Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "The Regurgitation of the Green Vomit Ranger, Part II" Parody of, "Return of the Green Ranger, Part II" LAST TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS: The rangers were made to do a fuddy duddy assignment about where they'd like to go to in the past. Bulk (condescending): "Enjoy your three-day weekend." Bitch. Billy: It's a good thing I had my pocket-recorder on. Maybe I'll give it to Appleweed Monday. Skull: This assignment is cheesy. I wish we got something better. Adam: Hey, to you morons, grating cheese is a brain-strain. Bulk: What does grating mean? ...Rita consulted the evil Mr. Skullhead--sick as it may be--because her brains for a clever evil idea have been tapped out like a beer keg! Skull-Head: You are always right--your plans have always been the best. And in fact, now that you're back, we'll use a specific plan especially for you in which you re-create Evil Green Vomit Ranger. It's the only way! Rita: Really!?!? You really feel that way? Skull-Head: No, I just want to avoid getting smashed up by you by telling you whatever I presume you'd like to hear. Rita: Good! That's just what I was about to do! Thank you! ...The Wizard of Refreshments took a toenail and hair clipping to create an evil Tommy who sends our wovable teenagers back to another time! Talk about beating a dead horse 'til dawn! Man: Witch! Witch!! Aaaa! Run for your life! RedNex: GET THEM! Billy: Huh? Oh uh! I recommend we make tracks, and fast! RUN LIKE HELL! Is the rangers' goose cooked? Or will they end up being a dead duck? Maybe a turkey in the straw! Is Adam sweet on Angela Lansbury? How much longer can you watch this show without throwing up? Find out on Part 2 of [GASP!] "The Regurgitation of the Green Vomit Ranger!" Next! SCENE I: The RedNex are running around with torches in red coats as all the town's citizens are running like they've seen a ghost. RedNek #1: Where'd they go? RedNek #2: I cannot find their wherabouts, sair. RedNek #1: Then let's go home and get drunk and play Bingo. RedNek #2: No, we must find these particular witches because we are obsessed with them! RedNek #1: Right you are! ---------- In the barn. Adam: I THINK THEY ARE GONE NOW, BILLY!! Billy: Somebody shoot me. Marissa: Oh they will. Marissa looks up at Adam and smiles. Marissa: Hi, I'm Marissa. Adam: Uh, hi... I'm horny... Uh, I mean, Adam! Adam! Yeah! Pleased to do ya, I mean, meet you. Billy: Your tongue is wrapped into twenty coils. Rocky: Yeah, man! Pull your brains out of your zipper. Kimberly: I'm Kimberly Kimby. Rocky: I'm Rocky Rockwell. Aisha: I'm Aisha Campbell. Billy: And I'mmmmm, Billy. Kimberly: His parents never looked at his birth certificate. They just don't care anymore. Billy: They would've threw me in a garbage can if it weren't for the fact that I was able to learn to do their taxes at four and got them a $5,000 repay from the government. Kimberly: Enough chit chat. Why is everyone calling us bitches? Billy: WITCHES! Ugh! Kimberly: Same difference. Marissa: Well, your clothes style might be a clue. But other than that, they have tapioca for brains. Just last week they hunted down a dog, chained him by his hind legs and called him the devil dog sent by the evil gods of war. Billy: Why'd they do that? Marissa: They saw him foaming at the mouth. Billy: In the 1700s, these morons think that if you don't look like they do, which are one step away from being nuns, you're a witch. Although it makes absolutely no sense considering witches were only girls. Marissa: They couldn't tell the difference. Rocky: Hey! Adam: Thank goodness we weren't at the beach when all this happened. Marissa: They'll still perform heinous, unspeakble torture on you. Billy: Yeah, we know that already. Marissa: Whaddya mean 1700s? This IS the 1700s. Billy: Well, hmmm... Wait a sec, you mean to tell me we're in another time? Rocky: No. We are taking a cruise to the Bahamas! Kimberly: We can explain everything. Go ahead, Billy. Billy: Huh??? D'oh! Listen, uhmm, Marissa, have you ever wondered what Angel Grave would look like 200 years later? Marissa: I imagined a lot of dead people. Billy: That's true, but see... SCENE II: Back at regular Angel Grave... Tommy is confronted by Evil Tommy (who is now referred to as "Tom.") Tommy: You're the twin brother I never had!! Oh, it's so good to see you! Tommy starts hugging on Tom when Tom shoves him off. Tom: Get off me! Tommy: Geez you're grumpy. Tom: I ain't yer damn twin, you yuppy. I'm out to kick your ass black and blue. Tommy: Gee, I get it now! You're not REALLY my twin, are you? Tom: Gee, what was your first clue? You should really write for "All My Children." Tommy: Well, if you're like me, you can't be evil. Tom: Ya know, you're full of it. Don't you remember finals in the 11th grade? Tommy: Hey, that guy was a nerd! He was blowing his nose on my homework! I had to give him a good whack in the head! Tom: Bullying kids. Now that's what I call EVIL. Tommy: Caught me on a technicality. But what you do is absolutely reprehensible. Tom: All I do is have a smart lip and do nothing. Tommy: Oh. I see. Tom: Let's face it, Mr. Rogers, we all have a deep--dark, EEEVIL side! Remember the time you flushed Billy's head down the toilet two seasons ago? Tommy: He rubbed up against my crotch. What was I gonna do? Let him have his way with me? Tom: Let's cut to the chase, goody-good. I'm out to beat the living pee out of you and there ain't not'n you can do about it, Mr. Propaganda. Tommy: My attitude problem got flushed along with you and my Green Ranger powers, you swine. Tom: Look, I'm talkin' to you, so he's back! Tommy: Not for long. Tom: I'm a lot more powerful than you. Tommy: Big talk. You're about as harmful as a bunny rabbit. Tom: That may be so, but I know a lot more insults than you do. Are you ready to be the living spit of yourself? Tommy: Oh my god. So much propaganda. So much noise. Too many decisions. Tom: Muahahahaha! Truth is, you have too many PSAs stored up in your skull to think, Mr. Morals. SCENE III: Lord Bread's hole in the wall. Lord Bread: YES! The plan is working! Goldar: Are you going to let that bitch tell you what to do for the rest of the season? Goldar body is seen thrown across the the screen. Goldar: Uhhhhhhhhhh..... Lord Bread: I should've done that a _long_ time ago. Rita: Yes!! Lord Bread: Rita my, uh... Wife. Here we are. The most abominable force in the galaxy at the precipice of world control!! Rita: Yes!!! Lord Bread: Aren't you going to say anything besides, yes? Rita: The writers started to hate how corny my lines were so they threatened to fire me if both the lines and my over-acting started to push the bile to the tip of their tongue. AB Writer: She's right. I hate you. Rita: Up yours. Lord Bread: That reminds me. Our plan can't cut out on us this time because Evil Green Ranger is a cold blooded devil. Goldar: Ugh... What do you mean? Lord Bread: This dude put his mother in the hospital over bathroom rights! Goldar: Why's that so good? Lord Bread: Because then he won't defect to the other side like he did before. Rita: And you know what that means? Lord Bread: Yes? Rita: YES!!! Lord Bread: That didn't make any sense. Rita: I'm just reading my lines okay??? Lord Bread: Somehow, I like you better this way. Rita (grinding teeth): Yes... Lord Bread: Let's celebrate! Goldar: Oh no! Please don't. I ran out of Pepto Bismol during the wedding. Lord Bread: Shut up, stupidass and juice of the juke box. Goldar: WHAT juke box? Lord Bread: BUILD one! Goldar: Out of what? Lord Bread: I'm naming my first ulcer after you. Goldar (sarcastically): I'm honored. Lord Bread: I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Now you put on some music. I don't care if you have to play the kazoo with your armpits! Goldar: O.k. Goldar finds his old dusty phonograph and goes through his records. Goldar: What would you like me to play? "Chipmunks Greatest Hits" or "Funky Town?" Lord Bread: You decide! Suddenly, Lipps Inc.'s Funky Town is heard blarring and scratching through the air. Lord Bread: ALGH!! Squatt: Who knew Goldar was into disco. Baboo: I did. That's my phonograph I sold him. Squatt: Why? Baboo: Needed more money for chips. Rita: Bread? Lord Bread: Yes? Rita: You're walking on my feet. We find Lord Bread's foot on top of Rita's tennis shoe. Suddenly, the record starts skipping in the middle of a verse. Lord Bread: What in god's name is... Goldar: OH NO! Rita: Fix it, Goldar!! Goldar: Lord Bread is losing control of his MIND! What are we going to do? Rita: I tell you what you're going to do. You are going to fix that record player and then stand outside in the cold 'til dawn! SCENE IV: Back at olden day Angel Grave in the barn... Billy: ...and so, basically, that's how we ended up traveling through time. Marissa: Ahh, I see. So you are witches. Billy: We're NOT WITCHES!!! Adam: Don't worry, Marissa. It's hard to understand this. I don't even believe it myself. Marissa: Then why are you feeding me this hog wash? Adam: Oh, it's not hog wash. Marissa: I can't imagine Angel Grave 200 years later. What's it like? Kimberly: Aaaaa... Billy: Before you begin, please give me the opportunity to stuff cotton in my ears. Kimberly: Oh it's awesome! You should see the shopping malls, and... who writes this swill? AB Writer: Would you please try to stay in character? Kimberly: Sorry. AB Writer: 's all right, Amy Jo. Aisha: Yeah, the makeup department at the super store, augh! It's so cool! Marissa: I haven't the foggiest idea of what you are talking about. Have you been eating those strange mushrooms? Kimberly: Your parents have aparently been very abusive. Billy: 'Scuse me, valley girl; but they don't live in the time of girls with peanut butter cups for brain cells. Rocky is looking very attentive as he watches Kimberly and Aisha drone on. Billy: You really are a... well; what I have to say about you would be banned from the FCC. Rocky: I'm insulted! Billy: Ugh. Adam: ANNNYway, we've gotta find a way to get outta here! Rocky: Try Zordon. Billy: Scuse me, Beaver. Zordon DOESN'T WORK ANYMORE!!! Adam: Don't you know? We learn nothing from part 1. Kimberly: Then what's the build up for? Adam: For our gullible viewers. Billy: Oh. SCENE V: Tom is holding a gigantic book of fight come-ons while telling Tommy them. Tom: Page 345: So you see, there's no way out. It's over for you. I know all about you. I know you once dressed in drag; I know you once mooned a girl; I know you have a 3 and a half inch... Tommy: That's enough, you evil cobra. Tom: I know you get all warm and squishy when someone rubs your knee like this... Tom starts caressing Tommy's knee with his index finger. Tommy: Hee hee hee! STOP IT! I'm gonna kick your freaking ass for that one. Tom: You see, you're 100% me. Nothing you can do. Tommy: That's it! .......... I'm gonna cry now. Tom: Yeah, that's right. Cry like the little sissy you are. Tommy: You know I'd never do that. Tom: Oh yeah? Well I know the time you dug your finger under... SCENE VI: The Command Center... Zordon: Alpha, turn on the Viewing Globe. I detect a disturbance in the... Alpha: Don't you think we know that considering the alarm just went off? Zordon: That was a tape, Alpha. I wasn't even in the booth when that was dubbed. Alpha sees evil Green Ranger Tommy and White Ranger Tommy consistantly cussing each other. Alpha: Aye, yi yi yi yi yi, yi! Tommy: So that's the way it's going to be, huh? Tommy: Yeah. Tommy: Yeah? Tommy: Yeah. Alpha: I cannot believe it! Two Tommys? Zordon: My worst fears have been realized. AB Writer: I take it you ticked off a lot of people when you were real. Zordon: So I see, the Wizard of Refreshments has taken it upon himself to create his own Pathetic Ranger. Alpha: Yes, when will they ever learn? Zordon: ALPHA! Alpha: Oops, I mean... Oh no! Not that! Not an evil ranger! Now we've had it. Oh the horror. Oh the sheer terror. There, you happy now? Zordon: You certainly didn't give a convincing performance that this is actually supposed to be a ultra suspense-filled predicament. Alpha: That's because this Ranger business is nothing new anymore. Those bad guys must have come up with that plan hundreds of times. The worst one of these plots could result in is in our readers passing out from sheer boredom. Zordon: Well, rather than complaining about it, why don't you don't you contact the other rangers? Alpha: This is very strange, Zordon. The Pathetic Rangers appear to not be anywhere within Angel Grave. Zordon: Well hasn't it occured to you to check OUTSIDE the city limits? Alpha: Oops. Wait a second. I just did. It looks as if the rangers just fell off the face of the planet. Zordon: Oh no. You must keep looking. Alpha: I'll do it but it's a waste of time. Zordon: You don't tell me what's a waste of time, robot. SCENE V: Back to Tommy Vs. Tommy... Evil Tom: So that's the way you want it. Green Ranger verses the White Ranger? Tommy: Look, you poor excuse for a film-split, I don't want this, it's the only way to inject a false sense of excitement to this already failing show. The Wizard of Refreshments is pushed onto the set. Wizard: Agh... Tommy: What the... It's Morphin' time! Evil Tom: Finally. Tommy: CiderZord Tommy: BarneyZord The morphed White and Green Rangers appear. White Tommy: Well, there's one thing for sure. Two of me can't exist in the same place, at the same time. Green Tommy: Oh wow. Did you figure that out all by yourself? The rangers begin the imitate each others moves. Wizard: Give it up, White Trash. You're outmatched. White Tommy: By what? You and your green goon? Green Tommy: Excuse me? White Tommy: Never underestimate the power of the human arm pit. SCENE VI: Back at olden day Angel Grave... The RedNex are walking around the barn with their rifles trying to spot the rangers. Inside, the rangers are talking with bullhorns in their hands. Billy (amplified): So, anyway; my mom says, "that's a lovely invention, my dear." Kimberly (amplified): I just still don't know why they're calling us witches. Billy: I just told you. RedNek #1 (outside): Ah ha! Caught them. Let's get 'em! The RedNex walk inside the barn. Billy: Alpha, Zordon, do you read me? We're in a BIG pickle here! Adam: Nah, pickle is the code word for: "I Need Money." Try something else. Billy: Our heads are about to be butchered off at the stake! Rocky: Nah, that's the code for: "I want some booze." Billy: Alpha, Zordon, get your damn butts online! We're dyin' out here! Rocky: Don't know that one. RedNek #2: AH HA! CAUGHT'CHA! Ma-rissA! Harboring these witches. You ought to be ashamed. Marissa: But they're my friends! You have no right to do this! Aisha: Cut the Shirley Temple act, huh? Marissa: Sorry. RedNek #1: I'll see to it that all of you five freaks are fricaceed at the stake for this. Now come over here so I can smack you around a bit. All: Aaaaaaaaaaaaghh!!!!! SCENE VII: White Tommy jumps into the obviously cloudy sky. White Tommy: Seet eeeya!! Green Tommy does the same. Both drop clumsily onto the ground right on their butts. White Tommy: Take two! White Tommy jumps into the obviously cloudy sky. White Tommy: Seet eeeya!! Green Tommy does the same. White Tommy: You know what to do, you writers. Green and White Tommy land safely on their feet. White Tommy: Exactly. Green and White Tommy draw their smoking fists. White Tommy: Why are they smoking? Green Tommy: Maybe we've been overdoing it. My hypothisis is these costumes are going to explode before the end of this miniseries. White Tommy: Let's hope we remember to change before then. The two engage in this pee-wee fight in which inexpensive Green and White sparks just appear when they just clash their wrists together. White Tommy: Hey, this is much cooler than if we used real explosions. Green Tommy: Now we won't actually get hurt. Heh-heh. AB Writer: Aye carumba! After about two minutes of clashing fists, they both get so tired that they both just faint. Later... White Tommy (barely regaining consciousness): Give...it (pant) up... Green Ranger. Green Tommy: Aw man! My powers! They're getting WEEK! White Tommy: I hate you, you bad memory. Green Tommy: Ha! That was an act! I'm made purely out of bad genes! Not that fuddy duddy brain juice of Zordon's. And now I'm gonna kick your butt while your down! Green Tommy walks up to a limping White Tommy and roughly grabs him and shakes him as we zoom in on Wizard of Refreshments. Wizard: Ha ha! This is perfect! Just what the doctor ordered! Green Tommy finally picks White Tommy up and throws him into a bush. White Tommy: Aw man! This is too much! Green Tommy: I haven't even gotten started yet! Ha ha! Wizard: Okay, you've had your fun, Greenie. I haven't had a single scene since the beginning of this episode. Let's see some real action. The Wizard of Refreshments takes out his little staff and throws a yellow energy beam at Tommy which causes him to fall to the floor on his belly. Wizard: Hahaha!! The Wizard rips off Tommy's already powerless costume and he's left--again--wearing nothing with his butt showing as we take a bird's-eye-view pan up looking at his naked rear. Wizard: Hahahahahahahah!! C'mon, Green Ranger. Let's get out of here and terrorize the rest of the community. Green Tommy: Sounds like fun. Just a sec. Green Tommy walks up to bare-butt Tommy and kicks him with his foot. Green Tommy: Hahahaha. Remember, never mess with a bad guy in only part 2. Wizard: Now, go to Zordon's place and threaten him, leave a flaming bag and run. Green Tommy: Don't I get to tear him up or some'n? Wizard: Nah, the producers thought that'd be too repetitive of a plot. Green Tommy: Hmmmm. Wizard: Do as I say, nitwit! Green Tommy: Okay. SCENE VIII: At the barn... RedNek #1: So you see, any attempt you make at escaping our ultimate fury is futile. For you see, you are trapped like rats. Adam: We got the message. Marissa: I Knew I should've never rescued you! Now I'm going to be meat on a rack! (Sob, sob, sob). Adam: Marissa shouldn't be punished. RedNek #2: Oh but she will be. And so will you. Billy: Ya know, you're a whole lot of hot air. RedNek #1: Is that so? Rocky: Hey, it's not as though we can morph or anything. Billy: Oh right. Hmm hmm. Fellas, if I could just have a moment of your time, I think I can explain something. Billy pulls out a fist full of playing cards. Billy: Pick a card, any card. RedNex: Huh? SCENE IX: Back at the command center (former barbecue pit)... Alpha: Aye yi yi yi yi! I can't find the Pathetic Rangers ANYwhere! Let's face it, they skinned 'em. Zordon: Keep trying, you pessimistic droid. I shall not face that my slaves have been murdered. Afterall, it gets lonely in here. Alpha: You sicken me. Zordon: That's besides the point. You must keep trying. An obvious clip from "Green With Vomit" begins as Green Ranger morphs into the command center. Alpha: Oh hi, Tommy. YEEEEEEEEEP! Zordon: Oh no, not you again. I could've sworn I remember finally flushing you down the toilet. You can't be possible!! This can't be happening! Evil Green Ranger: I'm what's happening. I'm the Tommy you punks threw away. And since I left your so-called goodie-good so-weak-couldn't-hurt-a-lamb Tommy buck naked in the public park to die, it looks like you've had it this time, old dude. Zordon: You're not real, Tommy. Uh... Yeah! It's all in your mind. The Wizard of Refreshments made you, he's uh... Using you. Green: Hey, what kinda B.S. are you tryin' to hand me? I'm not stupid like your other patsy. I've never seen a single P.S.A. from you idiots in my life. Zordon: And with very good reason. Now get out, I didn't give you a pass here. Green: I don't feel like hearing the crap. Now, I've come what I came for, and I'm not gonna let you stop me, ya withered old bag. Zordon: You are very disrespectful to the elderly. Now let's cut out this sherade and you go home. Suddenly, the camera begins going to the diagnol side of the screen and Green Ranger's face is tilted diagnolly. The camera gets out of control, and the camera now shows a side-ways picture of Green Ranger. Green: That's enough! We just added the little camera thingy for suspense. Zordon: You are one cruel S.O.B. Now, tell me well you're stashing my other slaves, I mean, Rangers. Green: I ain't tellin' you nothing, you ugly old man. Zordon: Tell me NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! Green: Scream all you want, it's not gonna do you no good. Zordon: That's right. I'm threw talkin'. Alpha, do your stuff. Alpha: Right. Alpha approaches Green Ranger, who knocks his fist up aside Alpha and he falls down and shorts out. Zordon: Good greif. You cannot attack me! I am your father. Green: Save it, man. You all know I'm not gonna shut you off. There'd be too many loose ends untied by the end of this miniseries. Zordon: Good point. Then this scene makes absolutely no sense. Green: That's right. SCENE X: Back at Lord Bread's palace... Goldar is standing outside Bread's palace doors with his arms around himself, shivering when he goes back to the door and starts beating on it. Goldar: Can I come back in now, Bread and Mrs. Camel, uh, I mean, Bread. Lord Bread: You sure can, and you can start scrubbing the floors too! Goldar: This abuse should be monitored by the Humane Society. Rita: The Humane Society doesn't protect mutant monkeys with bad attitudes. Now get in here. Goldar: Aaarrrgh! Lord Bread: Now mop these floors and TRY to not be seen. Goldar: Yes, sir. Lord Bread: Oooh, can I feel one of your cones, my love? Just this once. Rita: Nah. It'd be too sexual for this show. Lord Bread: Oh. Ya know, I was just thinkin'. With an evening so beautiful as this, let's get naked and have a baby! I wanna have my very own Bread. Rita: Uhhh, ehehehehe. Wwwhat are you talking about, my dear? Lord Bread: You know what I'm talking about. I wanna plant my spirm into that thing you call a... Rita: Breaddy-poo, you're really starting to scare me. Lord Bread: Let's do it tonight! Rita's cheeks swell with vomit as she runs away. Lord Bread: But wait! Come back! I haven't even picked which diapers I want it to wear! ---------- In Finster's workshop... Rita is coughing up things down his sink. Finster: What's the matter, my dear? You look like you just coughed up an entire hampster. Rita: Lord Bread wants to get me knocked up! Finster: Pardon me? Rita: Ugh! He wants me to have a baby! Not only do I not have the wardrobe for it, but I don't want it! I only married that slimeball because I wanted to get rid of him when we get the Pathetic Rangers! This is awful! Finster: What do you want ME to do about it? Rita: I don't know! Make a new potion! Finster: I hear that if you mix two potions, it can cause extreme giddiness and hair loss. Of course, in Bread's case, that probably wouldn't matter. Rita: Shut up and make the potion! Finster: Which kind would you like me to make? Rita: An impotence potion! I don't care what it is! Just do it! I ain't havin' no stinking baby and we all know it! Afterall, I'm not gonna lose my figure over that piece of meat. Finster: Yes, my queen. SCENE XI: Back at the barn... Rocky: See, we too were citizens of Angel Grave. Billy: But, we were thrown back in time, and... RedNek #1: Don't hand me this bunk! RedNek #2: Do you seriously think we're going to believe this?! Adam: No, but you can't blame a person for trying. RedNek #2 punches a hole into the screen that's in the barn that he's looking through. Adam: Now what, Billy?!?! Billy: Run! Run! Run like the wind! RedNek #1: They're getting away! RedNek #2: Charge! Marissa and the Rangers start another running frenzy as the RedNex chase them through Colonial Angel Grave. Suddenly, they run into a herd of sheep as Billy and the rest attempt to wade through them. Billy: Hey Rocky, I see your girlfriend. Rocky: Shut up, nerd. Suddenly, they approach a stagecoach and just jump on-board. Kimberly: Rocky, what the hell do you think you're doing? Rocky: Saving our asses. Now get on before you lose yours. Everyone jumps onboard with Adam pushing ahead of Aisha and she's left to hang off the back. Aisha: Oh, why don't I get a seat?? Billy: You wanna ask that question again, Aisha? Aisha: Oh I get it. It's my hideous hair-style, right? Billy: Yeah... Rocky: And your horrible voice. Kimberly: Your Farmer-John overalls. Adam: And your... Aisha: Hey! S'nuf! Hey, who's drivin'? Kimberly: Hey guys, you might wanna take a look at the driver... MacBulk: You be all right now, m'lads and lassies. Aisha: Why is everyone trying to help us? MacBulk: Well it's not everyday that you get to see the nearly bare crotch of a pretty girl around these parts. Ye is mighty brave. Kimberly: Thank you. Billy: Who knew that her spandex would pull us through this. Adam: You just better be glad Tommy's not around. Rocky: Yeah, you might even get some this time. Billy: Whoo-hoo! Aisha: Wait a minute, aren't you Bulk? MacBulk: Ye being mighty offensive today, my fine one. Today it's MacBulk. Billy: Nice variation on the name, Writers. AB Writer: Thanks! Billy (under his breath): Dumbasses. AB Writers: We heard that. Billy: D'OH! AB Writer: You keep forgeting that we write you, so we know what you say. Billy (annoyed): Hmmm... SCENE XII: Suddenly, we return to the Command Center as its insights have been inexplicably damaged beyond repair--even though Evil Green Ranger hasn't lifted a finger. Evil Green Ranger: You see now why you scum, old dude? Zordon: You love picking on people's feelings. Evil Green Ranger: Muha ha ha ha! Zordon: You think that laugh is what's going to make me give up? Evil Green Ranger: Muha ha ha ha! Zordon: Hey, I can just fade out of this dimension and never have to deal with you again. Evil Green Ranger: Muha ha ha ha, oh. Ahem, well... Anyway! I'm going to pulverize your cheesy whimpy sissies and their ain't nothin' you can do about it. Zordon: Don't be so sure of yourself. As the original Green Ranger has been decimated, your fate may take the same turn. Evil Green Ranger: That won't happen to me. Zordon: Why not? Evil Green Ranger: 'Cause I'm special. Zordon: Pffft. That's what they ALL say. Evil Green Ranger: That doesn't matter now! Your friends can't save you now. Zordon: You mean you've done something with them? Evil Green Ranger: That's right, and I'm not telling you I took them to another time. Zordon: I DEMAND to know what you have done with them! AB Writers: He don't need da'brains, I see. Evil Green Ranger: Okay, but you have to say please. Zordon: Please? Evil Green Ranger: Please with a cherry on top. Zordon: Please--with a cherry on top. Evil Green Ranger: Please, I beg of you because I'm a lamer with no spine. Zordon: Oh really now, that's going too far. Evil Green Ranger: Fool. I just humiliated you. I ain't tellin' you nothin'. Zordon: Somehow, I knew that. Evil Green Ranger: Muha ha ha ha! Zordon: Why did you do that? Evil Green Ranger: For effect and to kill time. Zordon: If you do anything to hurt them, I'll... Evil Green Ranger: You'll what? Zordon: Uh... Evil Green Ranger: Use your non-existent arms to beat me up? Zordon: Uh... Evil Green Ranger: Hahaha. You really are a loser. Seeya 'round, chump. Evil Green Ranger teleports out of the Command Center. Zordon: Alpha, Alpha 5! Did you hear what he said?? He humiliated me on international T.V.! Alpha! YOU CAN STOP HIDING NOW, the threat has gone. Alpha walks out from behind no where. Alpha: Uh, hi, Zordon! Zordon: I see, leave me to have to deal with Greenie all alone. Do you realize I could've been killed this time!? Alpha: Sorry, Zordon. Zordon: Anyway, I'll deal with that later, you tin-can. Right now we have so-called more important things to deal with. Did you hear what he said about the Rangers? Alpha: No, I bolted myself into the storage closet. Zordon: Holy murder. He blurted out something about traveling to another time. Alpha: He might have been refering to that dream again when he wants to go back in time and meet George McFly before he marries the wrong girl. That's so that he can get back to his time in 1985 to exist again. Zordon: Tell me, Alpha, what color is my head in your world? Alpha: OH! The rangers! Zordon: Dummy! What else?! Alpha: I will begin an inter dimensional spacial vibrational time-warp sential signal that will probe back to the nearest fabric rip in the time-space continuum. Zordon has a dumbfounded expression on his face. Zordon: Uh... Yeah, you do that. As long as we have White Ranger, we still have prayer. The rangers shall be saved as long as this isn't the last show. Alpha: But Tommy's naked as a jaybird and we're still in part 2! Zordon: Oh no, if he gets arrested, then we're REALLY in trouble! SCENE XIII: At the lake, The Wizard of Refreshments and Evil Green Ranger stand together planning for there next assault. Wizard: You stupid idiot! You just wasted valuable time we would've spent annoying the hell out of the Rangers some more by just threatening Zordon! Evil Green Ranger: The parents complained that the Command Center destruction scene was too traumatizing to the kids so all I could do was just really make fun of him. Wizard: I really should consider forwarding the idea to Lord Bread to bomb the headquarters of A.C.T. Evil Green Ranger: As long as we're stuck in the confining universe of Angel Grave, we can't touch them. Wizard: Ah, you're right. We'll deal with that annoyance later. But now, I have another task for you. Evil Green Ranger: Now what!? Wizard: What else? You get out the BarneyZord. Evil Green Ranger: Wait a minute, this usually means my defeat. Wizard: Uh... Usually, but in this case we'll make an exception. Evil Green Ranger: You're lying to me, aren't you? Wizard: Yes, but contractually speaking, we have no choice. We ran out of your footage dozens of episodes ago. Evil Green Ranger: Well while I'm off to go face certain doom, what are you going to be doing? Wizard: Keeping the other Rangers... occupied. Evil Green Ranger: Wait a sec... According to this script, all you're going to do is just send big furry mites after them! Wizard: Okay, so I don't do anything in this story! Sue me, okay? Evil Green Ranger: It won't be you I'll be suing. AB Writers: Oh no!!! Evil Green Ranger: The least you could do is send down some rats or something. Wizard: Uh, I'll see what I can do. SCENE XIV: Green Ranger is blowing that stupid flute of his over and over again trying to summons BarneyZord. Green Ranger: Aw man! Wake up! Suddenly, obviously Japanese construction workers begin to hear the aggrivating noise. Construction Guy: Geez! What's that awful sound? Green Ranger: What can I do to get you up? AB Writers: You have to sing the song. Green Ranger: Oh no! (Singing) Barney is a dinosaur from my imagination, and when he's big he's what we call a dinosaur sensation, Barney shows us lots of things like how to play pretend, ABCs and one two threes and how to be a friend... BarneyZord suddenly wakes up. Green Ranger: That was so humiliating. I'm calling Mr. Larry H. Parker after this. Larry H. Parker: I'm already here. I'm ready to get angry for you! I'm ready to get thrown out of court for contempt for you! Green Ranger: On second thought, maybe I'll call Robbie Shapiro. Green Ranger goes back to playing "Yankee Doodle Dandy" on his flute when his song is cut. SCENE XV: Back at Lord Bread's... Rita: Well, this plan is going cool. But, we need a monster. Lord Bread: What FOR?!?! Rita: Well... We just do, okay? Lord Bread: I'll never understand you, woman. So, what glorious monster do you suggest I make? Rita: Just look for something and make it into a monster to chase the Pathetic Rangers. Lord Bread: Oh NO! Not another CHASE!! Aaagh! Our readers deserve better than that. Rita: They don't. I just saw last week a viewer say "Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers" stink. Lord Bread: You did? Rita: Uh huh! They EVEN turned off their computer in the midst of reading one. Lord Bread: Oh my god! Rita: Yup. Lord Bread: Hmmm... You have a point. I know! I'll release the DEADLY, evil, vicious Big Furry Mites, a.k.a., really tall men in cheap costumes. SCENE XVI: Back at olden day Angel Grave... MacBulk: The ride stops here, ye lads and lassies. Rocky: Thank goodness. Marissa: We surely do need a rest. Billy: Agreed. All the Pathetic Rangers sit behind some abandoned barn and Aisha sits down and jumps up again. Aisha: EEEEEEEEE!! Three rats! Aaagh! I hate those! Adam: Worse than a butt-pinch? Aisha: They kinda tie. All: Hahahahahaha!! Aisha: Don't laugh, you jerks. I hate rats. And, and, there's one in my shirt! Aaagh! Aisha pulls a rat out of her blouse and Rocky starts laughing. Aisha: You put it in there, you creep! I'm never speaking to you again. Billy: Hey, don't get all bent outta shape or anything. Suddenly, the three rats transform into three giant mice, known as, Big Furry Mites and they start making sniping noises. Mite #1: Grrrrrr... Mite #2: Blaaaaaaa! Mite #3: [Snich, Snich, Snich] Adam: Now what? Billy: Morph! Aisha: That OBVIOUSLY won't work! Billy: Shut up! It will! They all pull out their morphers and nothing happens. Billy: Oh well. Looks like it's a back to running again. I hate you, you conniving film directors. Director: Just get your running shoes on, twerp. They all start running while the Big Furry Mites start chasing them all around creation with their arms in the arm. Director: Cut! Cut! Cut! I can see your watches. All Big Furry Mites: Aww, man... Geez! Director: Take two. All: AAAAAAAAAGH! Mite #2: Blaaaaa! SCENE XVII: Lord Bread: Soon, the destruction of the Pathetic Rangers will happen! Ha ha. AB Writers: That's it? Lord Bread: Well, this story's gotta end somehow. TO BE CONTINUED... (C) 1995 Artist Bros. Enterprises