Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "The Bed Wetting, Part I" Parody of, "The Wedding, Part I" SCENE I: In Capbutt's class... Mr. Capbutt: Well, since Miss Appleweed had a stroke because of schooling you juvenille delinquets, we decided to let you idiots take a vacation in Australia. Skull: What's a vacation? Billy: Geez. Aisha: But what am I gunna wear? Tommy: Beats me, just as long as it's something--otherwise, I'll go blind. Aisha: Oh yeah, that's real funny, Greaseman. Bulk: That's great! Capbutt: But Bulk and Skull wear legirons. Skull: WHAT?!?!? Bulk: Aww man. Capbutt: Hey, if you got B's or A's instead of G minuses, you'd get to go without 'em. Bulk: There IS no such thing as a G. Capbutt: Yeah, it's a new grade made exclusively for you--it stands for gross. Rocky: Well, what country is Australia in? Billy: Uhhhhhh.... SCENE II: In Lord Bread's castle.... Goldar: So Lord Bread, here to yell at me another stupid plan? Lord Bread: I'd love to, especially with your annoying, snide comments. But unfortunately, I've got a pulsating headache from accumulated amounts of stress. Goldar: That's because you yell too much. Lord Bread: I ALWAYS get stress after 100 years. Goldar: Yeah right. That's because you blast every chump who's stupid enough to work for you. Lord Bread: You better take that back, otherwise, I'll have to twist your body into four or five different shapes. I must do what no other master such as me has ever done before. Goldar: Get a life? Lord Bread: No, Ding-bat, I must rest on my comfort bed of nails with test tubes of scarse chemicals to make me be fully re-energized, so I can yell at you once more. Goldar: Oh goody. But what's to say I don't pull the plug on you and let you melt into uncooked ground beef? Lord Bread: Yeah, that's to say you have someone you can do slave work for. Goldar: I hate it when you're right. SCENE III: Out in distant space... Rita's toilet is drifting in the space... Rita: Ahhh!! It's a good thing my toilet finally got clogged. Now it'll deviate from its course to the sun and go back to the moon, from which I can achieve my master PLAN!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Hmmm, getting closer to the moon already! SCENE IV: Outside the plane flight... Adam: Billy, I'm tired of you. We've been waiting 2 hours for you to get fixed up. I mean, what are you doing all this time? Tommy: Affixing pimple plaster, wearing glasses, Wrinkle-Free cream and stuffing his underpants. Billy: I do NOT do that! I only put the pimple plaster on. Kimberly: Well, you look cute anyway. Uhhh, you don't wear that stuff when we're in the sack, do you? Billy: KIMBERLY!! Rocky: Well I for one am excited. Adam: I'm not, I went to Australia once. I had to change my name to Brandon to get in. The last time I went, I got flamed for going to bed with some royal guy's daughter. Rocky: Hehehehe, naw, naw; now seriously--why were you chased out of Australia? Adam: That was the reason. Rocky: Yeah right. Kimberly: Guys?!? We've got more important things to be talking about. [Pause] So, where do you think the coolest shopping malls are? Aisha: I simply loved, Reede's Shopping Mall. Kimberly: Really? The last place I went I got this awful face job. They put LoverBoy Cremes on my face and... Aisha: Oh you should never try that, you should try SoapHead, that gel will make you look like new. Oh I can't believe the snacks they serve at Reede's, they serve these fattening Bars... Kimberly: Oh yeah, all those calories... Tommy and Adam begin to roll their eyes. Tommy: That's great. Listen, ummm; the plane's taking off in two minutes. We gotta split. Aisha: OH okay. Listen, girl; you try this stuff, and you'll look just like new, I mean... While the plane is taking off... Kimberly: ...you mean to tell me, that WASN'T him? It was balloons? Aisha: Oh yeah, when he snatches off his clothes, he has to untie those balloons he be stuffing in his so-called "buffed" arms... Kimberly: Oh yeah, this one guy, he was so ugly, he.... At the cafe in Australia... Aisha: ...a guy like that. I mean, he's so... Billy: UGH!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! JUST SHUT UP!! JUST SHUT THE GOD DAMN HELL UP!! Aisha: What's your problem? Adam: Great, now that Billy has proven to be the embarressment of the century, we'll probably be laughed out of the cafe. Thank you, turbo-nerd. Billy: Get bent. ----------------- Off with Bulk and Skull.... Some Austrailian waitress approaches the two, who are looking at the menu. Skull is reading it upside down. Waitress: Oh god! Is this a costume? Bulk: No. Waitress: I never knew any living creature could ever be this hideous. Skull: I take a fence. Bulk: You are really stupid. Gimme a burger. Waitress: What is a burger? Skull: Well, it's yummy. Waitress: Uh, huh? Skull: Okay, a burger is something that tastes very good. Bulk: Skull, I think the lady would like to know what a burger is? Skull: And they say I'M stupid. Waitress: What is it you want? I have better things to do than to waste my time watching you two make me naucious. Bulk (bad Austrailian accent): Hmmm, maybe we'll step up into the rich side. Umm, we would like the lob-steur. Skull (bad Austrailian accent): Yes, with ze, lem-aun glaze. Waitress: Right away, stooges. By the way, your accent sucks. Bulk: Yeah, well I BET THOSE AREN'T REAL! An ordering notebook is thrown at Bulk's face. Bulk: Oww! WE'RE GUESTS YA KNOW, WE DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THIS, BITCH!! SCENE V: In the command center... Alpha: Aye yi yi. What'll we do? Zordon: Nothing's going wrong. Alpha: But the rangers have skipped town again. Zordon: Thankfully not permenately, or I hope. Alpha: What if Bread's up to something. Zordon: He can't be, he's taking a month-long snooze. I finally don't have to worry about any buttholes trying to make my less-than-interesting existance more painful than it already is. Alpha: In that case, I'll go take a walk. Zordon: In that case, I can forget about my safety. Alpha: You must think I'm the most unreliable fool to ever walk the earth. Zordon: You say is so much better! Alpha: Knock it off, stupid. Zordon: Hey, you built the rep ever since you goofed on episode number 41: The Has-Been Ranger. Alpha: I'm GOING on this walk. Zordon: Whatever you say, just don't act stupid. Alpha: Okay. SCENE VI: Lord Bread's chamber... Goldar: Are you ready by now? Lord Bread: Yes! Is this thing working right? Or did you break it playing Tiddly Winks on it? Goldar: That's very rude. Lord Bread: And? Goldar: Nevermind. Lord Bread: Ah yes. Lord Bread gets onto this giant chamber that looks like a bed of nails and Goldar switches this giant tube on that makes him fall asleep with several test tubes connected to this giant contraption. Goldar: Damn, mutha-crappin' meatface. Squatt: What's that you've been writing? Goldar: A novel. Baboo: What's it called? Goldar: Lord Bread's a Jackass. Squatt: Great title. Can I help? Goldar: Alright. But if you do, it'll wind up being 900 pages longer than it already is. Baboo: We don't care. When Rita steps in and messes up Lord Bread, she'll personally publish it. Goldar: Heheheheh. Hey! How'd you know about Rita? Squatt: We intercepted a fax from some Austin guy out in Germany. Goldar: Oh geez, is there no stopping Jason's plot-leaky mouth? Baboo: Beats me. Let's get started. SCENE VII: Rita: OH WHEN IS THIS STUPID TOILET GONNA CRASH!?!? Rita's toilet zooms into the moon and explodes. Rita: YAHHHHHH!!! ===================== Rocky: What was that? Aisha: We shouldn't be concerned about it. Kimberly: Yeah, even though it could be a monster out for world domination and craving our very blood doesn't mean we should be concerned. Billy: I think we should. Tommy pops Billy's head. Billy: What? It would serve all you mediocure dipsticks right if some idiot was trying to kill us. Adam: Don't you get it? If we act like we care, the entire script will be destroyed. Billy: Yeah, but does it HAVE to be so obvious? Kimberly: That was my first guess. Rocky: I wish we could get outta here and go someplace else. Aisha: Yeah, the only reason we haven't MOVED yet is because Adam's a big-pig who won't stop eating. Adam: Hey, these Australian's know how to cook. ----------------------- Waitress: Here's your order, green-tick face. Bulk: Hey! It's live lobster. Skull: Uh oh, it's a little TOO live! On their platter is a giant, crawling lobsters. Bulk: Yahhhh!!! Help me!! Waitress: Hahahahahaha! Enjoy. ======================== At the crash site... Rita: Agh!! Good thing I escaped the toilet before it blew up. Hmmm, hehehehehe, it's showtime now! Bread darling, I've got BIG plans for you! Hahahahahaha!! AB Writers: What's that? Rita: Hey, you're writing this thing. You figure it out. AB Writers: Okee Dokee. Rita's appendix explodes. Rita: Hey!! AB Writers: Just kidding. This show needs to be dug out of a grave. Rita: GOOD! AB Writers: On with the parody. Rita: Ah-hehehehehe... SCENE VIII: In Finster's bakery kitchen at Lord Bread's... Finster: God, I am so sick and tired of this. Night after night; day after day, all I ever do is bake bread. Foowy! I'm sick of it! My wonderful prowess and expertise for making true blue toughie monsters, wasted for pasteries and high-fat cookies. HMMP! I wish Rita was here, she gave me a job, she payed me money. She gave me bread and water. Why I'd give anything for a girlfriend. I do nothing, my life is so terrible that I almost wish that Rita was here. Rita appears on Finster's baking counter. Rita: Good! Ya got your wish! Finster: Huh? What was that sound? Rita: ME!! RITA REPULSIVE! I'M BACK!! Finster: Really?? You mean--this isn't a dream? Rita: Yeah, ya dog-faced lowlife! Finster: Oh it really isn't a dream! MY prayers have been answered! Rita: Yeah yeah, don't get all mushy. You DO remember we're grouchy, cranky bad guys. Finster: That makes sense. You won't believe the stupid, humiliating and degrading things Lord Bread makes me do around here. He makes me eat undone bread, then he... Rita: I don't care. I didn't come here just to have a stupid reunion. I came here for my master plan. Now shut up and make me big! Finster: Whatever you say, my queen. I just hope I know how to do it. It has afterall been 33 episodes since I've seen you. Rita: Hehehehe, the system works. NOW SNAP TO IT! Finster: Right right, don't be so pushy! Finster makes a futile attempt at re-vamping Rita. Rita: Well?!?! What's the problem!?!? Finster: Apparently, I'm gonna have to make it go at full speed. Rita: Whatever, just do it right, bonehead. Finster: Very well. Just don't wake Bread, he'll be real mad if he sees what I'm doing. Goldar walks in with his sword. Goldar: What's this!! Hmmmm, Rita; how'd you get out of your cage? Rita: I am not talking to you, traitor! Goldar: I don't give a damn, bitch. Rita: You better stop calling me that, because when I'm threw with Bread, you'll be wishing you weren't such a smartass. Goldar: Oh puh-leeze. Rita: Finster, make me big! Finster: Yes, my queen. Finster tries to make his machine work again and it does: Rita grows big again. Goldar: I DON'T BELIEVE IT! Rita: Well believe it, bozo! Rita smacks Goldar on the face. Goldar: D'OUCH!! HEY!! Knock it off before I dump you back into your toilet. Rita: Silly boy, IT EXPLODED! Goldar: Damn. That's it, no more Mister Nice Goldar; you're gonna get outta my face, or I'm gonna kick your ugly ass. Rita: You get outta here! I've got things to do. Goldar: Alright, but when I get back, you better be... Finster: Rita! Rita: Stupid-Head! Rita hugs Finster. Finster: Hey, you better talk to me nicely, I did afterall make you grow big, which I didn't have to do. Rita: Yes you did. It was either that, or baking another box of bread. Finster: Good point. Anyway, what is your evil plan? Rita: Hehehehehe, I've been working on this new Love Potion. Finster: Don't tell me Goldar turns you on? Rita: NO!! Where do you think I'd get a stupid idea like that? Finster: I don't know. You've been in that toilet so long, you missed new years. Rita: Well I'm not THAT hard-up. It's Bread who lights my pilot. Finster: OH ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Rita: Is there something FUNNY??? Finster: Ummm, hmmm, no, my queen. Rita: Good! I'm gonna marry that dork Lord Bread so that we will be partners trying to CRUSH the Pathetic Rangers! Finster: They're currently in Australia. Rita: Whatever. There are gunna be a LOT of changes now! Hahahahahahaha!! SCENE IX: Adam throws up on Billy's pants. Billy: Oh yuck. Aisha: Gross. Tommy: I told you you'd throw up if you ate that last slice of pizza. Adam: Must---finish---pie! Kimberly: HEY!! How about we go shopping? Billy: Why don't we do something constructive like go to an Art Museum? Tommy: Yeah, that's for chumps. Let's go to the hair-stylist. Aisha: I just wanna go anywhere where men aren't allowed. Tommy: Why? Aisha: They'd wanna pinch me. Kimberly: That's in France---not Austrailia. Aisha: OH, heh-heh, okay. SCENE X: Alpha is romping in the flowers. Alpha: Ahhh, what a pretty flower. Ahh, it feels so good not to be in the command center. A bunch of Muddies appear from behind him and start kicking him around with this "NYPD Blue" camerawork going. Alpha: Hey you!! Ummph!! Let go!! Ahhh!! Leave me alone!! Ugh! You better get your hands off me right now, HEY!! Ouch! Help!! One muddy manages to slip that same virus used in "Green With Vomit" from into his back that replays "Hey Jude" 60 times over and over again. Alpha: Hey you, I, duhhhhh!! The muddies disappear. Alpha: Hehehehehe!! Time for some fun! Annihilation style! The song of "Hey Jude" begins and starts skipping like a broken record as Alpha ventures back to the Command Center with evil laughter. ======================= We take an over-all scanning shot of this gloomy, dark hotel looking place. SCENE XI: Out in Australia... Billy: Isn't fate grand? Here we are again--at this stupid cafe. Where is it gonna stop? Their communicators beep. Tommy: What is it? Alpha: AH-hehehehehehee!! Adam: What's with the evil, villianous like laughter? Alpha: Oh ummm, ahhh; deep trouble! Someone's being shot to death and their at the Rita's, oh I mean, Nita's Theatre. Tommy: Ya know, Alpha; you suck at fibbing. Alpha: Hey, gimme some credit, I'm only a robot. Aisha: Well, anything's better than sitting here watching how many dumplings Adam can choke down before he breaks out in convulsions. Adam: Oh, I'm full now. Kimberly: You were full almost 3 hours ago. Adam: Oh yeah; stuff happens. All: Ugh! Alpha: Are you lazy-ass's gonna go over there? Adam: Yeah sure, in a minute. Alpha: ADAM!! Adam: Alright, alright! SCENE XII: In the command center... Alpha: HAhahahaahaha!! Zordon: Alpha, what is it you think you're doing!?!? You just sent them to the most evil theatre of all! Why, when the rangers enter, all they'll encounter are guillotenes and booby-traps. And worse, none of their nearly-cosmic, semi-morphinominal powers will work in there! Alpha: That's the point, Sissy-Mary. And I'm shuttin' your butt-ugly trap up so you can tell those rangers zip! AGH-HAHAHAHAHAA!!! Zordon: Oh no! It's like I'm part of a "Green With Vomit" rerun! Stop this at once, Alpha! Alpha: Kiss my plastic-ass. In fact, ya know what? I'm a little tired of listening to you period. I think I'm gonna shut you off, you big airhead! Zordon: This sudden display of anarchy is unnecessary and destructive! Cease this at once! Alpha: I don't have to listen to you, baldy. What have you done for me lately? Zordon: But wait! Alpha: And you know what? Working for you's been a big drag, you're just a big-floating head! Zordon: HEY! You are not authorized to call me Big Floating Head, you are to address me as Zordon. Come to think of it, neither are the Pathetic Rangers. Oh how I hate desecration. Alpha: That's just tough, you drip! Because as long as I'm runnin' things around here, there are going to be a few changes. Startin' with your big mouth! SCENE XIII: Rita and Finster are standing next to a vanity mirror where Rita has this green-gook on her face with cucumbers on her eyes. Rita: This will make me look MUCH sexier! Finster: With all-do respect, madame; there isn't anything on this planet that could make you look semi-cute. Rita: WHO SAYS?!!? Finster: The fact that a person could just glance at you and lose all their hair. Rita: You shut up! Rita takes off the gook and displays the new her. Rita: Ahhhh, yess! Hahahaha!! I'm pretty!! Why, I don't look at day older than 110,000! Finster: Now that's the crock of the century! Rita: Don't I look beautiful!?!? Finster: You look like a magpie. Rita: BAhhh!! Who needs the opinion of a color blind moron! I'll just turn Bread on myself! Finster: That's gonna be a little tough, see... SCENE XIV: Tommy: Looks like this is serious. Billy: No it ain't; it's just a variable excuse to mix us up in a ransom demand by some stupid villian. Tommy: It's morphin' time! Tommy: CiderZord Adam: Majormess Kimberly: Pterydorky Billy: Tribladdertops Aisha: Sabretoothed-Alley Cat Rocky: Trashosaurus The rangers automatacally teleport into that deep, dark opera theatre and are on top of a staircase balcony. Billy: Gee, this place sure is creepy. Aisha: You can say that more than once. Tommy: Why would Alpha send us to a place like this? Kimberly: Maybe he's finally flipped his trash-lid. Rocky: I think we should stay close. Tommy: Why? Rocky: Because I'm the Red Ranger. Tommy: You'll be the black and blue Ranger if you don't shut up. Rocky: Your threats don't scare me. Get a haircut. Tommy: And look as dorky as you? Adam: I don't see any battered people here. Kimberly: Seems to me like a big set-up here. Tommy: Hmmm, I don't like the sounds of this. Adam: I think we better get the heck outta here. Aisha: Well, I think we stay here. Billy: And I think you should just shut your mouth, Aisha. Billy and Aisha begin wrestling until they fall off the balcony staircase and onto the floor. Tommy: Woah, that'll leave a mark. Get back up here, guys. Aisha: Yeah, alright; fine. SCENE XV: In Lord Bread's resting chamber... Rita enters. Rita: Hey! What happened to his equipment? Finster: See, that's just it, when someone shot off his penis, he's been in a bad mood since. It's gonna take a lot more than good looks to turn him on. Rita: It won't matter! I don't need sex; I'm not a living being! All I need is this potion. Finster: It may even take more than that. Rita: Would you just beat it and do something constructive? Finster: That was my original plan in the first place, and I think... Rita: GET OUTTA HERE! Finster: Yes, my queen. Rita: Man, what a loser. I can't believe I can only turn to this bum. Oh well. Hehehehehe, it's showtime, now!! ================= Finster: A wedding! What a sappy idea. Oh well; I guess if I don't wanna be sent back to baking bread, I should make up a guest list of my closest pals. Let's see, there was: King Jinx, Moisterizor, Fudgy Fig, Funky Chicken, Scorpina, Skinless Man, TwinTwirp, Sonic the Lobsthog... Oh yes, it would be wonderful to get together again! Remind myself that I'm a good monster maker. It is TIME! Finster dumps in his clay monsters into his ol'-time Monst-O-Matic and creates a mess of monsters. SCENE XVI: Billy: ...that's right, Alpha, they're below the staircase. And they're trying to kill us!! Alpha (insincerely over the communicator): Oh, really?? I'm soooo sorry. Tommy: Yeah! We need help! We're nearly doomed, we can't get our weapons, or anything, and they're trying to... Tommy flips his head around and sees Sonic the Lobsthog (who isn't seen) and then gasps as a shadow moves closer to him. SCENE XVII: Alpha (mocking): "They're trying to kill us. We're nearly doomed." Wah, wah, wah; well cry me a river, rangers! I don't feel like hearing more of their cry-baby babbling! Hahahahahahaha! Zordon: I wish you'd cut out all this silliness! Alpha: I've had about enough of you. You're stupid, and ugly, and idiotic and I wish you were dead! Thankfully--because you aren't--I could give you the FACELIFT from which you've needed for a long time!! Zordon: Wait!! Stop!! Alpha: Hahahahaha, how about a mustache!?!? Alpha starts switching buttons, causing a mustache to appear above Zordon's lip. Zordon: I don't think this silliness is necessary, or even appropriate! Stop this at once! Alpha: No! I'm just gettin' started! I think you need, hmmm, a headban. HAhahaha! Oh man, I'm just gettin' warmed up! How about some glasses? And some hair!?!? Dahahhahaha!! Zordon: Please don't do this to me!! I can't take it anymore!! Stop this at once!! Alpha: Hahahahahaha!! SCENE XVIII: In the theatre... Tommy: I honestly don't see what good it's gonna do tying me up like this! Aisha: Yeah, it's not like you're gonna get away with this! King Jinx: SHUT UP!! It's what is called, sweet revenge! All rope-tied rangers are thrown on a couch. Recycled-Trashman: You're gonna pay for all of the things you did! Hahahaha! Kimberly: There's gotta be a reason these people are here again! Billy: Because the writers are so lame that they have to always recycle this old, boring and nonsensically stupid plot of re-using destroyed monsters. I don't know HOW many times we've done this! Tommy: We gotta get out of here! TO BE CONTINUED... (C) 1995 Artist Bros. Enterprises