Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "Two Take Away One Leaves Kimberly's Brain, and A Ranger Without Powers is Pathetic" Parody of, "When is A Ranger Not A Ranger" Adam is in Miss Appleweed's class talking about some toilet paper roll. Adam: The world -- is like a toilet paper roll. Long Pause. Kimberly: And? Adam: And, what? Billy: Get away from the class and show us something worth looking at. Adam: Well, when I put this 3-D stamp on top of the toilet paper roll, it looks like something worth looking threw. Almost like a Kaleidoscope. Tommy: You've got a Kaleidoscope for a brain. Adam: Appleweed: I'm glad I have my job back now. Ummm, Adam, that was, uhhhh... very nice. Ahh, anyone have any questions? Kimberly: Yeah, did you just gain 10 pounds over the season? Or are you just ugly? Appleweed: NO! Next, I would like INTELLEGENT questions! Skull raises his hand... Appleweed: What, Eugene? Skull: Where's the next balogna sandwich resturant? Adam: NONE OF YOU!! YOU ARE ALL INSULTS TO THE HUMAN BRAIN!!! Rocky: Hehehehe, dweeb. Get out. Adam: Doesn't anyone want a colored toilet paper roll? Kimberly: Sure, it'll be great for when the toilet paper is hanging off of my roll. Adam: Well you can't have it, dweebs. All (sarcastically): Awwwww... Adam: Mmmmm!!! Adam fumes back to his seat. SCENE II: Lord Bread's. Lord Bread: Dahhhhh!!!! Goldar: What? Lord Bread: So Black-Toast Ranger wants to play with toys does he? Little does he know his toilet-paper roll will result in the erasure of his memory! Squatt: Hehehehe! Lord Bread: Shut up! Squatt: What did I do? Lord Bread: Laughing before I tell you what I'm going to do. Baboo, I know what you're doing and stop laughing with Finster! Baboo: Sorry. Oh by the way, it's Adam. Lord Bread: I KNOW! I'm going to take his toy tissue holder and turn it into the BatteredFace. Goldar: Creativity at it's best. Lord Bread: I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't open your mouth, Goldar--it hurts my head. Goldar: What head? Lord Bread: AGH! To your painrooms, ALL of you! I have THINKING to do. SCENE III: Bulk and Skull are entering Ernie's Junk Food Bar, where Adam, Aisha and Rocky are babbling about nothing. Aisha: Wouldn't it be great if Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen got head lice? Rocky: Wouldn't it be great if Jason drove off a cliff? Adam: And wouldn't it be great to get some ice cream? Aisha and Rocky stare at Adam sternly. Adam: I'm... gonna go get some ice cream. Adam runs off. Aisha: What a geek. Rocky: Yeah, Adam sure is. Aisha: No, I'm talking about you. Rocky: Ya know, I don't appreciate that. Aisha: I know, but I'm pretty, I can get away with almost anything. .... Ernie: Hey, Fat-Pat, Slim-Jim. I'm just collecting myself thoughts of the day. Bulk: Really? Ernie: Yeah, whenever someone says something meaningful, I jot it down. Aisha: Creamy sounds make me feel tingly. Ernie: Oooo, that's good. Ernie whips out his notepad for thoughts of the day and starts writing in what Aisha said. Rocky: Fat women, puh, what a concept. Ernie: Oooo, today is crawling with well-cultured folk. Ernie whips out his notepad for thoughts of the day and starts writing in what Rocky said. Adam: Thy love one's soul, for you may see, that I, Adam, offer the gift I cherish dear to thy heart, thy soul. Hate is of those who lack depth, and I cherish that of which loves all. Ernie: Puh, where does this loser get all this giberash? Rocky: Get a life, Adam. Adam: Aisha, did you fall for it? Aisha: Uh, were you saying something? I was watching that hunky guy sweat it out. Adam: Shot down AGAIN, Rocky. Rocky: No kidding. Adam: I think next time I'm going for Kimberly. Rocky: I don't think so. Don't tell my friends, but, I'm scared of Billy. He'll pound me into the next continent if I hit on Kim. ...... Bulk: We're off on a TOP secret mission... Skull: ...to find the Pathetic Rangers! Bulk: It's TOP secret, Skull. Skull: Yeah, I know. Bulk: Ugh. Ernie: Meatheads, you know nobody is going to get to see the Pathetic Rangers. Skull: He's got a point. Bulk: I think my life is soooo dull. Ernie: Gee, you finally realized it? Bulk: Urrrr! Ernie: Why are you dressed like you just got stampeded by horses? Bulk: Because WE are going to FIND the Pathetic Rangers. Ernie: Sh'yeah right. Order something, or leave. Skull: Alright!! Give me the Pathetic Ranger Juice. Ernie: Alright, but I'm runnin' out of Lemonade, Molasses, Strawberry Punch, Blueberry Punch, Milk, and Grapefruit Juice. Bulk: Alright. We'll have the B.S. Tripper drink and Burger. Ernie: Alright. SCENE IV: Tommy, Kimberly and Billy are outdoors looking through the Toilet Paper Rolls. Kimberly (dragging words out): Wow, you guys... Billy: No offense, love muffin, but do you have to delay the ends of your words? Tommy: I don't care--the last time we did it at the end of the Dance when my powers were snuffed, I couldn't care less if she sounded like a farm animal. Billy: Wait a minute, you did it with my baby? Tommy: Hey, you're just a nerd anyway. What are you doin' hangin' in out with cool guys like us? Billy: For your information, spaghetti-hair, Rocky's not cool. Kimberly: No need to fight! There's room enough in here for both of ya! Billy: By the way, what IS so cool about that toilet paper roll? Kimberly: Not much, but Adam said he won't ask for sex for a week from me if I looked at it, so I'm putting up with it. I really think it's just a waste. Tommy and Billy start grinning when this guy with a flashlight for a head and an energizer battery lodged up his back named Battered-Face arrives with a mess of Muddies. Tommy: Hey! I've been lookin' for that flashlight! Tommy yanks off Battered-Face's head. Battered-Face: HEY!! GIMME BACK MY FACE! Tommy looks surprised, screams and drops Battered-Face's head on the ground. Tommy: AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Battered-Face: Well? What are YOU screaming about? Haven't you ever seen a guy with a big crotch and a flashlight on his head? Tommy: Yeah... In "Tales From the Darkside." Battered-Face: [attaching his head to his body] You're not gonna be so cocky once I get threw with you! Hahahaah! Muddies! Attack dorks! Kimberly: These dirtbags are toast! Billy begins backflipping, cart-wheeling, spinning--yet not kicking one single muddy. Tommy: Stop that, show-off. Billy: Hehehehehe... Billy begins kicking the muddies. The rest do too until they hit all of their pelvis'. Tommy taps the Muddies' pelvis with his finger. Tommy: What? Are these pressure points? Battered-Face: Very good! But I'm gonna rip you apart! Battered-Face starts charging after the rangers. Tommy: No Foolin' around! IT'S MORPHIN TIME! Tommy: CiderZord Kimberly: Pterydorky Billy: Tribladdertops As soon as morphing, the rangers are blown back by Battered-Face's flashlight. Battered-Face: Hahahahahaha!!!! SCENE V: The rangers are un-morphed in the outdoors looking stupid. Billy: Hmmmmm.... Kimberly: Hmmmm.... Tommy: Hmmmm.... Kimberly: Hmmm.... Billy: Well this makes for great conversation.... uhhhh, who were you again? Kimberly: Oh well I'm... I'm... Tommy: ...Pretty cute. You wanna go out with me? Kimberly: I'd love to, but see, I don't like blind dates. Tommy: I'm right here. Kimberly: Yeah, but I don't know who the hell you are, but you're kinda cute. Tommy: Thanks, you too. Billy: She sure is. Tommy: Hey! I saw her first! Stop muscling in on my chic! Now ummm, uhhh, err, whoever you are, ummm... when should we go out? Billy: I'm wondering if a date is more important than me knowing who I am. God I wear such geeky clothes. Kimberly: Maybe you're one of those intellectual type people. Billy: Oh NO! I AM! OH NO! I BETTER RUN FROM SOCIETY! Tommy: Why? Billy: No one likes a geek. Kimberly: True. SCENE VI: In Ernie's Junk Food Bar... Aisha, Rocky and Adam are still at a table yaking about nothing... Aisha: And so therefore, that's why I don't like guys who pinch me. Rocky: Let me get this straight, you don't like pinching guys because it makes you run out of butt-bruise ointment? Adam: Stupid, I say. They get a beep from Zordon. Adam: What is it, Zordon? Zordon: Well.... well.... what was your name again? Adam: Adam! Zordon: Oh right, Black Ranger. Anyway... Aisha: Is there an epidermic of memory-loss going on in this episode? Zordon: Yes--I don't know why I called you. Rocky: According to the script, Billy, Kimberly and Tommy have been wiped out. Their brains are off in another planet. They lost their memory. There, I was able to convey my point in three ways. I said what I needed to say in a trio of options. I mentioned everything that I felt was important in a triple mannered approach. Adam: Good greif. Zordon: Just teleport before you give me a headache. Adam: Yes, sir. SCENE VII: They teleport into the command center. Aisha: What's wrong? Zordon: Rocky just told us. Rocky: Exactly, precisely, that's right. Zordon: This is gonna be a LONNNNNNNNG episode. Anyway, their memory is gone because Lord Bread's monster Battered-Face's flashlight face wiped them out. Aisha: Yeah right, sure, like they're REALLY without their memory. Zordon: Your sarcasm is starting to annoy me. Aisha: What sarcasm? I was being serious. Adam: How can you be so ridiculous, yet be so pretty? Aisha: Beats me. I still don't know why En Vogue rejected me. Rocky: Maybe because you have no personality. Possibly you lack a socially acceptable image. Probably thou is without a type. Aisha: Oh no. Zordon: Rocky, Aisha, you must morph and attempt to destroy Battered-Face. Adam, you try to get the rangers to remember themseleves. Rocky: What about the part when we are un-morphed and try to get them to remember themselves? You left out the tid bit about us not being in costume to attempt to return them to their normal selves? You forgot the thing when we aren't in our super suits to find a way to have them regurgitate their memory? Zordon: GET OUT OF HERE!!!!! Alpha: Aye yi yi. SCENE VIII: Billy is scooping mud onto his shirt and Kimberly is trying to wash off her makeup and Tommy is trying to cut his hair down. Billy: There, now these geeky clothes are finished. Kimberly: Maybe I'll join a monastery and assume the name Barbara. Billy: That would be such a waste. Tommy: I'll be Josh. Billy: I'll be Woody. Suddenly, Aisha, Rocky and Adam appear out of no where. Billy: Dahhh!!! Who are you? Aisha: What HAPPENED to you? Tommy: How da hell did you get here? Kimberly: Hey you guys, I'm Barbara. Am I supposed to know you? Adam: Would it really be all that bad if we left them thinking they're geeks? Rocky: Yeah, according to what I just read from the AB Writers, they're powerless if they don't know who they are. From what I looked in the book of lines from the creator of this episode, our friends are without their super force if they are unaware of their own self. If... Adam ties a gag in Rocky's mouth. Aisha: Thank you, that's the smartest thing you've done all episode long. Tommy: Like, would you all just go away? You're creeping me out. Furthermore, mother said never to talk to strangers. Billy: And you three are as strange as they get. Adam: Don't you remember me, Billy? Billy: My name is Billy? Awww, and I was gonna be Woody. Adam: Uhh, Billy, you know? You're the eccentric nerd? Aisha: Hey Kimberly? It's me, Aisha. We shop together everyday. Kimberly: What is the point in shopping everyday? I only shop when I need more milk. In fact, I'm thinking of giving my stuff to charity. If I'm not homeless. Aisha: You don't like to shop? C'mon! Adam: You are TRULY stupid, Aisha! THEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!!!!! Aisha: Well that's kinda screwed up. Adam: Deeee!!!! Rocky (spitting out the gag): Come with us! We know you! Billy: What!?!?!?! Tommy: Uhh uh. Kimberly: No way! You guys are weird. Billy: Yeah, we're not going anywhere with you. You guys could be gay. Adam: Well look, none of us like you, and I tried to be nice. But you have no choice, you're coming with us! Kimberly: Hey! Billy: Unhand me! Tommy: Get away from me or I'll call the police! Adam: No time! Muddies! Muddies appear behind the rangers. Billy: Oh boy, they look friendlier than those monsters. Kimberly: Alright, you can take me, but you CAN'T take off my clothes! Adam: Dammit! / Rocky: Agh! They all teleport. SCENE IX: In the command center... Billy, while looking around, suddenly notices as gray, bald, floating head in a tube behind himself--it's Zordon. Billy: Dahhhh!!!! It's a floating head!!!! I don't know who you freaks are, but I wanna get OUTTA here! Aisha: Be a good sport and shut up. Zordon: Greetings, strange and unimportant creatures, you. Billy: HEY!! Adam: What do we do? Zordon: Beats me. Alpha: Zordon is going bonkers again. Billy: Hey look, it's one of those pieces of junk you take to `Show and Tell' for disassembling. Alpha: I am not trash, you space-punk. I am Alpha Five, a fully functional, atoma.... atoma... atoma... Alpha is repediately saying "Atoma..." Adam: What am I supposed to do? Zordon: In Episode #1, Season One in "Day of the Toilet," Black Ranger slams his hand on Alpha's head. Adam: Oh, okay. Adam clonks Alpha (still talking) on the head. Alpha: Atomaton. I am a fully functional robot. Rocky: So, as I was saying... Adam: You're SUPPOSED to look at Alpha sternly. Rocky: Good grief, is this our episode? Or a retrospective? 'Cause if it is, I'm gonna run out and barf. Zordon: ...getting back to the point... Rocky: Lord Bread is an evil Warlock whose monster is romping threw the creation messing up things, and you guys are Pathetic Rangers with super powers to destroy his monsters. Lord Bread is a not-so-good sorcerer who manifests distorted creatures who are sloshing threw the neighborhood causing dis-harmony. Lord Bread is... Zordon: ANYWAY.... You must morph and destroy Battered-Face, otherwise, he'll erase everyone's memory! Rocky: Gotcha! KImberly: But what about us? Aisha: Sabretoothed-Alley Cat Rocky: Trashosaurus SCENE X: Red Ranger and Yellow Ranger begin trying to attack Battered-Face and the Muddies. Battered-Face: Hahahahaha! Rocky: You couldn't beat me in the dark! Battered-Face: Oh yes I could! I'll erase you like a videotape! SCENE XI: Lord Bread: Hahahaha! Once he erases everyone's minds, the Pathetic Rangers will be history! Goldar: But that's not likely since this isn't the last episode. Lord Bread: Don't make toast you and sell you to Fort Knox. Goldar: You couldn't do that to me, 'cause then you'd have to kick yourself around. Lord Bread: Don't make me hit you. Goldar: My point exactly. SCENE XII: Red Ranger is doing poorly. Meanwhile, Bulk and Skull are lurking in the background bush. Skull: Bulk, are you sure this is all worth it? I mean, what will our parents think about us being out every single day since August 1993 doing god knows what? Bulk: If they cared, they would've asked--now shut up and push my butt threw... Skull: ...Nothing. I'm not going to touch that thing. Bulk: Okay, fine; be a baby--see if I care. Yellow and Red Ranger teleport there. Rocky: Okay, AISHA! We have to destroy the monster so that the other PATHETIC RANGERS--Billy, Kimberly and Tommy get their memories back! Aisha: Good thing nobody's around, idiot; oh no! BatteredFace: La-la, ah-huh!? More of you? Oh well, it looks like I'm going to have scatter your brains too. Rocky: Uh oh, major plot hole. Aisha: Fine time to ask, stone-head. Rocky: I thought it was bone-head. Aisha: Well, since you're Rocky; I say STONE-head. Get it? Anyway, we were supposed to get some Plizm-Plazm to have the Rangers get their memories back. Rocky: Yeah? So? Aisha: We were supposed to find them and bring them with us! Rocky: Oh no, so that means we're going to lose our memory for NOTHING!? Meanwhile... Skull: For the last time I am NOT going to put your cup on you! Bulk: It's necessary for me to get into gear so I wont get toasted by any monsters thinking we're a pathetic ranger! Skull: Bulk, think; do we look one? Bulk: Wait, look! Pathetic Rangers--let's go get 'em! Suddenly we hear a record-needle skid across a record's grooves (creating the "Brrr..." noise). The screen freezes and turns into the background as Adam stands in front with a tux on. Adam: You're probably wondering what we're going to do now that this show can now be confirmed dead because the plot has split through the middle. Easy. We'll cheat! From now on, all the rangers will be on the set; with Billy, Tommy and Kimberly un-morphed; Rocky has the Plizm-Plazm and Bulk and Skull are nowhere to be found. Thank you, and enjoy. The show resumes when the camera pans to a wide-shot of the entire area, the rangers are there alone with BatteredFace. Kimberly: Woah what a trip. Billy: Well, this was the only we were going to cut to the chase without having an 800 line long parody. Tommy: Yeah, this was beginning to drag out. Rocky: Well, Billy; what am I supposed to do with these Plizm-Plazms? Aisha: Hmmm. . . . . . . . . . . . . . HEY Writers! I ran out of lines! AB Writers: We're workin' on it....Okay, Tommy; punch Rocky. Tommy: Gladdy. Rocky: Wait, why? AB Writers: You'll see.. Tommy decks Rocky 'til he falls to his butt and the crystal-like bars go through the air zapping Billy, Tommy and Kimberly until they re-morph. Kimberly: Hey, Billy; what are they doing here? Billy: I don't know--but I know I'm not glad to see them. Rocky (getting up): Hey, jerks; I saved your ass's. Tommy: You did? Aisha: Tommy, you decked him--some things went into the air and restored your memory; now can we get on with the fight? Adam: I don't think there's going to be one. We see BatteredFace walking away. ===== Lord Bread: What do you think YOU'RE doing, BatteredFace? BatteredFace: I QUIT; because of the LOUSY writing on this show--I could get a better job as a bad guy on The Disney Channel! I'm outta here! Goldar: So much for that, I guess. Lord Bread: Oh perfect, now I have this extra banana peeling for nothing. SCENE XIII: After the thoroughly ruined fight, Bulk and Skull are standing around the Junk-Food Bar telling tall tales of harrowing rescue and savior. Bulk: The monster was SO stinky, he killed the flowers all around for MILES! Skull: I thought that was you? Bulk: Shut up, nitwit--I'm trying to tell a story. THEN, the PATHETIC Rangers showed up and they got tied to a lamp-posted and knocked around like a punching bag when WE, the incredible Bulk & Skull, came to their rescue by... Lady: Before you completely waste our time, if the Pathetic Rangers were saved by you goons, which I find terribly hard to believe, where are they? Bulk: Uh... SKull: Uh... Lady: Just what I thought. The Crowd clears. Bulk: Just great, this is the worst episode I've worked in since Foolsday, Part II. Skull: That's 'cause we weren't in that one. Bulk: Hmmm... Kimberly and Aisha are walking up to Bulk and Skull. Skull: What do you want? Pour milk shakes on our heads? Laugh at us? Ram our face in cake? Aisha: Offer sounds tempting, but we--well? Sorta believe you. Kimberly nudges Aisha on the shoulder. Aisha: We believe you... But you really shouldn't brag. Kimberly: Yeah, but we believe you. Bulk: Really? Wanna--go out with a hero? Kimberly: I said I believed you, I didn't said I was drunk, stupid or on something. Skull: Figures. Well, why don't you go shove off? Kimberly: Beats me. Aisha: Well, since the writers (as usual) have run out of creative ideas for an ending, I think we should just call it a night and take bows. Kimberly: And the CAST of today's show!! PLAYING THE ROLE OF LORD BREAD...Freddy Krueger!! Lord Bread walks on the stage and takes his mask off revealing himself as Freddy Krueger. Kimberly: Playing Goldar...Rex Harrison!! Goldar takes off his mask and takes a bow. Kimberly: Playing the part of Battered-Face.......Bryant Gumbel! BatteredFace takes off his mask. Kimberly: Playing the parts of Rocky, Billy, Adam, Tommy, Aisha and me are, Steven Somebody, David Yost, John Hosch, Jason David Marie Frank, Karen Ashley and Amy Jo Johnson! Featuring, Jason Narvy and Paul Schrier as Skull and Bulk, with Richard Genelle as Ernie! The entire cast walks on to the emptied sound stage with the audience clapping. Kimberly: You've ALL been a great audience!! Suddenly, Saturday Night Live's annoying horn and trumpet ending theme is heard when credits are flying up the screen and all the characters are shaking hands and talking when they all fall threw the stage and the show's over. THE END (C) 1994 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... Ernie decides to become a thorn in Billy's side by hooking his un-pumped lamer friend Rocky on a Pachinko Machine game that isn't really that much fun! Rocky: Hey, this is too fun! Billy: What is? Rocky: This thing. Billy: You don't even know what it is. Rocky: Oh. ...Lord Bread decides to double his fun by making him become a six year old who only wants to have fun... Billy: ...Rocky has been playing this stupid Asian make-shift foosball machine that Ernie brought in, and he gave me the finger about studying. Adam: I do that everyday, what's the big deal? Billy: The big DEAL is, he'd rather play that machine than to go to the BATHROOM. Aisha: That is serious, we don't want him smelling like an alley. Billy: What do we do? Kimberly: I don't know but I have a hunch that Lord Bread is behind this. ...Lord Bread sends down an annoying monster who (ironically) looks similar to the previous episode who also is encouraging irresponsible Rocky into acting like an idiot--a characteristic he just so happens to had already filled... Rocky: HAHAHAHAHA! Rocky is jumping up and down acting silly with his fingertip on his head acting like a fool. PickleHead: ENOUGH! PARTY'S OVER, PATHETIC RANGER! HAHAHAHA! Can the rangers defeat this monster? Are you fed-up with me asking rhetorical questions? Will Billy murder Rocky before the season is over? Will Zordon play Konkey Dung with Alpha until his brains turn to mush and takes him to another dimension? Is that REALLY going to be related the the next episode? I don't know, I don't care, but I know you'll probably Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!