Introducing: Wendee Swan as Scorpina Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "The Bed Wetting, Part III" Parody of, "The Wedding, Part III" LAST TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS: Rita in so many words drugged the hell out of Lord Bread and warped him into feeling some kind of sick, twisted love for her! Lord Bread: Women as rare as you, I am so lucky! Oh, if only I could embrace you the way you've embraced me, I would be satisfied. The world would be nothing for me if you hadn't came into my life this moment and... Rita: 'lright, 'lright! 's enough, we got the picture! GOLDAR! Goldar: What is it, slut? Rita: Affix Mr. Squeeze-It back onto Lord Bread. I'm not gonna marry just any ol' chump. Goldar: Marriage!?!?!? Lord Bread: Yes! Will you marry me, lady of my dreams? Rita: Well...................okay! Lord Bread: Oh, you have made me very happy! EVERYONE, I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT! .............I'm getting married. ...the rangers somehow got out of the theatre, and in just moments wound up back in it again! Of course, not without a good fight... Rocky: Trashosaurus Red-Dragon Liver BlunderZord Power! Grumpy Bee: Hey! I think someone else is controlling that zord! Recycled-Trashman: This is war! No one pushes me like this. Ngh! Recycled-Trashman gets up and throws an energy beam at the zord. Adam: Aww man!! Talk about a bad hit! We need more power! ...the fight that a brainwashed Alpha rigged... Alpha: YES!! I DID IT!! ALPHA 5 IS NOW IN CONTROL! FOREVER! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! And now, the destruction of the Pathetic Rangers! All I have to do is shut off the kerosene power of that cheap-ass zord of theirs, and they'll be blended into cream butter! Hahahahahahaha!!! ...With this, the rangers lost their zord's power and the monsters threw them out and in that dingy ol' theatre again! Aisha: Oh no, not this creepy ol' place again. Billy: Ya know, I'm gettin' rather sick of this. Tommy: Ugh!! Rocky: Re-Group, guys. This looks serious. Kimberly: Looks like a rerun of what we did before. I wanna get outta here! Can the rangers do this? Is Lord Bread gonna have a bachelor party and demand that Goldar kidnap Kimberly to arrange that she rise from out of a paper-cake in cheap lingerie to perform a strip show? Is this the end of my career? Will the rangers have a part in this other than getting beat up until they're bloody while the bad guys drink up all the time? Do you really care? Find out on the conclusion of "The Bed Wetting," NEXT! SCENE I: Alpha: Ah-hahahahahahahaha!! Now that that blabber-mouth Zordon is history, I can keep repeating my lines! Hahahahahahaha!! Hmmm, let's check out how our victims are doing? In the viewing globe... Tommy: Just shut up, you goons! Grumpy Bee: Get a life! Alpha: HAhahahahaa!! I hope those geeks have been made most uncomfortable. Because I'm sick of the Pathetic Rangers! *I* am in charge! Hahahahahaha!! SCENE II: Billy (fading in): .....oooooooh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tommy: KNOCK IT OFF! Stop screamin', already. Billy: Aisha! How could you do this to me? Aisha: Hey, I've been in this itchy costume for three days, and I'm growing to become tired of it. Kimberly: Yeah, it was fun and all wearing this thing when we didn't have to but now it's really beginning to stick to my skin. Aisha (knee bouncing up and down): Yeah, and I've SERIOUSLY got to go to the bathroom! Billy: Bad news guys, while we're stuck in here with our powers neutralized, we cannot morph or take off these costumes. Tommy: You mean we're stuck in these!? Aisha: Oh NO! AGH! Tommy, Rocky and Adam pull at their latches and they can't take off their helmets. Tommy: Oh no! SCENE III: Goldar: I hate this! This can't be happening! Finster: Shut up. This would be an entirely wonderful wedding if it weren't for your squemish griping. Goldar: I MUST stop this wedding! Finster: How do expect to do that with Lord Bread under that love potion? Goldar: Beats me. But I'm gonna find a way! Lord Bread: Finster! You shall serve well as the master-of-the-noise. Finster: But I'm the caterer. Lord Bread: SQUATT! Squatt: What is it? Lord Bread: Whip up some live-snail finger-sandwhiches. Squatt: I'll try, but that recipe is awfully complex. Lord Bread: Well, Finster's gotta be the Sinner. Baboo: Shouldn't that be the minister? Squatt: Remember--everything in this funky wedding is reversed. Baboo: That's nice and all. But by the way Lord Bread talks, I get the idea we're playing marriage like little kids. Lord Bread: WELL!?!? What are you DOING wasting time? Snap to it!! Squatt: Yes sir! Scorpina: It's great to be serving you, Rita. Rita: That's wonderful. But I think I'm nervous. Scorpina: Why? You're just marrying a mass of meat. Rita: I know, but--I'm expected to be nervous. I'm the bride-to-be. Scorpina: Oh puh-leeze! Goldar: Scorpina! Scorpina! YOU GOTTA HELP ME! Scorpina: Yeah well, what have you done for me? Goldar: I saved you from the BlunderHeapaJunkaMegaZord, I helped you get created, I gave you your job back by unloading you out the car-trunk Lord Bread threw you in. Scorpina: Well--what have you done for me lately? Goldar: Not much. But I GOTTA stop this wedding! Scorpina: Get bent. The sooner Rita gets married, the more lines I get on this crappy show. Now get out of my way. Goldar: No one'll help me! I gotta think up a plan. Lord Bread: WHAT DOES A MASTER OF MASS DESTRUCTION HAVE TO DO TO GET SOME MUSIC AROUND HERE!?!? Finster: Music? What for? Lord Bread: I WANT MUSIC!! Finster: But there is no music. Lord Bread: Well since you worthless idiots can't do anything RIGHT I'll have to do it myself. Lord Bread gets his X-stick out and makes this crooked, bent 1900s looking pipe organ out and makes Salinguini play it. Salinguini: Wait a minute, you don't think......ME?!?! Lord Bread: If you don't play me music, I'll torture you until you beg me to kill you! You got that? Salinguini: Yeah yeah, sure, sure. Salinguini goes at the organ. Lord Bread: Let the wedding--BEGIN! SCENE IV: Alpha is just sitting in the command center saying nothing. Alpha: Well!?!? What do you expect from me? I got some really crappy lines. All I keep doing is rooting the destruction of my otherwise closest pals. AB Writers: That's exactly what we expect. Alpha: Ugh. Here we go again: AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Pathetic Rangers suck! Pathetic Rangers bite! Pathetic Rangers stink! I'm glad they'll be destroyed! Hahahahahaha!! There, happy? I've done my painful service again. I sure hope Billy fixes me up soon. I hate this bad-guy stuff. SCENE V: Billy: Well, this is one uncomprimising situation: Aisha's gotta go, Tommy's on top of my chic, I'm sitting here--stiff and achy, and we can't get out. GET OFF OF KIMBERLY, TOMMY! Tommy: Hehehehehehe. I'll call you. Kimberly: Oh hi Billy. You're my true love now. Billy: Ee-ullll. You repulse me. Having an easy girlfriend like you is equivillant to having a 1-900 girl as a girlfriend. SCENE VI: All mutants are chattering. Finster: May I have your attention? All monsters still chattering. Finster: Quiet down please. All monsters still chattering. Finster grabs a bullhorn. Finster: QUIET DOWN!!!!! Silence. Finster: Thank you. The wedding ceremony is ready to begin. Rita?? Long Pause. Finster: Oh REEE-TA?!? RITA!! GET YOUR BIG BUTT IN HERE! Rita: I'm comin', I'm comin'! I just had to get back that run in my stockings. Finster: Whatever. The ceremony is ready to begin. Rita walks next to Lord Bread in the wedding formation and Lord Bread jumps when he sees Rita. Lord Bread: DEE-HEE! Don't do that!!! Rita: Sorry. Lord Bread: Ready, gasoline-buns? Rita: Ready, limburgercheese-breath. Finster: Dearly disgusted, we are gathered here today because, well??? Rita payed you all off. But if it weren't for that, we'd be watching the Super Bowl down at my place with all the bread and pastries you can eat. All Mutants: Aww man, aww no. As Squatt and Baboo begin to talk, suddenly Finster's speech dwindles into loud mumbling. Squatt: Oh boy, Rita--finally getting married. Baboo: I wonder when the writers are gonna stop changing everything. Squatt: Maybe when we start getting ratings we actually earned. Baboo: Much less the movement of this show is awfully repetitive. Squatt: That's true. Uh oh! This is the big moment! Finster: ...and in closing, if anyone's got some'n to say about this, then ya better say it now, or for god sakes SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN AND ENJOY THE CEREMONY! Goldar: I WILL NOT ENJOY THIS! THIS IS BORING AND YOUR MAKING A BIG MISTAKE!! DON'T MARRY THAT WHORE!! LORD BREAD! DON'T BE A FOOL! Rita: Would someone please throw him out? Scorpina: No problem. Scorpina grabs Goldar and drags him towards the exit. Goldar: Get your hands off me!!! This is a mistake!! No! Wait, stop!! Scorpina throws Goldar out. Finster: Thank you. Do you; Lord Bread, most annoying, screamy, whining longer for world domination take Rita Repulsive to be your awfully wedded wife? Lord Bread: What do I got to lose? What the hell, why not? Finster: Uhhhh... Lord Bread: I mean, I do. Finster: Thank you, and do you, Rita... Rita: Enough of the rigamaroll, yeah, sure. Uhh, I mean, I do. Finster: That was very rude. You cut me off in the middle of my speech. Hey ya know, I really don't appreaciate that. Rita: Go back to your bread-baking post! Finster: Yes my queen. Rita: Hey you! Salinguini: Eh? Rita: Listen, I'd love to stick around and listen to more of your funeral music, but let's blow the roof off of this dead party! Salinguini: Whatever you say, touts. Lord Bread: Hey you! You are to address my wife as Mrs. Bread! Salinguini: Like it's any improvement. Rita: Knock it off and start banging. Salinguini: Whatever you say. Salinguini begins bangin' on the piano and changes his voice to a Little Richard voice and starts singing "Tooti Frooti." as everyone breaks out in a frenzi and starts dancing, besides Goldar, who's sitting on the floor dumbfounded at this "disaster." Salinguini: Tooti Frooti! Aw, rooti! Tooti Frooti! Aw, rooti! Tooti Frooti, aw rooti. A wop bapa-loo-bop-a-bop-bam-boom. I got a girl, her name is Sue, she's knows just what to do. I got a girl named Sue, she knows just what to do, I got a girl, named Sue. A wop bapa-loo-bop-a-bop-bam-boom. Tooti Frooti stops, then Salinguini begins playing "Baby Elephant Walk" for about three minutes and then starts playing "A 5th of Beethoven." SCENE VII: Billy: More of Lord Bread's monsters! Aisha: Ya know, I really wish someone would tell me what's goin' ON here! Kimberly: I don't know, but whoever is in charge of this bull is gonna get pulverised. Recylced-Trashman: Whaddya think of our muddies!?!? Tommy: Hey you, you're stale. Get out, I want to deal with a new monster! Grumpy Bee: Hey, we were the only people who could asault you on short-notice. Recycled-Trashman: Yeah, everyone else canceled out to attend Rita's wed... Grumpy Bee: Shhhhhhh--ut up! You talk too much. Recycled-Trashman: Excuse me! Rocky: Listen, you two, we're ready to fight. Get your heads out of your ass's and take us on! Grumpy Bee: I'm burnin' up, now!! CHARGE!! All the muddies and the rangers begin beating up the Muddies, who are letting themselves go. Aisha: Yeah!! Rocky whips out this unbelieveable--yet impromptu trick by making his "Red Ranger power" seep threw his arm and into his glove as Rocky rams his fist into the floor and causes a giant earthquake. Grumpy Bee: HUh? Hey! Recycled-Trashman: What's goin' on here!?!? Rocky: This floor is history, let's get outta here! Tommy: Right, this way! All the rangers get out of the main room as it falls apart and everything starts caving in and the ceiling falls down as everything just falls down. Grumpy Bee: Thank goodness we're mutants, the average human would be Ritz Crackers by now! Recycled-Trashman: THEY'VE GOTTEN AWAY! LET'S GET 'EM! ============================ Tommy: That was great, Rocky. I'm surprised you pulled it off. Rocky: Knock it off. I'm not as stupid as you idiots make me out to be. Billy: Well, we're still in this slum of a theatre. We've gotta think up a plan to get out of here. Tommy: Right, we're gonna have to use our brain power. Billy: I think Kimberly and Aisha are gunna be a little short. Aisha: Excuse me? Billy: See? Aisha: I'm gonna kill you, Billy. Tommy: Let's put our heads together. All Rangers literally "put their heads together" rambling a plan. SCENE VIII: At Lord Bread's... Lord Bread: What a glorious day! Rita: Yes, it is! And as my wedding gift, the rangers are TRAPPED! Hahahahaha!! Lord Bread: This marriage has gone from utterly disgusting to mildly-nausiating. Rita: Hey! Don't you think I'm sexy. Lord Bread: Welll----a little. Hey, sweetie-pie, let's go on our honeymoon! Run away from it all! Rita: Where are we gonna go? My palace?!? Lord Bread: Not that ol' dingy shack. We're going to this cool new place! It's called SerpantSlinky! Rita: It sounds kinda stupid. Lord Bread: It is actually. MY ACQUAINTANT Goldar hasn't fixed it yet! GOLDAR! GET IN HERE! Goldar (grinding teeth): What is it, Mr. and Mrs. Bread? Lord Bread: Get in SerpantSlinky and make sure it's fixed before me and my wife spend the rest of this episode in it! Goldar: Uh uh, no way! If you think I'm gonna fix that SerpantSlinky and sink hours into it for that bitch, it's not gonna happen! No way. You can just forget about it! There is no way in the world, that I'm gonna... ------------------ Goldar is under the control panel of SerpantSlinky with a wrinch trying to fix it. Rita: Is this thing fixed yet, you good for nothing monkey!?!? Goldar: Yes. Now excuse me while I throw up. Lord Bread: Goodbye and good riddens! HAhahahahaha!! This is wonderful, Rita! Rita: Yes! We must celebrate! Get out the bubbly! Lord Bread: Oooh, I am a ungodly fan of sparkling urine slime! Rita: Hahahahahahaha!! SCENE IX: Billy: Eww. Boy was that scene disgusting. Tommy: I've got a plan! Aisha, you go down there and... ================= Aisha walks down the stairs and heads for the bathroom. And the camera stays on the bathroom door for about 2 minutes and then the sound of a flushing toilet is heard and Aisha exits. Aisha: Finally! Yoo-whoo! Monsters! This is Yellow Ranger! You know, the weakest one. We know that we're no match for you now. WE-ARE-GIV-ING-UP-PAH! Aisha opens a door and Grumpy Bee and Recycled-Trashman approach her. Grumpy Bee: Big mistake, stupid! Now we're gonna, WOAH!! The other rangers throw a net on top of Trashman and Grumpy Bee. Aisha: Hahahahaha. I think ya gunna fail. I think ya gunna get your bottoms kicked. I think you're gonna fall flat on your face, I think you're gonna... Grumpy Bee and Trashman manage off the nets. Grumpy Bee: Shut up! It's pay back time! Billy: AISHA, GET UP HERE IMMEDIETLY! Aisha: Aisha runs up the stairs and re-joins the other rangers as they run. Rocky: Thanks a lot, Aisha. Now, because of your gloating, we've gotta hurry! This way! The rangers approach an exit door and it won't open. Tommy: Aww damn! It's locked! Aisha: This is not a problem. Kimberly: Right. I'll just get out my blade blaster. Kimberly zaps the door and the entire door falls backwards and onto the floor and this big mummy-looking thing is in front of them with this eerie violin-music going. All Rangers: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! The Mummy-looking cardboard cutout falls onto the floor. Tommy: That was totally unnecessary. Listen, AB Writers, no more games, no more tricks, capice? AB Writers: Hahahaha, okay man whatever you say....ahahahah. Billy: Thank you. Now let's get outta here! SCENE X: In SerpantSlinky... Rita is on top of Lord Bread, who's sitting in the commander's seat of SerpantSlinky holding an open bottle of wine spilling it all over the place rocking back and forth. Lord Bread and Rita (singing): 900,451 bottles of slime on the wall, 900,451 bottles of goop, take one down, pass it around, 900,450 bottles of slime on the wall!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Lord Bread: My lovely wife. One more time! Rita: Sure, Breaddy-poo. Over the walkie-talkie... Goldar: Lord Bread, I'd hate to interrupt you and your idiot fest with your horse over there... Lord Bread: If you're here to bag on my wife some'more then beat it and go back to your painroom! Goldar: But Bread, my emporer... Lord Bread: UUUUU, *LORD* BREAD!! YOU ARE TO CALL ME LORD BREAD! Goldar: Yeah yeah. Anyway, Lord Bread, this is seriously important! Rita: Oh what is it? Spill it then go away. Goldar: The rangers! They've escaped the theatre. Lord Bread: What!?!? They HAVE!?!? SO SOON?!!?!? ACK!! Just the thing to ruin my perfectly horrible honeymoon! Rita: Bread darling, why don't you just make an entire army of monsters grow and kick their buns. That way, we won't have to worry about them anymore! Lord Bread: Brilliant! Do just what my wife said. Goldar: Yes, sir. Lord Bread: Where were we? Rita: I was gonna sing "Bottles of Slime on the Wall" another 16th time. Lord Bread: Please do! Rita (singing): 900,452 bottles of slime on the wall... ======================== Goldar: Alright. We're not gonna stand for this, right? All Mutants: Right! Goldar: And the rangers have gotten loose ready to kick our attractive butts, right? All Mutants: Right! Goldar: Then this is war! The rangers are not gonna get out of this mini-series alive! All Mutants: Yeah! Goldar: All monsters, get out there and make Bread proud!! SCENE XI: The Rangers are walking around outside searching for the command center. Tommy: Ah, finally; we're free of that theatre. Kimberly: Now to find the Command Center. Billy: Hey Aisha, you can go dig a hole in the sand here, squat and take a leak real quick while I locate the command center. Aisha: Oh GROSS! How totally disgusting, I went in the theatre. Billy: You went in your PANTS?! Aisha: NOAH! I bribed the AB Writers to give me a break and go to their back stage toilet. AB Writers: Actually, I lied--no one but Billy and Kimberly can use the backstage toilet. We were still shooting while you were on the can. Aisha: Hmmm; I don't know if I like the sounds of that. AB Writers: Oh well. Rocky: Hehehehehe. Billy: Well, I'm sure no one wants to read about Aisha's bladder control problems so let's go find the command center. No one else has to go, do they? All Rangers (Mumbling): No, naw; I don't think so--nope...[etc...] Aisha: Just for the recored, I have a stronger bladder than Adam does. While the Rangers are walking around searching for the command center... Adam: ...after all I did spend 72 hours listening to a hippy murder some whiney protest sogns without any bathroom breaks and after all, how come Kimberly gets to take pee breaks? Kimberly: I DON'T think that's any of your business. Billy: My sister's the stage manager. Kim sleeps with Shuki Levi. Tommy: D'OH! Rocky: Hey guys, look the Command Center! We go to a shot of the Command Center with a spray-painting of a nude chic all over it with a ladder next to it. Billy: What the hell? Adam: I wonder who'd do this? Rocky: Who else is in the command center? Tommy: YOU FOOLS! Does the words "Evil Spell" mean anything to you? Billy (pretending to be Rocky while scratching himself): Duhhhhh, no sir; duhhh, what does Spell have to do with Evil? Duhhhhh... Rocky (pretending to be Billy with bucked teeth): Durr, I'll pay 20 dollars if you'll kiss me. I'm a computer technician. Hee-hee. Billy: Just shut your mouth. Tommy: Some nitwit apparently got his grimy mits on Alpha again. God, that robot just cannot defend himself. Billy: Geez, all that machinary, and he can't even zap anyone if they try anything. Aisha: Uhhhh, this just in, we're not supposed to know Alpha's been attacked until after it becomes obvious. Billy: Oh gawd! Tommy: C'mon! SCENE XII: In the command center... Adam: Hey Alpha, do you mind telling us why Zordon isn't there? Aisha: Hmmmm? Alpha: Uhhh, Zordon? Zordon who?? I don't know what you're talking about! Billy has this doubtful look on his face. Billy: Al-phaaa? You don't sound like you're telling the truth. Tommy: Gee--what could have gotten into Alpha (as if I didn't know). Alpha: Uhhh, well, I think I'll just be going now and... Billy: Com'mere. Billy lifts his finger and pulls it back indicating to Alpha to approach him. Alpha: No! No way! Billy slowly walks towards Alpha evilly. Billy: Come'mere! Alpha: Uhhh, I don't want to. Sorry, no, I won't come near... Billy grabs Alpha then slaps his head off and he's de-activated. Billy: I knew eventually I'd have to get rough. Tommy: Well? Now what? Billy: Beats me. Adam: That's my line! Billy: Yeah, I know. Aisha: But yer supposed to fix Alpha. Billy: Yeah I know. I just don't feel like it. Tommy: Yeah, well, it's kinda like not your choice, bozo. Billy: Uh uh. Tommy grabs Billy by the hair. Billy: Hey!! Let me go! Tommy rams Billy's head into a control panel. Billy: UGH!! Alright, alright!!!! I'll fix him! Billy slips out the "Hey Jude" virus. Billy: Not this one again. These pranksters are always slippin' this one into him. It was so simple. Alpha: Aye yi yi! Where's Zordon? Kimberly: That's what we'd like to know. Billy: Well, since I don't wanna suffer the wrath of Tommy's hand again, I might as well fix Zordon to. Lemme try this. Billy begins humming astrologically and intensely and Zordon returns. Tommy: How'd you do that? Rocky: Yeah, I was startin' to doubt you, witch doctor. Billy: Hey, I'm not a witch doctor. It's just I am so intensely brilliant that I can think of Zordon's return, and he'd return. Zordon: Nope. I just used the same maneuver I did in "Green With Vomit" because I get tired of drifting out in nowhere while I wait for you incompetant goons to fix me. Lord Bread has married Rita and together, they've sent down a squad of pre-grown monsters. Rocky: This'll be a cinch. All Rangers: WHAT!??!?!!? Rocky: What? It will be. Billy: Hey, just because we'll inevitably win doesn't mean you have to make a perfectly thrilling adventure into a boring, drab nightmare. Rocky: Whatever you say. Tommy: Let's skidaddle. Zordon: You've made me very proud. Let the power pro---.... Tommy: We don't wanna hear it. Zordon: Urrrr!! SCENE XIII: RoboDolt, Salinguini, Recycled-Trashman and Grumpy Bee appear all grown up. Rocky: I think we need BlunderZord power, now! Adam: Majormess-Cowardly Lion BlunderZord Power! Kimberly: Pterydorky-TiredBird BlunderZord power! Billy: Tribladdertops-Acorn BlunderZord power! Aisha: Sabretoothed-Alley Cat-Lipton Tea BlunderZord Power! Rocky: Trashosaurus Red-Dragon Liver BlunderZord Power! The various BlunderZords make their appearance and automatically transforms to united into the BlunderHeapaJunkaMegaZord. Tommy: Alright! White CiderZord power, now! CiderZord shows up and transforms as well. Tommy walks over to his position. Tommy: Casaba, I command your powers! Casaba: Mmm? OH MY! By jove, who's idea was it for us to fight four pre-grown monsters? Tommy: To me, it seems like the film editor's; however, since we're suppositly all mighty and powerful, the monsters that would have theoretically had Titanic and the UltraZord begging for mercy are no match for us now. All Rangers: Battle Ready! RoboDolt: Grrr! Salinguini: Grrrr! Recycled-Trashman: Grrrrr! Grumpy-Bee: Grrrrrr! I think they get the picture... All Rangers: Power Up! Tommy: Let's go kick some can.. All Rangers: Let's do it! Tommy: My god, do you have to say everything at the same time? All Rangers: Yes! Billy: Hey, we're called the Pathetic Rangers--we have to live up to our image we hold up so proudly. Casaba: I'd hate to be the party pooper and all that sort of rot, however, the monsters are charging after us and the Film-Editors would not want to run the risk of playing that back too many times. Rocky: No problem. BlunderMegaZord's eyes light up as it pulls out the BlunderSavor and wacks RoboDolt. RobotDolt: That butter-knife doesn't scare me! Aisha: Oh no! Billy: Uh, what? Aisha: He noticed!! Kimberly: So what? All Rangers: BlunderSavor, Power Up! RoboDolt inflats too quickly until it explodes. We turn to Tommy who is standing there doing nothing. Casaba: Um, Tommy. Tommy: Yeah? Casaba: I'd hate to trouble you or anything, but you could help out. Tommy: Yeah, I could. Casaba: Grab a stupid BlunderBolt, you ding-bat. Tommy: Why should I? It's there big momment. All I do is sit here and Eat a bannana and when it's all over, join in the glorry. Casaba: That's sick, you get off your duff and do something; White Trash. Tommy: You know something? You've got a big mouth, it's about time I cut that part off my short-sword. Casaba: I beg your pardon!? Tommy: Why not? You suck! Casaba: But I'm your conscious! Tommy: My conscious was flushed with my Green Vomit Ranger powers. Casaba: We're traveling millions of light-years from our original plan and the remaining monsters are playing tag with the other Rangers; don't you understand you've got to Do Something! AB Writers: Yeah Tommy; why don't you go save 'em or somethin'. Tommy: Aw right (I guess I don't have any dates in austrailia), so I guess I'll do something. We quickly blip from Tommy's "Inside-the-CiderZord" picture to a shot of the inside of BlunderHeapaJunkaMegaZord and the rangers being thrown left and right and slamming on the right and left wall of the zord with dimming lights and sparks and downed electrical wires. Billy (with Adam on top of him): Adam, you're crushing me. Rocky: The stablizers are out. Kimberly: This didn't quite happen in rehearsal. Aisha: Yeah, all that happened was we just whipped our sword around and the monster flung themselves to their maker. AB Writers: Hehehehe, I added that for some cruel, yet humorous plot-twist. You can go back to your dull, and special-effects lacking solution while I take five. We'll take it for granted you destroyed the reign of monsters. (I gotta fire that special-effects bozo ordering hot burgers from MacDonalds using our special effects money.) All monsters are on the ground with their hands on their chests and all explode simultaneously. Billy: Alright! Rocky: We did it!! --------- Casaba: See? Look what you've done Tommy: I demand a re-write! I had NOTHING to do with the triumph. Casaba: That's because you spent your hero-time acting like a jackass. Tommy: Ya know, I could throw you in a river and make it so you'll be swimming with the ducks. AB Writers: Aye-oh, you're not allowed to throw away props owned by the studio and technically Casaba is one of them so if we find him floating down the gutter on our way to the coffee shop--you'll soon find your morphing coin in the trashcan and your job somewhere backing up a public toilet. Casaba: By the way, we ought not do that again--it gives the Zords a headache constantly doing that with monsters over and over again. AB Writers: Um.....no. Casaba: Oh, poo. AB Writers: We're only doing it to compete with otherwise more interesting things to be seen during February sweeps month. So we're over-doing it with dull, not-thought out, slow-paced, high-browed, no-go mini-series'. So, get used to it. Tommy: Could you repeat the question? AB Writers: NEXT SCENE! SCENE XIV: Rita and Lord Bread in SerpantSlinky. Lord Bread: BITCH! You and your dead-head plans brought us down the drain-pipes. And you call yourself a wife. Rita: Tell ya what, asswipe; you just shut your damn mouth up and do what I tell you to do, because obviously your brains got yanked along with your ass and penis! Lord Bread: Listen, you ungrateful, free-loading mule, you've been nothing but a thorn in my side and I demand you show ME some respect! *I* am the man of this house. Rita: What man? THERE ARE NO MEN IN THIS STUPID BAD-GUY ROLE!! ALL OF YOU HAVE NO PRIVATES!! Lord Bread: Hmmmm... maybe that's 'cuz we don't wear any clothes. Rita: Well, anyway. You better come up with a good plan or I slam your fingers into an electric pencil sharpener. Lord Bread and Rita engage in a loud, simultaneous-yelling arguement. Goldar: Yes!! This is perfect, maybe they'll get a divorce. Finster: Not if I can say anything about it. I just missed the first episode of Full House over this dumb marriage. Squatt: Full House? Oh no, he's turning on us. Finster: Can't a bad-guy watch Full House? Baboo: Not unless they expect to have their heads rammed into the TV set. Finster: Oh well. We've dragged this scene out of large perportions. We might have to end this. SCENE XV: Continuing from Australia... Tommy gives the others the mail. Kimberly: Hey, Tommy; why would we get mail in Australia? Tommy: Because it ain't mail, it's another one of those annoying notices from American Family Publishers and the AB Writers and their bills. Aisha: HEY!! WE WON 2.5 MILLION DOLLARS! If... What does that mean? Kimberly: She just stepped on this planet. What did the AB Writers say? Tommy: They said that we have all of six hours left to enjoy Australia even though we were supposed to have seven days of "fun, fun, fun." Billy: Thanks a lot, Adam. Tommy: Anyway, at least we can go to the hairstylists. Aisha: And the mall. Billy: Oh no! Not the mall! If you shop anymore, I'll probably have to sell my clothes, or worse--my body to a fat chic named Wanda. I already had to pawn off my glasses to pay for your shopping spree, Kim. Why don't you do something constructive like sight seeing? Kimberly: Well lemme think....no. Bulk and Skull approach the rangers in an armsling, nose-bandage, head-bandages, casts, crutches, etc... Rocky: I thought you free-loaders off of the show weren't gonna be in this one? Bulk: Guess again? We tried to get paid this episode by appearing and got assaulted by hired goons and corporate attack dogs. Skull: Also! We got bitten by two scorpions, three lobsters, 10 crabs, a Kangaroo jumped on top of us, we got arrested for illegal alien fraud, sexual harrasment, four cats hung from our backs and scraped up our faces, a blow-torch was accidentally set off on our hair, our underpants were stolen at the cleaners and used as bar rags... Bulk: And worse! My gut was liposuctioned and turned into popcorn butter at the movies! All Rangers: EW!!! Billy: I knew something tasted a bit oily when I went to go see "When A Man Does Some Women". (I just love foriegn flicks). Skull: And we got beat up by street thugs. This is the worst vacation I've ever gone through! Bulk: Yeah! Kimberly: That's what happens when you go on vacation from a job that resembles a vacation. Adam: So why don't you get off the set, ya do-nothings? Bulk: This is the treatment we receive after getting our ass's thrown on the cutting-room floor? Skull: We demand some respect? Tommy: Listen, we'd love to lolly-gag around listening to your stories of massive-bloodshed, but we've gotta bask in what's left of our messed-up vacation. SCENE XVI: Zordon: Alpha, do not expect to be going on a walk for another few million years. Alpha: I'm sorry, Zordon. Zordon: Sorry won't cut it, Junkbot. I want you to give me your number 1 spot in Konkey Dung County you stole from me last month. Alpha: Drop dead. I'd rather re-paint this entire command center. How'd you like the Punky Brewster look? Zordon: Alright, you're off the hook this time, robot; but the next time you leave your bottom wide open for metal-rods and experimental torture, I'll have you turned into melted rust and sent to the scrap-yard to be recycled into a new car. Alpha: Very well. But I thought you "didn't care for the evil Alpha." Zordon: Yeah well............you were wrong. I will not take being disconnected again. And if they do, they'll get pounded into the next galaxy. THE END (C) 1995 Artist Bros. Enterprises ONE-TIME ONLY DEAL!! Now... you can hear the soulful sounds of your favorite Pathetic Ranger----Billy! Billy (singing): ...Just a little bit of some R-E-S-P-E-C-T... Narrator: On this new 2-CD, 6-Cassette, 12-Record or 20-8-track tape collection, you'll get what we call "Billy Sings Favorite Love Songs..." Yes, that's right, over 72 hours of non-stop love-songs, like this hit... Billy (singing): ...Can you Feel...The Love Tonight! Narrator: And this one... Billy (singing): And I just can't fight this feeling anymore! Narrator: And this one... Billy (singing): Run-run-run-run-runaway! Run-run-run-run-runaway! Narrator: And this one... Billy (singing): Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa, she's a maneater... Narrator: Plus hits like... Billy (singing): If you love somebody, set 'em free.... Narrator: And how about this one? Billy (singing): How will I know, if he really loves me... Narrator: After hearing the a-little-over-nausiating love-tunes you've endered, it's probably highly unlikely you'd even order this un-wound tape we're pawning away. But before you change that channel, we'll also throw in these hits... Suddenly, several song titles start scrolling up the screen in a rapidly fast manner all with the themes of: "Baby, Stay With Me Tonight" "Can you Feel the Love Tonight." "Baby, Baby" "Saving All My Love." "Baby Love" "You're all that Matters to Me." "My Girl" "How Will I know?" "Honey, Baby, Honey." "Yo, Honey Baby, yo." Billy (singing): ...Oh my baby love! My baby love, my baby, oh sweet, kindly love... [Diana Ross & the Supremes] Narrator: And don'tcha just love this one? Billy (singing): You can't hurry love, no you'll just have to wait! [Phil Collons] Narrator: How about this one? Billy (singing): Excuse me, while I kiss the sky... [Jimi Hendrix] Narrator: (How'd that get in there?) Oh and...stuff like this... Billy (singing): ...have I told, you lately, that I love you... Narrator: And what about this one? Billy (singing): Baby, Baby; I know it's been a long time. [Amy Grant] Narrator: What about this little ditty? Billy (singing): Ah do ya love me! {Singers: Do ya love me!} Narrator: And doesn't this bring back memmories? Billy (singing): And I'm saving all my love, yes I'm saving all my love! Yes I'm saving all my love...for YOOOOOOOOOO! Narrator: You get this jist of it. If you act now; you get 2 CD's for 70.99, 6 cassettes for 59.99, 12 Records for 49.99, and 20 8-track tapes for 31.95. Yes, you're probably thinking "these assholes have the nerve to be charging this bull to such steep means?" Well, you'll be getting great quality. Because, act now; and you'll get a bonus. A bar of soap with the shape of Billy's face, plus the extra soulful sounds of "Rocky Mades Rude Noises to the Oldies." Such as: "You're my Everything," "Uptown Girl," "Crocodile Rock," "My Girl," and some of the other countless and over 6 minute-long tunes that already can be heared on "Billy Sings Favorite Love Songs." Act now, and you'll get a free, pre-used, over-sharpened pencil! Plus, a 5 inch TV with Zenith 1965 Remote Control! And that's not all! You'll also get, 69 packs of genuine, goat-chewed underpants and vegetables. Also, you'll get a 190 pound, 80-year-old, useless Billygoat. Yes, but it has the name "Billy" in it. Doesn't it ring a bell? Don't you want to cherish this tender moment of love? Bring your wife, dance slowly to Billy's countless great hits. And by the way, we know we have 4 different kinds of this record, but why don't you buy them all? What if your CD cracks, or the cassette binds, or the record scratches? You'll always have that dusty 8-track tape. So order all of them! Here's how to order: Another Announcer: To order: Just send check or money order of $199.99 to: Useless Junk. P.O. Box 666, Kalamazoo, Michigan, 49019. Or order by Credit Card for just $299.99 and call 1-600-BUY-CRAP, that's 1-600-289-2727. Only $49.99 Shipping and Handling, plus 100% sales tax for all Michigan orders. Order now! (I'll be surprised if anyone without a lobatomy will order this). Owned and Operated by Worthless Crap.