? Hmmm, it looks like you've bombed out. Oh well...bye! Kimberly: Thanks fer nothin', Trini. I mean, "I am very happy for you." (Yeah right, NOT.) Homely Girl #2: Hey, I just bought this book, I was wondering what it's about? The girl lifts up a book with a blank, brown cover and inside is 15, 30 paged chapters on the scientifics on the cardboard box. Trini: Oh, that's a lovely book. You'll enjoy it. Homely Girl #2: Oh gee, this is so neet. Bye. SCENE II: Lord Bread thinks he's off camera while he's examining his finger that has his ear wax on it. Lord Bread: Interesting, this time it's a little brown. Goldar: Magnificent, Lord Bread--but don't you think we have better things to be thinking about besides your ear wax? Lord Bread: Like what? Goldar: We're on camera. Lord Bread: Whoops, ah, ahem. HA HA HA HA! AT LAST, I have found a way to terminate those large rodents known as human teenagers! Goldar: What are you going to do, my brainlessness? Lord Bread: Easy, I'll send down an inconspicuous muddie to look like anybody else and replace her cactus plant with a poisoned cactus plant that will make her jealously explode out of control. Meanwhile, I am going to formulate out of thin air the Broom of Doom! Goldar: Forgive me for questioning you, oh decomposing one, but what does a broom have to do with the running plot of botany? Lord Bread: Do not ask me questions in which I have not rehearsed to respond to, otherwise, I shall force you to do something! Goldar (sarcastically): Oh have mercy. Lord Bread: Yeah, you'll be forced to ride around in a double-armored laser-cannon tank. Goldar: Sounds like I'm in real trouble now. So where is this cannon? Lord Bread: Ah.....forget it. BABOO, have you made the potion yet!? Baboo twinkle-toes to Lord Bread then trips over his feet and falls to his knees, spilling the potion on the floor. Baboo: Here it is, whoops! Oops. Lord Bread: Lick it up, BOOBOO! Baboo: It's Baboo, sir. Lord Bread: Do you want me to use your face as a mop? Squatt: You're mean. Lord Bread starts glowing red looking like he is about to explode. Lord Bread: I should turn you into soup cans for that comment! Squatt: Please, have mercy!! Lord Bread: Stop begging and get up! Squatt: Sorry, Bread--I was born like this. Lord Bread: How pathetic. Goldar: You need an update, Lord Bread. Squatt was born squatting. Get it? Squatt? He squats? Lord Bread: Ah, you're worthless. Anyhow, since there is no way I could ever get within a city block of Kimberly let alone have her all to myself--I shall destroy her. Goldar: Perv. Lord Bread: Did you say something, Goldar? Goldar: Oh, no. Lord Bread: Good, because then I thought I would have to snap your vertibrae. Now then, this monster is a Female--an enhanced spit flower with a combination of powers to rerun the plots from the first season of "Pathetic Ranger Flunks" and "An Oyster Glue." Goldar: How? Just make them act like their suits will vaporize when they just retreat and rub their burning eyes? Lord Bread: Exactly. But now that we have successfully robbed this show of all of its suspense, the only reason anyone would watch this show is for the cheesy jokes, bad puns, lousy running-gags and awful plot line. SCENE III: A Muddie appears in hallway of the Junk Food Bar with a cactus plant in his hands and then changes into a man wearing a black full-body jumpsuit and dark sunglasses and enters the bar. Kimberly is standing around behind her table while staring at Trini's table which has a bunch of long, plaid skirt-wearing homely girls signing up for her boring book club. Kimberly finally gets fed up. Kimberly: ISN'T ANYBODY GOING TO JOIN MY CLUB?! Capbutt: No begging! It's against policy. Kimberly: Oh shut up, you idiotic eunuch. Capbutt: HAW! We get a behind shot of Kimberly pulling open her vest, Capbutt's rug flies off his head and then she buttons it up again. Capbutt: Forget about the policy. Ehehehe... Capbutt walks away with his hands folded over his pants crotch when suddenly a man walks in with a black full-body jumpsuit on. On front of his suit are the words in huge, neon-light letters: "INCONSPICUOUS PERSON," with a button on saying "Don't look at me, I am not up to anything, I am an average, ordinary American Person." Capbutt: Good day, sir. The so-called inconspicuous man just nods and walks off with a huge plant in his hand. Kimberly is sitting on a stool next to the counter of where Ernie's "working." Kimberly: I don't know what's wrong. I gave Mr. Capbutt my ad for the paper, including a picture myself in a bikini--topless--with my back to the camera! I just don't know what went wrong! Ernie: I don't know, but if I saw an ad like that--I'd go even though I would look sun-blindingly gross in anything remotely revealing. Kimberly: Agreed. But, what also bothers me is that Trini's club... Ernie: You mean that boring book club? Kimberly: Yeah. How is she getting such a large turn-out? Ernie: You mean you don't know? She sold $80 worth of black and white photos of herself posing in your clothes to those girls' boyfriends. Kimberly: They have boyfriends? Ernie: You'd be surprised. Kimberly: Agh! Wait 'til I get my hands on that... Ernie: Wait a second, first drink this. Kimberly: Two questions: what is it? And why did you stop me? Ernie: I don't know -- and you're supposed to wait until you prick your finger. Kimberly: You are impassive. Ernie: Hey, I didn't write this. Kimberly walks away and bumps into the so-called inconspicuous man, she shrugs him off. Kimberly: Excuse me. The "man"/muddy just nods. Kimberly fondles a long cucumber when her finger slips and gets punctured by the plant. Kimberly: Shoot! Surprise, surprise. She sucks her finger and, for about 45 seconds, is frozen then she finally stops sucking her finger. Suddenly, she looks around with this look on her face like she just got through watching a pathetic, sorry television show. Kimberly: Gee, this day is crap. Oh look, there's Trini. TRINI! Trini: Hi Kim, here's 25 cents. Just to help ya out. Kimberly: Well I don't need it, shorty. So, you big tramp, selling my clothes to make more money, aye? Trini: What's your problem? Kimberly: I don't have a problem. But soon, you will... Billy: Hey baby-buns, wanna go to the beach and do some push ups on my banana? Billy starts bobbing up and down with this stupid dopey look on his face. Kimberly: No, zit-face. Billy: What!? Wha, What is this, ha-how come you... Kimberly: You look like you got your head stuck in a bee-hive for 5 minutes. Billy: Hey, what's going on? It, it's like you just got through watching yesterday's episode! Kimberly: I'm outta here, I've gotta plant this garden so I'll get more attention. Chow, nerdy-pants. Oh, and by the way--you don't rock my world, and you never have. Billy has this shattered look on his face. Billy: It, it's like my whole world has come apart before my very eyes. Where am I ever going to get something like that again? I'm crushed. Tommy: Hey buddy, don't sweat it. I'll give her this since she's into plants. Billy: I think I'm going to cry. Tommy walks up to Kimberly, who is off someplace with her arms folded in just looking at everybody with this attitude like everything and everybody sucks. Kimberly: Everything and everybody sucks.. Tommy: Hey, Kim, here's a rose to make you feel better. Tommy whips out this crooked, wilted, brown, dead smelling rose. Kimberly mommentarily glances down towards the dead plant, grabs it and crushes it. Kimberly: Hey Tommy... Kimerly then lets the bits fall to the floor... Kimberly: ...you can take your dying weeds and shove them up your anus! Tommy: Hey look, Kimberly--just because we broke up (like all the other rangers did) at the season premiere doesn't mean you have to pour salt into the wound that is my heart. Kimberly: Lovely speech, Tom; but I have to run now. Tommy: Hey what kind of a monster are you? Kimberly storms out of the Junk Food Bar and Jason looks up and surprised. Jason: Gee, I didn't know anybody on this show could have a worse attitude problem than me. Zack: Yeah, it must be that time of the month. Trini: Yeah, you'd know. Zack and Trini start goading each other into a fight while we pan over to Billy who has this blank stare sitting in a chair. Jason: Yo, Bill--'sup man? Billy is chanting, "My life is ruined, give me Arsenic, please." Tommy: Look dude, you've gotta snap out of this Woodstock weed daze, otherwise the rangers are history by the time this episode is over. Jason: Boy will that time be a releif. Bulk: Speaking of the rangers, can I record your voice? Jason: Say Bulk, can I make a mold of my fist in your face? Bulk: Ah ha, so you DO have something to hide! Jason: Yeah, like my fist. Jason takes the tape recorder and throws it to the floor and jumps on it. Then he takes the tape and pulls out all the tape. Jason: Now go find yourself another hobby. Bulk: WHAT ABOUT YOU? Bulk suddenly sticks his microphone up Tommy's mouth. Tommy: AHhhh!! I confess, I did it, I am The GREEN... Jason slaps Tommy on the face. Tommy: I mean, the green slime that's been uhh, taking uhh... Jason: ...Bubble gum from the machines. Kimberly: I'm back. Jason: Aww no. Kimberly: Yeah, I just read the friggen script, and it tells me there's someone left I haven't annoyed. Bulk: Hey cutey, wanna join my club? We're obnoxious and loud too. Kimberly: Hey, I may cuss; but I'm a selfish person right now. The script warrants that the only person I semi-like is myself; so buzz off, foamface. Skull quickly whips out another portable recorder with brand new micro cassettes. Jason: Where does he get these things? Bulk: Wait, can I record your voice, Kim? Kimberly pauses with an upset face and off-screen, yelling and screaming is heard then we quickly pan back to Bulk who has the microphone in his mouth. Bulk (muffled): I take that as a no. Jason: I've had it with her! What's her problem? Tommy: Maybe it finally happened, maybe Billy's a daddy. Billy: My life is ruined, Give me Arsenic please... Jason: I think I'm going to hurt somebody -- maybe my agent. Kimberly: Oh shut up you tiger-faced, spike-haired, muscle loving, ego-maniac, karate-failure! You're just a bunch of pathetic drop-outs! Jason has this look on his face as though he is going to cry too. Zack: We better switch scenes before the AB Writers up-chuck all over the script.....again. SCENE IV: Lord Bread is looking at earth and then activates his telescopic eye-beam watching Kimberly in capri's and a dirty t-shirt throwing around flowers sitting in the middle of dug up dirt. Kimberly: What the hell am I even doing here? Nobody'll show up. Stupid Billy, stupid flowers, stupid Trini, stupid coins, stupid Bulk, stupid... Meanwhile... Lord Bread: MAN! If it wasn't for the fact that she holds the power of that coin, I'd marry her! Goldar: Ew. Lord Bread: WHAT WAS THAT??!?! Goldar: Well Bread, you want to marry the entity that's always annoyed me throughout 125 episodes? Lord Bread: How many times have I told you not to talk unless I say so? Goldar: Okay, your rottingness. Squatt: Can I have some food now? Lord Bread: Go back to your painrooms! Baboo: Oh dear. Lord Bread: What do I do now? Hmmm... Goldar: How 'bout release Broom of Doom? Lord Bread: I KNOW! I'LL RELEASE BROOM OF DOOM! I am eternally brilliant! Goldar: Nothin' but the best. Finster: Sorry for butting in, but this bread looks a little undone, what do you think I should do? Lord Bread: EAT IT! Finster: But it's unedible, I'll get sick. Lord Bread: Your point exactly? Finster: Nevermind, I'll taste it. Lord Bread: Those pinheads wont stand a chance. I'll miss you, Kimberly. Goldar: I would throw-up if I had've eaten since you took over. Broom of Doom is sent down into the vast Angle Grave Park near the main city. SCENE V: Jason gets paged while standing around at the entrance of the Junk Food Bar. Jason: Who is it? Zordon: Cindy Crawford. Geez, who else? Zack: What went wrong this time? Zordon: Morph and find out. Tommy: Beautiful. Well, I guess I'll go, even though I don't even know what's going to happen. {Long Pause} Zordon: Well? Jason, your line? Jason: I'd warn him about his limited powers but the fact is, I just don't care. Tommy: Glad to feel appreciated. Trini walks up to the rest of the Rangers. Trini: What's going on? Jason: It's Morphin Time! Trini: Oh, okay. Tommy: DragonFly! Trini: Sabretooth-Alley Cat! Jason: Trashosaurus! ALL: Pathetic Rangers! Trini: Great, we get to wind up with another bad female monster. Broom of Doom: Muahahaha!! I am the Broom of Doom, sneeze at my dust and feel my wrath. SCENE VI: Kimberly is in her garden slaughtering her plants when she gets paged by the command center. Kimberly: Damn it, just what I friggin' need. A dag-gum monster to make my life a living hell. Kimberly stands up and assumes a sarcastic smile and answers her communicator. Kimberly: What Is It, Goldfish?--I mean, Zordon? Zordon: Hello, Pink Ranger. Kimberly (impatiently): What is it, grease-man? Alpha: Aye-yi, yi, yi, yi... Zordon: Silence, sink erator. Kimberly, you must morph and use this special, magically electrical whip to destroy the Broom of Doom. A thin stick that has a long recycled ball of paper is wrapped around the end of it is zapped into Kimerly's hand. Kimberly: So what do I do with this friggin' thing? Clean the toilet? Zordon: Stop cursing, Pink Ranger. You tie up this she-devil monster and zap her until her bristles start to fall out. Assemble the mega-blaster and destroy her. Kimberly: And if I fail? Zordon: You're pot-roast. Kimberly: You suck... Kimberly: Pterydorky! SCENE VII: Zack and Billy are walking to the janitorial closet of the Junk Food Bar with a sign behind them saying "To The Dodo" with an arrow pointing further off the set. Billy: I thought I said I'm not going to put up with the writers pairing us. Zack: I'll sue. Billy: Well, newsflash from FOX Kids Execs' - Morph or Die. Zack: It's Morphin Time... Zack: Majormess! Billy: Tribladdertops! ALL: Pathetic Rangers! Jason: Glad you could make it, but I should warn you--you'll get soot in your eyes and you'll feel like flying embers have landed all over you. Zack: Thanks for nothing. Billy: Let's get this thing! All: Aye-Ya! Broom: You cannot attack me because you have worthless MUDDIES to deal with! Go, my patrollers and destroy the Pathetic Rangers! Kimberly laughs and the Rangers destroy all the Muddies. Broom: Not bad, but Pink Ranger ought to not cuss everytime she kicks a muddy. Kimberly: Shut up, you lousy cameo from Rita's Seed of Evil. Billy: Nice work tickin' off this ember-thrower. Broom: Feel the dust! Kimberly: YOU DON'T HAVE THE GUTS! Broom: STOP YOUR CUSSING! YOU'RE MESSING UP MY DAG-GUM SCENE! Kimberly: Well I don't care anyway! Broom: I'm threw procrastinating... I am going to destroy you!!!! Jason: Oh no!!! Wait to go Zordon, sending Fowlmouth down to help. The broom starts sweeping around the screen kicking it's magical dust up in Billy, Zack, Jason and Tommy's face. Jason: My supersuit! What's happening?! It stings! Billy: I feel as though I am going to spontaneously combust! Zack: Agh, this burns. Tommy: Geez, how's this stuff getting in my eyes??! Explosions and sparks occur in the white-diamond area of their suits and then they're knocked down. Meanwhile... Goldar: Ahahaha, they claim it stings--we must be getting some place! Lord Bread sighs.. Goldar: Oh don't tell me you're feeling sorry for Kimberly? Lord Bread: AND SO WHAT IF I DO?! Oh, I can't hurt her--I wont make the monster come after her. I'll just make her fight with the Broom of Doom just so I can enjoy listening to her struggle. Baboo: I think Lord Bread needs to lie down. Back to Broom of Doom... Kimberly: Well, here goes nothin'. Toliet-Bowl-Whip! Aye-ya!! Kimberly wraps up the Broom in masking tape when a surge of 99 kilowatts ionize the Broom of Doom when the Broomstick gets crooked. Trini: Now, I'll finish 'em! Trini take out her blade blaster and cuts the masking tape. Kimberly: Nice going, I think I'm going to break your arm! Kimberly grabs Trini and they start rolling on the set shouting and screaming. Jason: This is no time for a cat-fight! Trini: He is right, I at least have my dignity. Broom: Hey, you cussin' ranger! I've got my dustpan of horror here! Hahahaha. Kimberly: This plot reeks. Broom: Yeah, but I don't! I reek of sheer brilliance! Hahahahhahaha. Take this!! The dustpan throws a bombload of dust in Kimberly's face and she starts seeing plaid lines and green shades and then gets sucked into a steamy place with cactuses' marked "No-man's-land..." Kimberly notices the sign saying "No man's land" and accidentally rips it off and then it says "Lord Bread's Bathroom." Kimberly: Oh no! Broom: Oh yes! FEEL SO LUCKY!?!?! NOBODY'S CLEANED THIS PLACE UP SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME! HAHAHAHA... Better get used to it, Fartmouth; because you'll be staying here for eternity!!! Kimberly: That's it! I've had it with you! You rude, stupid, toilet plunging ding-a-ling. It'll take more than this to shut me up! Broom: What's that s'pposed to mean? Kimberly: It means, you can keep me here until god knows when, but I can keep talking and annoy the hell out of you! Broom: Urrr, Bread's bright ideas... Well I'll force you to keep quiet! Kimberly: Oh yeah? How! Broom: Like this! Hahahahahaha! Suddenly two long toilet plungers are headed at the speed of lightening for Pink Ranger and starts sucking at her chest and helmet when Kimberly starts struggling. Kimberly: MMMM!!! MMMM!! HMMMM! MMM!!! Broom: Hahaa beat that, obnoxious. SCENE VIII: The rangers teleport without their helmets on. Zordon: DAHHHH!! I AM SICK OF YOU FIVE! Billy: Just report, I've had a real bad day. Zack: Yeah, Kimberly's been stampeding on everyone's mental faces. Zordon: Your point exactly? Billy: I don't believe this. Zordon: Well how should I know what's going on? Alpha: Because if you don't, the rangers will meet a certain doom? Zordon: And so? Alpha: And so, you'd get sued by Saban Entertainment, The United Negro Swarming-Head Fund, and The Artist Bros. Department of Stupid Parodies. Zordon: Oh, that many people hate me, huh? Alpha: No, they just want your money. Jason: Uhh, are we here or what? Alpha: Right, and you had something to say? Zordon: Umm yes, you failed and so did Kim. Tommy: I bet it was 'cause of her lousy attitude problem. Alpha: No, that probably is the only thing that'll save her. It was because Zordon's toilet cleaner was cheap. Zordon: Not true, Broom of Doom kidnapped her BECAUSE of her attitude. She figured she was being one-upped a bit. Zack: Anyway, how do we snap Kimberly out of this spell? Trini: Yeah? Zordon: Destroy the monster. Trini: Hahahahaha. Oh, just that simple. I suppose that Zordon's serious so let's get right to it... Zordon: Okay, okay, just don't get obnoxious. Trini, because you've been bagged on the most this episode for your incredible mounting amounts of boredom, you are in charge of giving Broom of Doom the slip. Now, you... Billy: Hold it stupid, this is my line. Zordon: Oh sorry, I completely forgot that you exist. Billy: You, peasant! Anyway, as I was saying; if Yellow Back Ranger... Trini: We have names. Billy: ...if Yellow Back Ranger... Trini hits Billy on the head and Billy hits her on the head and they start smacking each other. Jason: STOP IT, YOU TWO! Billy: Sorry, If Treeenee, {Trini sticks her tongue out at Billy} throws her daggers aimlessly over the set of Universal Studios, she'll eventually hit the target and free Kimberly, and knock off that DREADED spell. By the way, I'm suing. For two episodes straight, I've been peeled apart from my baby, I am sick of it. Pick on Trini for god sakes, no one wants her. Trini: I am ready to morph into action. SCENE IX: Meanwhile, B.O.D. withdrawls one plunger from Kimberly's helmet which pulls her onto her knees with a super-long Toliet plunger stuck to Kimberly's Chest with a rope attached to the end held by the Broom of Doom. Broom of Doom is continuously laughing histerically while pulling the rope making Kimberly get weaker and more explosions to occur while she's moaning and screaming. Kimberly: AGH, UGH! MMMM, UH! Broom: Face it, human-pond algae! You can't get free from me! Hahaha... Suddenly a visible blue arc of electricity is sent through the elongated plunger and zaps Kimberly 'til she's on her knees again. Kimberly: Agh. My friends will save me. Broom: Why would they do that?--You cussed them out. Kimberly (whiney voice): Oh... We cut to Lord Bread's throne. Lord Bread: I can't put three holes through her, but if I don't want to end up back on the line of unemployed-bad-guys&gals-association-for-30- minute-long-chlidrens television shows, I must. Goldar: I don't know why you're so turned on to her, afterall--she's the... Lord Bread starts glowing red and gravey starts pumping through his tubes and Lord Bread swings his X Staff into Goldar's head. Lord Bread: I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK! Squatt--Baboo.. Get me a pen and paper, before I destroy her, I want to write her a love letter. Goldar: I think Kim would throw it away and call the police on the account of stalking from obsessed fans. Lord Bread: No she won't! 'Cause I'm sending my EVIL love to her! Squatt: I think Baboo's right, you ought to lay down. SCENE X: Yellow Ranger... Trini: AHEM! Um--what I meant was: Trini runs out to where Kimberly and Broom of Doom were fighting again. Trini: That's better, now then. I shall throw my daggers into the place where I last saw her when she was wrapping up the huge broom stick. Trini tosses her daggers into the space and then get sucked into a magical hole. On the other side, out of the darkness come Trini's daggers and chop Broom of Doom's incredibly long duster bristle in half that was originally wrapped around Kimberly, toasting her. Suddenly, they are outside Downtown Tokyo, dah--Angel Grave and the monster is rolling around on the ground on fire yelling while Trini and Kim are talking. Trini: That monster should really stop drinking concentrated kerosene. Kimberly: Thanks for freeing me. Trini: Yeah, we're friends--right? Kimberly: Ah, I never said that. Trini: How would you like me to torch you with my blade-blaster? Kimberly: Okay, fine--you're my friend. Extreme close-up of Trini's sagging crotch while posing. Trini: Great, so let's get this DustQueen! Broom of Doom gets up again smoking and staggers around a bit when she suddenly notices Kimberly is walking, slowly, but, steadily towards herself. Broom: Agh! You really ruffle my bristles! Uh? Pink Ranger, what are you doing with that match? Hey, don't light it like that--careful if you drop it on my bristles, I'll...... Broom of Droom suddenly ignites into a bonfire. Kimberly: That'll teach you not to garble my brains! Meanwhile...Lord Bread pouts as usual. Lord Bread: Agh, just what I thought I was close to victory!! I HATE those Rangers, espcially PINK Ranger!!! Goldar: But I thought you wanted to have an afffair with her? Lord Bread: Nevermind what I said, NOBODY foils the evil diabolical schemes of LORD BREAD!!!!! Goldar: Careful, or your brains might boil over. Lord Bread: UGH!!!! Goldar: Besides, Pink Ranger wouldn't have sex with you to save her own life. In fact, I think she'd RATHER BE >DEAD< than to sleep with you. Lord Bread: Are you trying to say that somebody as easy as her wouldn't think I'm handsome!? Goldar: UH, UM, UH--It's not that, well ya see. NO, you're the most handsome creature alive in the Galaxy. It's just that I think she has a policy against sleeping with guys that aren't her own species. Lord Bread: Well I don't care, those Rangers will be made to pay. Now, go back to your painrooms, now! Goldar: But... Lord Bread: Shut up! Goldar: Yes, master. SCENE X: In Ernie's Junk Food Bar... Capbutt is standing around with Kimberly explaining why she didn't get anybody to join her Lingerie and Botany club. Capbutt: ...and so, Kimberly--nobody had ever came to your club because I misspelled the street this Junk Food Bar is on. Kimberly: Oh, so you mean to tell me that because you were dating a prostitute and your wine glasses spilled on my application that the Address of the Bar was spelled Ambertwin Avenue instead of Anderson Avenue? Hmmm, well that's okay Mr. Capbutt. I'm perfectly content with the fact that everybody I know thinks I'm a walking PMS-Victim and risked losing my mind over chronic jealousy and loss of self-esteem. Capbutt: Well, in that case, I guess this little matter of business is taken cared of. Well, I'm off to see Gina. Bye. Kimberly (Sarcasticly): Oh! Appology accepted, Mr. Capbutt. Go have fun with Gina, now. Uh oh, there's Billy. God, he looks like a bull after somebody whipped him with a leather belt. Billy: Hey. Kimberly: So, Billy--want to go the Beach and do some working out. Like some lip wrestling on your Banana? I haven't seen your 'Banana' in a while. Billy: Oh, I get it. You can just pee on everybody and act like you're cool and then when all of a sudden, now that we only have 4 minutes left to finish the show, I'm supposed to say okay? Well let me tell you something, little miss cussy; I'll see you tomarrow at 3pm -- wear your g-string, will ya? Kimberly: Trini, I'm sorry for cussing you out, but quite frankly--I still think you're boring. Trini: That's okay, afterall--I saved your neck. You have to say this. Jason is sobbing in a chair, Kimberly notices him and walks over to him. Kimberly: I'm sorry for saying so, but you look awfully sorry crying like that. Jason: I am NOT crying. I got some lint in my eyes. Kimberly: Hahaha, okay--sure. Whatever you say. Anyway, how's it been going? Jason: Just fine, just peachy. I'm sure you're glad to know I was laughed out of the locker room for not being the jackass-iest kid in the school. So get out of my face. Kimberly: I didn't think I was going to have to do this, but... Kimberly rams her face into Jason's, kissing him long and hard. Jason: I'm in heaven! Billy starts chanting, "My life is ruined, please give me Arsinic..." Suddenly, Bulk and Skull stagger in through the front door of the Junk Food Bar. Skull's hair is standing on end while twiching occationally and Bulk looks and smells like a Compost Heap. Tommy: Look who's here. Bulk: Guess what, we've recorded the voice of everybody in Angel Grave. We rented out a $180 helicopter and put out a boom microphone so we can hear everything and now we've got everybody's voice on tape. Now we'll listen to the 90 minute tape until we hear the voices that we recognized and find out who the Pathetic Rangers are! The rangers all look at each other nerviously except Billy. Skull plays the tape and all we hear is air, the chopper's engine and the Traffic of the City. Billy: And none of you expected this? How could voices be picked up 900 feet above the ground? ESPECIALLY on a FREEWAY. Kimberly: Yeah, I knew that. Bulk: We failed this time, but we will sooner or later get the true identities of the Pathetic Rangers! Bulk and Skull salute and click their heals. Condescendingly, Tommy, Kimberly and Jason salute them back. Trini: I guess they'll need all the help they can get. Jason: It certainly wont be coming from me. Kimberly: I wasn't in the least bit worried about them figuring us out. Billy: Yeah right. Trini: Yeah. How could they know our real identity? Billy: Please...you guys looked as though were about to pee on yourselves. Trini: Hey, Billy--how did you ever get out of that spell? Billy: This porno-magazine. By the way, I slipped it in with your books. That's why everybody bought them. Trini: Oh poo. Tommy: Bummer. Jason: Don't you start that again! THE END (C) 1994 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS...(The Lightening Bolt is just stuck on the screen)...uh oh--oh well, forget it. They don't do that anymore. Seeya.