Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers "Blue Ranger Gone Plaid" Parody of, "Blue Ranger Gone Bad" SCENE I: We do a pan around of all the kids in the art class of the Angel Grave High School (and for once, Appleweed isn't teaching every class). Kimberly is painting (her gazillionth talent), Tommy is sculpting a half vase, half alien head (sh'yeah right), Adam is working on a generic thing to make himself look in place and Billy is working on an invention. We take a shot of a girl at a table behind him who also just happens to wear blue, glasses and overalls winking at Billy, who half-smiles. Billy: Ehehehe. Tommy: Man, I never knew sculpting was so hard. Kimberly: Didn't you hear Miss Teacher say "sculpting is very hard"? We take a flashback of Tommy in art class listening to rock music on a walkman while Miss Teacher is talking. Miss Teacher (in the past): Now remember, class; sculpting is VERY difficult. If you aren't ready for a challenge, then please do not sign up for this course. Now, students; sign up for your art project. Tommy: Eenie meenie miney mo, catch a tiger by his toe. If he hollers, make him pay fifty dollars every day. Y-E-S spells yes, and out you go. Tommy fingers "Out you go" to be sponge painting. Tommy: Sculpting? Wow, this'll be a cinch! Back to the present. Tommy: Geez, I never did like that kindegarden game. Kimberly: Well, I'm doing just fine. Tommy: You're making a mess. Kimberly: DON'T let them see it! Tommy: Weren't you gonna hire someone to finish this? Kimberly: He already has the painting. All I have to do is wait for the last scene to show off the painting prowess in which I don't possess. Hey Billy! Billy: Hey, hot stuff. Kimberly: Nice outfit. Billy: They make me wear this. Kimberly: No glasses for you. Billy (short pause): I guess not. Kimberly: What's that you're making? Billy: Oh, it's finished. But I have to sit here for another three hours examining my work so that I can become full of myself. Tommy: Why? Billy: Because I'm an eccentric brainiac. If I wasn't, it would take me about as many hours as it's gonna take you to finish that sculpting. I did my project very quickly. Tommy: Show off! Tommy romps off. Kimberly: What is it, Billy? Billy uses this small laserdisc-looking thing that looks like a "Power Rangers" spin fighter to create holographic images. Billy: A hologram. Kimberly: A Holly what? Billy: I'll save you the embarrassment of not knowing what it is. A hologram is a two-dimensional image that appears to be three-dimensional on all sides. Kimberly: Pardon me? Billy: It ain't real! Billy gives it to Adam. Adam (very mellow): Wow, a picture of the ocean on a breezy day. Coo. Tommy: Have you been sniffin' the glue again? Adam: No! Kimberly: It's really rad. That semi nerdy girl (named Violet) walks up to Billy and notices his invention. Violet: WOW! It's excellent! It is the most amazing thing on the entire universe! It is SO much genious! That is worth three trillion dollars! Billy: Geez, would you get off it? It's the most meager thing I've made in the history of my brainy inventing. I just tossed this together to get a passing grade. Violet uses the holographic disk to project a small picture of Billy sun-bathing naked by the ocean. Billy: HEY! That's obscene and offensive. Tommy (covering his eyes): You're tellin' me! Billy (snatching the disc back): Hm, gimme that! Violet moves away and Billy looks down at her in disgust. Nastily, Billy screens an image of Kimberly rubbing san-tan lotion on herself in the nude by the beach. Kimberly: BILLY! Billy: I can't help myself. Violet: You wanna see my project? Billy: Do I have a choice? Violet: Not really, no. Billy: Oh. I'd be elated to see your project. Violet unveils a 9 inch sculpting of Billy flexing his arms in the air wearing only bikini breifs. Billy: Uhhh... Umm... Kimberly (hesitently): Well, uhh; that's really, um, you, Billy. Right down to the bulge in your... Billy: Uh yeah, thanks. I'm flattered. Tommy: Hey, you should be happy. Violet enlarged it. Billy: Would everyone PLEASE stop discussing my PRIVATES!? Tommy: Hey, it's your episode. Billy: Man, it's gonna be one of THEEESE episodes. Violet: I love you, Billy. I want to be with you 24 hours a day. Billy: I...shouldn't expect you to be stalking me anytime soon? Violet: You never can be too sure. Billy: You don't have my phone number--do you? Violet: I bribed Aisha. Aisha: I am a gossip and proud of it. Billy (to Aisha): Gonna getchu! At least she doesn't have my home address. Violet: Actually I do. You'll never know when I visit. It'll almost be like, a surprise! Billy: Oh I just love surprises! Ah hehehehe. Bye now. Kimberly, get out my luggage, I'm relocating--tonight. Violet is smiling at Billy while a twitch is in her eye. Violet: Truth is, I'm a sick, obsessed admirer. Billy: Uh, right you are! Hehehe. Tommy: Hey, ya know, if you put an `N' in between `E' and `T', you get Violent. Kimberly: Stop scaring him. The class bell rings. Miss Teacher: Now remember, this upcoming Friday, hopefully some of us (who aren't juvenile degenerates who will grow to be scum-sucking lifers living off the government) will complete and show off their project. Billy is packing up his things from the art project when Violet walks up to him and taps him on the shoulder. Billy frightfully jerks back. Billy: Huh-uh! Uhhh, don't sneak UP on me like that! Violet: I know. That's just another surprise! I'm your sick and obsessed admirer. Billy: Uhh, I already knew that, Violent, I mean, Violet. Violet: I was just letting you know you can never escape me. Billy: Ya know, that's just starting to not be so sweet anymore. Violet: I'll see you later, my hunk of burnin' love! Tommy: Isn't she fantastic? I'm glad I don't have her. Muhahahahaha!! SCENE II: We dissolve to the empty art-class when Goldar and Squatt appear looking around for something. Goldar: Hahahaa! The human organisms have vacated the premises! Squatt: Now what? We eat popcorn and look at all the art? Goldar: I don't know why I let you come with me. Squatt: Because Baboo threw me out of our room. Goldar: Figures. Goldar spots Violet's statue of the near-naked Billy. Goldar: I've found the statue! It is ready for your personal de-moralization, Mighty Lord Bread! ---------- Rita: Mighty Lord Bread, huh? Why doesn't he ever say Mighty Rita Repulsive? Lord Bread: In the mouth, over the gums. Look out, Billy, cause here it comes! Bah weep grah wah neep, niny bong! Blah blah blah! Yakety schmakety! Rita: Oh enough with the mindless gibberash! Just make the damn playboy an evil cad! Lord Bread: Yeah, I don't have to take that kinda bullcrap off of you. You are my wife, and you will do what I say. Rita: Can it! Blue Ranger, do what we say and kick ass! Rita snatches the X-stick from out of Lord Bread's hands and puts the spell over the statue herself. Lord Bread: How dare you! Rita: Go off and watch the game. Lord Bread: The game? THE GAME!? Oh boy! ---------- The spell kicks in and the statue is turned into an evil Billy left in very small bikini breifs. Goldar: Oh no! He's indecent! Rita (at the palace): All right. We'll put some clothes on him. The X-stick gives Billy the exact duplicate clothing the good Billy was wearing: A plaid-blue unbuttoned shirt over a blue tank top and jeans. The Billy is sitting on top a desk awaiting commands from the over-elated Squatt and Goldar. Goldar: Yes!!! "Billy": Lord Goldar. Suck-up Squatt. Redrum.... redrum... Goldar: All right, here's the story. You do what we say, then I kill you. "Billy": Sounds fair to me. Goldar: Use your invisibility to be suspicious to steal the Pathetic Rangers' communicators and morphers and bring them directly to me. I shall do a little open-part surgery with them. While this is happening, I shall capture the real Billy and kill him! AB Writers: So in essence, you're just gonna waste 'em both, right? Goldar: Precistly. AB Writers: Just checking. SCENE III: Out in the park... Tommy is still wondering what he's doing while making a sculpting as he joins the other rangers in a secluded bench area. Tommy: I can't show this to the whole class. They'll think I'm a brainless jock. It will be so humiliating. Billy: Everyone already know you're a complete dullard. Adam: So are you. Billy: I've reversed a bit of the de-nerdification. After all, it appeared as if it wasn't getting me anywhere on this show and Kimberly threatened to leave me if I kept it up. Kimberly eagerly nods. Tommy: If only I made him taller. Kimberly: Then you'll have to start from scratch. Tommy: Total bummer. Billy: Either way, you have absolutely no talent. You're hair isn't even your own. Adam: So, Billy. What goes on in Ladies' Man's world? Tommy: Certainly nothing you'd ever know about, Adam. Adam: Hey shut up! I was asking about Billy, if you don't mind. That Violet sure has a crush on you. Billy: Yeah, I have a feeling eventually she WILL crush me. She's my obsessed admirer. Tommy: Aww come on! Every actor has one. They usually lose 'em. Billy: How? Tommy: They get a gun. Kimberly: I have a better idea. Why don't you just ask her out? Maybe if you do that, she'll leave you alone. Billy: Yeah...for about ten seconds. Where do you come up with these things? On the side of a tampax box? But I do have an idea. Tommy: This won't involve manslaughter, will it? Billy: Got any better ideas? Tommy: Hey, Kim. You've got two moles. Kimberly: Naw, they're beauty marks. Adam: But they really look like... Kimberly: They're BEAUTY marks! Now let's drop it! Kimberly stomps off. Kimberly: And another thing, no one cares about your stewpid sculpting, Tommy! So stop trying to get everyone to feel sorry for you! Tommy: What got into her? Adam: I think it's that mole crack, man. Tommy: Women. Suddenly, the Muddies appear ready to kick the rangers' teeth in. Tommy slams a punch into a Muddie's belly twice and blocks the Muddie's only attempt at hitting him back. Adam roundhouses a Muddie and kicks a Muddie with his leg. Suddenly, two mysterious vines begin sliding down the grass towards Billy, who unsubtly allows a Muddie to de-mobilize him by kicking him. Before Billy is even able to get into the Muddie fight act, he's captured and tangled in the extremely tight and thorned vines. The thornes very roughly grab Billy and throws him backwards in the sky until he lands in a thorned bush all mangled up. Billy: Ugh! Ugh!! Guys! Over here! Hello!? Kimberly: What's that you say, Billy? You're okay? Great! Kimberly kicks a muddie with her leg on the right and does likewise with a muddie on the left (ironically, she's allergic to panties and is wearing shorts under the skirt). SCENE IV: A Jack in the Box is on the smoking/fogging floor of Goldar's Playroom (remember that?) playing out until it finishes and jets Billy out of its box. Billy: Ugh! Man, talk about rough landings. What is this dive? Goldar: This DIVE is my home, you sickening, morally correct goody-good. Welcome to my Playroom. Billy: Charmed. Now let me go. Goldar: Well, technically; you can't order me to release you and expect to leave. You see, I am contracted to be your eternal nusance. Billy: You're a terrible terrorist. You let Jason go in "Green With Vomit." A store surveilance camera looking laser zaps Billy and causes him to be surrounded by a blue forcefield. Billy then goes searching for his communicator after noticing its absence when he tries to contact Zordon. Billy: Huh? What the... Billy crotches down to pick up his communicator when Goldar steps on his hand. Billy: Yeeeouch!!! Goldar: I don't think so. Billy: Give that back to me. Goldar: Hahahahahahahaha!! That's the FUNNIEST thing I've ever heard! You must think I am the clumsiest oaf to ever live. Goldar drops the communicator then picks it up again. Goldar: Oops. Billy: Gimme back my communicator, you fiend. Goldar: Make me! Oh wait, that's kinda impossible. You're in JAIL!! By the time act 2 is over, you'll be sniffing the gas! You'll die in the most painful ways! You'll vomit your blood, your stomach will rot, your skull will cave in, your eyes will bug out... Billy: Stop trying to scare me, Goldar. Violet already did a good enough job of that. Goldar: You're going to be staying here for a little while. This time--with no T.V. Billy (sarcastically): Aw, I don't get to see UPN. Goldar: Shut up! Billy: This is your last chance, Goldar. Give that back to me. Goldar: Sure! It would be my pleasure! Suddenly, from out of nowhere, the fake Billy emerges from no where with the real Billy's backpack. Squatt: Here's your backpack and your communicator, statue. Dah, I mean, Billy who used to be a statue. Goldar: Shut UP! Billy: I told you give it to ME! That's not me. I always knew that Violet would ruin my life. Goldar: How could you tell? Billy: He has no genitals--and he wears contacts. Goldar: That doesn't matter. He's your exact duplicate! "Billy" throws Billy's books and important gadgets out of his backpack while looking at Billy very deceitfully. Billy: Hey, be careful with that, you fake! "Billy": Go sit on a rusty pin. Billy: You know, you're not very nice. You think you can fool my friends? They could see your facade a mile away. No one's gonna believe you're me. You're a complete fraud. You're never going to get away with this. "Billy": Are you threw? Billy: No, you could never score with Kimberly. "Billy": You keep forgetting, your friends are complete dumbass morons. Billy: Oh yeah, they're not exactly Sherlocks. "Billy": As long as I can keep my pants on, everything will be fine. Except for you! Goldar: Enough! Once this room fills up with gas, you'll be inventing gadgets--on cloud nine! Hahahaha! And as for you, Billy; you shall gain the rangers trust, take their communicators and morphers, smash them up, and the Pathetic Rangers will be powerless against our evil! Whaddya think of that, nerd? Billy: Let me out of here! Goldar: You say that as if I'll do that. What makes you so sure I will? Billy: Because if you don't -- I'll sing! Goldar: Oh no! Billy (commencing terrible singing): John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmit! His name is my name TOO... and whenever we go out, you can hear the people shout there goes John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmit, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA... Goldar: Oh please no! I'm getting out of here. Come on, Billy. Billy: Stop calling him that! Oh yeah, and one more thing. "Billy": What?! Billy: You walk like a girl. Any moron with half a neuron would know you're not me. ---------- Kimberly walks up to Billy very cheery. Kimberly: Thank god it's you! I missed you. Man, you're so real. Suddenly, a grey loud follows "Billy" with lightening as the camera titls to the side with evil music going. "Billy": Eat your words, Blue Ranger. Kimberly (clouds dissipating): What did you say, Billy? "Billy": I said, let's eat. Kimberly: Are you okay? We couldn't find you. "Billy": Yeah well, you know how that goes when you take that morphine drip... uh, I mean, uh; I kinda got sidetract with my studies. Tommy: About what? "Billy": The stuff in my books. Tommy: But we were in the MIDDLE of a Muddie fight! Nothing could be more important at a moment like that! "Billy": What a bunch of losers. Tommy taps his communicator. Tommy: Zordon, something has gotta be wrong. We were just attacked by muddies in the park. Zordon (at the command center): Did they have switchblades? Tommy: Well, no. It was just the same ol' routine we always do. Zordon: Hm. Well, based on the past 84 episodes, it seems apparent that almost all muddie fights are usually connected to a much larger, scarier plan. Tommy: I sure hope that Billy's new girlfriend isn't a spy. Zordon: No, she's not. In fact, she has nothing to do with this plot whatsoever. Tommy: I see. "Billy" is off in the background looking at Tommy very evilly. Tommy: So what's going on? Zordon: I have no idea. I shall contact you again when I get more information. Tommy: I'll check back with you tomorrow then. Alpha: That's not funny, Tommy! I've found the answer. Tommy: Already? Alpha: Yeah, but I'm not contracted to tell you what I've discovered until several scenes later. Tommy: Beautiful! Alpha: For now, I'll just run a full diagnosis on Billy to check. Tommy shuts off his communicator. Kimberly: So, Billy; gonna ask Violet out? "Billy": Are you serious? It's datin' broads like her that got me this crappy nerd reputation. Kimberly: What if she stalks you? "Billy": I'll kill her if I have to. Adam: You're a real pain in the neck lately. "Billy": Who asked you? Kimberly: Billy? "Billy": Can we just shut up about it, you banshees? I just wanna lift some weights. Tommy: Lift weights? I think he's been studying so hard that his brains have exploded and are oozing out of his ears. SCENE V: At the Junk Food Bar... "Billy" is seen over by the bench, with his muscles having grown to massive proportions, weightlifting with the greatest of ease. Ernie: Gee, he's really changed. Last time in 1993, I was picking chicken soup noodles from out of his hair. My new workout program must be workin'. Tommy: Then how come you never use it? Ernie: I'm comfortable with my weight. Rocky: Man, I'd sure like to know his secret. Kimberly: Oh yeah, you casting directors DEFINATELY made a mistake in choosing the new Red Ranger. Adam: This is very strange. Billy is all into books and things. Now he likes to be a jock--again. "Billy" finishes and sees Violet hanging her head over in disappointment. "Billy" then frowns at her and wipes his forehead sweat. Kimberly: Talk about mood swings. Tommy: What's it to you? Kimberly: I don't know. I've just been feeling this really bad energy from Billy. Adam: I think he just has hypoglycemia. Kimberly: Don't be stupid, Adam. "Billy" walks up to the Junk Food Bar counter and drinks a drink, ignoring Violet. Violet: Hi, Billy. Why didn't you return my calls? I'm very disappointed. "Billy": Look, would you just leave me the hell alone, you tramp!? Violet walks off crying and Billy walks off. Ernie: Hey! You have to pay for that drink. "Billy": Fat chance. Ernie: That's it, are you making fun of me? "Billy": What do you think? Kimberly blows up with rage and slowly raises from out of her chair and walks up to Billy, who sees her, grows a huge grin and starts flexing his newly earned muscles. Kimberly: Stop it! What's the matter with you, Billy? You are acting like a complete jerk. A cad! "Billy": Well, now that that bow-wow has dug her bones and woof-woof'd on outta here, let's talk about us. So, since we already know that you wanna have sex with me tonight, how are we gonna do it? I was gonna be creative and shoot a porno called "Kimberly Does Angel Grave" starring me as all the citizens, foxy. Kimberly: Hey, ya know; I know I'm easy. But could we at least be discreet about my favorite pass time? I don't _do_ movies. "Billy": Ya do now. What's the matter? It'll be fun. Everyone knows you're just a bimbo. Kimberly: Listen, can we just talk about this? Kimberly and "Billy" walk into the back hall of the Junk Food Bar. Rocky: Man, I'd sure like to be him right now--he's SO cool wit women. Adam: In about 5 seconds, you're gonna change your mind. Rocky: Why? The sound of shouting is heard in the back hall. Kimberly (unseen): Ow! Stop it! Control yourself! Ouch! Let go! No! "Billy" (unseen): Aw come on, you know you want it. Kimberly (unseen): I said no! The sound of a loud slap is heard as Kimberly runs up to Tommy trying to hold up her torn up clothes to her nude body squatting down to avoid being seen. Kimberly: Tommy, Tommy help! Billy, he ripped up all my clothes. Tommy: Ha ha ha! Kimberly: Aren't you going to beat him up? [Pointing to "Billy" letting her bosoms go then quickly re-holds herself] Tommy gets up from out of his chair and confronts "Billy." "Billy": Well, well, well, if it isn't Egoman himself. Tommy: Hey you, you got a problem? "Billy": Yeah, I'm lookin' at your face. Tommy: What did you think you were doing pulling a stunt like... "Billy" slams a hard punch up Tommy's belly and walks off laughing as we zoom in on Tommy hinged over, clutching his battered stomach. Rocky: You disgust me, Tommy. And I thought I was pathetic being the second leader wanting to have a former weakling's muscles. Aisha: That's it, this has got to stop! "Billy" is seen eyeing the Pathetic Rangers' communicators and morphers. "Billy": Hey, by the way, guys, I'm gonna need your communicators, because tonight, I'm gonna be making adjustments to them as Zordon ordered. Aisha: Doahkay. Tommy: You are a gullable twit, aren't you? "Billy": Well? Hand 'em over. I have to make geological forcefield sightings as a tune up to the Dai Ranger, and adhesive asbestos. Tommy: Hey, what's comin' off here? Alpha pages Tommy. Tommy: Yeah? Alpha: Tommy, tell Billy that we never told him to make adjustments and... "Billy" rips Tommy's communicator from off of his arm and bashes it up on a table and reveals its mangled form. "Billy": See? They are in real bad shape; they REALLY need a tune up. Rocky: But I don't think... "Billy": So, give them to me! Tommy: Why did you do that? "Billy": No time for chit-chat. Hand 'em over. Kimberly: Well, all right. Pretty flimsy excuse, but the show must go on. Tommy: But what if Bread attacks? Things have been kinda rough since Rita came back. "Billy": I don't see what you worry wart's are worrying about? All I'm gonna do is keep them in my backpack. Adam: That still doesn't explain what happens when Zordon needs to page them. "Billy": Ya know, I don't wanna talk about this anymore. Just hand them over! "Billy" rips each Pathetic Rangers' communicator from off of their arms very roughly. Rocky: Could you be a little more rougher? Tommy: Hey Billy, how come you're wearing YOUR communicator? "Billy": Because mine is perfectly functional. I'm gonna need your morphers too. Aisha: What for? "Billy": Thanks. Tommy: Hey ya know what? I'm gonna hang on my communicator--just in case. "Billy" (angry look): Why you dirty, little sonufa... "Billy" digs in each ranger's pockets and takes their morphers and puts the communicators and morphers in his backpack marked "Do not touch." "Billy": Bye! SCENE VI: Rita: Yes! It's finally working! Soon, after it's all said and done, the world will be all mine! Lord Bread: What did you say? Rita: I mean, all ours! Lord Bread: You know, Rita; that's just starting to not be so cute anymore! Goldar: Ya know, Lord Bread; you are big sissy. I'm gonna have to give you a crash course in becoming a man! Goldar kicks Lord Bread in the hiney. Lord Bread: Ouuuch!! Goldar: First of all, you don't let your wife call all the shots! Lord Bread: And we don't let our warriors kick us in the derriere! Finster: Gee, looks like your class backfired on you. Goldar: Help me! Lord Bread: Kick ME in the butt, will you! Lord Bread begins chasing Goldar around the palace. ---------- Billy is seen still in Goldar's Playroom as the gas fumes are filling up in the Playroom. Terrified, Billy is running around wondering what he's gonna do. SCENE VII: The rangers are walking together with their enemy Blue Ranger in the park. Tommy: Well, I learned a lot. I learned that if you wear a face-mask, you can avoid spitballs. Rocky: Too bad you bombed with the sculpting. Aisha: Hey, Billy; what happened to the hologram? I really would love to see it? "Billy" (sweating): The what? Kimberly: Hologram, you louse. The beach, the stuff, you know. "Billy" (sweating): Uhh, yeah, the um, beach thingy. I must have left it at home. Tommy: So far, everything we've asked you for has been "left at home." We asked you how your new electronic car works and you said "I must have left it at home." We asked how the study on elephants is coming along and you said "I must have left it at home." "Billy": Would you just get off my back, already? You've been ticking me off all day long! Tommy lets the others walk by and he crotches down. Tommy: That's it. I'm going to get some answers. Tommy turns on his communicator. Tommy: Zordon, several things just don't add up: Billy knows nothing; he cussed us all out; he was a total sleaze-bag with Kimberly; he took our communicators and morphers for no plausible reason; he's wearing no underwear; and he was completely oblivious to the fact that Aisha was touching him. Normally, he would've given her a sock up the jaw! Something smelly is going on around here, I don't like it. Zordon: Well, as I said way back in scene four, we had the answers. But just couldn't tell you. Alpha: It was easy for the computer to detect that this Billy has absolutely no genitals. It's completely round down there, he's the fake! Tommy: Wait a minute, what if it IS Billy? Alpha (coyly): Well you know David... Tommy: That's true. Well, we're gonna catch this creep with his pants down--literally. "Billy": I said go AWAY! "Billy" knocks Aisha aside. Tommy: Hey, you! We know what you're up to! Kimberly: We do? Tommy: The jig is up. Rocky: Would you mind filling us in? Tommy: He's nutless. He's a fraud. A fake. A complete phony! AB Writers: Which any moron could have deciphered from all the past "evil spells" that have been cast in the past 84 episodes. Adam: Ah ha! I begin to see the light! "Billy" smacks Adam on the head and he falls to floor and is knocked out. "Billy": I've got your stupid Pathetic Weenies anyway! My mission is over. ---------- Lord Bread: This is not looking good at all! Rita: Goldar! You're the big, tough, scary intimidater! Go down there and make the rangers squirm and squid and grovel at your mercy! Goldar: What good'll that do? Rita: I don't know! But time is running out! Goldar: Yes, ma'am. ---------- Kimberly: Give us back our stuff, you sham! "Billy": Why? Tommy: Because I'm about to beat the puke outta you in a minute. "Billy": You can't have them. Although, I am willing to make a deal with you. Kimberly, I'll let you have your morpher and communicator if you take off your shirt right here and now in the park. And for the rest of you four; it's $599 a piece. And I _know_ you don't have that kind of money. Tommy: Listen, you extortionist, I've had about enough of you! The rangers are met up with muddies again. Adam: Oh no, not again! Goldar: Hello again, rangers! What's that you usually say about now? Some'n about morphin time? Tommy: You cought on? Goldar: Too bad! Our evil buddy Billy has swiped them! Tommy: We already know what you're up to! The cat's out of the bag. Goldar: Very good. Muddies, attack! I'll take Adam and Rocky. Kimberly: That's just cruel. "Billy" turns around so his back and backpack is facing the Muddies. Tommy: Turn around! "Billy": Sh'yeah right! Kimberly: Is that Cindy Crawford? "Billy": Where? "Billy" turns around and Kimberly snatches his purse, dah, I mean, backpack off. Kimberly: I can't bul-eeve that worked! "Billy": Give it back, you lynch! Kimberly runs away and "Billy" chases her until he corners her. "Billy": This is your last chance, give that to me! Kimberly: You're gonna have to take all my clothes off in public first. And you know much I hate that! We do a wipeout of Kimberly holding her naked body trying to hide it, with the backpack out of her grip. Kimberly: Give me back my clothes! "Billy": And now I have them! Two flying feet bash "Billy" up in the head and he falls to the ground. Tommy: Not anymore. Here, Rocky; catch! Adam misses and the backpack lands on a tree branch. Tommy: Holy meatballs! Adam and Rocky make an attempt at getting Goldar, who's swinging around his sword from side to side barely missing their bodies. Adam: Hey watch it! SCENE VIII: Billy is still in the gassed Playroom coughing. Billy: Ugh. V is equal to the radius, times the coast side of veta, times two. AB Writers: More of your brain letting, huh? Billy: The radius... of the disc is equal to... [suddenly realizing] THE DISC! Billy digs through his pants looking for his hologram disc and finds it and uses it to de-activate the laser forcefield and stop the gassing. SCENE IX: Back at the Muddie fight, Kimberly unexplicably regains access to a knocked-out "Billy's" backpage and is cornerned by five Muddies. Kimberly: Heads up, Adam! Adam: Huh? Adam stands there and gets hit and knocked down by the backpack when Goldar takes it. Goldar: Keep away! Keep away! Ha ha ha ha ha! OOOF! Aisha kicks Goldar in the back of the head, knocking the backpack onto a tree branch. Aisha tries to go for it but is retained by more muddies. Aisha: Help! Ahh!! "Billy" comes to and runs up to the tree and scales it instantly trying to get the backpack back. SCENE X: Rita: Bread... Bread is seen sleeping in his throne. Rita: BREAD!! Lord Bread: Huh? What?! Rita: Come look at what I'm doing! Lord Bread: But I don't wanna! Rita: Tough! Lord Bread traipses up to the balcony where Finster just happens to be. Lord Bread (mumbling): Just when I was in the middle of a pleasant dream of Amy Jo in a g-string. What is it?! Rita: We need a monster! Lord Bread: Gimme my staff back! Rita: I'll do it! Lord Bread: No I'LL do it! Finster: How about I make a monster with my... Lord Bread and Rita: GO BACK TO BAKING BREAD! Finster: I can tell when I'm not wanted! I can take a hint! Finster stomps off and hangs a sign on the front of his door saying "I QUIT!" Lord Bread: Give me that, woman! Sculpthead, arise! Lord Bread wrestles his X-staff out of Rita's grip and turns Tommy's sculpting into an evil monster. SCENE XI: Tommy: No no! Don't tell me my art project... Sculpthead: Sculpthead, at your service! Sculpthead fires explosion from behind and in front of all the Pathetic Rangers--minus Billy or "Billy." Aisha: Oh no! It's an art-project on the loose! RUN! RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! Tommy: Why aren't you called ClayHead instead? Sculpthead: Because it's a generic insult isolated solely for Muddie fights. TAKE THIS! He blows the rangers up some more. SCENE XII: In the command center... Alpha: I have located Billy! The real Billy is being kept in Goldar PlayRoom... Zordon: Blast, I thought they trashed that stupid set. Alpha: ...they're gonna GAS him! Zordon: Rescue him quickly and get him to the rangers. We can't afford to lose yet another original cast member. Alpha sees Billy struggling with his hologram to get out of the Playroom. In the viewing globe, Billy is seen zapping the laser keeping him in the Playroom and the gas filling the room. The laser beam begins to spark then meltdown as it starts to smoke. SCENE XIII: Alpha has Billy teleported to the park where he finds his evil double climbing a tree trying to get Billy's backpack. Billy: All right! I'm back! Kimberly: Wait to go, Alpha! You do have a genital now, don't you? Billy: I hope so. Billy spots "Billy" and runs after him. Billy: Hey! What do you think you're doing? Billy grabs a stick and punctures his evil double's butt and gut, causing him to fall down about one and half stories onto the ground. He's found rubbing his injured arm. "Billy": Hey! I just lifted weights. Billy: The party's over for you. HEY! I got your morphers back! Tommy: Thanks, Billy! Okay, guys. Just take one and get ready! Billy: Man, what did he do to these things? "Billy" pushes Billy forward and he falls to the floor. Billy: Get off of me! "Billy": Up yours, bozo! "Billy" is pulling Billy's pants down trying to stop him from morphing. Aisha: Time for Billy to tear a plot hole because there's only one Blue Ranger morpher. Billy (struggling greatly): IT'S MORPHIN' TIME!! Billy and "Billy": Tribladdertops Both morphed into Blue Ranger costume, Billy and "Billy" draw. Billy: This town isn't big enough for the two of us, stranger. Tommy: Man, it's a dead giveaway: One Blue Ranger has no penis, and there are quotes behind his name! Adam: We'll have to resort to an old trick--asking one of them something dumb. Billy: It's me! Billy! Your true-blue buddy! "Billy": Don't listen to him, he's a sham! Billy: He's the fraud! Look at me! I'm the real one! "Billy": No! Tommy: Aw come on, guys! You know that never works! Kimberly: I have an idea! Kimberly discovers Billy's hologram in his backpack and lifts it up in the air. Kimberly: Hey! Billy and "Billy": What? Kimberly: What is this? Billy: Uh, ah, a CD? "Billy": Umm, some kind of mirror? Adam: Oh great! They both don't know what the hell it is! Kimberly: I'm gonna have to use another method. What does February 9th, 1994 mean to you? Billy: Woah baby! Kimberly: I've got my answer. Excuse me a minute, I have to kick some ass. Kimberly goes up to the fake and beats the crap out of him until he's on the floor holding himself in agony. "Billy": Ugh! Ugh! You're making a big mistake! You just beat up your friend! Kimberly: There. I softened him up for us. Let's do it. Tommy: It's morphin' time! The rangers are paged. Tommy: What is it? Alpha: Be sure you all got the right morphers! Otherwise, they will self destruct! Tommy: Oh right. The rangers begin to exchange their mixed up morphers. Tommy: Okay. NOW it's morphin' time! Tommy: CiderZord Adam: Majormess Kimberly: Pterodorky Aisha: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat Rocky: Trashosaurus Billy: This little game is over! You're goin' down and you're gonna regret the day you replicated me! "Billy": Doesn't matter anyway--I don't exist. Billy: Darn. I was sure that threat would scare the willies out of him. Adam: Let's toast this trick! Gaining the advantage, all rangers take out their BladeBlasters, fire at the fake Blue Ranger and he catches on fire from the explosion because the fake isn't protected by the morphing power. "Billy": My suit! It's on fire! Agh! Agh! "Billy" blows up. Tommy: Glad that's over with. Sculpthead: Wrong again, teenagers! Tommy: Oh no! ---------- Lord Bread: Yes! And now to seal off this barely-hanging-together plan, I'm going to (yes, that's right) make him grow! Lord Bread throws down his banana peeling and causes Sculpthead to grow. ---------- All: We need BlunderHeapaJunkaMegaZord power, now! Adam: Majormess/Cowardly Lion BlunderZord Power Kimberly: Pterodorky/TiredBird BlunderZord power Billy: Tribladdertops/Acorn BlunderZord power Aisha: Sabertoothed Alley-Cat/Muffin BlunderZord Power Rocky: Trashosaurus/Red-Spinal Column BlunderZord Power The zord conclusively destroys Sculpthead. SCENE XIV: Back in the art-class... Billy approaches Violet, frightened. Billy: Umm, I just wanted to apologize for my behavior lately. See, I'm really a nice guy. I just haven't been myself lately. [Nervous Pause] Please don't kill me. Violet: In my eyes, you can do no wrong. But I am extremely upset. I shall close by saying that I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore, I never want to see you again. We're through! Violet walks off and Billy assumes a disappointed frown temporarily. Billy: YES! WHOO-HOO! Kimberly presents a portrait of every Pathetic Ranger standing together. Kimberly: I did not paint this. This isn't mine, so I've declared there will no investigation into my infringement upon the real painter of this portrait. Goodbye. Miss Teacher: Very nice. Bulk: You're all a bunch of geeks! Kimberly: And you guys have never had a date in your entire life. Who's the geek now? Skull is oddly enough in a red tank top. Bulk: And this is what we have. But we aren't the sculpters. Miss Teacher: Then who is it? Skull: Bulk and Skull! Tommy: That's a complete contradiction from what you just said. Skull: Be quiet. I'm not finished. This is what we think could be one of the Pathetic Rangers! Bulk and Skull unveil a very unusual sculpting of a Pathetic Ranger in a gold suit whose face is an ugly-grinning Billy. Billy: You creeps made me, I mean... er, uhmm, him look like a complete bozo! Bulk: That's how highly we think of 'em. He's got a really wimpy voice. Billy: Watch it. Violet: I made it--thinking Billy would be the perfect model to be a Pathetic Ranger. Of course, that's before he blew me off. Tommy: Hey! There's another bulge down there. You're a real nasty one, aren't you, Violet. Violet: I was. But thanks to Billy, I'm joining an all-girls school and and a convent! Billy: I'll send you a postcard. Bulk: Someday, WE will discover who the Pathetic Rangers are! Billy: Not on your life. You've had the entire second season and you blew it. Give it up! THE END (C) 1995 Artist Bros. Enterprises