Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "Obvious Manure in the Park" Parody of, "Orchestral Maneuvers in the Park" SCENE I: Zack and the other rangers are sitting on stools next to the counter of Ernie's Junk Food Bar when Zack's cousin Curtis enters the room. Trini: Oh no, not him again. Jason: How come you get to have the first line of the show? Trini: Ask the writers. Jason: How come? AB Writers: Because I wanna, now shaddup. Jason: Alright. Zack (nervous voice): Hey .... Curtis. Curtis: HEY ZACK! Billy: What do you want? Curtis: Oh, I'm fine... Thanks for asking. Kimberly: Well? What is it? Curtis: Well... I'm putting on a jazz concert at the Junk Food Bar, but ah... My brother stole my trumpet and broke it. Zack: Ah hah... It won't work, Curtis. I'm hip. Afterall, you could be saying that, seeing is you're about as clumsy as Steve Urkel. Curtis: Man, Zack, you're strict. Zack: That's because you're always trying to take my stuff for free. Curtis: Look, I kinda left the trumpet in the trunk of my car, and the engine kinda melted it. Zack: Alright, where do I come in? Curtis: Gimme Uncle Clod's old Trumpet. Zack: Ppppp!! Hahahahahahha!! Did you hear that? Hahahahaha, he says he wants my Uncle's famous, priceless, antique trumpet! Hahahaha... Jason: Sounds like he's serious, man. Zack: Hahaha, oh. Uhhh, no. Zack goes back to sucking his drink. Curtis: I understand... Well, I'll just roam the world, without a job--without my favorite career, and then... I'll just have to move in with ya... Zack's head pops up and he has an expression on his face that indicates "Oh no" and he spits out the straw to his drink and dashes out of the Junk Food Bar. Zack: I'll get in within 15 minutes! Kimberly: Way to go, Curtis. Billy: You really talked him into that one. Richie: So--a concert? Cool. Kimberly: Yeah, but you're not invited. Richie: Awww... Trini: Don't fret... you can serve drinks. Richie (sarcastically): Whoopy; I'll be the envy of all my friends. Ernie (off screen in the storage room): Aye, slave! Did I tell you you could stop mixing the powdered cheese? Richie: I'll get back to it... Ernie: And stop putting the cream ketchup on the burgers; it's been washing the coloring off of the meat. Richie: Yes sir. Well, I don't mind being again excluded from yet another outing, I'll just go back to hustling exotic coke so Bulk and Skull can pour it own their ugly throats. My life--sucks. Well, anyway, gotta go, duty calls. Trini: No problem. What a ditch head. SCENE II: Lord Bread's... Lord Bread: Oh augh!! I hate concerts, they always give me a headache! Goldar: That's because your brain is open for all to see. Lord Bread: Hey, Goldar; if you do not decide on putting your verbal abuse directed at me to rest, and soon, I shall be forced to pull apart your legs until they CRACK!! GOT IT?!??! Goldar: No problem, No-Skull Joel. Lord Bread: DAHHHHH!!! Squatt: He's gonna get it now! Lord Bread: Hmmm, if I can't interfere with this STUPID concert, I'll blend the rangers' brains until they look like Rice Pudding!! Goldar: Great... But how? Lord Bread: Simple! That dweeb cousin of Zack's is gonna practically deliver his stupid trumpet to me after his annoying concert is OVER!! I'll steal it, turn it into Brass Butt and then have him make the rangers think they're fighting monsters from which were thrown in the trash by the MegaZord AGES ago!! Oooo, this episode reminds me of why I threw Rita in the garbage! Goldar: Let's just hope this doesn't end too easily. Lord Bread: You better! Because if your plans fail me again, I shall be FORCED to do something drastic! Goldar: SCENE III: Billy, Kimberly and Zack are walking threw the park doing nothing. Billy: What are we doing? Zack: Beats me. Kimberly: I believe you were going to get that trumpet, Zack. Billy: Which brings me to my next question: Why are WE here? Zack: Yo yo, you're my friends. Billy: Alright, but the only reason I'm not going to kick my heels up and go home is simply because I have nothing else better to do. Kimberly: Ditto. Zack: Man, you both are a pack-a punks. Billy: Uh, yeah. Hey look, it's Bulk and Skull; anyone got a pie? Kimberly: Nah, it's not that kind of scene. Bulk and Skull are walking up to the rangers with a big cement trailer. Billy: What are you doing? Bulk: None...of your business! Zack: Actually, stooges; it is. Skull: I think we were gonna make ourselves some new shoes and jump in the lake. Kimberly: Like, have you guys been watching Edward G. Robinson movies again? Bulk: No, dweebs; WE are going to.. Billy: Let me guess: find out who the Pathetic Rangers are? Bulk: Yeah... How'd you know? Kimberly: Let me put it to you like this, you're about as spontaneous as the sun. Billy: Listen, chicken-face; is this stupid little quest really that necessary? Bulk: Yes! Zack: Well, I'm wondering because everytime you guys hatch a new plan to find the rangers, you always wind up hurtin' yourself. Bulk: Well, it's going to work now! Because this is a drum-tight plan!! Skull: Yeah! Drumstick tight plan! Bulk: I do the talking. Skull: Right, Bulk; whatever you say. Zack: Dweeb. Bulk: Gloat all you will, but when we're rich, the only thing you'll be getting is a boulder of jealousy! Hahahaha, come on, Skull; let's crack this gold mine! Skull: I'm confused. First, we're trying to find the Pathetic Rangers, and now we're looking for gold? Bulk: Dimwit. Move it! Skull: Would you mind explaining that to me? Bulk: Geez. Bulk and Skull trot off the set. Kimberly: Well, that was a good waste of film. Zack: Aww no! Muddies! A flock of Muddies appear out of nowhere and start goading the rangers into a fight. They fight them off. Billy: Whull! Whull!! Kimberly: Hah! Hah! Zack: Aye ya! Ha! Aye ya! Billy gives a muddie the one-two punches and Kimberly splits her legs open and kicks two muddies in the groin. Billy: Hey Kim, could you teach me that move--in bed? Kimberly: No problem! While all three are fighting, one muddy grabs the trumpet (that Zack found out of nowhere) and sprinkles some poisined sugar on it and then floats away. Afterwards, the rangers finally clear all of the Muddies away. Zack: I wonder what that was all about?! Billy: Lord Bread--what else? Kimberly: Well, listen, we better get this thing to Curtis before he bores everyone with another guilt trip. Zack: Right, hurry! SCENE IV: In the Junk Food Bar, Trini and Jason are sitting at a table while Curtis is wringing his hands in worry as his concert debut nears. Jason: Hahahahhahaha! Trini: Say, hahahahaha! What are we laughing at? Hahahahaha! Jason: Got me! Haahahahahahaha!! Curtis: This is SERIOUS! Jason: No it isn't, you're a sissy. Curtis: Thanks, friends. Where's that dork Zack? Trini: Hey listen, if Zack says he's going to show up, he'll most likely be running from barbers. Curtis: Oh, that's REAL comforting. Trini: I wasn't trying to be. Zack shows up with the trumpet in his hand and Curtis rams his fist up Zack's stomach and swipes the trumpet from out Zack's hands. Zack (gasping): Is that... a way to treat your cousin?!?! Curtis: Took you long enough, Tarantula Skull. If you had been ANY more late, I would be taking a bath in tomato juice. Zack: I should have half a mind not to return it to Uncle Clod. Curtis: You do and I'm gonna threaten to move in with you. And ya know how much your parents REAAAAALY like me! Zack: You slime. Billy: The concert is starting. This is probably going to be the biggest bomb since Hiroshima. We dissolve to Curtis, who's trying to blow into the trumpet, but all he's getting is this odd, annoying squeaking noise from the trumpet, over and over again until he turns blue in the face; meanwhile, his horrifying tunes blow some weird red and invisible fog-looking thing at the rangers that slows them down and makes them feel strange, but then they go back to smiling and half-dancing--guess? Lord Bread's spell. Customer (off screen): You're an insult to Louis Armstrong!! Curtis: Get a woman, dwarf. Zack: Man, this dude bites at the horns. Trini: Maybe we should do something. Jason: Maybe not. Billy: If we don't, I'm going home and am going to finish my formula to mankind itself. Zack jumps up on stage and whips from out of nowhere this boombox tape player and puts in a tape of some talented Jazz artist and Curtis high fives Zack and goes back to pretending like he's playing the music while he's shaking to the tape when the tape garbles up and gets caught onto the gears and begins to die out when everyone starts boo-ing him. All: Booo!!! Booo!! Jason: Booo!! Trini: Jason, we're supposed to be supportive. Jason: What do you want from me? He sucked. Billy: Gee, Zack; don't I look the fool. Zack: Shut up, nerd. I'm sure he can get out of this one. Billy: Or Kimberly can. Trini: Oh my god! We take a front shot of the howling, dancing audience, who are looking at Kimberly (who's holding her blouse open, while jiggling her torsoe and dancing). We're taking a back shot of her wide open blouse. Jason: Trini, you're just jealous because you'd probably succeed in a comedy act if you tore open your shirt. Trini: You don't read my mind for one second. Jason: Sh'yeah right. Curtis runs from out of the pilot-lit crowd of hooters and runs up to Zack. Zack: Yo man, you were a real disappointment. You were more stale than a 10 month old balogna sandwhich. Curtis: Someone lifted my cassette tape, Sweatin' to the Jazzie's and so I messed up, I'm sorry, Zack. Zack: 's alright, but you're buying yourself a new trumpet. Curtis: Why? Zack: 'Cause it ain't there. Curtis: How'd you know? Zack: Jason's a plot leak. Jason: Fink!! I had NOTHING to do with it! Curtis: Oh no! The trumpet! It is gone! Trini: Imagine my delight. Billy: Hey, Kim! Get over here a minute!! Kimberly buttons up her shirt and runs up to the rangers. Kimberly: Can't you see I'm doing my service for the country? Billy: Boomy news, someone lifted the horn. Kimberly: And I should care about this, because? Billy: Because, it's in every way related to this lame storyline. Jason: Oh good greif. Zack: Hey, Curtis; next time you ask for my stuff, you'll be tasting the door. Curtis: Sorry man, this wasn't my fault. Zack: Prove it. Jason: Man, you're slower than a hamster with diabeties. It's OBVIOUSLY Lord Bread. Zack: Oh yeah, never thought about that. Billy: You're an insult to the human brain. Zack: This stinks. When my parents get threw with me, I'm gonna wanna wish I lived with Lord Bread. My parents are gunna be so mad at me! Curtis: See ya! Curtis high-tails out of the Junk Food Bar. Zack: You're just a punk!! Kimberly: What do we do now? Billy: Yeah, Bread must want something. Kimberly: No, my customers are gonna think I'm a no-show. Billy: That's EXACTLY what I want! Now come on, tight boodie. Jason: Something is crooked. SCENE V: Bulk and Skull are sitting out in some mountain area with the barrel of cement. Skull: Now would you mind explaining your plan? Bulk: No sweat, just didn't want those dweebs to wanna steal our plans! Skull: Yeah! Bulk: Ughp! Wait a minute! If you find this out, you could tell my plan. Skull: No way! I'd never do that to you! Not in a million years, no way! Bulk: And if they torture you? Skull: Why would they do that? I bleed easily. Bulk: EXACTLY! That's why it would be WISE for you to shut up and do as I say. Skull: Whatever you say, Bulky! Bulk: Anyway, do you remember the story of the princess's glass slipper? Skull: No, who'd wear glass slippers? They cut. Bulk: You remember? The sissy prince that paraded the town forcing every babe to try on this shoe so he could see who'll be his wife? Skull: Oh, now I remember--sort of. Bulk: Look, moron; when the Pathetic Rangers fight, we simply make a cement mold of their footprints, gun-force every citizen to try on the footprint and which ever matches is the RANGERS!! Skull: Great plan, Bulk. Can I pick up my check now? Bulk: NO! You're gonna help ME! Skull: What's in it for me? Bulk: Not much, but you really don't have much of a choice. Skull: Oh, in that case, say the word, and I'll do whatever you wish. Bulk: Wise choice. Now c'mon, bring the cement down forth. Skull: Alright! Skull starts rolling the pod of cement down the park hill and goes too fast and spills the cement all on Bulk. Skull: Ahh! Now it is officially: A Bulk and Skull scene. Bulk: Numbskull!! SCENE VI: All five rangers are now looking for the trumpet (ironically at the wrong places: the open spaced beach). Jason: Why did I have to come along? Trini: Yeah? Zack: Because it's about now that we gain an accountable plot line that renders this a superhero episode. Kimberly: Geez, the things I'll do for 20 bucks a month. ===== Lord Bread: Hahahhhaha! I wanna play with the rangers minds! Hahahaha, let the games begin! Lord Bread takes his X stick and directs its power at the beach. ===== While the rangers aren't looking, this crazy looking monster with nosy eyes appears. Brass Butt: Hahahahaha! Well well well, you're REALLY gonna be confused! I'm gonna play you rangers a tune you'll never forget!! Brass Butt creates this energy force that fizzes in a bunch of previously destroyed monsters. Kimberly: What's going on? Jason: I don't know! But I don't think we're gonna like it! Billy: I think I'm gonna puke. Suddenly, the Oisterizer from "An Oister Glue" shows up from nowhere. Zack: Huh?! Kimberly: What?!!? Trini: Oh no! Jason: I thought we slashed these monsters into orbit! Oisterizer: Hahahahaha! Hi, rangers; we have some unfinished business! Jason: Yeah! That's 'cause you ain't finished yet! Zack: Aww man, this looks like trouble! Jason: IT'S MORPHIN TIME! Zack: Majormess Kimberly: Pterydorky Billy: Tribladdertops Trini: Sabretoothed-Alley Cat Jason: Trashosaurus ===== Brass Butt: Hahahahaha! Let's double the fun! No! Let's triple it! Nahh!! LET'S BRING ON THE WHOLE PARTY COMMITTEE! HAHAHAHAHA! HAVE FUN, RANGERS!! ===== Kimberly: This doesn't make any sense, I thought we took care of these menaces! Jason: Let's send these creeps back where they came from!! Suddenly, about 10 or 20 more monsters fizz in and the rangeres endlessly fight them for about 10 minutes. Billy: Ugh! I don't know about you, but it's started to dawn on me, this isn't working! Kimberly: They just won't quit! Jason: They're surrounding us! Zack: Aww man... SCENE VII: The rangers are STILL fighting old monsters. Trini: Whoever is behind this has got a bad attitude! Jason: I think it's that loser Lord Bread!! Zack: Aww man, they're ganging on us!! SCENE VIII: In the command center.... The red alarm is going off. Alpha: Aye yi yi! Something seems to be going wrong! Zordon: Of course it is. Would this be an episode of Pathetic Rangers if it wasn't? Alpha: I suppose my devotional salution to the script of this stupid parody warrants I figure out what's wrong, huh? Zordon: Would be nice. HEY! What are those morons doing? Alpha: You got me. They're looking at the viewing globe displaying the rangers (all by themseleves, and no monsters) kicking, back-flipping, cartwheeling, twisting and spinning. Alpha: Think the rangers have been choking on too much Sudafed? Zordon: Possibility, but another one may be that Lord Bread has put them under a stupid spell that makes them think they're fighting monsters -- good strategy. Alpha: ZORDON! Zordon: Okay okay. Besides, this situation isn't that serious: let's go back to playing Immoral Kumquat II. Alpha: I'd be delighted to, but it would be an exaggerated, and in fact, noticible plot hole for which would completely destroy the flow of this ridiculously poor episode. Zordon: Don't talk over my head, robot. Alpha: Very well, if we don't rescue the rangers, we'll be in big trouble. Zordon: Oh, okay. Very well, teleport them immedietly. Alpha: Right! SCENE IX: All Rangers: Hay! Aye ya! Hay! Bulk and Skull aimlessly wander off up to some hill where they notice the rangers fighting nothing. Bulk: What are they doing? Skull: Beats me, but they don't look like they're saving us fat slobs from monsters. Bulk: Yeah, but they look stupider than US. Skull: Maybe they're stretching out their limbs. Bulk: I'll stretch your limbs alright. Now be quiet, when they leave, it's our golden opportunity!! Hahhaha! The rangers are teleported to the command center while in progress of fighting no monsters and Bulk and Skull have a shocked look on their faces. Bulk: Alright! Thank you, god! C'mon! Let's go! Skull: Right! They run up to the area of where the rangers were fighting nothing and try to get their footprints. SCENE X: In the command center... Jason: Zordon! Are you cracked? Why did you teleport us?!?! Those monsters could be destroying the Slushy machine at 7-11! Kimberly: Or destroying not-so-innocent people! Alpha: A, that really doesn't matter. B, it only does because the script says so. Jason: Robot, stop your babbling. Alpha: Is there an epidemic of disrespect going on here? First Zordon calls me robot, and now you? Jason: Look, junk heap, I'm NOT in the mood, those monsters really pissed me off! Zordon: Then you'll be over joyed to know they were fake. Jason: You've been playing too much Konkey Dung. Kimberly: What kind of joke are you playing on us? Zordon: Not me, Lord Bread. Zack: Aww no. Zordon: Oh yes, Lord Bread had put a spell on the trumpet of Zack's uncle to put you rangers under a spell while Curtis was murdering the name good jazz to make the rangers fight imaginary monsters who were destroyed several episodes ago. Trini: What?!?! Zordon: I'm afraid so. Alpha: The only REAL monster out there is Brass Butt, who's been spewing out those monsters like maggots from flies. Zordon: It is imperitive that you destroy this monster, otherwise, you're history. Kimberly: That's it, this stupid monster is toast! Jason: No one makes a fool outta me! Zack: Yeah!! Especially when you've already succeeded at it by yourself! Jason: I am not in the mood; if you value your jaw, you will be quiet. Zack: Okay. Jason: This Brass Butt monster is gonna get a piece of me! He's gonna wish he never started what he started! All: YEAH! Jason: Are you with me?!?! All: YEAH!! Jason: Will we win?!? All: NO! Jason: Will we win on this episode?!?! All: YEAH! Jason: Great! Then it's BACK to action! SCENE XI: Jason and the other rangers are looking around the park for Brass Butt. Jason: Alright, ya musical boob! Show yer ugly face, right now!! Brass Butt: Hahahaaha! Certainly, but you'll be sorry for that request! Brass Butt and the other rangers rumble a little bit. ===== Lord Bread: Hahahahaha! You can't touch MY monster!! Because I'm gonna make him grow with my banana peeling! HAhaha! Goldar: Oh no, we're pot-roast. Lord Bread: Did you say something I should've heard? Goldar: Not really. ===== Brass Butt: Hahahahaha! Whaddya think of me now!?!? Jason: I think you're mature enough to handle Blunder Bean Gas Power, NOW! Zack: Majormess-Cowardly Lion BlunderZord Power is what I want! heh-heh Kimberly: Pterydorky-TiredBird BlunderZord power! Billy: Tribladdertops-Acorn BlunderZord power! Trini: Sabretoothed-Alley Cat-Lipton Tea BlunderZord Power! Jason: Trashosaurus-Red Dragon Liver BlunderZord power! They crash together to form the BlunderHeapaJunkaMegaZord. Jason: Alright! Let's show 'em what we're made of! Zack: Right! Zack whips out this giant, throbbing and wet colon. Jason: Eww! Zack: You said to show him what we're made of. Jason: My head hurts. Billy: Yeah, no kiddin'! Jason: Be quiet and do as I say! They use their sword to attack Brass Butt, who backflips away from the MegaZord. Brass Butt: Hahahaha! It'll take a little more than that to defeat meeee!!! Hahahaha! MegaZord goes back at Brass Butt and trips and releases the sword of power and Brass Butt catches it. Brass Butt: Hahahaha! Aww, for me? Why thank you, you SHOULDN'T have!! Jason: Yeah! We shouldn't have! Zack! That's the LAST time I let YOU grab the controls. Zack: Sorry. Kimberly: Way to go, now he's going to devour us! Brass Butt: Hahahaha! Take a little bit of my action! Brass Butt takes the sword and delivers the BlunderZord a major pow that causes a giant explosion. Jason: That's IT!! YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH!! NOW TO TAKE BACK WHAT'S OURS!! Jason steers the BlunderZord to stick his leg out while Brass Butt is gloating and running passed BlunderZord. He trips and relinquishes the sword and the rangers get it back again. Jason: It's all over, dweeb!! Power it up! Jason takes the sword and makes it glow and then he slashes Brass Butt who falls to the floor reeling in pain until he explodes. All: YEAH!! SCENE XII: Lord Bread: Well now, Goldar; what do you have to say for yourself? Goldar: I had nothing to do with it. Lord Bread: YES YOU DID!!! YOU, AND YOUR STUPID PLANS!! Goldar: Oh give it up. Lord Bread: Eventually, you rangers will get what's coming to ya! As for you insults to ear wax, GO BACK TO YOUR PAINROOMS! Baboo: What did we do? Squatt: Beats me. Goldar: SCENE XIII: In the Junk Food Bar... Curtis is sitting next to the rangers who are all on stools next to the counter. Curtis: Humm... Ah hummm.... Ah hummm... Billy: ALRIGHT!!! WHAT'S WRONG?!?! JUST STOP WHINING! Curtis: Zack's not gonna rest on me if he can't find that trumpet. Zack taps Curtis on the shoulder and he jumps. Curtis: AHhhhhh!!! Don't do that to me!! Zack: What's the matter? Afraid of that sweet, vengeful comeback I've been promising to execute on you?!?!? Muhahahahahahaha!!! Curtis: Don't hurt me! Zack: Get a grip, I found the trumpet. Curtis: Oh thank god!! Zack: No thanks to you. Billy: Oh no, here come another bunch of twits. Bulk and Skull walk in with water guns and their giant block of dried up cement containing the Pathetic Rangers' footprints. Jason: What's with the water guns, guys? Bulk: Water?!?!?! These are loaded with steel bullets! If all of you twits at this Junk Food Bar don't try on the mold on this rock, I'll SHOOT YOU ALL!!! Jason: This is one lame attempt at finding us out that WON'T cause me to pee in my pants, this is so lame. Bulk: You MOCK at the rich? Jason: You're about as rich as a church rat. Bulk: Ha! Gather everyone.... A giant flock of customers stampeded Bulk and Skull down to drink a free slushy causing Bulk and Skull to wobble a bit and then lose balance causing them to drop their cement mold and it breaks up. Bulk has a shocked, terrified expression on his face. Bulk: Money... Cars... women, mansions! All in little itty bits and pieces! Trini: You guys make me sick; YOU KNOW you have about 20 or so more episode to continue this little sherade of yours. So why don't you just take off and leave the Pathetic Rangers alone? Zack: Yeah, afterall, it's nothing to go to pieces over! Hahahahaha! Bulk: Impassive geeks!! Jason: Well, Zack surely knew how to end our episode poorly, with a dumb pun. Oh well, good night everyone. THE END (C) 1994 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... Because he's a perv and has a sick obsession with a woman not of his species, Lord Bread devises a plan to brainwash Kimberly into being another Rita--his queen. Goldar: Hahahhaha, you're pathetic, when Lord Bread gets threw with you, you're gonna be his new queen and service him, personally and sexually! Hahahaha! ...meanwhile, Lord Bread--riding on the likelyhood of Kimberly's endearing slave service to him as queen--decides to create a Glassmonster, who--in turn--has very little, or at all, anything to do with this particular episode... Lord Bread: DAHHH!!! I've had enough of those rangers!! Time for you to grow, Glassmonster! Goldar: Nobody deemed him a name, huh? Lord Bread: Present since he has the least to do with this episode. Is Kimberly really going to do it: Sleep with Lord Bread? Or will Saban get sued for doing such a hideous thing? Will Billy sacrafice himself to the Bread gods to challenge Lord Bread, who's been messing with his squeeze all season long? Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!