Introducing: Wendee Swan as Scorpina Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "The Bed Wetting, Part II" Parody of, "The Wedding, Part II" LAST TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS: The rangers' rounchy attitude placed Miss Appleweed in the hospital, giving the rangers no choice but to go to Austrailia--and unfortunately, take their gross pals Bulk and Skull. Waitress: I never knew any living creature could ever be this hideous. Skull: I take a fence. Bulk: You are really stupid. Gimme a burger. Waitress: What is a burger? Skull: Well, it's yummy. Waitress: Uh, huh? Skull: Okay, a burger is something that tastes very good. Bulk: Skull, I think the lady would like to know what a burger is? Skull: And they say I'M stupid. Waitress: What is it you want? I have better things to do than to waste my time watching you two make me naucious. ...meanwhile, Rita somehow got her traveling toilet-seat to deviate from its course to the sun, and crashed on the moon. Finster was sheepish enough to re-grow her so that was she could form her master plan... Rita: Hehehehehe, I've been working on this new Love Potion. Finster: Don't tell me Goldar turns you on? Rita: NO!! Where do you think I'd get a stupid idea like that? Finster: I don't know. You've been in that toilet so long, you missed new years. Rita: Well I'm not THAT hard-up. It's Bread who lights my pilot. Finster: OH ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Rita: Is there something FUNNY??? Finster: Ummm, hmmm, no, my queen. Rita: Good! I'm gonna marry that dork Lord Bread so that we will be partners trying to CRUSH the Pathetic Rangers! ...with this, Rita had muddies assault Alpha, slip that lame virus that repeats the chorus of "Hey Jude" too many times to trick him into obnoxiousness. Alpha: HAhahahaahaha!! Zordon: Alpha, what is it you think you're doing!?!? You just sent them to the most evil theatre of all! Why, when the rangers enter, all they'll encounter are guillotenes and booby-traps. Alpha: That's the point, Sissy-Mary. And I'm shuttin' your butt-ugly trap up so you can tell those rangers zip! AGH-HAHAHAHAHAA!!! Zordon: Oh no! It's like I'm part of a "Green With Vomit" rerun! Stop this at once, Alpha! ...Alpha sent the rangers to the theatre--minus anything but their own karate skills. Tommy: I honestly don't see what good it's gonna do tying me up like this! Aisha: Yeah, it's not like you're gonna get away with this! King Jinx: SHUT UP!! It's what is called, sweet revenge! Tommy: We gotta get out of here! Can the rangers get out of this hilarious mess? Will Rita finally give Lord Bread his genitals? Has Goldar been wearing Rita's panty-hose out of sheer insanity? Do any of the rangers have a part in this episode besides being laughed-at victims? Can the writers squeeze in another sexual gag about Kimberly in this episode? Find out in Part two of "The Bed Wetting," NEXT! SCENE I: At the theatre... Billy: You better untie us before we get tough and actually get special effects. Grumpy Bee: Yeah right. Tommy: Untie us this instant! Grumpy Bee: Oh sure---once we're done screwing you up. Recycled-Trashman: Yeah, so you better start gettin' comfortable. Aisha: Guys, I know we're not supposed to pull anything remotely exciting, but I think that the only way to get outta this fix is to... Tommy: I know! Let's get our blade blasters and chop outta this. Aisha: Hey, I was gonna say that. Tommy: Yeah, but you took too long. Aisha: Darnit! They cut out of the rope and get free. Recycled-Trashman: HEY, YOU!! How'd you get loose? Tommy: Because we weren't even supposed to get tied up in the first place. Grumpy Bee: I keep forgetting, terrorism isn't really allowed on this show. Adam: You're just now learning that? Recycled-Trashman's foot thrashes Adam's belly. Adam: Hey! Cut that out! Billy: They don't seem to quit. We're gonna have to fight 'em off. Rocky: Eventually, yer gonna stop getting lousy "tell-the-obvious" lines. Billy: Yeah, and someday, you're gonna actually get some muscles. Rocky: Beat it, nerd. Billy: Can't do that, you'll get turned into Shredded Wheat. The rangers engage in a manual battle against the monsters which pick them off one by one (showing an obvious display of weak monsters fighting even weaker rangers). Kimberly kicks one monster then another and another, then punchs out once monster--get's held by one monster and lifts herself up to double-foot kick out another monster, elbow the monster holding her then knocking him out. SCENE II: Alpha: HAhahahahahaha!! You dip, I've got world domination! Zordon: Ugh. Here goes my boring and tired line: No, stop, please no, Alpha; cease at once, please, stop. Alpha: Hahahahahaha; listen up, hollow-headed helium-head, you don't reserve the right to tell me what to do! And now, this means the destruction of the Pathetic Rangers! Zordon: To tell you the honest truth, they weren't that great to begin with. Now cease with this silliness, you lousy, junky sardine canned sponge! I demand that you stop this this instant! Alpha: Big deal. You better act scared or I'm gonna repeat my last line again. Zordon: Very well. Please, stop, don't do this to me, please don't do this anymore. Alpha: Hahahahahaha!! You long-winded, pistachio-headed, jack-assy, dippy, dumbass, stupid, ugly, unimporant, boring, wordy, weenie, whimpy, do-nothing rummy! Zordon: Are you finished exercising the talents you gained with the Insult-Book I bought you for Christmas? Alpha: Yeah, and I got 250 more to go! You rounchy, chicken-doody, rooster-snot, buffalo-chips asswipe! You're just a lousy... SCENE III: Lord Bread (in his sleep): Goldar, get out my face. World domination! Bahhh!! Rita: How pathetic. Oh well. This should work. Rita puts on a fire-torch hat holding a fire-torch that she lights up from underneath Lord Bread's bottom and he jumps up. Lord Bread: YOUCH!!!! RITA!! Why you bitchy, toad-faced, ugly, repulsive cow! What are you doing out of your potty bowl? Rita: I'm the woman of your dreams, remember? Lord Bread: What dreams? You're no dream, you're a nightmare! Rita: Hey, what's this!?!? This isn't in the script. Lord Bread: Of course it is. The writers are snoozing. Goldar's writing. Rita: WAKE UP!! AB Writer: What? Oh yeah, right. Yo Dairenn, you got that mushy Valentine crap written up? AB Writer #2: Right here. AB Writer: Okee dokee. Bread--read this. After scanning the script... Lord Bread: Oh great. Just enough stuff to make me naucious. Rita: Bread! Lord Bread: Alright, alright. Rita, Rita; buttwipe eater, had some boobs, but could not keep 'em... Rita: BREAD!! Lord Bread: Alright--alright!! Oh but do I have to? Rita: Go on! Lord Bread: Doah Alright! Rita, so beautiful; the most sexy, young, attractive thing I've ever seen. Where did I ever meet such a slim, sexy, fine chic like you? Boy, you almost make me wish I still had my squeezer! So lovely, so charming, oh--women as rare as you and---ulgh! Who writes this sappy stuff? AB Writers: Hey--it's Valentine's Day, whatcha expect? Lord Bread: Women as rare as you, I am so lucky! Oh, if only I could embrace you the way you've embraced me, I would be satisfied. The world would be nothing for me if you hadn't came into my life this moment and... Rita: 'lright, 'lright! 's enough, we got the picture! GOLDAR! Goldar: What is it, slut? Rita: Affix Mr. Squeeze-It back onto Lord Bread. I'm not gonna marry just any ol' chump. Goldar: Marriage!?!?!? Lord Bread: Yes! Will you marry me, lady of my dreams? Rita: Well...................okay! Lord Bread: Oh, you have made me very happy! EVERYONE, I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT! .............I'm getting married. Baboo and Squatt rapidly raise their heads up in front a vanity. Squatt: Oh goody! A wedding! Baboo: I wonder who's gonna be the Weed-Girl? Squatt: Probably Scorpina. Scorpina: Don't worry, Rita figured that since I represent the only time this show was even worth glancing during a channel surf, that I should be the Weed-Girl. Baboo: I'll cater it! Squatt: And I'll eat it all! Baboo: Oh this is gonna be so great! Goldar: Not for me. When Rita gets rid of Bread, my life will be ruined! Baboo: When did this happen? Last I heard, you'd give anything to drive a stake threw Lord Bread's back. Goldar: Yeah I know. Look at this! Blue-Prints of what Rita's up to. Goldar lifts one picture that looks like a Wile E. Coyote paper sheet displaying what he wants to do to the road runner except the first picture is of Rita and Lord Bread in the Kissing Position. Then Lord Bread with a make-monster-grow banana in his hand as he's standing behind the balcony ledge of his palace with Rita behind him with her hands headed for his back. The next picture is of Lord Bread falling off the balcony and into oxygen-free, cold outer space with Rita shoving him off the balcony. Next shot is of Rita laughing. Next shot of Goldar being shackled onto a table with a spinning power saw underneath Goldar's crotch as it's heading for the middle of him. Squatt: Hahahahahaha!!! I helped Rita draw that up today. Baboo: Especially the Saw-Goldar-Up part. Goldar: I'm gonna drive my sword down your throat in a minute! Baboo: I was covering for Squatt! Honest! Squatt: But Baboo! I thought we were friends! Baboo: Hey, gambling, and my life comes first before you, shorty. Squatt: Please don't hurt me. Goldar: Normally, I'd kick your ugly little butts, but I'm worried. The little whore is trying to marry Lord Bread so she can take all his power and use it for herself. And when she's finished, she wants to destroy Lord Bread and throw him in her toilet bowl. She'll DESTROY me when her master plan goes threw. Baboo: Why? Cuz you're a sissy-mary who licks ass and calls it ice cream if the person could kill ya whoever it may be. Goldar: You shut up! I need to destroy this wedding! Squatt: Hey, it's okay with me. Baboo: That's because Rita can't torture us for war crimes. Too bad Goldar, you've sunken yourself in this too deep. Goldar: I didn't come here for more character assassination. But since I see you back-stabbers don't give a damn about the horrid fate that awaits me, I have no allies and I'm gonna have to stop this circus myself. Baboo: That's a basic summary of what I was just gonna say. SCENE IV: Suddenly, we zoom in on Aisha who is fighting with Grumpy Bee alone on the balcony. Kimberly: AISHA! Aisha: What!? WOAH!!! Aisha is thrown from the balcony and lands on her back. Aisha: Thanks a million, Kimberly. Couldn't you have waited until I at least had the monster begging me for mercy? Kimberly: Like that'll ever happen. I had no reason for calling you, I just didn't want you to look better than me. Billy swings a punch at Grumpy-Bee and misses, Billy round-houses Grumpy-Bee and misses. Grumpy-Bee kicks Billy in the stomach and Billy backflips landing on his back. Billy: Yah know, I'm going to have to mess up the director of this episode REAL bad if this goes on much longer. Adam: Let's face it. As long as we're in this shack, these monsters will make pudding out of us. Rocky: Yeah, let's stick together and find a way outta here! Billy: According to my calculations, we should go... Billy puts his hand over his helmet and points in a random direction. Billy: ...this way. Aisha (sarcastically): God I feel so secure with your sense directions. Tommy: Unfortunately, we don't have much of a choice. Kimberly: Guys, the monsters are distracting themselves--let's go. The rangers huddle up together and skip down the stairs. SCENE V: Finster: Are you finished making all the kiddies throw up their cafeteria lunches? Rita: You shut up, or you're off the guestlist. Finster: Big loss. Are you're gonna do is murder the boogie-woogie, while you've got Lord Bread making an ass out of himself, while you laugh at him. Oh yeah, this is gunna be a blast. Rita: Have you gotten my monsters? Finster: I did in Part I almost 20 hours ago. I've got: King Jinx, Fudgy Fig, The Nasty Fright-Wigged Knight, Terry Toad, Madame Moe, my aunt of course, heh-heh; Dumb Warrior, Funky Chicken, FickleSkittles, or whatever his name was; Jafar, Tanker from "SuperHuman Samurai Syber-Squad"--he'll be playing "Evil Green Ranger." Rita: Scratch him. I don't like that guy. Finster: Very well, my queen. Samurai Wigwam, SpiderMonster, FrankenBlind, Skinless Man, DoodyHead. Rita: DOODY-*STAR* Finster: Oh right, right. Rita: Get 'em right, you good-for-nothing wart. Finster: TwinTwip, Toxic Goo-Fish, Gasman, Rotten-Meat, Sonic the Lobsthog, the Abominable Motor-Mouth... Rita: Hey, I never made him. Finster: Will I be able to get away with putting any of Lord Bread's monsters on this list? Rita: Not unless you expect a bigger lip than you've already got. Finster: Very well. Well? How's the list to you? Rita: It's perfect. Now to meet my stooge groom-to-be again! Finster: You don't really love this dude, do you? Rita: No, he's got no equipment. What's to love? He's just my patsy for now. And that darn commie Goldar is going to indeed get what's comin' to him for 400 counts of treason. I made up the list while I was drifting in outer space. Finster: Tell me, Cousteau; what WONDERFUL journeys did you see while you were drifting in outer-space? Rita: Ha-ha. Shut up and do something useful. Come to think of it, you've used up your scenes. Be-gone! Finster: Yes, Misses Bread. Rita: Oh great, now I'll have to change my name to Rita Bread. Thank goodness that this'll be a two-week marriage before I shove him off the roof! Ah-hahahahahahahaha!! SCENE VI: The rangers are racing for help. Rocky: What are we doing? Tommy: Going in Billy's idol direction. You know, you're totally stupid, Billy. Adam: I told you you should've seen it my way. Billy: Hey, since my nearly cosmic brain is so skilled, I know where we're going, we're going in the right direction. Kimberly: HEY! I SEE SOME LIGHT!! Tommy: Great! Shoot me for doubting you, Billy. Billy: That offer sounds more than tempting. Tommy: Don't take me seriously, nerd. The rangers head for the light glowing outside the cave. Tommy: There it is. Let's hurry! The rangers run outside the light out the cave and a train is headed right for them and this eye-blindingly bright light is spotlighted on all the rangers as they scream watching the train heading for them. -===================== Meanwhile... Grumpy Bee and Recycled-Trashman are still looking for the rangers. Grumpy Bee: This sucks, Trashman. We could be attending that wedding of our maker, and we're stuck in this boring, gloomy theatre looking for a bunch of stupid wusses. Trashman: I'm inclined to agree. But I think I hear them. I hear this odd creaking sound. Grumpy Bee: Yeah! Me too! Grumpy Bee and Trashman take one step forward and the floor colapses beneath them and they scream as they go spilling down a deep hole. ===================== The rangers return with their costumes ripped up and their helmets slightly turned to the right too much with their boots torn. Tommy: "I know where we're going." He says. "I know we're going in the right direction." He says. Aisha, remind me NEVER------EVER listen to Billy. Billy: This is the way! Tommy: Siddown. Billy: No really! This is the way! Kimberly: I really think you should listen to him. Adam: I'm worried. Tommy: Well, we'll take this chance, just once. The rangers head for out of the cave and see light. Tommy: Hey! The jerky brainiac was right! Kimberly and Billy are tearing at each other's suits trying to get them off. Kimberly: Do it baby! Billy: Shake it up, sugar-lips! Tommy: Aye, aye, aye! We got a job to do, you two loverboys. This is hardly the place or time. Kimberly: Something was going wrong. Again, I had to be used in another confidence-demeaning sex joke regarding Billy again because so far, we've written 310 lines without me and Billy getting all yucky. Tommy: Well knock it off. This week, this is Lord Bread's big moment. Now get up, hot-pants. Billy: Okee dokee. SCENE VII: Lord Bread is breathing heavily on his bed and Rita is affixing her dress. Lord Bread: Oh thank goodness it is taken for GRANTED we had sex. You're the ugliest D.O.B. I've ever met! Rita: Bread! My con game isn't finished yet! Lord Bread: I sure hope Part Five is coming soon. This is startin' to sicken me. Rita: Stepping BACK into character; as my wedding gift to you, I have the rangers trapped into a theatre, plus; Alpha is acting like a stupid idiot! Hahahahahaha!! Lord Bread: All this for me?!?! Now you're talkin', baby! Gimme a smoochie! Rita: Yeah, but you have no lips. Goldar: Bread! The rangers! They've escaped!! Lord Bread: What!?!? So SOON!?!? Oh dammit! Just when my------drrr-eam paradise was going wonderful, this is all messed up. THIS IS YOUR FAULT, GOLDAR! Goldar: But I'M trying to thwart the wedding! Uhhh, I mean umm--ahh... Lord Bread: Shut up! I know the perfect solution. I'm gonna make all these monsters grow! Lord Bread throws down two banana peelings and both Grumpy Bee and Recycled-Trashman catch it. Grumpy Bee: HOLD IT!! How'd we get out of that mess in the theatre? Trashman: It's this new thing. I think it came with the 90s, I'm not sure. I think they call it Tee-Vee Time. Grumpy Bee: Oh--cool! They grow up. Grumpy Bee: Geez, doin' this again has grown to be a major strain. Rocky: We need BLUNDERZORD POWER, NOW!! Adam: Majormess-Cowardly Lion BlunderZord Power! Kimberly: Pterydorky-TiredBird BlunderZord power! Billy: Tribladdertops-Acorn BlunderZord power! Aisha: Sabretoothed-Alley Cat-Lipton Tea BlunderZord Power! Rocky: Trashosaurus Red-Dragon Liver BlunderZord Power! Grumpy Bee: Grrrrrr!! Trashman: Garrrrrr!! Rocky: You're no match for us! Grumpy Bee: You're full of cow-chips. I hope you realize you don't even know who I am. Aisha: Oh no! What are we gonna do? Billy: How about relinquishing the power to me? Rocky: No way, dorf-burger, I'm gonna PROVE I'm the Red Ranger! Kimberly: What's there to prove? The writers have no choice but to make this cat and mouse game be more-than-obviously fixed. Rocky: Shut up, Kim. Just shut up. Kimberly: 'kay. Rocky: Thank you! Billy: OH NO!! LOOK OUT! ALL: AHHHHHHHHHH!!! Grumpy Bee and Recylced Trashman jump the BlunderHeapaJunkaMegaZord and it's on the ground smoking. Billy: You were saying, Rocky? Rocky: You better be quiet. Because if I see the slightest indication that you're enjoying this, you're dead meat. Billy: Why don't you put your money where your ass is? Rocky: That's it, you toad. Billy: Pig-Head. Rocky: Take that back, you're a jackass. Billy: Dog-Head. Rocky and Billy jump each other and start arguing and wrestling. Adam: Looks like since I'm the only neutral, and mature one here; I might as well steer this thing. Kimberly: Go for it, Adam! Adam begins steering the zord and Grumpy Bee and Recycled-Trashman begin crashing into small, paperboard building and losing. Grumpy Bee: Hey! I think someone else is controlling that zord! Recycled-Trashman: This is war! No one pushes me like this. Ngh! Recycled-Trashman gets up and throws an energy beam at the zord. Adam: Aww man!! Talk about a bad hit! We need more power! Rocky: Hey! What's goin' on? Adam: The PigHead told the toad to shut up from with the jackass told the dog-face to put his money where his buttocks is from with the PigHead jumped the jackass, and I took over the controls. Aisha: I'm confused. Did we just buy a farm or something? Billy: Shaddup! Rocky: Well, I'm back. Adam: Well, at least I was controlling. Rocky: BLACK RANGER!?!? Adam: Yeah, I do have worth in this show, ya know. Rocky: Get outta my way. What's been happening? Adam: Well, before YOU showed up, everything was going well and Grumpy Bee was on the floor with his arm slightly hinged off of his socket. Rocky: Whatever you did, I can do better. Tommy: Time for White CiderZord power! Tommy gets out the White CiderZord and walks into it. Tommy: Alright, Grumpy Bee. You think you're so tough? Take me on!! Grumpy Bee: With pleasure! Hahahahahaha!! White CiderZord takes a major-league beating from the pair of old destroyed monsters. Tommy: Great. Why can't my cheap zord ever save the day? Casaba: Beats me. Maybe it's because you're a blithering idiot. Tommy: Shut up, you smart-mouthed knife. You talk too much. Casaba: Maybe I haven't said enough. Tommy: Dahhhh!!! ========================= Zordon: ....no; please don't do this anymore. Alpha: There's no used tryin' to stop me, Gramps. I'm just gonna shut you up for good, ya old Geezer. HAHAHAHAHAA!! Zordon: Wait! No, stop!! I'm serious now! That button will shut me off and No wait! Don't stop, you don't know what you're doin... Zordon disappears from his tube. Alpha: YES!! I DID IT!! ALPHA 5 IS NOW IN CONTROL! FOREVER! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! And now, the destruction of the Pathetic Rangers! All I have to do is shut off the kerosene power of that cheap-ass zord of theirs, and they'll be blended into cream butter! Hahahahahahaha!!! Alpha begins aimlessly switching buttons and controls, yanking out control panels. ======================== Grumpy Bee: That's it! I've had just about enough of this. Let's rock! Recycled-Trashman: This is it, Rangers. YOU'RE HISTORY!! Both Grumpy Bee and Recycled-Trashman jump the zord and sit on it and begins throwing energy beams at the zord. Again--the trashzord starts causing all the rangers to keep sliding left and right onto the wall. Rocky slides on top of Billy, who is on the wall. Billy (trying to breathe): Doah, Rocky! Get the hell off of me, you're crushing me!! KA-BLAMMY!! The Zord shifts to the right and Kimberly begins getting squashed by Adam. Kimberly: Oh!! Get off, oh this hurts!! All: WOAH!! AHHHH!! Rocky: I don't understand! Everything was going so well! Billy: Look! There's not enough power!! Tommy: Aww man! My Zord! It's lost all its power. Rangers! Group up and get the hell outta there! Rocky: Oh no! I hate it when we do this! All the rangers fall from out of their zords. All: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! They all slam into the ground very quickly--belly first. Rocky and Adam: Oh, auglll!! Billy and Kimberly: Ugh. Oh man. ========================= Alpha: How do you like this as a prank, rangers? I'm sendin' you BACK to that dingy ol' theatre! Ahahahahahahaha!! Aye yi yi, Aye yi yi! Ahahahaha!! ========================= Back at that same clip of that old theatre (That had to be used for about 20 times), the rangers are unwillingly teleported back to that Rita's theatre. Aisha: Oh no, not this creepy ol' place again. Billy: Ya know, I'm gettin' rather sick of this. Tommy: Ugh!! Rocky: Re-Group, guys. This looks serious. Kimberly: Looks like a rerun of what we did before. I wanna get outta here! SCENE VIII: At the wedding recital at Lord Bread's. We pan over all the yucky auderves and snacks the bad guys eat. Goldar grabs one and shoves it in his mouth. AB Writers: Spew!! Goldar: What are you lookin' at?? Don't knock it until you've tried it. Mmmm, Finster sure knows how to cook spider-guts. Finster: Keep your grimy mits off of my foo-dah! I am the caterer, you are just, slave people. Goldar: How'd you like to taste my sword? Lord Bread: Ahhhh yes! The wedding is nearing! I can't WAIT until I marry that doll of a woman, Rita! Rita: Oh, that's wonderful, Bread. Lord Bread: Oh, on most occasions, I'd HATE to be called Bread. But I love you so. Goldar: Geez, Rita; what did you put in that love potion, 30 shots of whiskey and angel dust? Rita: BE QUIET! Goldar: Yes, madame. Goldar grabs some more food. Finster: I'm not going to tell you again! KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY SAVORIES! Goldar: Hey ya know, you've got a real nasty attitude, you know that, you little creep? Finster: Beat it. Or I throw you in my Monsto-Matic and unplug it before you're turned into a monster. Goldar: Big threat. Get outta my face, worm-face. SCENE IX: All Rangers are sitting on three steps in the cave-part of this theatre while Billy is nervously pacing back and forth. Billy: This is it! I've had about enough of this! Aisha: This is terrible. Oh no! Oh great. Tommy: What is it, Aisha? Aisha: I hafta go! Billy: We all do. Aisha: No, I mean to the bathroom! Billy: Oh god. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TO BE CONTINUED... (C) 1995 Artist Bros. Enterprises