Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "Pathetic Ranger Flunks" Parody of, "Power Ranger Punks" SCENE I: On a Sunny Day, we found our favorite bunch of wovable teenagers playing Volleyball at the park with Trini suffering from continual passes at her giggling but in her tight bike pants. Jason: Billy's turn! Billy gets up from a bench that is carrying five glasses of Kool-Aid and approaches the Volleyball net. Billy: I apologize, fellas; I don't think I have the adequate strength or eye-to-hand coordination to participate. Jason: Okay. Trini, you're up next. Billy: Hey! You guys were suppose to say, "Hey, you're probably better than you think you are." Or something like that. Jason: Why? Billy: Because you're my friends. Jason: Why? Billy: You guys are such dorks. Zack: Hey, don't you talk like that, Billy. We're suppose to be goody-two shoes people who don't say bad things about each other. Billy: I'm sorry, Jason. Jason: Apology not accepted. Trini... Billy is seen fuming as he walks to his seat. SCENE II: In Baboo's Chamber of Pain in Rita's Palace, Baboo uses the Christmas gift he received last year from which he dug up and dusted off--a Junior Chemistry Set) and begins working with it against the Pathetic Rangers. Baboo: Oooh, this potion is sure to get those Pathetic geeks. Finster: Baboo, why are you calling them Pathetic GEEKS? Isn't being called a Pathetic Ranger insult enough? Baboo: QUIET! I'm concentrating. Besides, like Rita says, "You're not suppose to ask questions." Finster: You know what? You're beginning to sound as annoying and obnoxious as Rita does. Rita walks passed Finster. Rita: What!? Finster: But in a good manner! Rita: Oh you're pathetic. I should have you fired for this, but everybody else on the unemployment line was retarded. And compared to their monsters, yours were the best. Finster: Thank you, your evilness. Rita: That still doesn't mean I won't send you to your room and never let you come out until August! Baboo: Let's see here... Rita: And what's that you're making? Baboo: It's a potion to turn the Pathetic Rangers into punks! Rita: Splendid idea, I'll be in the dining room. As Rita walks into the dining room, she hears Finster cursing. Finster: Of all the low down dirty cheap things that wicked witch with a bad hair-do makes me do. I oughta have a monster sent after her. That cheap no good dirty sonufa... Rita: And what's this!?!? Finster: Well you see, your evilness... Rita: I don't wanna hear it. For this, you're gonna stay in your room 'til Christmas. SCENE III: The Muddies crash the rangers' dull, unexciting game of Volleyball and they fend them off. Meanwhile, Baboo is overhead struggling to ride Rita's unicycle to sneak his nasty potion into the rangers' drinks when a drop of his potion misses the glass and hits the wooden table and burns a hole through it. Baboo: Ooops, time to go! The Muddies eventually vanish after a while of bad camera-work done specifically to make the just-now-trained rangers look like professional karate experts. Afterwards, they're all panting and coughing, catching their breath. Billy: Boy, that fight did work up quite a thirst. How about you, Kimberly? Kimberly: Me too. Billy: What about you, Jase'? Jason: No, thanks. Billy: Oh, I get it! You want me and Kimberly to drink this mess while you guys get to stay nice and good while we have to become Bulk and Skull. Well not this time! No sir-re bob! I'm not gonna... Jason: Just drink the slop, you'll make the writers a lot happier. Kimberly: Oh all right, anything for the writers of these stupid parodies. Well, Billy; let's guzzle this fuel down. Billy: And act surprised? Kimberly: That's right! Billy and Kimberly sip a little bit. Kimberly: Ewww, yuck! It tastes like the newest flavor of `Squeeze it', Beef. Billy: I'll say, it's got hands. AB Writer: Man! What did Baboo make, anyhow? ALL: SHHHHH!!! AB Writer: Hey, I wrote this thing. I can speak whenever I want! Zack: He's gotta point there. On to the Parody. Billy and Kimberly finally ingest the entire drinks and they both glow red indicating Baboo's spell has kicked in and they get mad and abruptly knock over the box of drinks with their arms and assume disgusted faces as they look at the other rangers. Kimberly: Just look at those dweebs over there! Billy: What a bunch of dorks. Jason, Zack and Trini approach the hexed Billy and Kimberly--Trini with a ear-to-ear smile on her face. Trini: Say, wanna play more Volleyball? Kimberly: NO-WA! Volleyball -- is for DORKS! Billy: Yeah, besides; you said I stink anyway. Zack: How'd he remember? I was sure that Baboo's potion that we were all distracted away from when he sent the Muddies after us erased their minds. Jason: Hey, you guys are acting like jerks. Billy grabs Jason and throws him at the wooden chair. Billy: WHAT did you just call me? Jason: You're not suppose to be THIS tough, you're a wuss! Billy: PARDON ME?? I didn't hear that! Jason (Gasping for air): You are the coolest kid on the block. Billy: That's better. Or else we would've made headcheese out of your face! Kimberly: Come on, let's go nearly beat somebody else up. Billy: Yeah, I hope they're scared of our unthreatening exterior. Kimberly: We'll fix that tomorrow morning. Heh-heh. Zack: Man, they've turned into punks! Trini: Something is seriously wrong. Jason: Like your choice in clothes? Trini: Oh would you grow up? Jason: No, you grow up! Trini: Uh uh! You grow up! Jason: You grow up! Trini: No you... Zack: You guys are acting worse than Billy and Kim! Jason: I think Rita's behind this! Trini: Has the thought ever occured to you that they decided to retire? Zack: Yeah, and have you ever decided to get a push-up bra? Trini: Mmmmmm, Zack! SCENE IV: Rita sees the effect of Baboo's potion through her omnipresent spy-telescope. Rita: Splendid work, Boo-boo. Baboo: That's Baboo, my everythingness. Rita: It's not important! I sure am grateful for your evil deed. Baboo: Well I was wondering if we could negotiate a small reward for my service: a planet or a small asteroid maybe? I know! How 'bout Finster's room? Rita: You're not getting squat!! Baboo: Well that's gratitude for ya. Rita: FINSTER! MAKE ME A MONSTER! AND NOW! AND MAKE IT WORK THIS TIME! Finster: I just came up with a new monster that looks like a toad and after he swallows the Pathetic Rangers and digests them, we will be able to conquer earth. We had terrific success with him on Syngamy IV. Rita: Perhaps you are forgetting that planet was the size of a PINTO bean!! Finster: Didn't make much of a difference before. Rita: SEND IT DOWN! And if it don't work, you'll be in your room 'til New Years! SCENE V: At school, Billy and Kimberly surprise the entire school by their punk attire: Billy in ripped up jeans with his blue-striped "Urkel" underwear hanging out of his pants, wearing a leather jacket with John Lennon-glasses on, way too much grease in his hair while wearing a scarf on the backside of his hair. While Kimberly is dressed as she usually is, in a pink, too-tight-to-think outfit cut to the top of her thighs stretching to her bust with a leather jacket on with her hair frayed like a gang member with heavy make-up on chewing gum. Billy and Kim notice a nerd holding his books attempting to race away from the two. Billy: Gimme your lunch money, potato head! Kimberly: Yeah, give it up! Classmate: Don't got any. Billy and Kimberly begin pushing him back and forth endlessly. Nerd: Why are you incessantly pushing me back and forth? Billy: It's fun, now shut up. Billy decks the nerd and he drops off the screen and onto the floor. Billy then walks passed the student and then shoves Zack's face into his locker and laughs. Jason: Hey, you two; how did you ever get passed your parents? Kimberly: Ever heard of a trailes? Zack: I thought we were devoid of any bullies. Jason: Guess again. Zack: Maybe it's a phase. Jason: Maybe it's that time of the month. Trini stares at Jason. Trini: There's some strange things going on around here. Suddenly, all the guys have their hands sunk down their pants; and the girls are reaching in their shirts. Zack: What are they doing? Jason (sarcastically): Tucking their shirts. Trini looks over to find Billy and Kimberly's morphers in the garbage can. Trini: Oh no! Look what I found in the garbage? Jason: Your padded bra? Trini: Yeah, that--and Billy and Kim's morphers! Zack: Hey, you had to wonder why they would keep their power while being punks. Trini: At least they could've just left it home. Did they have to potentially blow our cover? Jason: They're punks--remember? We'll have to get used to it for the next ten minutes. Bulk and Skull arrive and Billy walks to Bulk's side slamming his fist into his right palm, looking at him very angrily while Kimberly waddles her legs back and forth to approach Skull very sensuously. Kimberly: Hey, sexy. How about you and me go out Saturday night, and almost beat up saps? Skull: Are you talkin' to me? Kimberly (Sarcastically): No, I'm talking to that black wuss. Zack (Yelling from another end of the locker hall): I'm not interested! Trini: You'll do anything for extra pay, huh, Walter? Zack: You keep quiet. Skull: Why sure, wanna do a little something more? (Tsk, tsk) Skull starts winking at her as a come-on. Kimberly: I'm under a spell, not drunk. Skull: And I was just this close. Bulk: Get a load a this weenie. Billy: I AIN'T no weenie. Bulk: Then why are you wearing a fake L.A.P.D. Tattoo? Billy grabs Bulk the shirt and jams him into his locker. Billy: I ain't in the mood, fat-head. Bulk: I think he means business. Let's beat it, Skull. Skull: Shh, I'm busy. Bulk: What are you doing? Skull: I think I've convinced Kimberly that she's too hot to keep her clothes on. Bulk: We better hurry outta here, though! Skull: You writers up there better figure something out between me and Kim. Writers: NO! Skull: All right, all right! Bulk: What do you think you're doing, pencil neck? Billy: Listen, you; you're not the baddest dope on the block anymore, sa don't ask any dumb ques-tions. Got it? Bulk: Get a life. Billy roughly grabs Bulk by the shirt and rams his body onto his locker door. Billy: GOT IT!?!? Bulk (whimpishly): UH yeah, yeah, yeah! We got it! Billy: Good. Now, you watch your mouth or I'll rip your lips right off your face! Billy rams his hand on Bulk's head and jams it onto his locker and holds it there as he begins picking his jacket pockets for money (ironically--he takes no money). When he's finished, Bulk and Skull run away in a fury, terrified. Zack: Man, those nitwits have gone punk on us. Trini: Us? SCENE VI: In the command center, Alpha is watching on the viewing globe Billy and Kimberly attacking the classmates (ironically everyone but Trini, Jason and Zack). Alpha 5: Aye Yi, Yi! Billy and Kimberly have turned punk. Zordon: Can't anybody get enough of that line? Alpha: We ought to do something we did in the first episode. Zordon: What? Alpha: Teleport those teenagers here against their will, what else? Zordon: Oh yeah. That was fun. Alpha teleports Jason, Trini and Zack into the command center. Jason: What's up, Alphy? Alpha: I don't like being called that. Jason: Billy and Kimberly have become punks. Zordon: Alpha: I know what to do. Teleport Billy and Kimberly and restrict them in a forcefield. Jason: Why? I like seeing Billy acting like he has a spine, and I wanna see what develops between Kim and Skull. Alpha: That doesn't matter! Computer: capture punkoids in cage grid. Hoodlum dressed, Billy and Kimberly are teleported to stand in the cage grid restricted by lasers surrounding the cage. Billy: HEY! What's this? Billy touches the forcefield and gets laser shocks. Kimberly: Why do we have to do that? Billy: Yeah, pretty stupid, huh? Kimberly is moving around, chewing her gum looking like a brainless bimbo and she then touches the laser and gets shocked. Kimberly: Oww! Billy: Hey! What gives? Zordon: How DARE you throw my morphers in the trash? Kimberly: We don't need 'em, stucco-face. Billy: Let me out of here. What is this? Alpha: You're in a forcefield. Trini: What's wrong with them, Zordon? Jason: I did give Billy a wet-willie yesterday, but I didn't think he'd take it that hard. Zack: What's a wet-willie? Jason licks his pinkie finger and sticks it in Zack's ear. Zack: Ewww!! Ya know, you could've just told me. Zordon: Look at the viewing globe. Baboo has created a potion that turned Kimberly and Billy into mean bullies. Only the rare toenail clippings from a dead barber can save them. Wait a minute, that was the cure for a used-car salesman. Oh! You're suppose to get spiked punch for them, that's the only way. Alpha: Why do you know all these cures, unless YOU'RE Rita's partner? Zordon: That's preposterous. You shut up. Jason: Wouldn't booze be the THING that turned them punk? Alpha: GANG MEMBER! Thug! Slimeball! Anything--BUT PUNK!! Jason: Shut up. Kimberly: When we get outta heir, we're going ta kick your sorry buns! Billy: Buns? Why not butts? Or better yet, asses? Kimberly: I know, we're pretty soft to be bullies. Billy: I think it's because of the A.C.T.--Action for Children's Television. Zack notices this huge mutant-frog monster of Rita's hopping up and down, laughing in the viewing globe. Zack: Man, what's that? Zordon: Terry Toad--Rita's new invention. It is destroying the town. Billy and Kimberly are of no use, as you can see. Billy is smacking his fist into his other palm, blowing wind out his mouth with an attitude of "when am I gonna get outta here," and Kimberly is twirling her gum around and around. Zordon: So you must defeat this toad. While Alpha, you must dodge the Muddies, who are guarding the alcoholic punch on planet Nomad. Alpha: Right away, Zordon. Jason: All right, it's Morphin Time! Zack: Majormess Trini: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat Jason: Trashosaurus ALL: Pathetic Rangers! Alpha is seen staring at Billy and Kimberly in dismay in the command center. Kimberly: Hey, what are you staring at? Billy: Yeah, take a picTURE, it'll last lonGER! Heh-heh. Kimberly: Heh-heh. Billy: Heh-heh. Alpha: I have to go now. Billy: Oooh, look at the cool toad. SCENE VII: The Pathetic Rangers battle the Terry Toad outside an uncharted park until Trini is swallowed by Terry Toad. Trini: Aaah! HELP ME!! Terry: HAHAHAHAHA, you guys are goona look GOOD in my TUMMY! Jason: I guess it's up to you and me I guess, huh, Zack? Zack: Uh uh, I'm not going to be his lunch. Jason: Now now, we don't want the writers to get hostile. Zack: Oh all right. Zack fights the toad until he gets swallowed. SCENE IX: Alpha arrives on planet Nomad and sees the boozed-punch and runs after it when the muddies (who are late) appear and try to attack him while he's holding the spiked punch. Alpha: Oh my god! I better do something! Alpha lasers all of Muddies until they're on the floor, jet black, smoking until they all just disappear, allowing him to return to the command center with the punch. ---------- Alpha returns to the command center, mixes the drink and gives it to Billy and Kimberly. Alpha: The mixture is complete. Here you go. Alpha approaches the cage grid and his arms go through the laser field. Kimberly: Well it's about time, ya bring us some'n ta drink. Billy: Yeah, the service around here STINKS! Billy and Kimberly toast each other's glasses and drink it all down. Suddenly, that same red glow in their bodies re-appears as the spell wears off and they both shake their heads with an immense headache and Billy nervously shakes his head up and down twice after seeing how his underpants are seen and quickly pulls up his pants. Kimberly is picking at her punk-like clothes in disgust. Billy: Wow, what the heck? Zordon: It worked. Kimberly: Eww, what is this? Billy: Something I found in your closet at home. Kimberly: I thought I told you guys to keep outta my thi-ings! Billy: I couldn't resist. Kimberly: I have this major hangover. Zordon: Look what has happened, the Pathetic Rangers need your help! Billy and Kim exit the cage and notice the viewing globe and Jason all alone fighting Terry Toad. Billy: It's Jason! Kimberly: Really? I thought it was Bob Barker. Duhh.. Zordon: Alpha, are you SURE the spell wore off completely. Alpha: Pretty sure. Billy: What's that? Zordon: That's Terry Toad, he's an awfully hungry cannibal frog who feeds off of people, particularly--what he calls--those cuisine Pathetic Rangers. Namely, you five. Therefore, you must morph and destroy him--but be careful not to be eaten too. Billy: Pretty stupid plotline, but since it IS our duty... it's Morphin Time. Kimberly: Pterodorky Billy: Tribladdertops SCENE IX: Jason fights Terry Toad with his Power Sword when Kimberly and Billy arrive as reinforcements. Jason: Thanks, guys. I'm glad you're here. He just got through sprinkling pepper on my helmet! Kimberly: You shouldn't be. You're the most powerful and it looks like you're rump roast. Jason: Oh no. HELP!!! Jason eventually is eaten by Terry Toad. Kimberly chops off Terry Toad's horns. Billy: Well obviously that won't work! Terry Toad: That was a bad mistake!! Kimberly: Well? Billy: It appears that we should phositroniacally switch our location in which we can get more success. Kimberly: You mean switch positions. Billy: Precisely. Kimberly: Yeah, but what good'll that do? Billy: It'll allow us to use extra stock footage. But logically speaking, it has no valuable purpose in aiding us in the destruction of this monster. Terry Toad: Hey, you! I'm still here! Billy: That's it! You're goin' down! Kimberly: No, Billy, wait! That's suicide! Billy jumps after Terry Toad with his BladeBlaster and misses his face and Terry Toad's tongue stretches out his mouth, wraps around Billy's torso and he swallows him down. Billy: Ugh! Ugh!! Terry: Hahahahaha! 4 down and 1 to go! Kimberly: Let my friend go, you perverted cannibal! Terry: Sure, I'll trade him for you, yummy steak! Kimberly: That's IT! You've had it! Kimberly pulls out her Power Bow and gets ready to shoot three or five arrows into Terry Toad. Baboo: Oh no you don't! Baboo shoves Kimberly out of the way and she falls onto her side in the grass. Kimberly: Baboo?! What do you think you're doing? Baboo: Getting a backbone? Kimberly: Get out of my face before you get hurt, you suck-up. Baboo: Big talk, Kimberly. You're only one person, and Terry is going to swallow you whole! Terry: HA HA HA HA!! (Ribbit) Kimberly: No! Kimberly jumps into the air with her PowerBow and arrow and fires one magical shot separating into three arrows that lodge themselves into Terry Toad's neck. Then another one from another angle blasting in Terry's weak spot causing him to cough up the Rangers. Terry Toad: Oh geez! That taste keeps repeating on me! Jason (swinging Power Sword around): You're gonna have worse problems than indigestion, mutant! Zack (whipping Power Axe): It's ova for you, toad. Billy (juggling Power Lance): We're back, and that means lights out for you! Trini (twirling Power Daggers): Give it up, toad; yer gonna lose! Terry Toad: I'll swallow you all down AGAIN! Jason: Not as long as there's only 5 minutes of this show left. Get him, guys! Terry Toad is first attacked by Trini and Kimberly's power weapons, then Billy and Zack's and finally Jason somersaults and clobbers Terry Toad with his Power Sword and then roundhouses him until he flies into the air causing him to hit a tree and roll over onto his side. Kimberly: I got this one, guys. Here's a little something that'll teach you not to mess with the Pathetic Rangers. Kimberly pulls out her Power Bow and the camera follows the lone arrow that is soaring through the forest until it hits the seriously injured Terry Toad's belly and it causes him to explode all over the place. Baboo then rapidly retreats for fear of Terry Toad's breakdown to happen to him. SCENE X: In Ernie's Junk Food Bar, Trini is dressed in super sexy, "U Can't Touch This" clothes: Yellow tights with a thong bikini riled up in her bottom-hole, as the same for Kimberly except Pink. Trini and Kimberly are both doing a couple of gymnastics, working out, etc... Bulk and Skull walk into the scene. Skull: So--how about that nearly beatin' up poor saps, Kimmy? Kimberly: Huh? I'm a goody-two-shoes now. Skull: Oh. Trini: Yeah, so drop dead. Skull: You chics sure are fickle. Kimberly: Any girl would be fickle when it comes to you. Skull: Hold me, Bulk. (Sob, sob) I need to feel attractive. Skull rests his head on Bulk's shoulder and Bulk nudges him off. Bulk: Eww. So, whimp; you're not so tough now, are ya? Billy: Why don't you save a whole lot of trouble, and a whole lot of money and go away? Bulk: Why should we? Skull: Yeah, we haven't even ran into the cake yet. Ernie: Well here's your chance. Bulk runs into Ernie's cake. Bulk: When you sleep, Nerd! Billy: You'll see! By the second season, I won't take this! I'll die my hair extremely blonde, and pump some iron, and knock off these glasses and kick your enormous butt back to Pluto! Bulk: In the meantime, I'm going to tear you apart like a lobster. Billy: Aaaaaagghh!! Jason: I did it last week. Zack, it's your turn to pick the chicken soup from out his hair. Zack: Okay. THE END (C) 1993 Artist Bros. Enterprises NEXT TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS... Billy falls in Luu-ave with a homely chic who is just as smart and annoying as he is and opens Pandora's Box with a jealous Kimberly! Some homely girl with long straight hair with a long skirt and a pinned up sweater walks into the Junk Food Bar and Billy--who doesn't notice her presence--runs into her and they both drop their books. Billy: My apologies! Margerine: Negative! I was unaware of my biological motions causing me to deviate from my course. What's your name? Billy: Billy. Marge: Oh, my name is Margerine, but you can call me Marge. ...But Rita has other plans for the Pathetic Rangers!... Rita: Let's make a monster to beat up Billy. Baboo: But why? Blue-Nosed Ranger is a whimpy, weenie, puny, skimpy, sorry excuse for a... Rita: Because I wanna, now shut up! Finster: Rita, how's about we take another approach? Instead of using another lousy clay-monster, what if I bring my aunt? Rita: And just who the heck is she? Finster: Her name is Moe. She has a bowl-like hairdo, with a treasure troll crystal that can allow her to control the elements as well as drain brains. Will Madame Moe finally do what everybody else has promised to do? Will Kimberly get over her odd feelings for Billy? Do we all really care? Find out on the next episode of the Pathetic Rangers!