Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "The Ninja Disaster, Part I" Parody of, "The Ninja Encounter, Part I" SCENE I: Billy, Kimberly, Tommy and Trini are out in the spring-fresh air trying to have some fun in the park. A radio is going playing Aaron Waters' music. (Aaron Lake being the creator of Pathetic Rangers' backgroud "cool" music). Aaron Lake (singing; over radio): Call for 9-1-1... Kimberly: Wow, this is like my favorite song! Billy: Gee, isn't this nice? All in the fresh air? Kimberly: Yeah, we need to do this more often. Tommy: Okay; but ya know, I can't squeeze this waste-away-in-the-fresh-air routine more than 2 weeks apart. Billy: You mean two months--right? Tommy: No, two weeks. Kimberly: See, when the gum-brained writers create episode ideas that lack clever qualities, they always fall back on the low-cost, slow-paced, no-talent-needed fall-back plot--a fun day in the sun. Tommy: Rah. Billy: Whoopy. We take a shot of Trini from "The Gut-Wrenching Tunes of Ritardo" making it appear like she's in this episode. Three teenagers (two male, one female, named Rocky; who's American, Adam; who's Asian-American and Aisha, who is black) approach the rangers. Kimberly: Don't you see the sign, you goons? You only get to hang out with US if you pay 10 bucks. Billy: Two to squeeze Kimberly's booty. Kimberly: I never agreed to that. Aisha: I haven't even said hello and I'm getting this? Adam: Should we tell 'em our names? Rocky: Yeah sure, the brunette-haired grouch is kinda sexy. Billy: And kinda TAKEN! So hands off, goober. Tommy: Hey Kim, wanna go out? Kimberly: Nah, today my true love is Billy. Aisha: Hel-loah? Like, do we exist? Billy: You do transmetically seem to be fully magnified in atoms for which make up the molecular structure of your physical being. Rocky: Man, this is a pod fulla geeks, let's get outta here. Tommy: Great, there goes our plot. Billy: Don't worry... Billy walks up to Rocky and whispers something into his ear. Rocky: Alright, let's return. Tommy: How'dcha get 'em back? ... Rocky: Whaddya mean you won't take off your top and pour honey on your breasts? Kimberly: Perhaps I didn't make myself clear -- BEAT IT. Aisha: Hi, I like everyone, besides; we know you, seeing is we've been playing your friends for two weeks now. Billy: Who are you guys again? Adam: I'm Adam. Tommy: Cool, Asians again. Adam: I'm not really Asian, see, I'm mixed. Tommy: Kinda like trail mix? Aisha: I'm Aisha, some of my friends call me Ayee. Kimberly: Why? Aisha: I keep tripping on things. Kimberly: Lovely. Rocky: I'm Rocky. Hey, there's a big ninja tournament going on, you guys wanna see it? Tommy: No. Aisha: Why? Tommy: I just don't wanna, it's bad enough Jason is trying to upstage me with his good looks. Billy: He looks about as good as a vehicular injury. Kimberly: We'll be delighted. Billy: Delighted? Kimberly: ...we'll be there. Rocky: Cool. Tommy: Too bad you're competing against a bunch of thugs. Adam: There goes our suspense. Kimberly: Suspense is far from near the theme of this lame episode. Billy: Yeah. Tommy: It's about as suspense filled as it is witty and clever. Billy: Hey look at the TV. In Billy's mini, 5" TV set, they see the Black Ninja Team. Thug #1: We're gonna kick ass! Thug #2: Yeah, we're gonna make liquid pudding out of those goody-good white team's limbs! Thug #3: Yeah [spit!] We're gonna make you sorry you tried to f*** with us!! Newsman: You can't say that on TV. Thug #3: F*** you!! Newsman: Dah, uhhhh.... Billy: Talk about trash. Kimberly: Yeah. SCENE II: Lord Bread's. Lord Bread: Hmmmm, tournament, aye? Goldar: That's the plot, don't wear it out. Lord Bread: Why? How? Goldar: This Three Parter'll be a huge disappointement, I might as well save as much vigor as I can before everyone snaps off their TV sets and won't find out why Billy's blunder will cost the rangers' their livelyhoods. Lord Bread: I don't wanna hear it, and frankly, I don't give a damn. Goldar: Stealing lines from "Gone With the Wind," maybe it'll dig us out of our non-witty natured episode. Lord Bread: DAHHHH!!!!!!! YOU ARE MAKING ME ANGRY! SHUT UP!!! Goldar: Yes sir... Lord Bread: Hmmm, tournament, aye? Well I'll fix it so that their tournament will be a NIGHTMARE. Those annoying, onry, arrogant, assholes who are on the black team will do what I say! Goldar: What's going on? Lord Bread: Get down on Earth and tell those pig-headed mudheads that they've been chosen out of a secret raffle of 79,000,000,000 earthlings to do my evil bidding as--again--MY DARK RANGERS!! Tell them that I love them, and that without them, the world would be nothing. Tell them anything. LIE if you have to. Just let them get the idea that they have no choice! Goldar: Why are you re-using a plot that went sour before? Lord Bread: BECAUSE THIS IS DIFFERENT! Goldar: If I may be so bold as to ask, but HOW, oh great master of the wise? Lord Bread: Simple, the other teen twits in "Green Slave, No More, Parts 1 and 2" had no black belt in anything. They didn't EVEN graduate, or so much as TAKE any karate classes. At any rate, these are skilled and new. Maybe I can suck them away and make them do my bidding. Goldar: If I use my Guitar Player of Misery, his annoying singing and playing shall plague the three teens with so much torment, that when it's over, they'll get so ticked off that they'll be more than happy to do your bidding!! Hahahahaha! Lord Bread: GET OUTTA MY FACE AND GO TO YOUR PAINROOM AT ONCE!!!! Goldar: But what did I do? Lord Bread: *I* WAS SUPPOSED TO PHRASE MY PLAN!!!!!! YOU IGIT! GET OUTTA MY FACE, YOU DISGUST ME! Goldar: My job is the pits. Lord Bread: WHAT DID YOU SAY!??!? Goldar: Uhhhh, you have really bad hissy fits. Lord Bread (smoking and glowing red): Goldar: I mean . . . Damn those Saturday Night Live skits. Lord Bread: Weasel, BEAT IT! Goldar: Yes, my everythingness. Lord Bread: Rangers, look out, 'cause you're gonna get what's coming to ya! Hahahaha!! SCENE III: Some deadheaded divorce‚-type looking fellow over-nursing his baby in its baby carriage is sitting on a park bench. Mr. Dweeb: Oh, my little Jacob, my pride and joy, my, my wonderful bundle of joy. Adam: Why do you nurse this dumb bundle of poop all the live long day? Mr. Dweeb: It reminds me I'm a man. Rocky: How? Mr. Dweeb: I scored, I AM NOT GAY!!!!!! Adam: Gee, Mr... Mr... Mr. Dweeb: Uh, Dweeb. Rocky: Eh? Mr. Dweeb: It's my surname, for some odd reason my ancestra is of a Yodaler's backgrounds. Aisha: Gee, Mr. Dweeb, you got a cute kid, he's spittin' up on your shirt. Mr. Dweeb (cute voice): Yes, isn't it so kewwwwwwwwwww-te? Adam: Hey listen, we're gonna go visit Planet Reality, so, I guess I'll leave you two alone. Mr. Dweeb: What's that? He said mommy! Aisha: This dude's way off his rocker. Rocky: Can you lend me 15 bucks? Mr. Dweeb: Ya sure, oooo, you're sooooooo kewwwwwwwwwwwww-te! Adam: Can I have your wallet? Mr. Dweeb: Ya sure, but bring back my I.D. Rocky: What a stupidperson. This Ice-Cream truck goes passed Mr. Dweeb. Mr. Dweeb: Oooo, second to Jacob, ICE-CREAM! Ya-hoo!! Aisha: Now I know why he's divorced. Mr. Dweeb runs up from the bench up against three grundge motorist who get peeved by Dweeb's blunder of knocking his baby carriage onto their motorcylces. Punk #1: Hey, Mr. Dweeb. Mr. Dweeb: How'd you know my name? Punk #2: Your--name? Punk #1: That was supposed to be an insult, pukehead. Mr. Dweeb: Forgive me, I'm sorry. I'll just get some ice cream... Punk #3: We'll make some ice cream, outta your BRAINS! Mr. Dweeb: YAH!!!!! Unknown Voice: FREE BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD LYRIC BOOKS! READ ALL ABOUT IT! Punk #2: Who-hoa, major cool! Punk #2: Yow! The three punk-grundge motorists run away from Mr. Dweeb and after the guy pedaling his bicycle filled with books on Beavis and Butthead. Mr. Dweeb: Jacob? JACOB!?! JACOB!!! AHHHHH!!! Mr. Dweeb faints as his baby son Jacob's carriage goes (unrealistically) racing down the sidewalk (ironically never shifting into a tree). Tommy: Hey look at the cute baby riding the sidewalk. Billy: Cute. Kimberly: Wait, wait a sec... there, baby....? Billy: Rolling.....? Tommy: Baby Carriage.....? Kimberly: Oh boy. Jacob: MOMMY!!! Rocky, Adam and Aisha are licking ice cream. Aisha: Hey, there's a cute baby flooring it down the sidewalk there. Adam: Maybe we should go rescue 'em or some'n. Rocky: Why? It's the dweeb's kid, let Mr. "My-Baby-Means-The-Moon-And-Earth- To-Me" get him. Aisha: Yeah well, we won't get any praise from the bubble head we will eventually recieve if we don't rescue the crazy-guy's kid. Adam: Easier said than done seeing is he's skidded himself into the next galaxy. Rocky: Let's stall. Maybe the looney-dude'll give us a cash reward if we save the baby on a last-minute effort. Aisha: We already un-decevingly robbed him of his wallet. What would we need with a cash reward when we can just clean him out? Rocky: In that case, the bubble head Zordon and his power is all that counts. Adam: C'mon. Mr. Dweeb is frantically racing and running down the sidewalk (ironically, he's so slow that there's a 8 foot long distance between him and his rolling baby) until he runs passed Adam, Aisha and Rocky. Rocky slams his arm on Mr. Dweeb's chest to stop him. Mr. Dweeb (frantic voice): Oh my baby, oh my BABY, PLEASE SAVE MY BABY!!!!! Adam: What? Undies rile up? Mr. Dweeb: Tell me my baby isn't body-surfing down the rails of JCPenney. Adam: Nah, I'm saving him. Mr. Dweeb: You don't look like it. Adam: That's cuz I'm takin' a break. Mr. Dweeb: OH MY BABY!!!!!! Adam: Good greif. We take this feels-like-a-20-minute-long scene out for Adam, Rocky and Aisha to show off what they can do (which isn't much) to save the baby. Suddenly, Bulk and Skull notice the baby and drop everything to ironically save this particular baby. --Note: Discontinuity: Bulk and Skull? Bullies who become Good-Deed Park Rangers? Soon, the entire city is racing after the baby when the carriage is about to fall off of a freeway over-pass. Kimberly, and unnecessarily Aisha do this funky flying summersalt and stop the carriage. Mr. Dweeb, out of breath, runs up to them. Mr. Dweeb: Oh my baby, are you alright? Oh my baby. Tommy: I wish *I* could've saved him. Kimberly: We've saved lives ever since 1993, what's the point in saving a dumb dork's baby in the grand scheme of things? Billy: Hey, that's my line, LINE THEIF! Mr. Dweeb: Oh please, thank you for saving my baby. Rocky: Gimme a cash reward. Mr. Dweeb: I can write you a check. Rocky: Alright, 200 dollars. Mr. Dweeb: Done. Aisha: Could you buy me a new blouse and a 200 dollar dress I've been wanting? Mr. Dweeb: Sorry, I'm not THAT gullable. Adam: Damn, and just when I was gonna ask for an arcade system. Rocky: Well I guess we're warmed up enough to win that tournament. Billy, Tommy and Kimberly are standing there, saying nothing. Rocky: Well? Billy: Well what? You saved a baby from an over-pass, big deal. Adam: Our new friends. Aisha: Whoopy. I wish we could've gotten the B.S. Trippers. Kimberly: They're even merciless. Rocky: Well, are you guys like, related? Billy: NO WAY!!!!! Rocky: Oh, cuz I thought you had that incest thing going on. Kimberly: I hate you guys, yet you've only been on the show 10 minutes. Adam: Ain't that some'n? Billy: I'll see you at the karate tournament. Adam: Alright, bye. Mr. Dweeb: Oh my baby! Kimberly: Well, this day's been shot, let's go before "OH my baby" creeps me out. SCENE IV: Bulk and Skull are hanging out at the park near Ernie's Junk Food Bar where (like the Gettysburg Address) the tournament is being held. We take a shot of several bushes and trees covering the faces of "Jason," "Zack," and "Trini" with only Billy, Kim and Tommy being seen as they shove the trio into the Youth Center to see the most anticipated tournament. "Jason": How come this isn't MY tournament? Kimberly: I don't know, all I know is, we're not the stars, and you're grumpy. "Zack": Alright, see ya. Kimberly: Where're you guys goin'? "Trini": Well, since we're quote, unquote watching the ninja tournament, we can bunk out, seeing is we've got three replacements. Billy: Okay. I don't like you anyway. SCENE V: Lord Bread stands before an armied trio of dead, turned-off Muddies. Lord Bread: Alright you miserable dirtbags, you have a mission, and that's to make life miserable; and if you don't do it right, I'll make YOUR life miserable! Got it!??! Muddies: Mee mee meee. Lord Bread: GOOD! Now then! Go down there and fish me three stupid nong nongs! Goldar: Yes, this is brilliant! SCENE VI: Everyone who wants to see this "Big Karate Tournament" are being round up. We pan over to a shot of "Jason," "Trini" and "Zack" walking slowly, and casually to their seat when they suddenly make a mad dash away from the camera to keep their faces from being seen. Kimberly: Hello...? Some fat referee is standing in a black and white striped shirt with a whistle inside the karate ring. The White Team consists of Rocky, Adam and Aisha (however, Kimberly, Billy, "Trini," Tommy, "Jason" and "Zack" don't know that). The White Team and Black Team both have black suits on that have masks that only reveal the eyes of each team. Three white ninja's grab the rails of the rink and flip over it and then pose. The Black Team steps under the ropes suspiciously because their suits seem stuffed. Ref.: O.k., this is gunna be a clean fight--understand? No weapons, no biting, no spitting, no farting, no hitting or squeezing below the waist and no hypnotising. Some huge black guy frisks the black team and and feels several lumps and hard things inside Thug #1, Thug #2 and Thug #3's suits. Black Guy: Hand 'em over. The three Black Team ninjas begin slowly pulling out weapons with a busted look on their finds and we take a shot of just the karate-ring floor and weapons being thrown on the floor such as: bowie knives, a machine gun, a shotgun assault weapons, boxing gloves, a baseball bat, a switch-blade, a crobar, a mallet, a pocket watch and a horse whip. Later... Aisha (part of of the three-person White Team) kicks at the Obnoxious Thug #1 from Black Ninja, the Thug #1 grabs her foot and yanks it up high so she falls on her back. Meanwhile, Thug #2 from the Black Team leaps on top of Aisha and holds her arms up and pins her to the floor whlie the Thug #3 from the Black Ninja Team on top of Aisha begins socking her in the guts. Suddenly, Rocky and Adam from the White Team grab the Black Ninjas by the head and knocks their heads together--the one free Ninja hurrican kicks out Adam until he lands on the ground and his feet bounce up and then onto the ground again. Finally, the Last Remaining White Ninja jumps off the rails and side-kicks the Black Ninja until he goes flying out of the rink. ====== Lord Bread: Hahahahahahaah, these three are PERFECT! Goldar: What's so great about them? They're letting Aisha, Adam and Rocky win. Lord Bread: WHAT?!!?!? Goldar: Well couldn't you see it? Lord Bread: Those teenagers are NOT LETTING THEM WIN! AND YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN THAT!!! Goldar: Goodbye. Lord Bread: WHAT WAS THAT SNIDE COMMENT!?!?! Goldar: Good grief. ====== The black team: Thug #1 has Aisha in an arm-lock while sitting on her. Kimberly: Man, they really fight dirty. Tommy: Yeah, at least the white team fights like sissy-marys. Billy: Which is always the right solution. Kimberly: Would you shut up? Billy: Peggy Charren eats this crap up--deal with it. Kimberly: Ugh. The tournament ends in Adam, Aisha and Rocky's winning. Tommy: Wow, they won, what a surprise. Billy: Rah. Kimberly: Yay. In the karate ring... Thug #3: Thanks a lot, Rocky. You f**ked up our lives! Now we'll have nothin' to live for. Thug #1: I'm goin' to law school! Rocky: Kiss my hairy ass. ------------------- Tommy: Ummm, well, anybody want some popcorn? Tommy whips his head around to his left and notices Mr. Dweeb is sitting in the row looking at the tournament. Tommy: YAAAA!! Mr. Dweeb: What? Tommy: No offense, but what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the ballet? Mr. Dweeb: Excuse me, but I'm straight. Billy: You sure? Mr. Dweeb: Well this brand of reject isn't welcome, I'm just gonna get me a soda. "Jason": What? Lemonade? Mr. Dweeb: ======= Lord Bread: DID YOU SEE THAT, GOLDAR?!?!!? Goldar: Yeah, they lost. It really is no surprise. Lord Bread: What are you gunna do about it, monkey-shine?!?! Goldar: Hey, this wasn't my idea. Give it up. Lord Bread: I'm not gunna give not'n up. 'Cept you if you don't bring me some teenagers with big scrotes and obnoxious attitudes! Goldar: I'll get the white pages. Lord Bread: NO!!! THINK!! Get those goody-goods. Goldar: Them!?!? Exactly how do you think I'll be able to convince THEM to do your bidding? Give them a lollipop? A lifetime subsciption to "Save The Earth and Rain Forest" magazine? Lord Bread: It's not my problem. It'll be yours if you don't do what I say! You FIND a way to get them! Goldar: How about a brutal kidnapping? Lord Bread: That's fine enough! Now go!! SCENE VII: Adam, Rocky and Aisha walk out of the Junk Food Bar with Tommy, Billy and Kimberly. Adam: Great tournament, aye? Kimberly: If you're seeking appraise and a kiss-up, you can ask Mr. Dweeb. Aisha: He turned a red leaf on us when he found out we lifted his wallet while he was putting his baby on a sugar-filled pedastool. Billy: Well in that case, I'll see you later. Tommy: Hopefully--much later. Rocky: Yeah yeah. Mr. Dweeb: I got us some sodas, and me some B-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-R. Kimberly: Stop trying, Dweeb. Suddenly, Lord Bread's muddies appear out of no where and antagonize the three rangers and Rocky, Adam and Aisha. Goldar: I'm here!! Aisha: WHO ARE YOU!!?? GO AWAY!! Goldar: Not on your life! Hahahaha, you're comin' with me. Goldar begins throwing an electric shock on Mr. Dweeb, Aisha, Rocky and Adam and they begin getting shocked. Kimberly, Billy and Tommy fight off the muddies. Kimberly: Guys!!! I think Rocky, Adam and Aisha are swallowing their tongues! Billy: Whoa boy! Let's get outta here! Kimberly: Freeze! We still gotta get rid of the muddies! Billy: Gee, did you see that? Those goons have been kidnapped. Kimberly: Oh. Long Pause. Tommy: So, anyone for some chili dogs? Billy: Tommy! Tommy: What? Kimberly: You want me to run down our contract again? Tommy: Not really, in that case. Let's do something. Billy: Alright. SCENE VIII: The three teens appear shackled together while Mr. Dweeb is tied to a pole with his underpants on and nothing else in Lord Bread's evil dark dimension which looks like a giant, uncomfortable cave with lots of rocks. Mr. Dweeb: What happened to my clothes?!?!?! Goldar: They have been destroyed! Hahahahaha! Mr. Dweeb: NO! Lord Bread: Well dorks, how does it feel to never see the light of day again!?!?! Hahahahaha! Aisha: Hey! It's Freddy Krueger! Can I have your autograph? Goldar: No, he was born like that. Aisha: Lord Bread: SHUT UP! Adam: You mean, you're not acting? This isn't your costume? Lord Bread: What kind of a question is that?! Rocky: An insulting one if Adam's right. Lord Bread: I should feed you to a pack of Doberman Pinscher's! Aisha: Please don't! I'm too young to die! Lord Bread: I'm not going to. Adam: You're kinda like a caring, sweet, kind mutant, huh? Lord Bread: I am NOT a sweet, lovey, yucky whatever you said! I am using you! Aisha: I feel used. Lord Bread: I haven't even USED you yet! Goldar: Pay attention, he gets grumpy if you don't agree with everything he says. Lord Bread: SHUT UP, GOLDAR! Goldar: See? Yes, master. Lord Bread: I've got you shackled like this because once I have turned you into my mutant warriors, you will DEEEEEE-stroy the Pathetic Rangers and help me take over the world! Hahahahaha! How? Because you're strong! Aisha: Hey, thanks. Rocky: Here's a little tip you might find will help you in your latter life: Don't accept evil compliments. Aisha: I'm confused. Rocky: Yeah, like what else is new? Aisha: What? Adam: What do you plan to do to us? Lord Bread: Hahahahaha, I'm not telling! You're just gonna have to find out! Goldar: Yeah, we're gonna torment you by making you listen to whiney protest songs from the '60's until your brains grill into nothing. You'll be so annoyed you're gonna WANT to work for Bread! Hahahahaha! Lord Bread glows red then walks up to Goldar and slaps him on the head. Goldar: What did I do? Lord Bread: I TOLD them they were gonna have to find out! You fink! Goldar: I didn't tell them about the part of how you're turning them into your Dark Rangers! Lord Bread: Dahhhh!! Get outta my face before I kill you! Mr. Dweeb: You're never gonna get away with this, whoever you are. Lord Bread: Allow me to introduce myself, I am Lord Bread! Mr. Dweeb: Stupid name. Oh well, as long as I'm here, I might as well make the most of my stay here. [He starts singing] Good little boys, don't make loud noise they sit very still all day; and good little girls don't pinch their curls, cause girls don't play that way.... tra la la la la... Lord Bread (while Mr. Dweeb's still singing): Destroy him. Goldar: Yes, master. Goldar slams his fist into Mr. Dweeb's bare, exposed tummy and he crumbles in pain. Mr. Dweeb: Why are you so rude? Lord Bread: Because I wanna be!!! Adam: One question, why have you kidnapped this moron? Aisha: Yeah, he's not strong, he watches soap operas. Lord Bread: Because you'll be tortured by his sickening voice, and the sickening voice of my loud, untuned guitarist! Hahahahaha! Rest in pieces, 'cause you're gonna be my slave for a long, long, long time. Hahahahahaha! Aisha: Look, I won't tell Rocky to pull down your [Mr. Dweeb] shorts if you don't talk too much. Mr. Dweeb: Alright, it would be indecent of my private to be shown. Rocky: Yeah, you just might blind the audience. Adam: Or get a laugh. Mr. Dweeb: Ha-ha. So, what do you kids do? Aisha: Enough small talk, we've gotta find a way to get outta here. Rocky: I've never seen my talents being used for evil. Adam: Yah, I've always seen them as a way to get babes. Aisha: Oh no, here comes the entertainment. This guy dressed with a rainbow colored headban on with earrings hanging off his ears with John Lennon sunglasses on, a full body dress-like outfit that's rainbow colored and thongs on (basically a 60's throwback hippy) walks up to the four hostages with his guitar and sits on a rock in front of them to play his songs. Evil Hippy: Hi there, Woodstock, I'm here to sing you some numbers. Ah hem, [Singing] I hate the government, more than the you and me; he robbed me of my winnings, and repossessed my TV. I hate the government, he puts the "V" in poverty, he takes all your money, and talks real mean to me. All: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! Rocky (frantically): We have GOT to get outta here, and fast! Adam: If only those lame Pathetic Rangers were here. Rocky: Man, can't we do anything ourseleves? Adam: No. See, that's why the Pathetic Rangers are still in business, because us citizens are mudheads. Rocky: I am not about to accept that. The world will end with me if that is a fact. C'mon, we better think up something. SCENE IX: In the command center... Billy: ...and so that's why we could give a horse's smelly butt what happens to them. "Zack": What I don't get, is why they snatched Mr. Dweeb. Tommy: Yeah, he's a dweeb. Alpha: I am going out on a far limb, but I believe he's using him as bait. Kimberly: Although I don't see why. Zordon: He's your salary. Tommy: He's right. Just last week I lifted his change pocket and found a credit card worth $2000 in there. Zordon: Give it to me. Tommy: Why? What are you going to do with it? Alpha: Buy a new command center. Tommy: Forget it, dweeb; the check stays with me. Alpha: Over my frayed circuts. Billy: That can be arranged. Trini, hand me a power-saw. Alpha: Alright, truce! I was just kidding! Brother. "Jason": The plot of this episode has escaped me. Billy: Among other things. "Jason": You're just not gonna be happy until I pound you, huh? Billy: Why don't we do something constructive like trying to rescue them? Zordon: I hope you can do it without doing something stupid. Otherwise, I'll be forced to show you why I've lived for 10,000 years. Tommy: Big talk. "Trini": Me and Billy, we'll figure something out, I'm smart. Billy: Ya know, you better not ace me on our P.S.A.T's, otherwise, I'm seriously going to consider a shooting-spree. "Trini": Why? Billy: I'm the brain of this show, and you keep helping too much, you're mostly supposed to be a decoy. "Trini": I'm not supp-osed to be anything, and stop breathing down my neck. Billy: Ugh. SCENE X: Bulk and Skull are hanging outside Ernie's Junk Food Bar. Bulk and Skull slowly approach a baby carriage on a bench outside of the Junk Food Bar carrying Jacob, Mr. Dweeb's, son. Bulk: Hey, do you see that? That's gotta be a Pathetic Ranger! Skull: Bulk, we WILL be pathetic if we believe that doody pez dispenser is a ranger. Bulk: Well what kind of monster would leave their baby on a greasy perch? Skull: You. Bulk: Of course, but we're alienated from the phrase "civilized citizens." Skull: Are we going to take care of the baby or engage in a boring self-insult fest? Bulk: Take care of the baby. Let's see here, what do babies like? Skull: I think plastering. Bulk: That's PAMPERING? Teen twit. OH well. Goochums, goochums. Jacob the Baby: Bulk: Uhh, goo goo gah gah! Bulk frantically shakes his body in worry as he sticks his fingers in his mouth, pulls his mouth apart and sticks his tongue out and makes a "Googey" noise but the baby still cries. Skull: This is one unhappy baby. Bulk: Maybe, maybe he's hungry. Skull, did you pack any food? Skull: Sure, we just came back from Taco Bell. Bulk: Bring me your bag. Let's see here, we got, Burritos, Tacos, Fajitas, here's a hamburger, and ah, some ketchup, and, oooo, lemon pie! Yum yum yum, and we here have some, some goolash, and some, some mashed potatoes with gravy and, I think I'm hungry. Skull: But what about the baby? Bulk: Forget the baby, I'm piggin' out. Skull: But you always do. Furthermore, we just ate. Bulk: Shut UP Skull, I'm eating! You take care of the kid! Skull: Do ya like dirt? SCENE XI: Hippy (still singing to the tune "Hush Little Baby"): ...because my honey left me with a baby boy, who spit up on my shirt, took my remote control. Well, I had an IRS audit, sent me straight to I.C.U.. She asked me about my tax reciepts, and soon I had found I had not had a clue. Aisha: This is STARTIN' to grow on me. Adam: Yeah, like mold. Rocky: We've got to get outta here. Aisha: You've said that all day. When are you gonna do something? Rocky: When I decide if we have to get outta here. Adam: That's pretty plain, dumb-ass. Rocky: Hey, who are you calling a dumbass? Nitwit. Adam: Dweeb. Rocky: Jerk. Adam: Butterface. Mr. Dweeb: HEY! Timeout here, can't we all get along? Rocky: I wanna get free, just to kick that man around. Aisha: Hey, my hair pin, it fell out. Adam: So your hair is ugly, big deal? So what? Aisha: So? This is our TICKET OUTTA HERE! Rocky: Shhhh!!! Big mouth. I'm sure the entire town of Springfield heard you. Aisha: Anyway, lemme see if I can pick the lock. Aisha takes about 3 minutes picking it. Rocky: Uhhhhh, I think we can roll on the ender. TO BE CONTINUED... (C) 1994 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... The three teens are kidnapped by a hippy and forced to listen to annoying music. And it's funny how I just relayed what happened today. What's that you say? . . . You say you want me to get serious? Okay... Anyway, Lord Bread decided to turn up the heat by using another monster (as done in every episode).... Lord Bread: Hahahahaha, while my Hippy Entertainment buddy is performing heinous, horrible, unspeakable torture to those annoying teenagers, I'm going to deal the other six teeangers a fate they can never match!! Goldar: Yeah right. Lord Bread: I am too tired to cuss you out, so just don't do it again. Ah hem, I SHALL NOW CALL UPON FLOWERFUNK! Can the rangers defeat again? Do they wanna save their new friends? Are they their friends to begin with? Or a reasonable excuse for Jason, Zack and Trini to retire their morphers? Find out on the NEXT episode of Pathetic Rangers!