Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "The Ninja Disaster, Part II" Parody of, "The Ninja Encounter, Part II" LAST TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS: Three new teens just happened to be chosen to fight in a Karate Ninja Tournmanent against three other unknown (and very good) ninja's, who are kidnapped, beaten up and were robbed of their clothes so three Muddies could pose as Ninja's who can't fight to save their dirt-soiled lives! Goldar: If I use my Guitar Player of Misery, his annoying singing and playing shall plague the three teens with so much torment, that when it's over, they'll have really crappy attitudes, and do YOUR bidding! Hahahahaha! Lord Bread: Hahahaha!! ...Goldar kidnaped the three not-so-talented teens to do his evil bidding, and for some odd reason rendering another hapless, annoying single dad (who cherishes his baby like it's his life) as live bait to sneer the rangers, ironically. Mr. Dweeb: HEY! Timeout here, can't we all get along? Rocky: I wanna get free, just to kick that man around. Can the rangers save these people? Scriptman: Uhh, save their friends. Announcer: Ya'sure? Scriptman: Oh just read it!! Announcer: Allright. Can the rangers save their friends? Do they even want to? Is Mr. Dweeb Gay? Find on the NEXT episode of the Pathetic Rangers, NEXT! SCENE I: In the Command Center... Billy and Alpha are standing side by side in front of the camera looking up computer data while "Jason" and "Trini" are behind them obviously struggling to keep their faces from being seen looking at god know's what. "Trini": Someone dropped their bubble gum... OOPS! "Trini," just then realizing she revealed her real face quickly turns around and starts covering her face with her arms and hands as does "Jason" and "Zack" as they roam around the command center covering their faces. Billy: Ugh! Welp, we've had 23 and a half hours, and we STILL don't know what to do. Suddenly, "Trini," "Zack" and "Jason" all have green beauty cream on their faces--including eyes. "Trini": That's because you're stoopid. Billy: Am not. "Trini": Sh'yeah right. Alpha: What do we do? Zordon: I believe we're supposed to tell them that. Alpha: Darn, the important always get the worst jobs. Billy: Well, I've located them. Zordon: We have? Billy: Yeah. Zordon: We're not supposed to for a real long time. Kimberly: I can live with that. Tommy: I detected a small string of eagerness in your voice. Kimberly: What of it? Tommy: No problem, I hate 'em too. "Jason": Should we really rescue them? Billy: Well, according to the producers of Artist Bros. Department of Stupid Satires and Parodies, if we don't, we'll be going against another batch of "Even More Pathetic Rangers" "Trini": And? Billy: Let me break it down to a simpleton's level, it effects us. "Trini": Oh, in that case... "Jason": It's morphin time! Zordon: Wait a minute!!!!!! You're supposed to know what you're doing. ---------- Jason (from some really acient episode): Right. ---------- Tommy: We do, Zordon. Alpha: I don't think so, you have no purpose in morphing. "Zack": Gee, I never thoughta that. Billy: You don't think at all, after all, you musta not thought to get that stupid lookin' perm. "Zack": At least I'm not blind. "Zack" takes off Billy's glasses and throws them on the floor. "Zack": Ooops. Billy (with his hands out reaching): Agh, I can't see very well, where are my glasses. Alpha: They're right... "Zack" lifts his foot jamming it up Alpha's belly as Alpha tries to bend over to return Billy's glassess. Alpha: Give him back his glasses. "Zack": Man, you ain't blind, you didn't wear those glasses in the three-part miniseries season premiere. Billy suddenly opens his crackling eyes and drops his arms. Billy: Oh. Tommy: Ultra Genius, I don't get it. Zordon: We've got worse problems to deal with than that. Bread has released a new monster. Billy: He has? Zordon: Yeah, watch. SCENE II: Lord Bread: Hahahahaha, while my Hippy Entertainment buddy is performing heinous, horrible, unspeakable torture to those annoying teenagers, I'm going to deal the other six teeangers a fate they can never match!! Goldar: Yeah right. Lord Bread: I am too tired to cuss you out, so just don't do it again. Ah hem, I SHALL NOW CALL UPON FLOWERFUNK! SCENE III: FlowerFunk: I am FlowerFunk, smell my lung-choking perfume and crumble at my feet! Hahaha! Goldar: I don't see what's so bad about him, he just smells bad. A lot of our monsters stank. Lord Bread: Simple, lung-head; the rangers cannot tolerate funky smells! That's the whole reason they have their suits sprayed with ATHLETE'S foot sprays! Goldar: That makes no sense. Lord Bread: Neither do you, but I've taken you under my wing. Now FlowerFunk, I need you to crush the Pathetic Rangers and bring me the broken pieces! FlowerFunk: No sweat!! Goldar: We're doomed. Lord Bread: Did you say something I should know about? Goldar: Not really. Squatt: Oooo, Goldar, you've got some interesting stuff in your diary. October 11th, 1994, Lord Smut as I call him force feeds me floor-dirt and then tells me to like it. I think he smells really bad like old meat, and I really can't stand how he talks to.... Goldar: GIMME THAT!!! Goldar swipes the book from out of Squatt's hands. Lord Bread: Oooo, these are interesting words of character ASSASSINATION!!! Goldar: I just heard the oven.... Lord Bread: Oh let Finster bake the bread, let me get my hands on you!!!!!! Goldar: Dahhhh!!! Baboo: Run for it! SCENE IV: In Lord Bread's evil dungeon of terror... Hippy (singing): Oh, give my sister back, I'll sell my soul away, you can have my own spleen. Ohhhh, the government really sucks, I really hate my life, you should also hate it. Ohhhhh, my last I.R.S audit really really really sucked, took all my money... Aisha is still picking at the lock. Adam: Geez, Aisha; could you go any slower? I think we have time for the encore. Aisha: Okay... Rocky: What is taking you so long? Aisha: The script said this was a suspense-filled scene. Adam: Yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to take an entire eon just to pick the lock! Now c'mon, we've only got 20 minutes left to withstand this annoyance in a human body. Aisha drops the pin, locks and chains just after Adam stops speaking--as if she had the lock picked several minutes ago and they become unshackled. Rocky: You mean...to tell me...that you...had it unshackled . . . [really fast] all his time? Aisha: Yeah, what? Rocky: YAAAA!!!!!! Forget it! I am just simply going to do to those monsters what I want to do to your FACE! Adam: Easy now, Rambo. If we just get up, the muddies are just gonna shackle us again. Aisha: Your point is? Adam: Ugh. Rocky: That's the point, we're not supposed to get free just yet, this is just a big waste of time to make the viewers think the heroes have already triumphed over the incredibly stupid evil. Aisha: I think this is real dumb. Adam: Well, when you start to doubt yourself, just take a good hard look at Mr. Dweeb..... Mr. Dweeb (singing): ...thought it was all in fun, POP! Goes the Weasel... Aisha: Thanks, Adam. Let's kick some muddy!! The three get up and run up to the muddies to kick 'em around and run off the screen. With the empty scene, we dissolve to a shot of the three shackled and gagged again, and still listening to Mr. Hippy. We pan from Goldar, who has his palm out and his other hand holding his sword to patrolling Muddies. Rocky: Okay, my spirits are really getting uplifted now. Adam: Can I make a Googey? Aisha: No-wah, you cannot make a Googey. We're going to try to think of another plan to get free. Rocky: I still say that if Adam hadn't tripped on his shoelace and re-tied it that we wouldn't be here. Adam: Is that such a crime? Rocky: Ugh. Goldar: Hahahahaha! Lamers! Adam: You look outta shape. Goldar: Trouble in Paradise. THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! Lame-brains! Your little attempt to escape sucked! Hahaahhaha, enjoy, he's singing his favorite: I don't like my mother! Hahahahahaha! SCENE V: In the command center... "Jason," "Trini" and "Zack" now all have bandages around their faces with eye-holes. Kimberly: Oh this is just pathetic. Now I know our readers must be suspicious. What the hell are Jason, Trini and Zack doing with bandage-helmets on? Billy: Apparently they were in a motorcycle drag race and their bikes hit a rock and all three simultaneously fell face first into several thorn bushes and now are bound in bandages. Alpha: I thought the excuse was they got plastic surger... Billy: Shut up! Kimberly: I don't think our readers are buying this. Billy: Who car'es? Zordon: Well I think you physiological misfits have wasted quite enough morphing time, I think it's time. ---------- Jason (from "Ka-Lumsy Kimberly"): Um yeah, whatever. It's morphin time! Tommy: CiderZord Zack: Majormess Kimberly: Pterydorky Billy: Tribladdertops Trini: Sabretoothed-Alley Cat Jason: Trashosaurus SCENE VI: Red Ranger, Yellow Ranger, and Black Ranger morph into Battle against FlowerFunk. FlowerFunk: Hi there, rangers! Better get your nose clips because you're about to smell something REAAAAL BAD! HAHAHAHA!!! Billy: Gee, it's times like this I really loath the changing of my zord. Black Ranger: Why? Billy: Why? Because Tribladdertops smells like urine, if my Acorn BlunderZord also smelled like it, he could repel this stupid monster. Now, we're defenseless against his funk. Red Ranger: I can take him! Aye ya!!!!! Red Ranger goes after him and returns fainting. Billy: Gee, Trini's lasted longer than that. Well, you go get 'em, Trini. Billy shoves Yellow Ranger forward and her back is stiff making her trip up forward. Yellow Ranger: Hey! Stop volunteering me. I'll handle him, BUT ONLY BECAUSE I WANNA. Billy: Brother.... just do it. Yellow Ranger goes at the monster making horrid sounds indicating the smell is really bad. Yellow Ranger: I think my nose has stopped working. Red Ranger: That's it! He's had it! Tommy: I think I can take him!! Tommy goes at FlowerFunk. FlowerFunk: Hahahahaha, here's my mother's old Gym bag! Smell it! Tommy: Oh, GOD no! Ahhh!!! Zordon never said White Ranger wasn't furnished with bad odor fenders. Billy: What's the matter? White powers a little weak? Tommy: Alright, big-shot; let's see you mess with him. Billy: Alright, I will... Billy gets thrown back after only 10 seconds. Tommy: Oooo, you sure showed me up. Billy: Black Ranger: C'mon, maybe a joint effort will help! Red Ranger: Joint effort? Yellow Ranger: I'm in, let's do it! Black Ranger: Why us? Red Ranger: This is another attempt to bunk out of our roles, remember? Black Ranger: Oh, yeah. Okay. C'mon FlowerFunk, you don't know what you're about to mess with now! The three go at FlowerFunk and the smell becomes so toxic that it freezes them solid. FlowerFunk: Hahahahahaha! Stupid rangers! Anyone else wanna be a hero? Billy: I think maybe we should just teleport. FlowerFunk: That's right, run away! Make yourselves look stupid! I wonder who else I can annoy?! SCENE VII: In the command center... Billy, Tommy and Kimberly are looking at Red Ranger, Black Ranger and Yellow Ranger (who are wobbling), who are supposidly frozen solid due to FlowerFunk's bad smell. Billy, Tommy and Kimberly have their helmets off (a previlage they're not supposed to have). Zordon: Once again, you have proven that you have jelly for a backbone. Tommy: Hey, I don't appreciate that. I mean sheesh, you're just a swarming head using us teenagers' valueble time just to get beat up by smelly monsters; much less than a STUPID monster that smells like pee, that froze up MY friends! Now, you better start appreciating what we're doing, otherwise, I'm gonna turn you off. Alpha: Thanks for saying what I've wanted to for 10,000 years. Tommy: No sweat, bucket-face. Zordon: Uh, yah. Anyway, what happened to them? Billy: Either they've been frozen, or they're trying to do the Vogue. Kimberly: Apparently, the smell was so horrible, it completely locked up their bodily functions, therefore, we have to find an antidote for the stinch to get them loose. Zordon: SO FLOWERFUNK IS STILL ROAMING THE STREETS STINKING UP EVERYTHING!??!!? Billy: Precisely, but I've got it all worked out, see. we leave Rocky, Adam and Aisha to burn to dust, and then we destroy the monster. Tommy: You musta sat on your brain too hard last night. Billy: Yeah, and I saw yours on a Lost and Found flyer on a rotten tree. Tommy: Well now, Mr. Brains, what do you propose to do? Billy: Just hold your horses, afterall, we've got one more part to finish this whole mess. Alpha: I hope so. Kimberly: Well, we have finally located Adam, Rocky and Aisha -- well, at least I did. Tommy: Oh, okay. Anyway, let's get back out there and teach him not to mess with our friends! Kimberly: Uhhh, Tommy. Tommy: Oh what? Kimberly: Adam, Rocky and Aisha? Tommy: What about them? Kimberly: Ugh. They're in Goldar and Lord Bread's dungeon of evil being forced to listen to boring Woodstock protest songs from the 60's. In the viewing globe, we see the three teenagers with droning faces. Hippy: [singing Janis Joplin's "Take A Piece of my Heart") Take another itty bitty piece of my heart, baby.... Take another little bitty piece of my heart... Billy: That's horrible. What makes him so evil? Tommy: Maybe his mom didn't burp him as a baby. Billy's eye-lids go down half-way and he squinches his lips into a small hole. Billy: Uhh, whatever. Anyway, we're gonna have to put the others on the back burner. Tommy (sarcastically): Oh no. Zordon: What about the time it takes before the music puts them into neural shock until they have no choice but to work for Lord Bread? Billy: How should I know? Right now, FlowerFunk is giving the word "rose" a really bad name. Zordon: Very well, do what you must. Tommy: Let's get back out there! Billy: Remember, don't get too close, we don't wanna wind up like Jason, Zack and Trini. Tommy: Don't you ever give me advice again, otherwise, I'll make you have to listen to Casaba. Billy: Well if I don't, who will? SCENE VIII: In the dungeon... Mr. Dweeb: Oh gosh, I just hope poor Jacob is okay. Aisha: This mean ugly guy is going to destroy the world, we gotta do something. Adam: Like what? Those lazy bum Pathetic Rangers haven't done anything. Rocky: How do you know that? We've been shackled here for two and a half days, and I SERIOUSLY have to go to the bathroom. Mr. Dweeb: And most important, if Jacob is alright... Aisha: Shut up about him already!! You're just as annoying as the creep on stage murdering his songs. Sheesh, I mean, this gold monkey and his master are trying to mutalate the world and all you can think about is your Jacob? Mr. Dweeb: Yes, that's right. Rocky: You are trulylame. Mr. Dweeb: I just hope someone's taken care of him... SCENE IX: Bulk and Skull are still outside Ernie's Junk Food Bar attempting to bring out a laugh in Jacob. Bulk: Skull! Think of something! He's been crying for 29 hours!!!! Skull: Uhhhh, why did the chicken cross the road? Jacob: Skull: To get to the other side! Hehehehehe.... A fountain of urine is sprayed at Skull's shirt from Jacob. Bulk: Hahahaha, I guess he doesn't like comedy. Skull: Hmmmm!!! This was a new shirt! Bulk: New? You've been wearing it since the start of this series. Skull: You may not care, but I do! Hmmp! I'm going to get this washed up. Bulk: Well, since this is SUPPOSED to be an action episode, I guess our scene is over for today. Skull: Alright, let's see how to cheer up this stupid baby. Ya know, you got a good set a lungs. Ya know, you're makin' us miserable. YA KNOW THAT!?!?!? Jacob: Bulk: Oh god! Make it stop! Make it stop! Please, make it stop!! Jacob spits up food. Jacob: Bulk: What did he just do? Skull: I think he threw up. Bulk: Why would he throw up? Skull: Well, my duffo bag filled with food is now empty--we fed him all that mexican food. Bulk: I don't believe this, what baby wouldn't like twenty encheladas? Skull: I have no idea, but he won't stop throwing up. Bulk: Oh boy, well, this little episode of Adventures of Bulk Baby-Sitting is getting disgusting, let's resume this tomarrow, hopefully we'll have a better problem to deal with. Skull: We were supposed to be finding the Pathetic Rangers but we're stuck nursing this stupid baby, what a rip off. SCENE X: Billy, Tommy and Kimberly morph back into action outside in the park. FlowerFunk: Back for more stinch?!?! Billy: No, we're here to yank the weeds, and that's what YOU are! Tommy: Right!! Tommy asks for CiderZord power and goes into a long endearing battle that makes no sense until Tommy must retreat. FlowerFunk: Hahahahaha! You're nothing but a pack of whimps! Hahahahaha! SCENE XI: In the command center... Billy: This is not looking up. Tommy: Any dweeb can see that. Kimberly: All but Mr. Dweeb. Tommy: I am still puzzled over why Lord Bread would kidnap that dork and not just off him. Billy: It is kinda strange. TO BE CONTINUED... (C) 1994 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... With the situation as messy as it is, the rangers scramble to get Jason, Yellow Ranger, oops! I mean, uh, Trini and Zack back to normal...! Billy: Well, Zordon? Don't you have one of those neato, exotic antidotes you tell us about? Zordon: I didn't bring it. It looks like you're just gonna have to make one. Billy: Oh boy. Kimberly: Yippy. Tommy: Hoorah. Kimberly: Smelling salts, that should work. Tommy: ...get the smelling salts. Kimberly: That would be great, but we don't have any. ...Aisha, Rocky and Adam (who seriously have to go to the bathroom) are still on the brink of a total brain meltdown as the Hippy's non-stop annoying music prevails! Hippy (singing): C'mon people now, grab your brother, everybody get together, try to loath one another right now... Rocky: I swear to god If I hear one more of his songs, I am going to crack!! Aisha: Good, because we've got 20 more parody minutes before we're finally saved. Adam: Well I wish they'd hurry it up, because I gotta go to the bathroom REALLY, really REALLY bad!! Mr. Dweeb: But if Jacob is... Aisha: Jacob, schmacob; I warned you I'd pull down your shorts if you didn't be quiet. Mr. Dweeb: But he's my only son. If I lose him, I'll be hurt, terrified, devastated. Aisha: Yeah, it's kinda like breast reduction for Dolly Parton. Will Billy crack and shoot everybody on the filming crew? Is Kimberly going to fall victim to another demeaning, sexual joke again? Will Aisha kiss Adam due to a withdrawl of having men out of her life for three days? Is the conclusion going to be a great big downer like the past two parts? Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!