Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "The Regurgitation of the Green Vomit Ranger, Part I" Parody of, "Return of the Green Ranger, Part I" SCENE I: In Miss Appleweed's class... Miss Appleweed: Well now, I sure hope that you enjoyed your trip to Australia. Tommy: Sure did. I even took pictures. Tommy lifts up pictures. A picture of: Adam chasing an ice-cream truck; Rocky getting slapped by a waitress; Kimberly from the back opening her bra and shirt to an Australian waiter to get good service. Tommy: This is my personal favorite--Billy getting undressed for bed. Billy: HEY!!! Tommy: I've been wanting to show this to class. Billy: Yer dirt, you know, Tommy? Bulk: Hahahahaha, dweeb. Only 6 and a half inches? Billy: Yeah, I think your equipment was last found on the Lost & Found ballet. Bulk: Hey, you! I don't take that kinda crap from some dork. Miss Appleweed: Ah-hem! CLASS! Billy: What is it? I just thrive off of academic replinishment. Miss Appleweed: Ya know, it can also become just as sickening to have someone sucking up to you every day as having someone putting whoopie-cushions with urine from underneath my chair. And you'll be getting two months detention for that, Bulk and Skull. Bulk: How'd you find out about that? Miss Appleweed: Lucky guess. Now I have an assignment that should make your otherwise eventful three-day weekend dull and boring. Tommy: Aww great. What dumb assignment are you bombarding us with this week? Miss Appleweed: Good one, Mr. Oliver. Tommy: Hey thanks. Miss Appleweed: That still doesn't mean I'm gonna make you SHUT UP and afterschool have you writing 10 billion standards! Billy: Heh-heh. So, Miss Appleweed, what's the assignment? Miss Appleweed: You will all have to tell me what place in time you'd like to go back to and why. Aisha: With all respects in mind, why don't you get off of your big-ass and think up a real assignment instead of these puppy-faced insults to the human brain. Miss Applweed: Well now, Aisha; I WAS trying to make classes easier on you. But because you insist so, I'll have to get really, really TOUGH to where as I'll have your brains leaking from out of your noses. Now SHUT UP and get to work! I hope you enjoy your assignment. Billy: Thanks a lot, Aisha. I aughta slug you. That hair-style is enough incentive. Aisha: Hey you, this hair-style symbolizes my racial background from which Black people inherit the... Tommy: I don't wanna hear it. We already went threw that 20 hour class last month. Aisha: Get a life. I'm going to work on my assignment. Miss Appleweed: Enjoy your three-day weekend. SCENE II: Lord Bread's... Lord Bread: Hahahahahahaha!! The rangers are such assholes! I'm going to have to teach them a lesson! Goldar: Well, what are you gonna do? Lord Bread: I don't know. Lately, my mind's been scrambled since I married Rita. So pushy, so yelly, so whiney. She's everything you DON'T want in a wife. I want her to send down the Puppy-Faced Horror to destroy those pesky rangers. SEND THAT MESSAGE TO HER! I don't even know why I married that witch. Goldar: Good question, Sire. Lord Bread: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!?!?! You are to call me *LORD* BREAD!! Goldar: But I didn't even call you Bread. WHOOPS! Lord Bread: I REALLY don't know why I married her! All I remember is waking up with an incredible headache! Man, what a hangover. Goldar: Maybe you drank something potion-like. Lord Bread: Hmmm... Goldar: I think you were drunk! Lord Bread: WHAT?!?! HOW DARE you say such a thing like that?!?! Assume the position, meathead. We fade out then fade in again as Goldar is hanging from the ceiling fan by his rear-end rotating around and around. Lord Bread: Find Rita and deliver my demands. You rangers--will be made--to PAY!!! By the way, Goldar; you have to talk to her nicely--even though she doesn't deserve it. Goldar falls from the fan and hits the floor. Goldar: OUCH! [Getting up to dust himself off]. You don't know Rita. I worked with that butt for one whole season and that's impossible. Lord Bread: Your ass is grass, and my teeth is a mower if you don't do what I say! Goldar: Yes sir. SCENE III: The rangers and Bulk and Skull are leaving the school. Bulk (condescending): "Enjoy your three-day weekend." Bitch. Billy: It's a good thing I had my pocket-recorder on. Maybe I'll give it to Appleweed Monday. Skull: This assignment is cheesy. I wish we got something better. Adam: Hey, to you morons, grating cheese is a brain-strain. Bulk: What does grating mean? The rangers go to a secluded table. Aisha: So guys, I.... Suddenly, 10 or 15 cameras start flashing the rangers. Rocky: Aye!! What is this? Some Guy: Do YOU want your face on the cover of People Magazine? Tommy: No, I... Some Other Guy: Would you like to take a survey? Adam: Uh uh! Go away! This Other Girl: I could put you on the cover of Jenny Craig magazine! Kimberly: What?!?! That's an insult. Some Other Girl: What about if you did Playboy?!? Adam: Aye aye. What's all this about? Some Other Guy: You just won the Academy Award! What are you gonna do now!?!? Tommy: Well... We're goin' ta Dis... AB Writers: Hold it! Hold it! What's this? This is complete and utter discontinuity. I declare a re-write. Billy: Okee dokee. AB Writers: Okay. Once upon a time... Billy: Nah nah, not like that. That is so lame. AB Writers: Okay. Let's just do it the way it's supposed to go. Tommy: As I was saying. So, I think I would love to travel back to 1928, 'cuz that was when Vidal Sassoon was born. Ahh yes, so many memories. How could a guy like that come up with such an ingenius hair spray? Billy: Anyway... I'd like to visit the year 1986 because that's the year that Kimberly showed me what her... Ahehehehehehe. Rocky: Ya know, that disgusting remembrance wouldn't make you pass in Appleweed's class. Hey! That ryhmes. Billy: I'd still like to re-live that. Adam: No one cares. Aisha: If you're so smart, why don't you tell US what YOU'D like to do? Adam: I uhhh.... Hmmmmm... Gee, I don't really know. I don't think I'm gonna do this assignment. I'm gonna fail. Kimberly: I mean this as a loving, kind, generous friend. You're a loser. A big fat zero, a whimp; a patsy. A push-over, a week, pathetic loser. A nobody, a nothing. Adam: I think we get the point. And I'm NOT a whimp. I'm just not that smart. Aisha: Oh yeah, like that's any better. Billy: I wanna go to the 1930s 'cuz that was when Albert Einstein did stuff. Yeah, I know, the Academic Hall of Fame must eat this stuff up. Kimberly: I'd go back to last year because they had this cool once in a chance sale on beach-blanket bikini's down at Gerry's Galleria. Tommy: I've really hated your lines lately, Kim. You were a lot less air-headed in the previous episodes. Kimberly: Yeah well, the writers figured I'm nothing but a meaningless twerp who does nothing but look good so they don't think they should write me any worth-listening-to lines, or give me a mind of my own that doesn't contain bubble-gum and cobwebs. Aisha: That's because she met me. Kimberly: Oh yeah. God how I hate you. Adam: What do we do now? Rocky: I believe we withdrawl ourselves from any importance in this parody. Tommy: Okay. Time to switch scenes. SCENE IV: Rita is kneeling at some skull-head with red glowing eyes sitting atop some dingy pedastool awaiting his advice. Rita: What should I do, oh wise Skull? Skull-Head: You are always right--your plans have always been the best. And in fact, now that you're back, we'll use a specific plan especially for you in which you re-create Evil Green Vomit Ranger. It's the only way! Rita: Really!?!? You really feel that way? Skull-Head: No, I just want to avoid getting smashed up by you by telling you whatever I presume you'd like to hear. Rita: Good! That's just what I was about to do! Thank you! Skull-Head: Might I recommend closing the door before you begin your chanting just in case we wind with an intruder. Rita walks over to close the door while Goldar is on top the roof looking through the clear glass on top. Goldar: Hahaha, Rita thinks she's so Smart! I can see everything and they're none the wiser! {Glass begins to crack} Uh oh! Rita is facing the Skull-Head as we see Goldar's body fall to the floor. Next, we see the door fling open with Rita carrying Goldar by his back. Rita: Git outta here... Rita tosses Goldar out the door. ===================== Lord Bread: Did you deliver my message, worthless dolt? Goldar is getting up, dusting himself off. Goldar: Well, I was unable to catch Rita. She was chanting some really funky stuff to this stupid skull-head. I didn't feel that disturbing her would be in my best interest--I suppose not living up your your expectations also is not in my best interest. Lord Bread: Stop your yammering! I shall release the... Rita: STOP!! Bread!! You shall release the Wizard of Refreshments! Lord Bread: Lizard of Recresshments? Rita: Don't you tease me! He's very smart, brilliant and scary! Lord Bread: Just what pray-tell is this Sissy Mary you upstage so? Rita: He is a wizard with high-demand. He's been hired by: Mumra, MegaTron, Skeletor, Lex Luther, The Joker and Slumlord. Lord Bread: SLUMLORD!?!? BAHHH!! He's no good. Get him outta my face. Rita: Listen, bozo; I am your wife. I have some importance. Lord Bread: NoU don't. Rita: YES I DO!! And I'm going to set forth my plan to re-create Green Ranger. We'll just see who gets the Pathetic Rangers first! Lord Bread: Yeah! And you can just forget about the change of clothes I was gonna be kind enough to buy you. SCENE V: In the park... Bulk: ...I mean, who gives a damn about people of the old days? They were just a bunch of dorks. Skull: Yeah, dressing in panty-hose and saying sissy things like: "Oh, dear too." "Cheerio." "My, what a lovely evening." "I would rather like another spaught of tay." Bulk: Yeah. This is for twerps, I'm gonna request to go back to 1992, because it was then that was my calling. Bulk & Skull: L.A. RIOTS!!! YEAH!! Skull: That's my kinda thing! Wizard of Refreshement appears behind them. Wizard of Refreshment: Hey you two dumb-bells, if you don't wanna be hauled off the stage by some clown from "It's Showtime at the Apollo" with a red and white striped cane, you better do what I say. Bulk: You look emensely like a Thug from B.S. Trippers. Wizard: Flattery will get you no where. Now shut up and do what I say. Skull: Well, we'll do what you say, but we don't have to shut up. Wizard: Yes you do. You can't listen to me if you're chattering. Bulk: What do you want? We've got some lousy assignment we have to attend. Wizard: I'm not telling you jack crap! Bulk and Skull just start walking off. Wizard: Where the hell do you think you two idiots think YOU'RE going? Bulk: To go get a foot-long sub. Skull: See-ya. Wizard: You're not going anywhere! Wizard holds up his sceptor and casts a spell on Bulk and Skull. Wizard: You are going to truck your tub of lard and serach for Tommy and get a urine sample! AB Writer: Aye-oh, that's gross, man. Why not something simple like a toe-nail clipping and hair? Wizard: Well now, it's what the doctors do. AB Writer: Yeah, but we're not gross. Just get toe-nail clippings and hair. It would make since. Wizard: What about the rest of his body?! AB Writer: Well, we are NOT going to slice up Tommy's limbs like Vicki from Small Wonder. Just make the Green Ranger out of play-doh, except shape his fingers, and face and anything else that isn't clothed. Wizard: What about his member? AB Writer: His WHAT?! Wizard: His member! His man-toy. His squeezer! The ol' fat-tube! AB Writer: Oh! His ding-a-ling. I see. He doesn't need it. Wizard: Okee dokee. What kind of hair? Pubic hair? AB Writer: NO! We could never get Tommy's pants off for free! Wizard: Alright alright. HEY! Hey you two stooges! Where'd cha go?! ================ At the "SubWay."... Bulk and Skull are eating a sub when Wizard shows up and only his hand is seen slapped atop Skull's shoulder. Skull: Please tell me that's a police officer, Bulk. Wizard: Oh no! I'm much worse! C'mere you two little buttheads! Wizard drags Bulk and Skull out of the restaurant. =============== Bulk: What did we do?!?! Wizard: You walked out on me! Now you're gonna pay! Wizard strips Bulk and Skull of their pants and leaves them in briefs then puts them under a spell. Wizard: Get Thomas Oliver's hair and toenail clippings and bring it to me! Bulk: Yes, master. Wizard: And bring me some Chicken too! Skull: Right. SCENE VI: Aisha is in a car at the parking lot of a movie theatre with a person jumping up and down and we're shooting a picture of the rear-window. Aisha: Oooo baby! Ooo, Baby!! We go into the car and see Aisha humping with a male-dummy "for your protection." Billy: Woah, who's the animal?! Aisha: BILLY!! If you tell anyone about this, I'm going to deep-fry your still-beating heart! Billy: It'd be worth it! Ha-ha!! Hahahaha! Aisha: DORK!! SCENE VII: Kimberly is skipping down the mall holding Tommy's hand behind herself leading him to a bench. Kimberly: C'mon, Tommy! Let's go read. Tommy: Alright, but why are you skipping like you wanna have sex? Kimberly: Just because I am doesn't mean I wanna have sex. I want us to read! So, Tommy, what's your assignment paper? Tommy: Uhh, it's a surprise. Tommy holds up his folder while writing in his name on his test paper. Kimberly: Hey, what's the matter? Tommy: Nothing, nothing really. Hey! Is that a sale on pink biker pants? Kimberly: Really?!?! I've ALWAYS wanted to try those on! Hey! Wait a minute, you tried this trick on me before! What's going on. A fly circles around Tommy's head. Tommy: Ahh! Man! Tommy trips his folder out his hands. Tommy: Oh no! Kimberly picks it up and reads it. Kimberly: State your full name: Thomason MacDonald-Twain Oliver. Tommy: Urrr!! I'm going to court to change this crummy name! Bulk and Skull wobble next to the chair. Tommy: What do you want? And you better have a good answer or I disassemble your legs. Bulk (retarded-like): Need manicure? Tommy: Yeah, Forrest Gump. But, I wouldn't dare let your slimey hands touch my perfect body. So scram and make yourself scarse. Skull (retarded-like): Must get manicure. Bulk: Need haircut? Tommy: Listen, Ren; Stimpy, I've got things to do, so, you can take your little clown show to the circus. Bulk: Oh-kay. Bulk and Skull trot off. Tommy: Those two seriously need therapy. Kimberly: Or to be committed. SCENE VIII: Wizard slaps the hell out of Bulk and Skull. Wizard: FOOLS! Listen, you jackasses! If you let me down again, I'm gonna ram a shovel up your ass and turn it slowly! Ahh, I won't even wait for that to happen. Get out of my face! You make me sick! If you want some'n done right, ya gotta do it yourself! MUDDIES! Get the hairlock and toenail clippings! As for the two of you, get out of my face! Wizard takes Bulk and Skull out of the trance. Bulk: Dahh, duhh! Wizard: Oh, I don't have time for you to scream bloody murder. I have to go. The Wizard vanishes. SCENE IX: Back at the park bench... Tommy: Hey listen, I can't think with your pertruding bust in my face. Kimberly: In that case, I might as well go with Billy. Billy (just appearing out of no where): Kimberly, I've got the most funniest news. I just saw Aisha... Kimberly and Billy walk off together and out of the scene. Tommy: Doo, doo, doo doh doo... Du, du, chu... Che... Tommy is doodling on his paper. Suddenly, an army of muddies just show up. Tommy: Okay. Here we go. An almost second-nature muddie fight involves Tommy as his whipping hair nearly gets in his way. After fending off 12 of the 24 muddies, we zoom in on two Muddies' feet which ram into Tommy's chest. He falls to the ground and two muddies keep him pinned to the ground. Tommy: Oh no! Don't do that! A muddie conclusively gives Tommy a major blow to the head and he's out cold. Two muddies (one holding a pair of scissors, the other some finger nail clippers) begin doing their dirty work. A muddie clips off too much of Tommy's hair (thankfully, he's wearing a wig in this paricular epy-sode), and another Muddie clips his fingernails and they all split. Suddenly, the other Pathetic Rangers just come out of no where. Billy: Uh oh. Was our cue about two minutes ago? Kimberly: Woah boy. Hello, Tommy. Tommy? Tommy: Nice of you idiots to show up after I just got KICKED IN THE ASS by enough muddies to hold up a fleet of soldiers! Billy: Sorry dude, but we just had to set up a secret camera in Aisha's car. Rocky: Hee hee. This'll be the biggest laugh since Adam dressed up as Adolf Hitler for Rock Bottom Canyon's High School. Hehehe. Tommy: Hey, I still exist. And my, my, my beautiful hair! Someone tampered with it! Oh catch them! Catch them! Don't let them get AWAY! Billy: Hey man, you're starting to sound histerical. Rocky: No, it's pronounced, his-stor-ical. Billy: Go to school. Rocky: I already do. Tommy: And I got this terrible manicure. Oh jeez. I felt like a gang of street thugs just came and kicked me all around. Aisha (running out of the bushes): I came as soon as I heard! Billy: What's the matter? That group session with Charlie McCarthy and Mr. Potato Head kept you up? Aisha: Listen, booger-face, I just got a little curious. Billy: Curiousity killed the Aisha. Aisha: Yeah, and a gun killed the nerd. Billy: Okay. Tommy: This IS my episode, you idiots! Adam: Sorry, we wasn't paying any attention. Well, we've already had fun with you. Let's bail. Tommy: What if I'm attacked again? Rocky: Get a bodyguard. We gotta split. Tommy: Why? Billy: Beats us. The other rangers leave a messed up Tommy. Tommy gets up with his hair all messed up and starts wobbling around. SCENE X: That stupid faceless Wizard is standing behind a bush. Wizard: And now, it is time for my personal touch of corruption! Wizard takes the bag of toenail clippings and hair-lock of Tommy's and uses his evil sceptor to turn it into a carbon copy of Tommy in green clothes wearing a red scarf over his non-existent hair. Wizard: Yes! It worked! The manual was right! Greenie: Oh yes, Tommy. Time for your worst nightmare. Or your best therapy story. Wizard: Go out there and destroy the Pathetic Rangers!!! SCENE XI: Tommy is wobbling around the park when a group of muddies just appear and put him in a sack and tie him up and leave. Tommy: Hey! Let me out of here! Help! Guys!! SCENE XII: Kimberly is sitting behind a tree with her guitar while the others are eating bananas. Kimberly's strumming is awful as the noises coming out of the guitar annoy all the rangers. Billy: Oh for god sakes, Kimberly, quit it! Kimberly: Aw darn. My parents are gonna be so mad that I quit the guitar lessons. Rocky: Nah. They'll probably applaud. Greenie shows up. Adam: How did you change clothes so fast? Greenie: Went home, took a shower, changed my clothes. What's it to you? Adam: Just asking. Greenie: Kim's not the only one who can change clothes inside the same scene. Kimberly: Hey, Tommy. Greenie: Uhh... Lord Bread sent out this really nasty monster. Billy: What is it called? Greenie: Nasty Monster. Listen, it's at the borderline between Rock Bottom Canyon and Angel Grave. Billy: I am not going to be in the middle of that shootout in Rock Bottom Canyon. You can just forget about it. Greenie: Come on, wiseguy. Greenie grabs his friends. SCENE XIII: We take a shot of the border line between Rock Bottom Canyon and Angel Grave and all five rangers being thrown onto the ground. Aisha: Ya know, you didn't have to rough us up, Tommy. Greenie: Muuhhahahaaahahaaa. Aaaaahahahahahaha! AAAAhahahahaha!!!! Get it? I'm evil. Billy: What's going on. Rocky: Tommy just blew my next line. Aw well. He's turnin' on us, that's what. Oh well, there goes my big scene. Kimberly: Tommy, maybe you just need a little sleep. Greenie: Muhahahahaha!! Suddenly, the rangers are snatched away and re-appear in an acient time in Angel Grave in which the population was of 300 people (and Bulk and Skull). Kimberly: What's going on? And what's with the wig on that guy? Billy: Something tells me this isn't the mall. Kimberly: Ooops, wrong lines. Let's try that again. Billy: What's going on? And what's with the wig on that guy? Kimberly: Something tells me this isn't the mall. Woman in really thick, long dress: WITCH! It's come from EEEvil!! Woman #2: In that, that, obscene outfit, you should be ashamed! Man: It's a witch! I knew they always came on Friday the 13th! Billy: Wait a minute, I'm a boy. Man: Witch! Witch!! Aaaa! Run for your life! RedNex: GET THEM! Billy: Huh? Oh uh! I recommend we make tracks, and fast! RUN LIKE HELL! Suddenly, all the rangers are running around the corn fields, and all around the creation trying to escape the angry townspeople in a much too long running scene. Suddenly, some teenage girl in a long dress grabs hold of Adam and yanks him back. Adam: Hu..! Teenager: In here. Suddenly, the teenager and the rangers run into some small little bunker while the torch-carrying townspeople are still running after them. Adam: Who are you? The torturer? Teenager: Well, not exactly. I'm suppose to be the exception to the mob who is out to save the unique little guy. Kimberly: Isn't that convenient. Billy: What is with those crazy people. Kimberly: And what's with that dress? Have you EVER been to the mall? Teenager: The what? Kimberly: Have your parents tied you to a toilet all your life or something? Teenager: I don't understand. You see, this is the year 1843. Kimberly: Beautiful. We're stranded! Boy am I gonna whack that Tommy. Billy: If they catch us, what are they going to do? Teenager: Amputate your crotches, and then burn you all at the stake. Adam: Yeeep!! Billy: Holy salomi! SCENE XIV: Tommy is still at the park in that big sack. Tommy: Let me out of here right now! Tommy punches a hole through the sack. Tommy: I'm free! Now what did those clayheads want. Suddenly, an arm rests onto Tommy's shoulder. Tommy: [Gulp] I hate it when this happens. SCENE XV: Billy: But do I have to? Teenager: Yes!! Billy puts on this George Washington-looking wig and the kind of attire he wore and as do the other male rangers. Kimberly and Aisha put on these huge, fluffy dresses. Billy: Man, this is hot! Don't you guys ever unbutton the collar? How do you use the bathroom? Teenager: I don't know. Hm. Kimberly: Well, we can't stay forever. Teenager: Why not? Billy: Well, it's quite a story. I'll fill ya in on Part two. Teenager: Mercy me. SCENE XVI: Tommy slowly turns around and sees Greenie. Tommy: Dee hee! How hard did that muddie whack me? I'm having hallucinations! Greenie: Oh no. This ain't a drug hallucination, punk. I'm back--the true ranger. The Green Vomit Ranger. Muhahahahahaha!!! Singers: Go Green Ranger, Go Go! Tommy: Wait a minute! I'M the hero of this story! Singers: Go White Ranger, Go Go! Tommy: Traitors! TO BE CONTINUED... (C) 1995 Artist Bros. Enterprises