Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "The Great Kokomo Exaggeration" Parody of, "The Great Bookala Escape" SCENE I: Billy, Aisha and Adam are playing frisbee's again in the park. Aisha: Where's Rocky? Billy: Beats me. All I know is, I'm supposed to be in this scene, otherwise, first time viewers would not recognize this as Pathetic Rangers. Besides, this is the scene where I fall in love again. Adam: Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. They resume playing frisbee's when a giant spacecraft that looks remarkably like a cartoon flying-saucer that skims over Aisha's head. Aisha: YOWSER! That thing nearly gave me a haircut. Adam: In that case, let's hope it returns. Aisha: Adam!! Billy is standing there--frozen--looking at the same location the saucer once was in a dazed facial expression. Adam: BILLY! Billy: Uh, what? Adam: Are you paying attention? Billy: Indeed I am. Adam: I asked a question. Aisha: He just answered it, fool. Adam: Ya know, Aisha; one of these days, your big mouth is going to mix you up in a ransom demand and no one'll pay. Aisha: Yeah well, they just try to mess with me and get a bleeding lip. Billy: GUYS!! The thing is zooming everywhere! ------ Off where Bulk and Skull are... Bulk and Skull are reading the same UFO Protections book, Skull has his upside down. Bulk: Skull, what are you doing? Skull: Doing what you're doing. Bulk: Well CUT IT OUT. Besides, you're reading it upside down. Skull: Oh, heh-heh. I knew those words looked nearly like Pig-Latin. Bulk: You are really stupid. Hey, after reading page 340 on Chapter 19 about UFO's, I've FINALLY deduced that the Pathetic Rangers are in fact --- SPACE ALIENS! Skull: You sure? Bulk: Nah, it's just another poorly written plotline for us. Skull: I think that stinks, when are we gonna get a decent plotline? Bulk: When we decide to work with Dustin Hoffman--which'll be never. Now as I was saying... The saucer skims over Bulk and Skull. Bulk: THOSE WERE THE PATHETIC RANGERS!!!! Skull: Get real. Bulk: Think about it, Skull! Skull: What's to think about? Bulk: In your case--everything. Listen, we are going to take pictures of that saucer and become FAMOUS! Skull: Alright, but everytime I do what you say, I get grounded. Bulk: Tough luck, SO DO I! Now quit yammering and help me. SCENE II: Back in SerpantSlinky, Goldar is still trying to retune it to work. Goldar: Ya know, Lord Bread; I don't know how you talked me into fixing this heap of cheaply put together crap. It's just gunna break down on us again. Lord Bread: Goldar, stop for a minute. Goldar: Can I? Lord Bread: Don't be obnoxious, idiot. My prisoner Kokomo is trying to escape! Goldar: Kokomo? I often wonder why we even kidnapped that nitwit. He talks like a retard and he's virtually worthless. Lord Bread: No he's not! He never had the guts to escape 'cause he knew that I've been watching him every second of his miserable existance, at least until today. Dammit, and I just HAD to have one more 12 minute peek at Kimberly's naked figure in Rangers In the Buff. Goldar: Fill me in, exactly what is so special about that moron? Lord Bread: It is simple! He holds the Hostess Twinkie that'll make SerpantSlinky's power invisible! Therefore, he'll never short out, and I won't have to shell out 400 more potatoes to have him repaired! Goldar: That's a whole lot of hooey. I've been the one paying for this Garbage on Wheels and you've been griping about it. Lord Bread: Look, space-ding-a-ling, you do as I tell you to otherwise I'll make you watch Christmas specials all-year-'round! Goldar: Very well. SCENE III: In the park, the UFO eventually crashes. Billy runs up to it. Billy: Well finally, I can examine it. Adam: What is it? Aisha: I don't know. Billy: It appears to be a UFO. It appears to be something that came from outer space. It appears to me that I must investigate because it appears to me like... Adam: Billy, get some new lines. Billy: Hmmm... Adam touches it and flicks his finger back. Adam: Ahhhh. It's hot. Aisha: You sure? Billy: Don't be a nitwit, Aisha. Hey look at that! Aisha: It appears to be a doll. Billy: This is no doll. Adam: Yeah, what if it can doody? Billy: You do know how to think of the most gross things. What's that? Adam: HEY! IT'S A TWINKIE! Adam goes after the opener-lid and tries to get the twinkie and puts it in his mouth. Moments after chomping down on it, a hard, cracking noise is heard. Adam: HEY! This is no twinkie! These are brussels sprouts! Billy: No they're not, it's its source of energy. Aisha: How come you already know these things? Billy: Because I am an eccentric brainiac. Aisha: What's that? Billy: Ugh. Billy taps his communicator. Billy: Zordon, this is an emergency. ---- In the command center, Zordon's head pops up as does his previously shut eyes. Zordon: HUH! Billy! What do you want? ---- Billy: This is an emergency. ---- Zordon: Has Lord Bread sent down a monster?!?! ---- Billy: No, a spaceship crashed into the park. ---- Zordon: THAT'S the big emergency!?!?! ---- Billy: Yeah, he could be lost. ---- Zordon: You woke me up for this!?!?! AGH! How many times have I told you NOT to wake me up for trivial purposes? Billy: Don't you care? Zordon: NO! And why can't you figure out anything for yourselves? Billy: Nice talking to you. But I have no choice but to come over. Zordon: Very well. But because you disturbed my peace, it'll cost you for bathroom rights. Billy: I'm lucky. I don't have to go. Adam: But what about me? Aisha: And me? Adam: Great, we gotta shell out 20 bucks for bathroom rights because Billy's obsessed with the super-unknown. Billy: Who's the rookie here? Aisha: Aaaarrghhh.... Zordon: Get this over with, I want to finish my nap. Billy: And why do you have to nap? You're just a big floating head. Zordon: I have my reasons. I don't have to tell you everything about me. Billy: C'mon. They teleport. SCENE IV: In the command center... Tommy, Kimberly and Rocky are already there. Billy: What are you guys doing here? Rocky: It's a contest. Alpha bets that he can spin his stupid bucket-head and pat his tummy and sing the Star Spangled Banner at the same time operating the morphin grid with his foot all at once. Alpha: ...that the flag was still there... Zordon: Hey, I had to have him entertain himself. Otherwise, I wouldn't ever get any sleep because of his gab-a-thons. Alpha: ...the home of the---brave!!!! Rocky: Hahahahaha. Kimberly: That's funny. Alpha: Alright, stooges; where's my 10 bucks? Tommy: Hahahaha, this sandpail-mouth actually thought we was gonna pay him? Rocky: Boy what a yutz. Alpha kicks his foot into Rocky's knee. Rocky: OWWW!!! What's with you, robot? Alpha: You gimme my money or I'll make you listen to the How-to-Be-A-Pathetic-Ranger rules again. The gang starts shelling out ten bucks. Billy: Are you qqqq-uite finished now? Tommy: Think so. So, Nerd-Vader, what's so important? Adam: Oh so I see. You didn't notice we just brought in a space-craft? Kimberly: Nahh, we were too busy watching Alpha smoking as he was making a dicky-doo out of himself. Tommy: What's a dicky-doo. Kimberly: Doody-head. Rocky: Hehehehehe. Billy: GUYS!! This is serious. I wonder what this could be? Suddenly, in the spacecraft--a bunch of sparkly lasers whirlpool around the craft and the doll that was inside blows up into a giant being that would be one of Lord Bread's monsters but is a giant human whose head is the side of an enlarged cheese-wheel that is white and has two crossed-eyed with stripes of red lipstick like a Japanese doll that talks like he inhaled helium. Suddenly, this entity named Kokomo brings out this cane and starts dancing and singing. Kokomo (singing): I'm an Eskemo from Tokyo, I'm a good ol' gent named Kokomo, I'm hidin' out from that mean Lord Bread, who wants my twinkie of power right now, hey! Adam: Hahahahaha, he talks funny, hahahaha! Kokomo slaps Adam. Adam: Owww!! Hey, what's your problem, dude? Billy: He's apparently sensitive, creep. Adam: Sensitive? This weirdo looks like a make-up accident. Kokomo: You friend, me Kokomo. Bread, hide from, me. You, friend? Billy: Me friend. Rocky: You--freak. Billy: ROCKY!! Kokomo: Mean, boy. Billy: Yes, he is strange. Kokomo: Strange, is he. Billy: Oh of course he's not funny. [Short Pause] but he is smelly. Rocky: HEY! What kind of thoughts are you placing in this drip anyway? Billy: Nevermind. What's going on here, Zordon? Zordon: Kokomo has been on 24 hour watch by Lord Bread for 3 months because he withholds the magic Twinkie that will make Lord Bread's evil ways with SerpantSlinky unstoppable. Ya see, its power can make SerpantSlinky work forever and Goldar won't have to play mechanic anymore. Tommy: Sounds serious. We better hide Kokomo. Suddenly, Kokomo's voice changes to a Jerry-Lewis-like voice. Kokomo: Woah! Bread, with the howts! Mallet hurts, oh, froin-laven shine! Tommy: Oh no. Kimberly: Who wrote this? Billy: Don't worry, Kokomo, we'll get you home. Kokomo: Home is good, good houme!! Billy, you, very kind. Kind, very, you are! Adam: After this episode, I'm not so sure I'll be able to talk straight again. Billy: Well, don't worry. Everything's gonna be okay, because I love you. Kimberly: Hey wait a minute, Billy. What about us? You said we'd roll around in the barn tonight, ya know. Billy: Uhh, ya, later, babe. Listen, Kokomo; you don't worry about a thing. We're close. Kokomo: Friend, Billy, you are! No with the mallet, hurts Mr. Boy. SCENE V: In SerpantSlinky... Lord Bread: GOLDAR!! Goldar: WHAT!?!?!?! Dah, I mean, uhh... What ever do you request, my reason for breathing? Lord Bread: Knock it off. How come you haven't located that waste of solar-room yet? Goldar: Beats me. This heap of junk is so cheap, its long-range locate distance is only 200 miles! Lord Bread: WHAT?!?!?! Goldar: I think it can go a little more but I'm not sure. Lord Bread: Well now, I'm pretty sure a mind of your ridiculously inferior calibur can find a dodo like Kokomo on EARTH! It's ONLY about 3 Million miles WIDE! Goldar: If it's so damn easy, YOU do it! Lord Bread: DON'T STEAM ME!!!! Goldar: Very well. I'll try it. YES! I've found him! Lord Bread: Well? Goldar: He's at Billy's run-down ol' shack. Lord Bread: Get down on earth, break every bone in Blue Ranger's body and put a gag on that voice-chameleon with the stupid lookin' face and get the twinkie and toss him into a dusty ditch. Goldar: That's a pretty tall order. Lord Bread is tapping his foot and his fists on his hips glowing red. Goldar: But any order commanded from you is almost too easy to carry out. Lord Bread: Save it for the next episode. Get down and do it now before that Drip Billy gets him to safety. Goldar: Yes sir. SCENE VI: In Billy's garage... Billy is working on fixing Kokomo's spacecraft while the others are watching TV. Tommy: Wow, this porn movie is cool. I've never seen Kim Bassinger move in that many ways before. Billy turns it off. Adam: Aww man, and just when it was gettin' good. Billy: I wish you would help me instead of pining your time away watching stupid movies. Kimberly: Well hey, since I've been replaced by a guy who doesn't know how to use lipstick, I have to have a replacement. Kokomo: Froin-laven, penis, laven! Billy: Uhhh, uhhhh... Kokomo, Penis--bad word. Very--very bad word. Kokomo: Word, bad. Phrase isn't good, no good, froin-laven sherrul! Billy: Yeah, right. Uh huh. Kokomo: What is bad word? Billy: Well, it's sorta the thing that differenciates between the girl and boy. Kokomo: Where bad word? Billy: I'm not so sure I'm comfortable talking about this, Kokomo. Kokomo: Me no have bad word. Billy: Naturally, you're a space alien. Adam: This idiot's dummer than Jim Carrey. Billy: ADAM! Kokomo: Fix now? Billy: No, still needs a tune up. Aisha, are you finished with that doll? Aisha: Almost. I don't believe I'm doing this. Billy: I did afterall pay you. Kimberly: Why do we have to be payed? Tommy: Because Billy's an eccentric who cares about stupidpeople who aren't related to us. Billy: This just MIGHT be the first noble thing we do for someone else this series and you're trying to blow it all away. Adam: Well, it was easy makin' a fake Twinkie. I bought it threw ChildCraft's fake foods. Billy: Great, that meatloaf butt Lord Bread'll never know the difference. Goldar appears from nowhere and starts slashing threw Billy's stuff. Billy: GOLDAR!! Goldar: Give it up, Blue Ranger. It's over. There's no escape! Billy: Cut the clich‚'s. I hope you're expecting to pay for that damage. Goldar: I don't have to pay jack crap. Give it up, Kokomo! You're comin' with me! Billy: I'll call the police!! Goldar: WHAT!?!? Billy: One step closer and I'll call the fuzz. Goldar: I can take anything I want. Billy: This is serious, it's morphin' time! Tommy: CiderZord Adam: Majormess Kimberly: Pterydorky Billy: Tribladdertops Aisha: Sabretoothed-Alley Cat Rocky: Trashosaurus The Rangers rumble with Goldar until he's on his bottom in pain. Goldar: Must... get up! Billy: Kokomo!! This is your big chance! Get in your craft! Tommy: Hurry! Billy: Okay, let's get 'em outta here! They take him elsewhere and Goldar catches up with the rangers who ran into a dead end. Goldar gives Kokomo a giant smack in the face until he's on the ground babbling aimlessly. Billy becomes flustered. Billy: You think you can mess with my friends, Goldar? Well nobody screws with my friends, ya Gold Baboon! Billy gets out his blade blaster and zaps the crap out of Goldar until he's on the ground smoking. Aisha: My gosh, you two just met and you act like you've been doing it! Billy: It's a hobby; date 'em, dump 'em. Rocky: Oh puke. Goldar: This isn't fair! Now you've got my steamin' mad! Goldar corners the rangers with Kokomo. Adam: One step closer and you'll get a taste of my Power Axe! [From nowhere, Adam get's the Power Axe] Goldar: KOKOMO! THERE IS NO ESCAPE!! Tommy: Oh yeah? Well now, Goldar; you think you can just swipe whatever we own because you're bigger than me, and harder than me, and stronger than me, and got a better sword than me, and that you've got a tougher voice than me and that ah... uhhh, what was my point? Kimberly: Oh good grief. Billy: Ugh. Tommy: Oh yeah, now I remember. You get the hell outta here before I kick your butt--back to Planet Nowhere! Goldar: OH shut up and give me the twinkie!! Tommy: You won't get away with it without a good fight! Goldar: Gladly! I always like a good battle--especially since I'm gonna wipe up the floor with your buns! They--again--rumble with Goldar until Tommy gives himself up--obviously. Goldar: HAhaha, fools! Billy: Come back with the twinkie! Goldar: Never!! See you idiots later! Goldar vanishes with the fake twinkie. Tommy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Billy: What a yutz. Kokomo: You friend, Billy are. Me glad--you friend. Adam: Yeah yeah, whateva. Just get back in your cocoon and get da hell outta my face. Billy: Adam, that's no way to talk to our friends. Kimberly: He's not my friend, he's your minute long obsession. In the middle of the public park, all of the rangers take off their helmets. Billy: I guess this is goodbye, huh? Kokomo: No forget, me friend. SCENE VII: Lord Bread is sitting in the command seat of SerpantSlinky when Goldar (heard yelling) drops in--literally and falls into the control seat where he normally is with the Twinkie. Lord Bread: Hi, Goldar; nice of you to drop in. WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG!?!? Goldar: Listen, you ungrateful coward, I RISKED my very life to get you this stupid twinkie and I demand some respect. Lord Bread: I don't care if you had to die in that battle. I WANT that Twinkie! Goldar: Here it is, ya Red Devil. Lord Bread: It just might be now that you did something RIGHT for once! Put in the twinkie and replace that Magic Ho-Ho and now, destroy the Pathetic Rangers, ONCE AND FOR ALL!! Goldar: Yessssss... Goldar turns on SerpantSlinky. Moments later.. SerpantSlinky is shaking and things start banging onto the floor and the ceiling falls down as the walls and shelves begin caving in and the lights start dimming and coming back on again with sparks falling from out of the electrical sockets and odd noises are heard. Lord Bread: Hey!! WHAT... what the FRIGGEN HELL is going ON here! Goldar: Augh! It's a FAKE! Lord Bread: WHAT!?!? Those pesky nimrods TRICKED me! They're gonna pay for this. Goldar: What more, Kokomo made a run for it. Lord Bread: I'll teach those meddlesome teenagers not to mess with the Big B.! XGoldar: Whaddya gonna do? Lord Bread: I'll release a duplicate of Kokomo who's evil! Goldar: Yes!! Wise plan! Lord Bread: YOU SHUT UP, GOLDAR!! It was YOU and your incompetance that got me this cheap fake! ARISE, EVIL KOKOMO! Lord Bread uses his X-stick and creates a new Kokomo. SCENE VIII: The rangers are still in the park helmetless. Kimberly: ...yeah, so Billy; where are your loyalties. Billy: With you, honey! Adam: I don't know why you have to kiss up to her. She sleeps with Tommy everyday. Billy: WHAT?!!?! Tommy: Okay, every other week. Billy: Urrr. AB Writers: It would serve you dweebs right if you got caught by Bulk and Skull hanging out with your helmets off like that. Adam: We like to press our luck since it hasn't been written in. AB Writers: Say I DO decide to make Bulk and Skull stroll alongside the park? Kimberly: Alright, alright; we'll put 'em back on. Evil Kokomo arrives. Billy: Aww, Kokomo came back to say goodbye. Aww, isn't that nice? Be nice now, Adam. Adam: Listen, I may be a rookie, and I'll clean up your baby brother's doody every night and kiss your butt and call it ice cream, but I DON'T have to be nice to this, this, entity that talks like a dislexic. Tommy: Wait a minute, that's not the real Kokomo. Kokomo doesn't have a chain-whip. Kokomo: Very perceptive, White Trash! Tommy: Aww that's it, I'm gonna... Billy: Tommy, be careful, this guy seems like trouble! Zordon (threw the communicator): It's Lord Bread's fake Kokomo sent to devour your bones and flesh. Though the only similarity is they're both just as annoying. Adam: Nahh, he sounds like Slumlord from "B.S. Trippers," not annoying Jerry Lewis. Billy: That's why you're a rookie. When you're like me, you know that Slumlord is that "Other" villian on Saban's "Other" show. Aisha: These rules are strange. I'm not sure I wanna stop being a rookie. Zordon: Well stop your yaking and DO something. Billy: Right! --------------------- Lord Bread: Enough fooling around, I want him to GROW! --------------------- Rocky: We need BlunderZord power!! Adam: Majormess-Cowardly Lion BlunderZord Power! Kimberly: Pterydorky-TiredBird BlunderZord power! Billy: Tribladdertops-Acorn BlunderZord power! Aisha: Sabretoothed-Alley Cat-Lipton Tea BlunderZord Power! Rocky: Trashosaurus Red-Dragon Liver BlunderZord Power! They form BlunderHeapaJunkaMegaZord and conclusively eliminates the fake Kokomo after getting beating to death by Kokomo's chain-whip. SCENE IX: In SerpantSlinky... Lord Bread: Well now, Goldar; what are you gonna do about my defeat? Goldar: Well, duhhh; we've got Elvis. Maybe he carries a magic microphone. Lord Bread: DON'T BE STUPID!! Goldar: I've concluded that there is no way to repair this crap. Lord Bread: Wonderful. NOW GET US OUTTA HERE! Goldar: Yes, master. Lord Bread: Knock it off. In SerpantSlinky, they retreat. SCENE X: At the Junk Food Bar... All the guys and gals are in general trying to show off their "hot" bodies: Adam, Tommy, Rocky and Billy are wearing sleveless shirts and Kimberly and Aisha are wearing tight bike-a-tards under leotards. Ernie approaches them with a postcard. Ernie: Aye oh, I just got a postcard from ah, Jangulu, Neptune from a Kokomo. Billy: Oh, we receive letters like that everyday. Bulk: How can you geeks be getting postcards FROM ANOTHER PLANET!?!? Tommy: None of your business, bacon-butt. Read it, Billy. Billy: Shung, jeeng julgs, racka-roola. Adam: He says that he's having a wonderful time, wish you were here and I'll visit you for the next six months if Lord Bread is still around by then so I wish you all a Happy Easter, Merry Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving and Halloween. Tommy: How'd you translate that? Adam: It's in the script. Billy: The script is startin' to make no sense. Aisha: Well, Kokomo has been nothing but trouble for us since he came around seeing is he had a huge price on his neck. Kimberly: And thanks to Billy's constant half-hour obssessions, we nearly got turned into fudge pudding. Billy: Hey, don't look at me, I'm just contributing to the better world of science. Kimberly: Well, the next time you drag us into your stupid little projects, your prostate will be filling just like an unpumped oil-mine. And I won't even be there to help you. Tommy: Some threat. Billy could care less about sex when he merges with the supernatural unknown. Billy: I suppose you don't get any privacy when you're on Pathetic Rangers. Rocky: Perhaps you need Zordon to relay the rules to you again. Bulk: Well, unfortunately, the Pathetic Rangers didn't crawl out their spacecraft so this was again another wasted opportunity for us to crack the secret of all time. Skull: Not me. I got a free chili dog from the man and the mini-mart after he begged me to stop playing the top-40 on my pits. Billy: That's disgusting. All I know is, my best advice is to give it up, Bulk. Bulk: NEVER!! We'll be rich and famous once we catch the rangers with their pants down! Adam's pants are down. Adam: Why did the writers write that in? Aisha: It's funny. Tommy: I suppose the script has played itself out, so goodnight everybody! THE END (C) 1995 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... Aisha over-sells the appeal of her old friend to Kimberly, when in reality she's just a bitchy, stupid excuse to make Kimberly look like a supermodel! Kimberly: Maybe, but I... Oh no, look who's here. Shana: Yeah, well seeing you isn't a skip in the park either. So, how are you trying to upstage me today, Kimberly? Kimberly: I'm not trying to upstage anybody, if anything, you're the one who wasn't smart enough to decide on plastic surgery 10 years ago. Shana: Aww that's it, I've had it with you, Kimberly!! Aisha, you're such a jerk! How can you say things like that about me? Aisha: What are you talking about? Shana: Oh c'mon, now you think I'm crazy? Aisha: Well, yes and no. Shana: Oh, what's that s'pposed to mean? I should visit the rubber-room for one month and leave the next? Aisha: Why are you so immature? Shana: Oh, now I'm immature. Aisha: I take it back, selfish, pig-headed and insecure! We see a close-up of Kimberly's increasingly annoyed face.. Shana: Hey, you're the one who... Kimberly: HEY!!! Aisha / Shana: WHAT?!?! Kimberly: Knock it off, otherwise, I'll slug you >both< into the next ice age! Shana: See how many mean things you say about me, Aisha? Aisha: You've got an attitude problem. Kimberly acts like an ass, and I get blamed for it... ...Lord Bread hatches a plan from out of thin air and creates the evil monster Paws of Life from out of a hacksaw... Goldar: Dah hahahahaha!!!!! So you now decide to show up, aye? Rocky: Yeah, and you're toast, idiot! Goldar: Speak for yourself, Red Ranger! I want you to meet a friend of mine--Paws of Life! Paws: I'm gonna scratch you away like the living room couch! Billy: Oh good greif. Adam: Any friend of yours is an enemy of mine, ugly! Goldar: Dahahahaha, eat your words! Can the rangers destroy Paws of Life? Will Kimberly destroy Aisha's friend before the episode is over? Will Aisha be happy that her obnoxious friend she was paid to befriend will be getting kidnapped by Goldar? Did I leave that part out? Find out on the NEXT Episode of the Pathetic Rangers!