Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "Storybook Stooges, Part I" Parody of, "Storytime Rangers, Part I" SCENE I: Miss Appleweed is walking with her super-intendant Jake Thompson down the hallway of the Angel Grave School where she's holding a book festival. Miss Appleweed: Yes, Mr. Thompson. Everything is going along smoothly down at Angel Grave High! Jake: Hmm hmmm. Right. So you say, I'll be checking up on you. Older Brother: Give it back, you little twerp! Younger Sister: Gimme it! Older Brother: Let GO of the book, dirtface! Younger Sister: Uh uh! Jake: What is THIS?! Miss Appleweed: Uh, heh-heh. They're just playing. We cut the scene to a dingy janitor's room with a light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Mr. Capbutt is shoving Adam and Billy in the room. Billy: But I'm the intellectual! Mr. Capbutt: Get IN there! We are not going to let you morons mess everything up! Adam: You can't do this to us! This is imprisonment. Mr. Capbutt: I know! Now you're going to be quiet and like it here until the festival is over! Mr. Capbutt slams the door shut. Back to the festival scene. Aisha: Help! You can't let her do this to me! Teacher: I TOLD you, it's detention. Aisha: Help! Please, help!! Aisha is dragged into the detention room. A nerd is slammed against his locker door and grabbed by the shirt by a bully. Bully: I saw you reading ten books today! I saw you get extra credit in class today. Nerd: Please let me go! Tough Girl: HEY!! Leave the nerd along, bastard! Bully: Oh, a tough chic, aye? Tough Girl: Yeah, pick on someone your own size, pig. Bully: Alright. Chaos errupts in the school book festival. Bulk: Odd, why aren't we joining in or instigating this? Skull: I'm unsure. Jake: Do you have ANYTHING to say for yourself, Miss Appleweed!?!? Appleweed: Uhhh... uhhh.... There's a bake festival right down the hall. Jake: Forget about being my assistant! Appleweed: Aww, come on! Please reconsider!! Jake: No! I am out of here! Girl: Please! Let me go! Boy: Oww! You're ripping my hair! Jake: I'm getting out of this... this, mad house!! Jake leaves the school. Appleweed: Ooooo!!! YOU!! ALL OF YOU!! Detention for everyone! You ruined my interview with superintendant Jake Thompson! Tommy: Well, if you wanted everyone to behave, all you had to do was say so. All Students: Yeah, yeah, of course. Appleweed: AHHHH!!! I am going to have a drink! Kimberly: But it's only 10:30 a.m. Appleweed: I know! The book festival resumes order. Billy and Adam are seen limping into the book festival hall and approach Kimberly, who is dressed with a denim shirt on that is tied up allowing her waist and belly button to be seen and very, very loose shorts on that only cover up her bottom and crotch and nothing else. Kimberly: Hey, what happened to you? I mean, besides that horrid haircut. Adam: They locked us in the janitor room! Billy: And made us eat gruel! Adam: The walls were green and was growing hair! Billy: But I got away!!! Tommy: That's great. Say, could you lemme alone? This is kinda like a moment between me and the hotty. Billy: Sorry. Kimberly: Tommy, doesn't Billy just repulse you? Tommy: Yeah. He oughta go to my hairstylist, Harry Harrison. Kimberly: Oh, what a romantic book. I always dreamed up having my clothes ripped up to a point that I'm nearly naked by some evil villian, and my knight in shining armor would rescue me and take me to the casbah! Tommy: Ya know, I probably wouldn't be one to say this, but that's sexist. Kimberly: I'm an idiot. If you hadn't noticed in the past 80 episodes, my character is built around sexist sterotypes, otherwise, I'd get fired. Tommy: Figures. Kimberly: Oh my god!! This is THE most, biggest book! It's "The Three Little Pigs." Tommy: Oh yeah. You've got no brains. Why are you wearing that? Those pants are just covering up your privates, other than that, you're nearly naked! Kimberly: And? Tommy: Hey, I'm not complainin'. Billy: Hey, Kim; lookin' foxy tonight! Wanna take a ride in my red porsche? Kimberly: Ick! What happened to the Rad Wreck? Billy: I explained that Tonka car's fate in White Mite, Part II. Kimberly: I don't want to talk to you--nobody wants to talk to you, so why don't you just drop dead! Billy: Now, before you say something that might offend me, I'd like to reconsider. Kimberly: Go away!! Billy: Is this it, Adam? Is this the end of our relationship? Adam: I don't know. I think she's going for Tommy. Will Billy get to keep Kimberly by the end of this season? Will he ever wear his glasses again? Find out on the Next episode.... Billy: Hold on! The story isn't finished yet! Let's go look threw some books. Ooo, look! PlayDude! Adam: Jock. Tell me the laws of relativity. Billy: Uhhh.... Mother, Father, Brother and Sister? Adam: Ugh! What's one plus one? Billy: Uhh... uhhh.... OH NO!! WHAT HAVE YOU WRITERS DONE TO ME!! I'M ONE OF YOU!! MY LIFE IS RUINED!! AHHH HO HO!! Billy runs away. Adam: Hey, Tommy. Tommy: Hey, what's with the book? Adam: Well, it's the master's book on how to learn karate. Tommy: Can I borrow it? Adam: Well, uhh... heh-heh; I just bought it and all and... Tommy: Aww c'mon. Adam: Well, alright. Just for a while. Cut to: a close up of Tommy's desk with Adam's book on top of it. ------------ Kimberly: I absolutely love this book! My father read it to me all the time. Tommy: You mean he could read? Kimberly: Shut up! I love this so! Tommy: I'll take it! Salesman: Here you go, fine man. Kimberly: Oh thank you, thank you thank you! Kimberly gives Tommy a peck on the cheek. Tommy: Uh-wow. She kissed me, foxiest lady in the galaxy kissed me. Kimberly: Uh yeah--just don't tell anybody o.k? Tommy: Say, by the way, how much did that cost? Salesman: $150. It's the copy the author wrote. Tommy: D'OH! Salesman: Hey Pete! We got another sucka!! Heh-heh, he actually thought that was written by the author. Heh-heh. Come on! Let's spend this at the Nudie Bar. Tommy: What!?!? I shelled out one hundred and fifty dollars for you and all I get is a lousy PECK on the cheek!?!? You owe me big--I'm talkin' marathon. Kimberly: Aww come on, don't you think it's getting a little old? After all, I'm still sore. Tommy: Oh sure, like that little noodle is a workout. Kimberly: Billy might lack personality and for all I know the writters could be planning to leave him washed up a beach but all I know is that all you guys want from me is sex. I mean, I really like it (really, I do) but I kinda have a life you know. That's why I even bothered to take acting lessons. Isn't there any other way I could replay you? Tommy: Bend over to get that book and I'll think about it. Kimberly: You're HOPELESS! Anyway, we're straying too far away from the plot. Tommy: Hmmm. What is it anyway? AB Writers: Shaving your five o'clock shadow would be nice but unfortunately it's obsessing over Kim's favorite book, "The Three Little Pigs". Tommy: Listen, I'm over 18 years older. I'm getting quite sick of looking up a bunch of children's books. Bulk: I hate this place--two things that I absolutely HATE! Books, geeks and me don't mix. Billy: I guess you could say the same thing about soap. Skull: Get outta here! Billy: Doesn't anyone want to talk to me? Or even beat me up? Bulk: No. You're not a dweeb. You're just annoying. Now get out of my face before I change my mind about letting you off the hook! Skull: Hey look! It's a book my mom would love! Bulk: What? Skull: How to lose 56 tons inside a month. Bulk: I'm more interested in this! "How To Construct Your Own Monster." Skull: Yeah, who wrote that? Dullard Fraud Sharleton? Bulk: Hey! How'd you know? Skull: I didn't. I don't know anything! Bulk: Gee, what else is new!? Skull: Assuming you know how to read at all, why do want this book? Bulk: If I release my very own monster, not only will the town pay me mucho money and deliver the nobel prize, I'll get the Pathetic Rangers to come to the rescue and unmask them!! Skull: Serve you right if one of them was Michael Jackson. Bulk: What did you say??!? Skull: Nothing. But if you make a monster, I think the town will be running and throw you in jail. Bulk: Gee, never thought of that. How come you've had more brains than me lately? Skull: Virtually our entire staff was replaced. Everything has been destroyed. Everyone's hair sucks, including mine, Kimberly's wearing virtually nothing, Billy's a stud-muffin, Tommy has a five o'clock shadow and Rita is uglier than a magpie. Bulk: I'm buying this book! I'm brilliant! Skull: You're desperate! Bulk and Skull walk off with the book. Miss Appleweed: Sorry to butt-in with your buddy walk, but you have to pay for that. Bulk: Damm! Damn this competant security system! SCENE II: Lord Bread/Rita's Palace... Squatt: How come you always head each scene?!? Rita: Because, I get more fan mail than Lord Bread does! ======== Lord Bread (in a bathrobe approaching his mailbox): Ahh, let's see what the ol' mailbox awaits me! Lord Bread opens his mailbox, clears cobwebs and dust and finds one letter. Lord Bread: Ahh yes, they really love me! What!?!? A bill?!? From Visa!? For a $3000 necklace!?!? RITA!!! ======== Rita: Book festival, aye!?!? Well, our Pathetic Rangers are gonna know what it's like to be the Three Little Pigs when I get threw with them! Baboo: Who said Rocky already isn't a pig? Rita: Would you knock it off?!? I'm going to throw them in Kimberly's favorite storybook and destroy it so they'll be stuck in it forever! Not only making all the rangers extremely angry with Kimberly, but also feel like dying! Hahahaha! Good, it's settled, it's done! Goldar: Not so fast, whore. Does Lord Bread know you're doing this?! Rita: Do you think I care!? Goldar: Yeah! I think you should. Rita: Find, if you wanna tell Lord Bread about it while he's reading bills, be my guest. But good luck, for your life! The sound of an explosion eminates from out of Lord Bread's room. Lord Bread (unseen): RITA!!!!!!!! Goldar: Uhh... I think I'll just stay in my painroom a little while longer. SCENE III: Rocky, Tommy and Kimberly are walking in the park. Tommy: Uhh, Rocky? Rocky: Yeah? Tommy: What are you doing here? Rocky: Well, I figured since I have no life anymore, I might as well tag along with you two. Besides, it's the only way I can get an unauthorized peek at Kimberly's butt. Tommy: Kim, in about 5 minutes, you're gonna regret puttin' those pants on. Kimberly: Hmmm. Thank you for buying me that book, Tommy! Tommy: Why do you like that Three Little Pigs story so much anyway? Kimberly: Well, it's the only thing my brain can handle. However, the only strain in shopping is when you see those price tags. I mean, sheesh! $7599 for a dress? Come on! Rocky: I think you forgot the decimal point. Kimberly: What's that? Tommy: I don't know, I think that you just made Sears rich by your stupidity. Kimberly: I know, what a rip-off! Tommy: Hey, I won't tell her if you won't. Kimberly: Could you hold this book for a second? I have to tie my shoes. Kimberly bends over giving Rocky and Tommy a great view of her very exposed rear. Tommy proceeds to throw the Three Little Pigs book in the trash and start studying the curves. Tommy: Man! 3 p.m. and I already see the moon! Rocky: Woah, baby! Kimberly: There, finished! Hey, what happened to the book? SCENE IV: Rita: And now! It is time! Baboo: Tea time? Rita: It'll be stew time for you nitwits if you don't quit bugging in so much! Squatt: What do we do? Our wall's been destroyed; Lord Bread won't let us come in until he's done masturbating, and Finster got drunk in the baking room. -------- In the kitchen... Finster's dancing like an idiot while holding a bottle of vadka... Finster: La la la la la!! Oooo, I can feel the music! Hello, Romeo! Hmm, hmm, hmm hmm hmm! -------- Baboo: I just guess we're plain bored. Rita: I know what you're up to! And we're NOT going to break out in a musical score with unidentified music eminating from nowhere! We're going to execute my cruel plan! Make my storybook stooges!! Rita picks up her gargantuan, heavy staff and plops it onto both arms. It's so heavy that Rita stiffly falls backwards and falls onto the floor. Rita: TAKE TWO!!! Rita picks up a much lighter staff and captures the rangers in the storybook. SCENE V: Rocky, Tommy and Kimberly re-appear behind a storybook-like scenery of the Three Little Pigs. Kimberly: Wait a minute! Where am I!? LET ME OUTTA HERE! Tommy: Oh don't you start with that again! Kimberly: Sorry. Knee-jerk reaction. Rocky: What the heck is going on? Kimberly: I don't know, but whoever painted this needs to go back to school! Tommy: Hey, I see some guy walking past us! Excuse me, sir! Town Pedeller: Are you the three little pigs? Kimberly: Do we look like we have snouts and go Oink Oink? Town Pedeller: No, but if you aren't, I have nothing to say to you. Tommy: Who are you? Town Pedeller: I could ask you the same thing. Rocky: I'm Rocky Rockwell. Tommy: I'm Tommy, uhhh... Katsopolis. Kimberly: And I'm Kimberly Kimby. Town Pedeller: Katsopolis is the name of that vain geek on the crappy ABC show, and I have a feeling nobody could ever be named Kimby. Kimberly: Okay, it's Kimberly Hart. Town Pedeller: I gotta go. Do you want any of my tools? Rocky: Hey, we don't want any of your second-hand goods. Tommy: Yeah, we don't even know your name. Town Pedeller: If you must know, I am a no-name peasant trying to make a livelyhood by selling home improvement tools. In this case, straw, sticks and bricks. Tommy: Sticks? You actually expect someone to make a house out of sticks?! Rocky: Something tells me, you're the town con man. Town Pedeller: Listen, you; no one ever cared that I sell damaged or even unsafe goods, they only cared what happened to the pigs--you're not pigs. And if you don't wanna buy my stuff then lemme alone. Good day! Kimberly: He wasn't that obnoxious when I read the book. Tommy: Maybe that's cuz the two pigs were gullable idiots. But it seems there is no way that a person that isn't a witch or warlock could put us inside a fairly tale--and I think Rita and Lord Bread are behind this. AB Writers: Duhh... Kimberly: Hey, they kidnapped the three most idiotic, slow-minded rangers in a book. Did you really think we'd immediately catch on? AB Writer: I didn't think so. SCENE VI: In Lord Bread/Rita's palace... Goldar: ...yes, behind your back! Doesn't that just boil your blood to the point of murder!?? Lord Bread: NO! For once that hellcat pleased me. But, being the strongest one in this team, I am going to spruce up her plan a bit! Goldar: But how? Lord Bread: Simple! If that moron doesn't sell Tommy those bricks, the story will be completely disrupted, causing them to be trapped in the book forever! Goldar: At least until the re-write. Lord Bread: You keep forgetting: "The Three Little Pigs" is a patented story! Goldar: It is? Lord Bread: Would you stop decreasing my confidence! This is glorious! Goldar: If you say so. Squatt: Gee, Goldar; again, you try to start a fight between Rita and Bread, and you failed! Lord Bread: LORD Bread! My name is LORD Bread! Squatt: Yeah yeah. SCENE VII: Skull and Bulk are in Skull's workshop working on how to make a monster. Skull: I'll be surprised if this ever works. Bulk: You'd be surprised to see the sky is blue! Skull: Well that's not very nice. Bulk: Anyway, what next? Skull: Baste the turkey, but make sure you've drained the fat, otherwise, it adds 40 calories. Bulk: I'm TALKING about how to make the monster! Skull: Oh, oh yeah; well, I don't think this scene should go on any longer. Bulk: Okay. I'll be back. SCENE VIII: Back in the story... The trio of rangers follow the Pedeller. Town Pedeller: Hey, listen you; I thought I already told you to bug off! If you don't wanna buy something, then scram! Tommy: Oh no, you're not getting away that easily! You gotta help us get out this story. Town Pedeller: I can't say I don't regret this, but I don't know what you're talking about and I don't know how to get rid of you! Now leave me alone, I've hated you ever since I met you, you're the worst people I ever met. Goodbye! Kimberly: Wait! I'll buy the straw! Tommy: What!?!? Kimberly: It's obvious he's not going to tell us anything until we buy his stuff. Rocky: Yeah--what harm could it do? Kimberly: I'll take the straw. Rocky: I'll take the sticks! Tommy: Well, Tweedledum and Tweedledummer can take the stuff that wouldn't hold up during a slight rain drizzle, but I'll buy the bricks. Town Pedeller: Well it's about time! That'll be 300 dollars each. Kimberly: What!? Tommy: You're kidding. Town Pedeller: No, I'm not. Where's the doh? AB Writers: It's a story, you're already loaded with money. Rocky: Thank goodness, because I just spent all my money on that prostitute last night. Tommy: Eeeh! Kimberly: Here you go, thank you! Tommy: Yeah, thanks. Rocky: Why are we building these houses? Tommy: Because, where are we gonna live? Kimberly: It won't do any good having houses if we don't have a change of clothes. Tommy: And clean underwear. Oh well--see ya. SCENE IX: Lord Bread: Yes! Rita, you have done well! Baboo: Very imaginative. Rita: Shut up!! Lord Bread: Oh, how I love when you silence the nitwits! Now to steal that book. Muddies! Grab the book and take away the bricks of Tommy's before he gets a chance to build his house! This calls for celebration! Goldar: Scuse me, but the book has been returned to Miss Appleweed's book sale. I seriously doubt the muddies will blend in with the scenery. Rita: And just how did you find this out!?!? Goldar: I intercepted a fax from Germany from a Jason. Rita: Uhhh!! Not again!! Listen!! You find some way to get those Muddies inside the storybook anyway! Nothing shall stand in the way between me and victory!! Uhhh, I mean, er uhh, us and victory. Lord Bread: That's what I thought you said! Hahahahah! Rita starts tickling Lord Bread's tummy. Lord Bread: Aww come on! You know that's raw flesh!! HEhehehe, I tickle so easily! Goldar: Oh gross, anyone have a barf bag? SCENE X: Muddies appear out of nowhere in the storybook and steal Tommy's bricks. Tommy: Huh!?!? What the... What do you claybrains want? AB Writers: Don't you have any other insults other than claybrains? Tommy: I am a limited character--what do you expect? The Muddies take off with Tommy's bricks. Tommy: Aw no! ----------- Kimberly is sitting in her house reading the newspaper when her straw doorbell rings. Kimberly: Who is it? Wolf: Fee fi fo fum! Kimberly opens the door real quick. Kimberly: Wrong story! Kimberly turns the Wolf's script pages to the story of "Three Little Pigs." Wolf: Oh yeah-- Open up this door this instant, I am going to eat you, blah! Kimberly: Not on the bust of my booby-boob-boobs! Wolf: Oh, well then; I'm gonna huff, and I'm gonna puff and I'm gonna BLOOOOOWWW your house down! Kimberly: Wait a minute, I'm gonna have to call my lawyer about this... The wolf blows her house down. Kimberly: HEY! You think you can just wreck my house!?!? THIS IS AGAINST THE LAW, I'LL SUE!! ============ Kimberly is knocking on Rocky's house. Rocky: What do you want? Kimberly: Some crappy wolf came to my house with his bad breath and blew it down. I need shelter! Rocky: So what makes you think a pile of sticks is going to protect you either? Kimberly: No shenanigans. Let me in! Rocky lets Kimberly in the house. The wolf approaches their house. Wolf: Ah! House number two! You better open this door or I'm going to blow it down, chumps! Rocky quickly opens the door. Rocky: Go ta hell! Rocky slams the door. Wolf: WHAT!?!? I don't THINK you know who you're dealing with! This is your last chance! You better open this door, or I'm gonna blow it down. Furthermore, you were supposed to say "Not on the hair on my chinny chin chin." Rocky quickly opens the door. Rocky: News flash! I don't have a beard! Go away! Rocky slams the door. The wolf blows his house down. Rocky: You have the audasity to... Wolf: I got work to do, shut your yap. ========== Kimberly and Rocky run to Tommy. Kimberly: Excuse me, Tommy. But, what happened to your house? Tommy: A bunch of muddies swiped my bricks. So what's up? Rocky: A 6 foot tall wolf is gonna EAT us! Tommy: AHHH!!! What are we gonna do!??! Kimberly: I don't know! SCENE XI: Bulk: It's almost finished! Read the rest of the instructions, Skull! Skull picks up the "How to lose 56 tons inside a month" book. Skull: Tighten the waist to check if you're healthy. Bulk: It's coming! It's coming! SCENE XII: Lord Bread: HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Who would've thought that those lung-heads Bulk and Skull would help us thrash the world! Goldar: Congradulations, you have just succeeded in not once using your own brain power. Lord Bread: Don't steam me, Goldar! You're already in enough trouble! Goldar: For what? Lord Bread: How should I know! I just know you've really ticked me off lately! Hahahaha! SCENE XIII: At the book festival... Billy: Oh! WE get a scene? Aisha: I don't know what's going on, but I haven't seen the guys in a while. Billy: Maybe, maybe Kimberly packed to live in Paris to get away from me! But if she has, I must follow her! Adam: Wait up, Romeo. We've still gotta find out what's going on. Billy: Zordon, Alpha--what's wrong? ---------- Zordon: Your friends aren't with you. Why is that? ---------- Billy: THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKIN' YOU!! ---------- Zordon: Oh, yeah; teleport and observe the viewing globe. The rangers teleport into the command center. Billy: So? What's up? Alpha: It's terrible! Your friends are trapped in the most horrifying story of all time! Billy: Little Red Riding Hood? Alpha: No! The Three Little Pigs! Zordon: Observe the viewing globe. Adam: It's them! Kimberly, Tommy and Rocky are in the story! Zordon: Tommy bought his friends into doomsville. Alpha: If that story isn't finished, they'll be trapped there forever! Billy: Oh my lord! My sweet baby! Aisha: What can we do? Zordon: We don't know. Alpha: Yes, I'm afraid so. Billy: Oh my goodness! Zordon: Worse yet, the bad guys are making moves to use Bulk and Skull's hairbrained scheme of making a monster to lure the Pathetic Rangers into identifying themselves and they want to steal it! Alpha: Hey, Zordon--you don't HAVE to give EVERYTHING away! Zordon: Oh, sorry. SCENE XIV: Tommy: Well, now what!?!? Rocky (into communicator): Zordon! Alpha! Billy, anyone! Kimberly: Help! We need help! Suddenly, it starts snowing. Tommy: This isn't how the story went. Kimberly: Some nitwit musta warped it, and now, it's probably going nowhere. Rocky: You mean--anything can happen? Tommy: This parody is startin' to make no sense. Rocky: Starting? Wolf: FEE FI FO FUM!!!! Kimberly: Wrong lines! Rocky: Woah! How did he grow to be 30 feet?!?! Tommy: Oh man! It's MORPHIN' time! They all pull out their morphers to find their frozen solid. Tommy (knocking the mopher up against a tree): What the.. Kimberly: Now what do we do? Rocky: I don't know, man! Is this the end? Wolf: NOW you shall feel the wrath of my bad breath!! Rocky: Let's get outta here! The rangers start running for their lives until they come to a complete stop in front of the town pedeller. Rocky: What!? Not you again. Town Pedeller: I think I could say the same thing. Are you from the FBI or something because if you are I can assure you that these are fine goods that... Kimberly: We're NOT from the FBI, you idiot--we need HELP! Town Pedeller: For the last time, I'm not your man. Now, I don't want to talk to you anymore, all I wanna do is just; HELLO. The pedeller sees the heaving 30ft. wolf snarling at the four of them. Town Pedeller: GOODBYE! The Town Pedeller seemingly in the next second disappears as the Rangers are cornered by the huge beast. Kimberly: COWARD!!! The wolf's breath causes the entire land to snow and shake and an avalanche develops. Tommy: Oh no! What's going on!?!? Rocky: Oh no! It's all over. Kimberly: Well, at least I'm gonna die lookin' sexy. Tommy: Story of your life. All the rangers break out in panicky screaming as the snow begins falling and everything becomes all blurry--the rangers have been engulfed in the snow. Kimberly (calling out): Tommy!!! Tommy: Kimberly! Kimberly: TOMMY! Tommy: KIMBERLY! Suddenly the screen turns a complete blurry white. TO BE CONTINUED... (C) 1995 Artist Bros. Enterprises